This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, emotionally consistent, and spans over a year, describing a complex personal journey of social transition, therapy, grappling with trauma as a root cause of dysphoria, and desisting. The language is personal, nuanced, and reflects the passion and criticism of healthcare and community practices that is common among genuine detransitioners and desisters.
About me
My discomfort started in childhood from neglect and abuse, which kept me from feeling comfortable as a female. For over twenty years, I felt a sickening disgust with my body that I thought was permanent. My first therapist pushed me toward hormones, but I refused for years because I knew it wouldn't fix the real problem. Thankfully, a trauma-informed therapist helped me see my dysphoria was a coping mechanism from the trauma, not my true self. I've stopped pursuing medical transition and am now healing from the root causes, and while I'm glad I never took hormones, I'm still untangling the feelings I lived with for so long.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was very young, though I didn't understand it at the time. Looking back, I can see that a lot of my feelings were rooted in trauma from neglect and abuse from my parents. I never got to develop a normal identity in line with my birth sex because my environment was so unstable. I developed a kind of protective mechanism around the age of six to cope.
For over twenty years, I lived with intense discomfort with my body, which I later understood as dysphoria. I hated my breasts and felt a literal sickness when I looked at myself in the mirror; it was so bad I would sometimes feel like throwing up. I also had a lot of problems with dissociation. I thought I was unattractive because I was overweight, but that was just a symptom of the deeper neglect I experienced. My feelings about my body and my confusion around my sexuality were all tangled up together. I couldn't handle any sexual feelings growing up and I couldn't handle the opposite sex. I now believe I wanted to be the opposite sex as a way to manage these disturbing and overwhelming feelings.
I eventually socially transitioned. I saw a therapist who quickly gave me a transgender diagnosis. I refused medical intervention for a long time—four years—because I was deeply skeptical. The idea of being on hormones for the rest of my life was a big downside, and I had a gut feeling that it wouldn't actually solve my problems. I was right. That first therapist had a political agenda and wasn't out to help me; she pushed hormones on me even though I had medical issues that made it a bad idea. She even seemed like she was one step away from trying to convince me I had multiple personalities just to protect her own job and views. It was terrifying to be treated that way by someone who was supposed to help.
After three years, I finally quit and found a new therapist. This was a gift. She was trauma-informed and didn't push any agenda. She helped me see that my dysphoria was largely caused by the abuse and neglect I suffered. She told me I could be as masculine as I wanted without having to medically transition and that those feelings were completely natural. This was a huge relief. Realizing that the disgust I felt toward my body wasn't my fault, but was the fault of my parents and what they did, released a massive amount of tension. I'm not disgusting; what happened to me was.
I am now in therapy addressing the possible sexual trauma that I believe is at the root of everything. I've desisted from medical transition, but I still don't mind using my preferred pronouns from my social transition era. I still don't like the pronouns associated with my birth sex; it's difficult to change feelings you've held for over two decades. I'm still in the process of healing.
I don't regret socially transitioning because it was a part of my journey to understanding myself, but I am very glad I never went on hormones or had surgery. I benefited immensely from non-affirming therapy—therapy that actually addressed the root causes of my pain instead of just affirming a trans identity. My thoughts on gender now are that it's incredibly complex and often tied to deeper psychological issues, especially trauma. For me, it wasn't an innate identity but a coping mechanism. I believe the healthcare system often fails people by taking the easy route of facilitating transition instead of doing the harder work of proper analysis and therapy.
| Age | Date (if known) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | N/A | Developed a protective psychological mechanism due to trauma and neglect. |
| Mid-20s | 2021 | Socially transitioned after receiving a transgender diagnosis from a therapist. |
| Late 20s | 2022 | Began seeing a new, trauma-informed therapist. Started to understand the root of my dysphoria in childhood trauma. |
| Late 20s | 2022 | Desisted from medical transition and began focusing on trauma therapy. |
Top Comments by /u/neilkj1993:
Please never underestimate the bodies ability to heal. You will get through this. I'm in a simular situation and i'm dealing with the hair loss as well.
