This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. The user demonstrates a consistent, detailed, and emotionally complex narrative of their detransition experience over a four-year period, including specific medical details, personal struggles, and emotional evolution. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic account. The passion and occasional anger expressed are consistent with the genuine experiences of detransitioners.
About me
I started transitioning as a teenager because I felt uncomfortable with my developing female body and found community online. I had top surgery and took testosterone, which permanently changed my voice and caused other health issues. A profound moment two years ago made me realize I was running from myself, and I began my detransition. I now live with deep grief and pain from my surgery, and I sometimes get misgendered because of my voice. Despite the regret, I am happier living as a woman and am building a new life with a partner who loves me.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition is something I'm still processing, but I'll try to summarize it as best I can from my own comments and experiences.
I was a teenager when I started to feel really uncomfortable with my body, especially when I went through puberty. I hated developing breasts and just felt like I didn't fit in my own skin. I wasn't severely mentally ill, but I definitely had a lot of anxiety and low self-esteem. Looking back, I think a lot of it was just the normal discomfort of growing up, but at the time it felt much deeper than that. I found a lot of community and answers online that pointed me toward transitioning.
I started identifying as trans and began taking testosterone when I was pretty young. I was 19 when I made the huge decision to get top surgery. It’s insane to me now that I was allowed to make that permanent decision at such a young age. I wasn't thinking about my future self or my long-term connection to my body at all. The term "top surgery" makes it sound so simple, but it's really a major amputation, and I don't think I understood the gravity of that at the time.
Being on testosterone changed my body a lot. It gave me a deeper voice, more body hair, and changed how I experienced orgasms, making them feel more localized. I was also on Zoloft at the same time. When I eventually stopped both T and Zoloft at the same time, my sex drive completely disappeared for almost a year. It was a really difficult period.
The real turning point for me came about two years ago. I had an experience with psychedelic mushrooms where I looked in the mirror and saw myself clearly, almost like a version of myself from middle school, before all of this started. I realized I had been burying the girl I really was and that I couldn't run from myself anymore with surgeries and hormones. It was an incredible, profound moment that started my detransition.
Stopping testosterone was a process. My body fat started to redistribute, but it took time—like eight months to really see a difference in my stomach. I had a lot of swelling and bloating for a while. My voice stayed deep and is kind of gravelly, and I have some chronic throat pain from it. It took over a year after stopping T for me to start feeling like I looked like a woman again, and even now, two years later, I still sometimes get misgendered.
The hardest part by far is living with the consequences of my top surgery. I live with pain and grief every day. I agonize over my scars, the nerve damage, and the fact that I’ll never be able to breastfeed. I look in the mirror and see a horror show sometimes, a body that doesn't feel like mine anymore. I wear special bras to give the appearance of having small breasts and I stick to loose-fitting clothes because of the "dog ears" of extra skin on my sides. I’ve looked into reconstruction, but it’s complicated. Fat transfer isn't a real option, and a DIEP flap is a huge, invasive surgery. I’ve wanted reconstruction for over three years now but I'm still waiting, trying to be sure before I make another big decision.
Socially, detransitioning was brutally hard at first. I felt more humiliated than I did when I first transitioned. I isolated myself, and people were always poking and prodding, wanting to know why. It took about a year for that intense shame to start to fade. I eventually moved away, and now no one in my new life knows about my past except my boyfriend. He’s a straight, cis man and he doesn’t care about my surgery scars or my deeper voice; he thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. He helped me realize that my body is still a woman’s body, and it’s feminine because it’s mine. Finding that love was huge for me.
I’ve managed to build a good life despite everything. I graduated college, I have a great job, a dog, and a partner I live with. I got through the darkest times by focusing on survival—like dealing with being poor and facing eviction. Work and school kept me going. But I still struggle with feeling like a freak, like I’m inhuman or mutilated. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I made permanent decisions as a teenager that I can’t take back.
Do I have regrets? Yes, deeply. I regret the permanent changes I made to my body, especially the surgery. I wish I had given myself more time to understand my feelings and work through my discomfort without medical intervention. My thoughts on gender now are that it's incredibly complex, and for me, it was tied up in a lot of pain and confusion that wasn't really about being born in the wrong body. I think I was running from myself.
I don't regret my detransition at all. I am happier living as a woman, even with all the grief. I’m learning to be happy and live a normal life while coping with my past.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 19 | 2019 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy) |
| 2022 | Had psychedelic experience that led to decision to detransition | |
| 2022 | Stopped taking testosterone | |
| 2022-2023 | First year of detransition, dealing with physical changes and social shame | |
| Now | 2024 | 2+ years post-detransition, living as a woman, considering breast reconstruction |
Top Comments by /u/noworm:
I feel the same way, reach out to me if you ever want to talk. I’ve done some healing over the last six months and while it won’t bring back your breasts, it will get easier to cope. I live with this pain and grief everyday. I don’t wish it on my worst enemy. I hope you are doing okay and able to see past the grief.
