so one thing that probably won't work is telling them you don't believe them or anything along that lines. It might even put your child in the position of resistence/protest and therefore they might feel even stronger about their trans identity.

Also when my parents told me that they didn't accept my identity I felt extremely alone with all of my thoughts and feelings. I truly believed I was trans at the time and my parents telling me that they didn't think so only made the family situation really complicated (we stopped talking to each other for a while) and I felt suicidal.

Always make sure that you love them no matter what and that it's their life and in the end also their responsibility. You can't make that decision for them. When they are of age they can just get hormones and surgery anyways.

What made me doubt everything was my mum telling me that she "knew something else was behind all of this. That it just felt wrong. That she could feel that there was something else troubling me." This felt really important to me because my mum had always known when something was off, even when I didn't even know myself. We had a really good relationship before all of the identity questioning so although I didn't tell her her words still caused doubt.

That's how I started researching detransitioning, found the "Pique Resilience Project" and this sub, read about other causes of gender dysphoria. And it clicked. Just because I had the symptom didn't mean that the cause must be that I'm trans. Transitioning isn't going to solve all of my problems. I didn't really realise I had other problems then, but I did. I tried not to bind anymore (flattening your chest, I'm female and thought I was male), tried changing my username online back to my birthname. It felt impossible actually. It was really hard. It's a process to let go of an identity you believed to be you. That's why it's so important that your child finds those answers for themselves, it's not just an "oh now I'm cis again" thing. Also the thought of "I'm cis and I have dysphoria" helped me. And the realisation that I might be on the autism spectrum and autistic people tend to believe they are trans more often than neurotypical people. Also I realised that I can be a woman and get top surgery for example. I am still a woman.

I doubt I would have made this process with my parents telling me all of this. I think I would have called them transphobes and not accepting and would have felt really desperate. It came because I wanted it. I had doubts, and I realised that before I do anything permanent I should be 100% sure. Reading all of the stories on here or also here made me super sad.

Now that I'm in the process of accepting myself as a masculine woman I feel a lot happier/freer although it's also difficult because I still struggle with my female body quite a lot to a degree that I'm struggling with disordered eating now to cope with my chest and hip dysphoria (which is stupid because bone structures won't change but that's a little bit off topic now...)

I can't help you with a one size fits all solution because there is nothing like that. Your child is an individual. If they really do decide that transitioning is the only possibility they should have access to all the information that is needed (also negative experiences, like people being really unhappy with surgery results, people realising that they aren't any happier on hormones, that they can change their whole bodies and still aren't happy because dysphoria stays, it just moves, etc etc).

Try to have rational conversations/discussions with your child. Give them time to explore. The therapist sounds great. Get them off the internet, involved in something they love (sports, something creative, music, drama, ...), do loads of family activities, enjoy the outdoors, and so on. Just get their brain to be occupied with different questions than gender. Make them realise that happiness doesn't revolve around gender identity, that they can be whoever they want to be no matter what they identity as. That gender expression and gender identity are different things (i knew that in theory, still I was really nervous to tell my parents that I don't identify as a guy anymore but that that won't change my style, I'm still masculine. I felt like my mum always expected me to be her princess, her perfect daughter - which involves being feminine. She never said anything like that but it still felt that way. I know that it was tough for my parents to accept me as gender nonconforming, but now that we've talked about it, everything is so much easier. I don't feel expectations pressuring me anymore.)

Tell them you love them. Create a safe space for them to explore. For them to just be themselves without labels.

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To be honest I don't know if this is helpful at all, it's just what I took from my personal experience. Your situation is different. Maybe things don't work out the way they did for me. Maybe you need to try different things, a different approach. Best of luck to you! I know this can be really difficult. Keep in mind that it is difficult for your child as well.

when i still identified as a trans guy there was only one thing that actually did get through to me.

it was my mum telling me that she felt like this wasn't the solution. that something about it felt wrong. she said something along the lines of "you're my daughter, i've always felt when you were struggling, i usually knew before you did, and i'm sure this isn't right for you." And because I knew she was right I started to doubt everything again and eventually desisted from the trans identity. She did always know what I was dealing with, she always felt when i was sad/worried, when something was bothering me. She always knew. So that sentence really scared me to be honest. I'm glad she said it though.

