This story is from the comments by /u/novaskyd that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the analysis of novaskyd's comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user provides a highly detailed, nuanced, and internally consistent personal history of identifying as FTM, desisting, and the reasons behind that decision (e.g., internalized misogyny, discomfort with social expectations, sexual repression, OCD). The account spans several years and shows a natural evolution of thought, including the development of gender-critical views after detransitioning. The language is personal, reflective, and contains specific, believable life details (e.g., keeping a T prescription in a drawer, getting married, having a child).
The passion and criticism directed at the trans community and healthcare practices are consistent with the experiences of many genuine detransitioners and desisters who feel harmed and stigmatized. The user also demonstrates a clear understanding of the difference between desisting (which they did) and detransitioning after medical intervention.
Conclusion: This is likely the authentic account of a real person who is a desister.
About me
I started identifying as a trans man in my late teens because I was a lonely, anxious kid who didn't fit in with other girls. I lived as a man for four years and even got a prescription for testosterone, but using the gel never felt right and made me hesitate. What really changed things was realizing I could still enjoy feminine things and that there's no single way to be a woman. Now, I'm comfortable living as a female; I'm married with kids and see my body for what it can do, not just how it looks. Looking back, I believe my anxiety and social pressures played a big role, and I'm grateful I found my way through it without medical intervention.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was around 17 or 18. I had always been a nerdy, socially isolated kid with anxiety and OCD, and I went through a period of depression in my teens. I didn't feel like I fit in with other girls, and I was uncomfortable with the idea of being seen as feminine or sexual. I discovered the concept of being transgender online, and it felt like an answer—like maybe this was why I never felt right. I came out as FTM and started using male pronouns.
For about four years, I lived as a trans man. I wore a binder regularly and dressed masculinely. I even got a prescription for testosterone gel, but I never started using it. Something held me back—a fear of the irreversible changes and a nagging feeling that it might not be right for me. I kept that prescription in a drawer for over a year, just sitting there.
During that time, my family was supportive. My mom even helped me find an endocrinologist. But when they used male pronouns for me, it felt weird and uncomfortable instead of right, which was the first sign that something was off. I also started dating a girlfriend who was accepting of me exploring femininity even while identifying as a man. I began wearing dresses and makeup sometimes, and I realized I didn't hate it—I actually liked it. That was confusing because I thought being trans meant rejecting all things feminine.
I started to question the whole idea of gender identity. What does it mean to "feel like a woman" or "feel like a man"? I realized there's no such thing—everyone feels like themselves, and there's no one way to be a girl or a boy. I grew up in a sexually conservative household where female sexuality was shamed, and I think that contributed to my discomfort with my body. I also consumed a lot of male/male fanfiction, which made me more comfortable imagining myself as male in sexual contexts, but that didn't mean I was actually a man.
Around age 22 or 23, I decided to stop identifying as trans. I moved to a new state, started a new job, and began presenting as female again. I didn't make a big announcement; I just let people assume I was a woman and didn't correct them. Over time, my dysphoria faded. I started working out, which helped me appreciate my body for what it could do rather than how it looked. I gained confidence, got into a healthy relationship, and eventually got married and had children. Now, I'm comfortable being a woman—not because I'm feminine, but because I know that being a woman doesn't have to mean anything specific. It's just my biology, and I can be any kind of person I want.
I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to where I am now, but I'm glad I never took hormones or had surgery. I think my OCD and social anxiety played a big role in my trans identification, and I've seen similar patterns in others. There's a lot of social pressure online and in certain communities to identify as trans, especially for young people who are struggling to fit in. Both of my younger siblings also came out as trans after I did, and I worry that social influence played a part.
I believe that dysphoria is real, but it's not always permanent, and transition isn't the only way to address it. For me, time, confidence, and questioning the underlying ideas about gender were what helped. I think adults should have the right to do what they want with their bodies, but we need to be more careful about encouraging medical transition for young people without exploring other factors first.
Here's a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 17-18 | Started identifying as FTM, began social transition |
| 19 | Got prescription for testosterone but never started it |
| 22-23 | Stopped identifying as trans, began presenting as female again |
| 27 | Married, had children, fully comfortable as a woman |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/novaskyd:
So, yes, there's been quite a lot of research on things like brain structure and hormones in association with gender/sex. However, most of these studies do NOT show what many trans people claim (that trans people have a brain structure in accordance with their target gender); instead what can be concluded from the results is mostly things like "dysphoria may result from hormone imbalances" "brain activity differs in male-attracted vs. female-attracted people" "HRT causes changes in brain structure/musculature" etc. None of these things are proof of innate "gender identity."
I did a thorough review of the research in response to a reddit argument a little while back. Link here.
