This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The user demonstrates:
- Personal, nuanced experience with detransition (e.g., discussing hormonal effects, mood changes, libido).
- Consistent perspective focused on trauma, porn's influence, and non-permanent coping mechanisms.
- Empathetic engagement with others, offering detailed, personalized advice that reflects a deep understanding of the community's struggles.
The language is natural, the advice is specific, and the user's history shows a logical progression of thought, all indicating a real person sharing their lived experience.
About me
I was born female, and my journey into transition started because I hated being a woman after the trauma I experienced. I began taking testosterone at 19, but the physical and mental changes made me realize I was running from my pain, not toward my true self. I stopped taking hormones at 22 and, after a rough few weeks of mood swings, my body and emotions stabilized. Now, I am learning to live comfortably as a female again by focusing on my mental health and self-acceptance. I see that my sex is innate and that true peace comes from healing my underlying trauma.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been complicated, and looking back, I see a lot of things more clearly now. I was born female, and a lot of my initial discomfort with that came from trauma. I hated being a woman because of how I had suffered specifically for being one. It felt like a source of pain, and I wanted to escape from it. I also think I had some internalized homophobia to work through, as I was uncomfortable with the idea of being a lesbian and interacting with that community, worried I’d be ostracized.
I started to transition and began taking testosterone. The physical changes were intense. My voice started to change and it felt raspy and stuck for a while, which I learned was normal as my vocal cords were thickening. My sex drive went through the roof when I first started, but the actual experience of orgasms changed; they felt shorter but more intense. I also had a problem with porn and developed some kinks that I now believe were rooted in trauma and a porn addiction. I saw a pattern where some kinks, like sissification or humiliation, were based on seeing women as weaker, which is a harmful belief I had to unlearn.
After being on T for a while, I decided to stop. I skipped a shot to see how I felt. The first few weeks were rough with bad mood swings, low energy, and I was really snappy. But after that initial period, my hormones leveled out and I started to feel more emotionally stable. My period came back, and my libido pretty much disappeared for a bit. It was a big adjustment.
I don’t regret exploring transition because I needed to go through it to understand myself better. But I also see now that a lot of my drive was coming from a place of trauma, a desire to escape my female body that I associated with pain, and not from a core, innate identity. I benefited from stepping back from hormones and dealing with my underlying issues, like my mental health. I think I have some obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and that might have played a role in fixating on transition as a solution.
Now, I’m comfortable living as a female again. I sometimes feel a weird guilt, like I’m letting other women down by having chosen to live as a man for a while, but I know that’s not rational. Reading about the experiences of butch lesbians who are comfortable in their womanhood has helped me a lot. My thoughts on gender now are that it’s a social thing, but our bodies and our sexuality are innate. You can’t change your sex, and that’s okay. I’m focusing on being healthy and accepting myself as I am.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
19 | Started taking testosterone (T) |
22 | Stopped T to see how I felt |
22 | Experienced hormonal mood swings and low energy for 2-3 weeks |
22 | Period returned, began to feel emotionally stable again |
Top Comments by /u/nut0pian:
honestly my only advice is buy a condom, often first time experiences are always going to be a little clunky (not your first experience, but his, and yours with a male.) I just recommend not getting to nervous about it and try keeping a good humor about it. I assure you he's going to enjoy it no matter what lol
I think you should keep giving therapy another shot and maybe even contact a psychiatrist about medication, I think you seem a bit obsessive compulsive.
I would maybe also say try crossdressing, like masculine clothes, the mascara on the facial hair trick, etc. Going by a male name online. Non permanent ways to temporarily feel masculine 🤷♂️
I wouldn’t suggest you try and date any trans men in your current state, I think a lot of your post history is kind of strange and objectifying to them (the “you like trans men because they are like men but with feminine traits they can never get rid of” thing is going to be a turn off for the majority of straight trans men.) I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to date anyone that is dating me because of what is basically a medical condition.
it’s obvious you don’t want to be on T and it’s an extension of your obsession, you need to stop and find non permanent ways to cope until you find treatment that works for you.
why do you want this? there's no support groups for that outside of religious groups because you can't do it. while gender is socially constructed sexuality is not, it's inate and a bodily reaction.
you need to look at yourself and see if that would make YOU happy or if your feeling pressured to behave within societal expectations. as far as I know people here question transitioning because of the danger it can have to your body or self esteem. but what danger are u having dressing comfortably or loving another person outside of other people?
I'm actually almost convinced this is a troll post but like, you never know
Many ftms who continue to transition have this kink as well, it seems to be an extension of a humiliation kink in general... If you want to have some insight on how people can stop feeding into these kinks I'd visit r/antikink, its helped me lose interest in dangerous fetishes I developed from trauma and porn addiction.
In regards to kink and your gender u should probably ask what the appeal is.. does it hurt or humiliate you in some way to be called a girl? Or are u only comfortable sexually being a woman? Both these reasons have different implications.
it's a common experience for people who start t, it's your vocal chords growing thicker or something along those lines. the stuck feeling goes away as u adjust to the change. if ur intent on quitting t, your chords will not develop any more and the feeling will still go away.
in response to another comment, i believe males don't encounter this feeling or raspiness as often because their hormone levels develop over a long period of time during puberty as opposed to testosterone levels spiking after beginning hrt.
In my experience and the experience of my ftm friends the duration of our orgasms decrease, but intensity increased. Definitely had no problems cumming, especially first starting T, it's all I could do. Did you regain ur ability to orgasm after stopping T?
i think it is just a feeling like im putting women n their experiences down by choosing instead to live as a man, and i know i'm not intentionally and it's a little irrational.. but it's been something i've worried about. i think reading experiences from people like you mentioned, butch lesbians who transition, has eased my worries about it a little.. thank you for mentioning it
are you watching porn or masturbating while dressing as a woman? if so you might stop watching porn / masturbating preform fetish activities (i recommend not watching porn altogether long term, but i believe within about a month without porn and your fantasies might desist.) reason being is if this is influenced by a fetish, the only way to see without that bias is to get rid of the fetish.. or stimulus making u want increasing exposure to it
it was a interesting watch, i think the first part of the video represents an experience a lot of people who think they are transgender go through but aren't self aware about, and i related to hating my gender due to trauma (in this case, hated being a woman because how i suffered due to being one.) i however couldn't relate to feeling like you were lying to urself or trying to be someone else or the biblical slant. very interesting to hear ur story though!
i think that a middle man solution to the hrt thing is just - don't take it? for a month or two, since I noticed it was only after 2 or 3 weeks of missing my shot I started feeling emotionally stable (after the mood swings of hormonal fluctuations) and started having my period again.
You're T won't spoil or anything afaik, I've heard that sometimes is crystalizes but by that time you'll have another refill. If you decide you're fine without it then you can just not refill your prescription.
If you do this though, be sure to stick to it and prepare yourself for feeling angry and sleepy when u first skip ur shot lol