This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user demonstrates:
- Personal, nuanced self-reflection on complex topics like sexuality, addiction, and childhood.
- Consistent narrative across multiple comments, detailing a specific history with AGP, porn, and social anxiety.
- Emotional depth and vulnerability, expressing frustration, confusion, and personal struggle.
- Engagement in dialogue, directly responding to points made by others.
There are no serious red flags suggesting a bot or bad-faith actor. The passion and anger displayed in the final comment are consistent with a genuine user feeling marginalized, not with inauthentic behavior.
About me
I almost identified as trans, but my own distrust of the system stopped me. My confusion was really tied to deep intimacy issues from my parents' divorce and a difficult relationship with my mother. For years, porn fueled intense fantasies of being female, which became my primary sexuality and created jealousy towards women. Now, I've stopped the porn but still struggle to build a normal sexual relationship, as my desires feel wired differently. I'm thankful I didn't transition and am now focusing on managing these feelings and building healthier connections.
My detransition story
My journey with gender and sexuality has been confusing and difficult, and it’s taken me a long time to understand the roots of it. I never fully transitioned, but I came very close to identifying as trans, and the only thing that stopped me was my own distrust of therapists and the system. Looking back, I see now that a lot of my feelings were tied up in other issues.
I think a big part of it was a deep-seated problem with intimacy. I’ve always had a hard time forming close bonds, especially with women. My parents divorced when I was about four or five, and my relationship with my mom was complicated; she could be pretty smothering. I had a good relationship with my dad, but I didn't get to see him as much as I wanted. This background made me avoid getting too close to people because it felt safer. I now see that my sexual issues were a way to avoid that emotional intimacy. I could start dating, but sex was always a hurdle. I’d get performance anxiety and couldn't perform, which would sour relationships. I felt like I couldn't open up about my darkest issues early on when dating someone.
A huge factor for me was porn. For about seven years, from my late teens into my twenties, I was deep into a specific type of porn that fed autogynephilia (AGP) fantasies. It was all about submission and imagining myself as the woman. This became my primary sexuality. I’ve since stopped watching porn completely for the last two or three years, but it’s hard to undo that wiring. My brain was built on those fantasies. Even though I can get aroused by normal, vanilla stuff now, it’s not as strong as the pull of the old fantasies. This created a bizarre situation where I’d feel intense jealousy towards women—envying their bodies and personalities—more than a straightforward desire to be with them.
I tried "no-fap" several times to reset myself. The longest I went was about 90 days, but it was during a very stressful time. I’ve also done it in 30-day stretches. I found that completely quitting porn was manageable, but stopping masturbation altogether made me incredibly anxious and created awkward sexual tension with female coworkers, to the point where I felt it was jeopardizing my job. I’m planning to switch to a more isolated office job soon, and I might try no-fap again then, as it might be easier to manage without so much daily interaction.
I never got to a point where I fully enjoyed vanilla sex with women. The only thing that worked somewhat was incorporating femdom or light pain, but even that felt like a slippery slope back into my AGP headspace. It’s frustrating because I want to have a normal sexual relationship, but my sexuality feels abnormal and mixed up.
I don’t regret not transitioning because I never went through with it. I have regrets about the path my sexual development took and the years I spent isolated in these fantasies. I’m thankful I didn’t encounter a therapist who would have encouraged me to transition, as I was very vulnerable in high school and could have easily been persuaded. My thoughts on gender are that it’s incredibly complex and for some people, like me, it’s tangled with trauma, intimacy problems, and sexuality. I don’t think there’s one answer that fits everyone.
Here is a timeline of the main events I can remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 4-5 | My parents got divorced. |
| Late teens to mid-20s | Heavy involvement with AGP-themed porn and fantasies. |
| Around 22-23 | Stopped watching porn completely. |
| Various points in my 20s | Attempted "no-fap," with the longest streak being 90 days. |
| Now (in my late 20s) | Managing my sexuality, focusing on building normal relationships, and considering trying no-fap again with a job change. |
Top Comments by /u/obsessive-nihilist:
Maybe your fetish has acted as a way to avoid emotional intimacy with your partners.
I have had the same thought and think you are correct. While I wasn't directly conscious of it, my antisocial tendencies made going down the fetish path a lot more appealing.
If so, have you considered therapy for talking about this?
I have but frankly I'm glad I didn't go for all of high school or before that, I could have easily been pressured into transitioning with just a little encouragement. Today I still haven't really been to therapy and unfortunately have a distrust for them as well as I'm very busy nowadays. I've actually seen two therapists but never found it to work out and didn't open up about any of my sexual issues. But I have talked in depth to a few very close friends about all my issues and they know just about everything about me, which has helped a lot.
avoiding intimacy seems to be a very common coping mechanism in our culture, where we often have parents who are either smothering or neglectful.
My parents got divorced when I was 4 or 5. My mom was pretty smothering and don't have the best relationship with her, always had a good relationship with my dad when my mom allowed me to see him. I agree that I avoid intimacy, but it's because I feel like I don't have a choice. It's hard to form close bonds with the opposite sex when I have these sexual issues holding me back from true intimacy. I can start dating, but sex is often a very important component of that especially nowadays when so many meet on a dating app. And being consistently unable to perform can sour a relationship or add a lot of tension. And opening up about all the darkest parts of myself are not something I want to do or expect the other person to be receptive to within the first month or so of dating someone.