They are scared. Our existence threatens their blind belief that "anyone who thinks they might be trans is trans" "it's not a phase" "HRT and surgery should be readily available to anyone who says they want it." We didn't do anything to hurt them, but the fact that we exist is scary to them. They don't want to think about the possibility that they might be wrong. It's human nature, unfortunately.
To be quite completely honest, as someone who identified as trans for 4 years, had a majority "queer" friend group, and has had a ton of interaction with the LGBT community -- I have never encountered a truly passing trans person. I'd never say that to their face of course, and it's probably a shocking statement considering how many trans people there are. But even the most-passing trans guy I know (started HRT as a kid) still pinged my "trans-dar", I had a feeling and wasn't surprised at all when he told me.
Idk. I think the combination of socialization and biology is extremely hard, if not impossible, to hide.
That terminology was essentially stolen from the intersex community, where sex is in fact sometimes “assigned” through surgical intervention at birth to make their genitalia conform to norms.
The vast majority of people don’t have their sex “assigned.” It is observed.
One thing I recommend to all people, trans, detrans, or having no interest in gender at all--is to get rid of this idea that their self is something separate from the brain. You are your brain. When you say "your brain expects" something, that is you. You are able to understand your brain, because one of the amazing things about the human brain is the fact that we are aware of ourselves. Absolutely nothing that you think or feel is outside of you.
So, if "your brain" expects your body to be different--you expect your body to be different. The question is, why? How important is this? Is that desire changeable? Would making your body closer to an approximation of a female body actually help you?
Yep. Actually the very first thing that started me on my journey away from the community was, years ago while I still identified as trans, I made an "interesting observation" post on tumblr about ways that I saw trans women's behavior and treatment in society as different from trans men's and how that could be related to trans men being socialized female and trans women being socialized male. I was a sociology minor and I thought this was interesting, not hateful. And holy fuck. The way I got HUNDREDS of people spewing hate at me, calling me transmisogynistic etc. It was shocking.
Would identifying as male and remaining out of women's spaces be enough to reject this ideology?
In my opinion, yes. I'm all for people using HRT if it makes them feel better about their bodies, (caveat "adults with informed consent") because I'm in favor of bodily autonomy. The main thing I object to is people thinking that HRT makes them the same as cis women (in your case) or cis men (in the FTM case), and MTFs speaking over and silencing women's voices.
I actually think if you continue taking hormones and presenting how you wish while also identifying as male and staying out of women's spaces, preferably even advocating for women when you have the opportunity, you will be showing the ultimate progressive/feminist ideal that men can be feminine and women can be masculine. It would probably be hard to do and perhaps put you in danger in some environments though.
I remember at one point seeing a list of characteristics of cults and realizing how many of them applied to the trans community. I can't find the list now, but I know a few of the characteristics were
- discouragement/shame/exile for questioning key beliefs
- isolating you from friends and family if they don't agree (telling you to "cut them off")
- us vs. them mentality
Definitely cultish traits.
Trans people should have been honest with me that I wasn't like them.
You were like them. There is no more gatekeeping requirement in the trans community that you need to experience dysphoria, let alone have it be documented.
It's not like they are "real trans" and we were "fake trans." We're all varying shades of the same thing. That's what scares them so much.
Thank you for posting. I was hoping you might—I thought about maybe some of us messaging you but didn’t want to overstep.
My thoughts—it is too soon to know if he will want to be a woman in the long run, as an adult, or if he is actually just a feminine boy.
Like someone else eloquently said, clothes and toys and colors and makeup etc. have no gender. “Only women wear dresses” is a social norm; “girls like pink” is a stereotype, “trucks are for boys” is a stereotype, etc. Feminists have been fighting for decades to make sure that both women and men have the right to do what they like, wear what they like, enjoy what they like. The thought that enjoying feminine clothes makes one a girl is a huge step back.
However, your son is a child. He’s growing up in a time period where trans issues are at the forefront of news and social media. “Trans awareness” is being pushed in schools and literally explained as “if you feel like a girl you are a girl” but no one ever explains what “feeling like a girl” is supposed to mean. Kids, especially in middle and high school, are identifying as trans in droves. It is a popular thing to do, and children respond to this rhetoric by questioning. If everyone around them says that liking girl things makes them a girl, of course they will think they are a girl.
Studies show that kids who don’t go on puberty blockers are highly likely to desist. Going on blockers sort of “locks them in” to transition at an age when they barely understand gender, let alone themselves. They won’t experience normal puberty along with the hormonal and mental changes that go with it. They won’t mature normally.
Give your son a chance to grow. Worst case scenario, we are wrong and he can transition as an adult. But imo, it is way too soon to be making such life-changing decisions.