I relate to your frustrations big time. its literally the erasure of the non conforming tomboys and butch women who have existed for centuries before this, its exceedingly regressive. I had someone tell me that someone who was so boyish and had thought about her gender identity so much couldnt be cis and I had to tell her “here I am” LMFAO, the dead silence afterwards was almost comedic. people are definitely too caught up on not fitting into boxes and not the boxes themselves

Regarding your verbiage - "sexy" or not, almost every woman goes through this level of harassment and misogyny, it is inherent to the female experience. I work in a male dominated field and constantly have to work twice as hard and be overaggressive to be taken seriously, but I understand that by doing this I alongside many other women am progressing not only representation of women in my field but women's rights in general. It is a lifelong fight and a lifelong burden that all women - especially those in male dominated fields, know and accept. If you are considering that this sexism is too much for you to handle, I would understand why especially if you've experienced at one point the social privileges afforded by the opposite sex.

This was definitely the stem of of my dysphoria. As a child, I was always told that I looked/sounded more like a boy than a girl, acted more like a boy than a girl, all because I didn't fit into the narrow social perceptions of how boys and girls should behave, dress, and look. Even these days people try to push that I must be trans/non binary when I'm really just grappling with accepting myself as a masculine woman. A part of me feels good to be able to push against the gender norm and subvert the odd expectations that society has of me - to be a reminder that masculine cis women still exist. Sending strength and love!

You are quick to make assumptions of me. I am simply speaking about my own experiences. I am pointing out that both conventionally attractive and unattractive women face misogyny in the workplace. You mention in a below comment that: "At first in transition I liked it because it was very confirming to be seen as a woman but now it's a burden", suggests that you at the very least have had a different experience than being seen socially as a woman at some point in your life. I am agreeing with your post that you may be "tired of being seen as a girl" because you are being treated as such and this may differ from your prior experiences.

It’s very difficult to find room for self expression if you’ve grown up in a homophobic and/or misogynistic community; I know for a fact that misogyny was one of the main causes of my gender dysphoria and I wonder if your environment caused something similar for you. Have you had a chance to address your household environment in therapy?

I wonder if you could also explore being in a lesbian relationship while in college? You’re an adult and should be free to do as you please with your interpersonal relationships, regardless of financial support. Exploring same sex relationships helped destigmatize them for me, I realized I held the same homophobic values as my environment growing up and it seemed more acceptable to be a “man” in a straight relationship. Some things to consider.

for real, it always gets mislabeled as "gender euphoria" but the normal experiences of the opposite sex do not include those sexual components. a biological male doesn't get turned on by being a male, and a biological woman doesn't get turned on by being a woman. one of the biggest factors in my desistance was coming to terms with that.

Something helpful to remember is that things like makeup and girl issues don't necessarily have to define "womanhood". A woman can be as "masculine" as she wants - you don't have to wear makeup or conform into any particular image or stereotype to embrace womanhood. Womanhood can and should be an extremely diverse range of experiences, there's no right or wrong way to do it. Something that has helped with my dysphoria is throwing away masculine and feminine labels and doing whatever I want and presenting how I want while still identifying as my birth sex, even if that's outside of how society deems a "woman" should be. That and really examining the underlying causes of my dysphoria (early childhood trauma, misogynistic environments, being bullied for my gnc-ness growing up) has helped a great deal with minimizing it. Wishing you all the best!

Often throughout my androgynous formative years (elementary through middle school) which definitely contributed to feelings of gender dysphoria. Once in 6th grade a substitute teacher was calling role, she got to my name and I said “here”. She paused and said “that didn’t sound like a girl at all” to the entire class. Many other experiences like that one had me grappling with ways to embrace the embarrassment, which was unfortunately “I must have not been a girl to begin with.”

None of us are trying to tear you to shreds or make you feel like less than a woman - the truth of the matter is that we'll have different lived experiences, that is just how it is. I see no ill intent in u/detrans-throwaway7's response, in fact, she is being very uplifting and encouraging. We are trying to be completely transparent with you, something that other people may not be willing to do. It comes from a place of care and concern.

I may be a slightly different case since I'm very far removed from my initial desistance - I was 9 when I started having dysphoria and passed as male from 10-15. I think because it was such a long time ago + I never medically transitioned, the trauma that came with it has since faded - I don't bring it up unprompted but will willingly discuss my experience if the topic of trans/gender issues come across, I feel that a part of the reason why I'm vocal about my experience is to increase the visibility of detransitioners/desisters. A lot of people have never met one before so to see them realize they've encountered one makes them think.