I support your story and what they did to you is horrible. But please know that you are not alone in this.
Thats horrible. I'm sorry to hear that. I don't understand why all stories arn't welcomed in both health care and LGBTQ communities. All of this also reminded me of my friends mom who grew up straight and was happy with it but in mid life she found her soul mate in another woman (this was back in tje 90s/early 2000s) and later got married. According to this narrative, is she now not aloud to be gay because earlier she was straight?
What you are describing sounds alot like what my (new) therapist said to me about health care workers using their patients as a part of their own identity. Along with them going the easy route of letting trans people transition instead of analyzing properly and actually giving therapy that might help in the long run instead. Now they can pat themselves on the back and say what a good job they have done "helping".
The person who disowned my experience online was a psychologist herself. She uses the argument of "no evidence" to back up her narrative witch is such a cold thing to say when you know there will never be any proper studies on cases like me.
I thought it was nuts how political LGBTQ community got in the last 10 years but how political health care has become is a hole new level..
If trans people don't also support detransitioners then yeah, I would agree they seem pretty insecure in themselves, if they feel like they need to go after another minority group. Witch is odd. You would think transitioning would make you more secure in yourself and not care what others think. We don't know how many will detrans in the future but it will be interesting to see how the trans "community" evolves. I'll continue to speak up about my situation. What i'm more concerned about is the gender clinic I go to. I'm lucky to have a new therapist that understands me, but the one I had earlier was only one step away from convincing me i had multiple personalities to protect her job and political views. That is straight up terrifying coming from someone whos supposed to help people.
I wanted better healthcare. I was your typical trans guy but I thought dysphoria was unfair. I refused hormones and surgery for 4 years. My therapist was pushing it on me until I contacted her boss when I got fed up. Now I'm looking at therapy for possible SA. The actual cause of my dysphoria.
Yeah I think they said that because of insecurity issues. Your experience is completely valid and if anything, it should give a bad name to the men who stare at 13 year olds. The trans community should out those predators. Not attack eachother. I'm still waiting for the day people will debate the way some men view young girls instead of going after lgbt people.
You dont need to wear a dress but it is sad you feel that way when you do. 100% hear you when you say it's about your experience and not gender identity.
I don't think you can be detrans in denial. But I do remember watching a documentary on trans people where a trans guy says (who had fully transitioned): "Now that I get to grow old as a man I won't know what it's like being a woman." Everything is still an experiment. We don't know the long lasting effects on HRT and surgery or if this is a cultural facade. Thats mostly why I refused treatment to begin with. The fact you have to take hormones for the rest of your life was a big downside to me. I don't want to have to do that and I'm not sure if/why anyone would be happy with that if you found another way. Perhaps if there only is one narrative, you automatically are misled.
I felt so much better when my therapist told me I can be as masculine as I want without having to transition along with that it's completely natural.
Your mom should listen to you regardless if you are trans or not. Those feelings are always a call for concern.
I realised I was trans just like you did, however the cause of those feelings were because of trauma. Thats why you should be talking to a medical health proffesional. Hopefully one who is open minded and wont disregard your feelings.
I get that. Never was really indoctrinated more than believing my therapist knew what was best for me until she back stabbed. I'm glad I stood against her for 3 years.
Nobody should speak for anyone when it comes to mental health. That is what makes it humbling.
You seem like you understand the situation very well! Thanks for replying.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It feels validating that someone feels the same way I do.
The connection you wrote about in the last part isn't transphobic at all imo. I don't know why trans ppl (who have trauma) wouldn't want to see the connection themselves. It would explain alot. But i'm afraid theres alot of shame or guilt connected to this.
Also the fact you saw girls and women being sexualised is obviously traumatising if you have the experience. I hope you are doing better.