This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The comments display:
- Specific, complex personal history: A detailed 12-year timeline of HRT use, detransition, and the physical/mental effects.
- Internal conflict and nuance: Expresses fear, regret, and practical concerns about social detransition, while also acknowledging complex social benefits of having transitioned.
- Emotional consistency: The tone is passionate and frustrated, which aligns with the expected emotional state of someone who has experienced harm. The language is reflective and personal, not like scripted talking points.
The account presents as a genuine desister/detransitioned person.
About me
I started as a teenager who felt completely disconnected from being a girl and, without strong female role models, I mistook my discomfort for being male. I transitioned socially and then medically, living as a man for twelve years because it felt like the only way to escape the pressure to be feminine. While being seen as a man made social life easier, testosterone became addictive and caused health issues I ignored for the energy it gave me. Last year, I finally accepted that I am not a man and have been off hormones for several months, finding my body's natural changes less frightening than I expected. Now, I'm learning to see my body neutrally and am moving forward, though I'm nervous about telling my friends and family after so many years.
My detransition story
My whole journey started when I was a teenager. I never felt feminine at all. I wore makeup once when I was 12 for a party and never did it again. I knew butch lesbians existed, but I had very few female role models in my life to look up to. I just assumed that if I didn't feel "girly," then I must not be a girl. The homophobic jokes and stereotypes that were everywhere in the media really turned me away from that path too. It felt like being a masculine woman wasn't a real option for me back then.
When I was around 15, I discovered trans YouTubers and Tumblr blogs. Before that, the only trans man I'd ever heard of was Chaz Bono. Seeing that media took all the intense discomfort I was feeling and gave it a name—dysphoria—and gave me something to aspire to. It made me believe that transitioning would turn me into a better, more confident person. I think a huge part of why I and so many other girls transition is because we live in a deeply misogynistic society, and the pressure to perform femininity felt impossible. For a teenager just trying to fit in, desisting didn't feel like an option.
I started identifying and presenting as male in my mid-teens and began testosterone soon after. I was on it for 12 years. In a lot of ways, transitioning benefited me socially. I was treated far better being read as a man than I ever was as a gender-nonconforming woman. The social pressures to "fit in" felt much less restrictive as a man.
But it wasn't all good. Testosterone felt incredibly addictive. Even when I knew it was causing me health problems—like high blood pressure and making my sleep apnea miserable—it was so hard to quit. Every time I tried to stop, I was hit with a crushing depression and would go back on it because the energy and libido boost felt worth it.
The realization that "I am not a man" was a creeping thought that suddenly broke through for me last year. I've been off testosterone for a while now, almost 5 months at the time I was last talking about it. The slow return of my natural female fat distribution and my period was a little distressing, but nowhere near as earth-shatteringly horrible as I thought it would be. Mostly, I just feel more normal. My body is reverting to its natural state as best it can, outside of the permanent changes from T and my top surgery.
I don't really have regrets, but I do have a lot of complicated feelings. I wish I had given womanhood a chance. I'm afraid of socially detransitioning because I've presented as male for nearly 15 years, almost half my life. My family was always super supportive, and they will be no matter what, but I'm especially afraid my mom will blame herself. She didn't know; she just wanted me to be safe and happy.
It also feels impractical because so many of my friends have come out as trans and started their own transitions. I love them dearly, and I know if I tried to warn them, I'd just come off as a massive hypocrite.
Now, I'm trying to approach my body with neutrality rather than seeing detransition as a loss. I'm finding that the energy and confidence I used to get from testosterone, I now have to get through regular exercise and better sleep, though my commitment to that varies. I'm just trying to move forward.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 12 | ~2005 | Wore makeup once, never again. Felt disconnected from femininity. |
| 15 | ~2008 | Discovered trans online communities (Tumblr, YouTube). Began identifying as male. |
| 16-17 | 2009-2010 | Started socially transitioning and presenting as male full-time. |
| 17 | 2010 | Started testosterone hormone therapy (HRT). |
| 29 | 2022 | Had the sudden, definitive realization that "I am not a man." |
| 29 | 2022 | Stopped taking testosterone. |
| 29-30 | 2022-2023 | Experienced return of menstruation and female fat distribution. Dealt with depression from hormone withdrawal. |
Top Comments by /u/noxverde:
I relate to this so hard. I don’t think I was necessarily “naive” as a kid, but I didn’t have any masculine women in my life to look up to, and I was as receptive as anyone else to homophobic stereotypes.