Wasn’t severely mentally ill, but I had top surgery at 19 and it’s insane looking back that I was allowed to make that decision that young. I wasn’t thinking about my future or my connection to my body at 19 at all. And you’re right, amputation surgery is what it should be called because that’s what it is. “Top surgery” kind of takes away from the seriousness of it all. But yeah I don’t know how we can expect people to make these kinds of lasting medical decisions for themselves without knowing the full consequences before their brain is even fully developed.
Hi, I had top surgery when I was 19, in 2019. I am a flat chested detrans woman who still graduated college, work a great job, have a dog, friends, and a boyfriend who I live with. I guess I got through it by having bigger problems, facing eviction and being poor. Working and school and podcasts kept me going even though I was the most alone I’ve ever been the first year after my detransition, but after a year my hair grew long again, I lost some weight, and got a high paying job and I felt more like myself again. Despite living through a body horror nightmare.
I do struggle with feeling like a freak and hopeless, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that I altered my body permanently with decisions I made as a teenager. I can’t go back in time and I agonize a lot about what I’ve lost, but overall I am happier living as a woman even though I struggle with feeling inhuman and mutilated. You’re not alone in this and I really wish you peace. It really is possible to learn to be happy and live a normal life while coping with your past.
I’m sorry that it triggers you OP but when I agonize, I don’t agonize over being flat chested. I agonize over having scars, nerve damage, not being able to breast feed, having no feeling in my chest, and seeing horror when I look in the mirror because it’s not what it looked like before. You will never understand what it feels like to have undergone that kind of surgery or it’s effects and be grateful that you never will.
I don’t recommend hookups or casual sex. However it is totally possible to find love after detransition. I had top surgery and have a flat chest, have a deeper voice, increased body hair and my boyfriend literally doesn’t care and easily thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world! He is not attracted to masculine women and is 100% cis/straight. it took me some time to realize that just because my body is changed that does not mean it is masculine at all. It is still feminine because it is a woman’s body!! It did take me over a year after stopping T to feel like I looked like a woman again so give it sometime. The right man won’t care about your past or how your body has changed.
Dude. Shrooms 100% had to do with my detransition. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing myself as a girl, like seeing a version of myself from middle school, and I realized like the person I was burying was there the whole time and I couldn’t run from myself with surgeries and hormones anymore. Incredible moment and experience
I was on both T and Zoloft at the same time. T intensified my sex drive but made my orgasms more localized. I then stopped T and Zoloft at the same time. Did not/could not orgasm or have any sex drive for almost year. Now I orgasm with a partner daily even if it takes longer than it did before (especially without breasts + nipple stimulation after top surgery). Of course the nerves in the clitoris have changed or maybe even desensitized after T, but give maybe a year. I know it sucks but I wish the best for you during the healing process
I don’t personally believe it’s possible to be the female version of an AGP because AGP originates so much in misogyny and the sexualization of women. I have known some females to transition because they became obsessed with gay couples or became addicted to gay porn. So it does happen but I don’t think it’s exactly AGP? Maybe just a gay porn addiction? Not sure the psychology of it has been studied either.
One time a GC older adult replied to one of my posts and told me I never had gender dysphoria and that all girls are uncomfortable with their body. The fact that that’s allowed to happen is highly inappropriate and fosters an environment where detrans people are talked over by radfems and GCs and ROGD parents. I reported the reply but nothing ever came of it. Super irritating. 😔
I understand this. When I detransitioned a part of me felt more humiliated then when I first transitioned. I just powered through it, gave it a year, and things got better. But god that first year was so hard. I guess I just isolated myself from my family and society. People did poke and prod and want to know why. Even though it’s been 2 years people still do reference it and ask but because I shut down the conversation they let it go. What your feeling should subside 90%, this is a normal part of the process. Now, my social life is okay, no one in my life who I met within the last year knows about my transition and detransition because I moved away (except my boyfriend). Though I guess it’s strange I feel like I have a more difficult time connecting with others because I feel like I can’t truly be honest with anyone. The guilt and shame passes as time passes. Close family life is good too, no one talks about it anymore unless they accidentally call me by my trans name. But sometimes it does feel like they’re dancing around the subject. I don’t really care though. I can’t do anything about it and I just ignore it. Good luck to you in your detransition! ❤️