I don't know where I would be now, if my parents had been supportive.

I guess when you actively try to change someone's opinion on something they're usually just gonna believe in the opposite even more. But my mum didn't try to change me/my opinion on the trans ideology. She just said what she was feeling and that was enough to make me go back to questioning. Although I could have never admitted that then.

i can't really help you. I can just tell you that i've been there. A lot of the things you're saying are things I think as well. for me I just realised that I can do all of the things I want to do as a female as well.

I can be super masculine, I can go by a gender neutral nick name.

I can bind my chest or even get top surgery. I can wear whatever I want, behave however I want, etc.

I can have dypshoria. I can wish to have a deeper voice and a squared out jawline, I can wish to have facial hair, I can wish to have a flat chest.

And I can still be female. Having dysphoria doesn't mean you have to transition. Just take your time to live your life without labels, stay away from the internet, get involved in a hobby, get your thoughts off the topic, just live your life and see what feels right. Also get yourself a good therapist that is a bit more gender critical and supportive of alternatives to transition.

I still don't know what's right for me. I struggle with disordered eating as well (because of chest dysphoria and stupid thought that I just need to lose a lot of weight and my chest size is going to decrease...), my dysphoria isn't going away. But I, for me personally, have decided that a transition would probably not make me any happier (because of the reason you have brought up as well " What if I go on testosterone and get top surgery and then feel even more dysphoric and depressed because I don't have a fully male body? ". I don't want to be in between. I just want to be male. And that's not possible. So I guess I'm gonna stick with masculine female.).

Also it is hard to come out again. But you can do it. My parents were mainly relieved because they knew how much of a struggle a transition is. But before you do come out again just take your time to deal with your emotions. Figure out what you really want and need.

For me part of that process was to accept that I'm never going to find a definite answer, that I'm never going to *know* what is the *right* decision. Also that dysphoria can have different causes. Being dysphoric doesn't equal being trans. Just go on r/butchlesbians and search for dysphoria there. I just accepted that I have it and I can't change that. I can just try to find better and healthier ways to deal with it, and somehow find happiness that way.

i used to go to an lgbt youth centre for a while while identifying as a trans guy. Then I started identifying as a person with gender dysphoria but not as trans and I'm back to using female pronouns and a genser neutral nickname. I didn't care going there anymire because I felt like people would only judge me.

Now a few weeks ago I finally went again and it was actually really nice. I do worry a lot about all the ftm identified teens, people automatically use male pronouns for me because basically all the masculine presenting people there are either biologically male or identify as male which is weird. There are tons of very feminine gay guys but no masculine girls...

But in general I feel welcome there (it's not exclusively trans people though, just lgbt in general) and it feels like everybody can just experiment, talk about their experiences and feel accepted without the fear of discrimination. I really like it there. The only critical point is that I feel like it triggers dysphoria/identifying as trans again. I'm really jealous of all the trans guys on testosterone or after top surgery and I really don't want to be. But in the end I think I can deal with that, they are the only people that just take me the way I am without judging, without questioning. I can just be me, without a label.

i don't dislike them. I'm just a lot more sceptical and when I meet trans people I think that they're probably going to detransition at some point a lot more often than I used to. I just see a lot of mental illness and other reasons for why they're feeling the way they do right now and why the label gives them so much confidence. But who am I to say. Or to judge. I would never say I disliked people because they are part of a certain group. I might not agree with the ideology but at some point I was that trans person as well. More hate would have probably only caused more negative thoughts and depression.

when i first desisted I couldn't say I'm a woman. I didn't feel like I was. I couldn't say I'm female, I'm a girl, I'm his sister, I'm their daughter, etc. I just couldn't it felt so wrong. But deep down I knew that I wasn't a man either. So I started by using gender neutral vocabulary. By not gendering myself at all. I tried talking to my reflection in the mirror. I tried saying I'm a woman. And at some point it didn't feel wrong anymore. At some point I accepted that I was.