It also feels “impractical” to socially detransition. I’ve presented as male for nearly 15 years, almost half my life. My family was always super supportive of me, and they will be no matter what I choose, but I’m especially afraid that my mom will blame herself for what I’ve been going through. She didn’t know, and she just wanted me to be safe and happy.
In the last 3 years alone I’ve had numerous friends come out as trans, start hormones, and get top surgery. Friends that I would never have predicted would transition. I love them dearly, and I know if I shook them and said “don’t do this to yourself!!” I would come off as a massive hypocrite and a gatekeeper.
If anything, transitioning benefited me socially. I am treated far better read as male than as a gender non-conforming woman. The pressures of “fitting in” as a man socially are much less restrictive than what’s expected of women. Part of why I transitioned in the first place was how difficult it felt to try and perform femininity (at the time I transitioned as a teenager in 2010, desisting didn’t feel like an option).
I initially hated the thought of a “social contagion” aspect to FTM transitioners, bc I think that terminology is a bit too harsh. Although tik tok didn’t exist when I was younger, I knew nothing about trans men aside from Chaz Bono until I discovered trans youtubers and tumblr blogs. Looking at that media took the intense dysphoria I had and gave me something I could aspire to—something that would make me into a better, more confident person. I think there’s a particular combination of an intensely misogynist society and the desire to teenagers to fit in that leads so many girls to transition.
My situation was a bit different but the realization of “I am not a man” was a creeping thought that very suddenly broke through over a period of days last year. I’ve been identifying and presenting as male since my mid-teens and was on testosterone for almost as long— 12 years.
The dysphoria is still there, to be sure. I’ve been off T for almost 5 months and the slow return of normal female fat distribution and menstruation has been a little distressing but nowhere near as earth-shatteringly horrible as I thought it would be.
Mostly I just fell more normal; my body is reverting to its natural state the best it can, outside of the permanent effects of T and top surgery. I’m glad you are approaching the state of body neutrality! I think it’s been the most helpful outlook for me so far, rather than framing it as a loss.
Thank you. “Passing” as my own sex is kinda funny, but I know it’s something that many butches have experienced as well. I’m not very feminine at all; I wore makeup once at a party when I was 12 and never did again after that. And it’s not like I didn’t know butch lesbians existed—I just had very few female role models and I assumed if I didn’t feel “girly” I must not be a girl. And the jokes about “d*kes” and “carpet munchers” that saturated the media turned me away as well. I just wish I had given womanhood a chance. And I think now I will be read either as cis male or MTF…
I guess I just really don’t know where to start. I was already pretty sporadic about taking my testosterone but I’m worried about the physical and mental effects of ceasing it completely. I don’t know if I should go back to my doctor and tell him I wanna be done with it all after 12 years of HRT. It’s all pretty overwhelming
I think people tend to understate just how addictive testosterone is. Even with the full knowledge that hormones were causing health problems for me (I already had a full beard and other secondary sex characteristics that I wanted at the time), it took me a very long time to quit it for good. I was unprepared for the crushing depression that hit me as soon as I went off of it, and went back on several times bc the energy and libido increase felt worth it to me— until my blood pressure crept back up and my sleep apnea made me miserable. I don’t blame you at all for wanting to go back on it; it’s basically a shortcut to the type of energy that I now get through regular exercise and better sleep (I will admit my commitment to those things varies, lol).
As far as the OAB goes, I think it’s more likely that the atrophy of vaginal tissue is affecting the urethra than the ovaries being involved. There’s frustratingly little research on this however— coming from someone with a medical background, even my own doctor kinda shrugged when I tried to pinpoint which of my symptoms were caused by testosterone usage.