Thank you for your reply and I'm glad you were able to find your own solutions for similar problems. It's good to hear others in a similar boat have success.
Im very much like you where the sexual aspect is more front and center than the identity aspect. Its very confusing to go out into the world and be obviously attracted to women, but behind closed doors, like crossdressing and watching strictly trans porn. Ive never to this day went out into the world and looked at a guy and thought "wow I want him. I want to date him. I want him to be mine" etc, but when horny and watching pornography, I need the male component in the shot as well to "get off" which only made it more confusing.
It's crazy how similar your feelings seem to mine. Glad to hear your story.
I also struggled with the awkward sex, losing erection, questioning my masculinity as well. I think after you watch strictly niche porn, being with a regular woman, doing regular vanilla sexual things, (no special angles/lighting, fake moaning sounds) just isn't as appealing.
Yup. Have you ever tried femdom stuff/receiving pain with a girl? That was the only thing I had found to help although I still didn't really like doing it because it's just a step away from my AGP stuff and my thoughts would often slip back into it.
That helped me realize that this is actually pretty normal for a lot of guys in general despite the gender dysphoria. I mean when there is even a r/MuslimNoFap, you know porn has gotten out of hand!
Agreed, unfortunately I don't feel no-fap is very compatible with me. Have you ever checked out yourbrainonporn.com? They give a more level-headed science based view in my opinion. A lot of the no-fap sub can turn into a circle-jerk about super powers and absolutism, with the only answer to questioners being 'oh you only did it for 60 days? that's nothing, you have to do it on hard mode for at least a year to see any real changes.' I also get extremely anxious and thirst after girls crazy hard to the point where it's a problem at work/out and about if I stop masturbating for long periods of time. A bizarre dilemma as I get much more infatuated with women than most people I know, yet due to my sexuality being so abnormal and mixed up can't often execute anything that works with them. I've felt a lot of the times when I'm attracted to a woman it turns into more jealousy of their bodies and personalities than a desire to have sex with them.
Also wanted to add, you have to go about it as an addiction because that is what porn is. It literally follows the same hallmarks of addiction, down to neurochemistry. Look at the similarities and work on detoxing yourself in an appropriate manner.
I really didn't have any problem with quitting porn cold turkey once it's what I decided what I wanted to do. The problem for me is a lot of the fantasies still linger years later with the entirety of my sexuality having been built on top of them.
Posted in comments of vid, will also post here to see if anyone has any thoughts:
I think you are correct that there is a link, but I think it is very premature to make big claims like the one thing people in trans communities online have in common is that they ALL have autism. I do think that antisocial behaviors and inability to form social relationships especially with the opposite sex is probably one of the primary factors in many cases. That combined with continual porn escalation/addiction is a lot of the equation for many AGPs I think. Probably not all, you mentioned Caitlyn Jenner, a documented AGP who crossdressed for years and got treatment for it. Very in the spotlight with access to a lot of women, on TV, doesn't seem autistic, what's the story there? I don't think this answer fits all cases. HSTS also is another story which I haven't looked into much.
Treat the space with some respect.
You dug up 1 post with all positive comments of someone asking for help that was 2 months old just to start an argument. You're coming in my thread and telling me who and what I am, and then demeaning me for it. Did you even read my OP or the rules for this sub?
"Posts should be of interest in some way to detransitioners and self-questioners."
Sounds like my post falls within that category. No one else seemed to mind, and only offered me good advice. If you're so upset about a single 2 month old resolved post, go petition the mods for stricter rules such as for this sub not to allow people with AGP to be allowed to post.
It's sad, there really are so few places for people who go against the grain, and questioners are pushed out of even those.
Thanks for the feedback, I do want to try nofap again someday. I'm planning to switch jobs soon from my current one which is IT with a decent amount of human interaction to a more office/cubicle type job. I think my new job might be a more appropriate place to do nofap, I've tried it at my current one and the awkward sexual tension I felt when interacting with female coworkers was too much to deal with and I didn't want to jeopardize my job. The longest I've done nofap was about 90 days but that was during a very stressful time in my life. I have done it in 30 day increments after that without any huge amount of success so I forgot about it in favor of trying different solutions. Always kept up with noporn though ever since I found YBOP.
You said you were able to reboot your brain? So are you at the point where you're able to fully enjoy vanilla sex with women now without the need for any fetish stuff w/ them?
I distanced myself from porn completely
I think you need to reprogram yourself a little bit. Look at the subreddits for people struggling with porn.
I've definitely been down that path doing no-fap for months at a time, and haven't had much success with that route. Like I said I've almost completely cut out porn and haven't watched it since that last 2-3 years. Cutting out the porn has helped a lot, but 7 years of submissive AGP fantasies/videos every night isn't so simple to undo. I have reset my brain to some extent though, I do get aroused to normal stuff, but still not nearly as much as my older fantasies. I guess honestly a lot of it might be that I have a ton of anxiety in the bedroom with girls and I can't perform. That mixed with still not being completely over my fetishes and not into vanilla sex that much makes sex in real life pretty shitty a lot of the time.
Maybe you will always have a little thing for darker fantasies
I think you're right it will always be there to an extent, it's just something I'm trying to learn to manage and balance with normal sexuality. I'm just trying to get to where it IS actually a balance, instead of totally leaning towards the darker stuff. I want to be able to get off to vanilla stuff and have normal vanilla experiences at least in the beginning with a new person.
Thanks for your comment and thoughts, it gave me some good perspective and made me look over myself a little more deeply again.