It takes time to reidentify with your sex. And that's okay. You don't have to identify as nonbinary or anything at all. You don't have to use labels, you are you and you're great that way. Especially in times where you're still confused I wouldn't come out as anything, just to change it later. It just makes everything even more complicated. Figure yourself out, find acceptance for yourself. Follow your heart.

Also for what it's worth, I would totally gender you female. You look like a woman to me.

For the feeling lonely part - maybe you can find people on here who live close to you? Or just message people, although I definitely think real life friends are more important. A social life, hobbies, things that keep you busy. That make you forget about gender, gender roles, and everything connected to that. For me that was running/exercising, and it helped me a lot with my mental health but it's something else for everybody. Just try to do things in your life, things that bring you joy and happiness.

i don't have a diagnosis for asd yet but I'm in therapy right now and pretty confident I'm gonna get one. I'm also very high functioning. i experienced sexual trauma at 18 and afterwards went through severe gender dysphoria. I had been struggling with gender roles before and adding dysphoria wasn't helpful. I didn't realise that it had been caused by the abuse and I was trying to protect myself from men by becoming one. I moved back home and told my parents (which was roughly 7 months later, 7 months of identifying as a trans man) and they were not supportive at all. This environment wasn't helpful either but it made me reflect on my situation. When I realised that dysphoria can have different causes it clicked. Kind of like with fever. Having fever doesn't automatically mean you have corona, might also just be a cold. I slowly started reidentifying as a woman. That took a lot of time. Stopping binding was very hard, change is always difficult and I had gotten so used to this new identity, to the pressure on my chest, my masculine reflection. It made me feel strong and brave so identifying as a woman made me feel weak. Also there was so much shame involved. I'm quite a perfectionist and admitting such a big mistake was very difficult.

There seems to be an overlap between people with asd and trans-identitfied people (and also desisted/detransitioned people). I'm not too sure why that is. Maybe it's because of the more 'black and white way of thinking', also a lot of trans people say something a long the lines of 'i felt different my whole life, I just couldn't put my finger on what it was'. For me it wasn't because I was trans but because I'm autistic which is why I felt different. It gave me a sense of self, an identity.

Edit: Spelling

for me it was kind of the opposite, i had only ever liked boys until then and felt like no straight boy would ever accept and love me as a masculine woman. I was really scared of never being loved.

Sexuality can be a factor but loads of other things are as well.

It takes time to figure yourself out. Gender is a really complex topic. For me desisting from that identity happened because I realised that I can have gender dysphoria and still be female. Also I had to create a new definition of what it means to be a woman to accept and understand that I can be exactly the way I feel the most comfortable (which means pretty masculine) and still be a woman.

Give your child time, get them off the internet, keep them busy with things they like (sports, art, anything they're interested in really - just not the internet where everybody supports them in their trans identity). Giving them the opportunity to have hobbies doesn't harm them even if they decide that they need to transition in the end. And maybe it helps them reconnect with their body and accept themselves without having to go through a transition.

Also therapy can be really helpful! Great that you're seeing a therapist together :)

I'm not sure whether I like the idea of a flag/symbol. it kind of reminds me of this. i mean i get that people might find it helpful to identify with something new while detransitioning, but I don't know if it's a healthy coping mechanism to jump from one label to the next.

propably part of 'involvement', but working out/getting back into track and field helped me tons. Trainng is 4 to 5 times a week, I don't even have time to focus on my dysphoria. Just getting away from the internet, from all the 'trans positive media' helped a lot. I don't watch trans youtubers anymore because I know it triggers the wish to transition although I know that I did the right thing with desisting.