This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user demonstrates:
- Deep, nuanced knowledge of specific academic concepts (AGP, HSTS, ROGD), researchers (Bailey, Lawrence, Blanchard), and studies, including the ability to quote and cite them.
- Consistent engagement with complex, multi-faceted arguments over time, offering tailored advice and asking clarifying questions.
- A personal perspective that aligns with a desister (someone who stopped identifying as trans), showing a clear, passionate investment in the topic without relying on scripted rhetoric.
The passion and specific focus on autogynephilia are not red flags; they are consistent with a genuine, knowledgeable individual in the detrans/desister community.
About me
I'm a man who discovered my gender confusion was rooted in autogynephilia, a sexual attraction to the idea of myself as a female. This caused me years of stress and depression, leading me to deeply research transition and nearly start hormones. I ultimately decided against medical changes because I realized it was about fulfilling a sexual ideal I might regret later. I've accepted these feelings as a part of my sexuality that I can live with, without them controlling my life. I no longer identify as trans and believe my experience shows how deeply complex and personal gender can be.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started and ended with understanding a concept called autogynephilia, or AGP. For me, it was a sexual attraction to the idea of myself as a woman. It wasn't just a simple fetish; it felt like a very deep part of my identity that caused me a lot of stress and depression. I spent a lot of time in online communities trying to figure it all out.
I learned that for people like me, the feelings are often tied to sexuality and can be powerful. It's common for the dysphoria, or the discomfort with being male, to fade away after orgasm, only to return later. I saw a lot of guys with AGP go through cycles of purging their women's clothes and then buying them all over again. I never felt like I could "cure" these feelings, and the research I read suggested the same thing.
I don't believe my experience was the same as what some people call a social contagion or a "hysteria," where people convince themselves they have a condition. For me, the feelings were real and persistent, rooted in my sexuality. I also looked into the idea that trauma or childhood events could cause this, but from what I've read, the evidence for that is pretty weak. Our core traits seem to be more biological.
I was never a "trans kid." My discomfort really started around puberty when the sexual component emerged. I thought a lot about transitioning, even taking hormones or getting surgery. I read books by experts like Anne Lawrence and J. Michael Bailey to understand myself better. They argue that AGP is a valid reason to transition if that's what someone needs. I agree with that; I don't think there's anything wrong with an AGP person transitioning. The important thing is to be honest about the reasons.
In the end, I decided not to medically transition. I realized that for me, transitioning would have been a way to fulfill a sexual ideal, and I was worried about the permanence of it all. I didn't want to make a change to my body that I might regret later, especially since I knew my feelings could fluctuate. I also saw that a lot of people who start treatment at gender clinics don't even finish it—they just disappear from the system. I didn't want to be a statistic.
I don't regret exploring my gender, but I do regret how much time and mental energy I spent being consumed by it. I've come to a place where I can live with these feelings without them controlling my life. I don't identify as trans anymore. My thoughts on gender are that it's incredibly complex, and for some people, like me, it's deeply intertwined with sexuality. There's no one-size-fits-all explanation.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12-13 | Started experiencing autogynephilic feelings around the onset of puberty. |
| 25 | Began extensively researching autogynephilia and transition online. |
| 26 | Seriously considered hormone therapy but decided against it after reflection. |
| 27 | Stopped identifying as trans and accepted AGP as part of my sexuality. |
Top Comments by /u/oliver_ubud:
There is actually some older data from a few years back. A substantial fraction of people who *begin* treatment at gender clinics do not even complete treatment. They simply are lost to follow up. So if they were actually counted as detransitioners, and not just people who complete it and later reverse, then the number would be pretty high. I wish I had a source but I did read it in a Johns Hopkins Hospital book recently.
Hello, thanks for your post. Well, "weird fetish" aside you don't need to be so hard on yourself. Usually the word used to refer to this phenomena is autogynephilia, roughly translating to love of the self as a woman. AGP is a spectrum: some men can just enjoy cross dressing or dressing in women garments under their clothes, while in it's most extreme form it can produce gender dysphoria and stress, depression etc about desire to truly become a woman. The first point I would stress: there is no need to rush to transition, you should try and understand yourself first.
One of the most noted researchers on this topic is Anne Lawrence, herself a trans women who is autogynephilic. Her book "Mens Trapped in Mens Bodies" (yes, provocative title) is basically the bible on autogynephilia. You can get full access to the book through this sci-hub link. It has 12 chapters and she has made the contents very accessible to everything you could want to know about AGP and it's various forms and subtypes. The most important part is Anne talks about how it isn't all sexual, it's a very deep feeling.
Perhaps this explains you. Perhaps it does not. Some people do not like the idea that they have AGP and prefer to believe the sexual component is not related to their desire to transition Despite what is commonly claimed on many trans subreddits, autogynephilia is not a transphobic conspiracy. Anne Lawrence and Ray Blanchard think people with AGP should be able to transition and live as transwomen. They think there is nothing wrong with it. I agree. It may be 'weird' to many people but most people do not need to know about that component anyway. Most people do not look at Caitlyn Jenner and think "wow I wonder if she has a fetish for this". AGP transwomen do not just walk around with erections all day in women clothing, but have a very deep connection with wanting to live as a woman, so to speak.
Btw when you talk about your dysphoria going away after orgasm, that is common in AGP. Many people who cross-dress sexually will on occasion, purge all of their womens clothes and try and eliminate the feeling, only to repurchase them again. I don't think we have any evidence of 'curing' it.
There are those with AGP who have detransitioned on here, who may tell you not to transition. Their opinion is also valid. I think you should read a lot of perspectives and make up your mind. Broadly, I think it is unwise to fall for the trans activist narrative that AGP isn't real. Those frameworks operate on the belief that people with AGP are inherently 'worse' than transwomen who are attracted to men. They aren't. I see no issue with AGP transitioning the way a transwomen who are attracted to men may do so.
I also wanna be clear, a lot of Detransitioners are natal females, so their experience will not apply to you. You can live with AGP, whether that includes transition or not.
Here are some people on twitter who may be of assistance:
- https://twitter.com/AGPAwarenessDay
- This guy https://twitter.com/Tiresiasovid is AGP and has not transitioned, but is very knowledgable and helpful. Perhaps make a twitter and try respond to his tweets. He could DM you and you can talk.
- ProfessorJ. Michael Bailey
- Bailey authored The Man Who Would Be Queen which is available here as a PDF online. From page 139 onwards it is about transition and AGP. Note this book refers to a lot of more extreme AGP so it might annoy you to some degree. Chapter on page 157 specifically begins to discuss AGP.
- This guy here on YouTube talks about his AGP.
Maybe that is a useful starter for you. Keep the convo going if you wish.
Well, sexuality is different. In men sexuality seems to be quite stable. The claims of "ex gays" aren't the same as that of detransitioners. For example, lab studies of men who claimed to have removed their homosexual attractions through therapy showed that they still got aroused to imagery of men, and not women.
Here's quote from page 86 of Bailey et al (2016):
Data that might speak to this issue are meager. Freund (1960) found that clients’ claims of sexual reorientation were not supported by phallometric assessments. Conrad and Wincze (1976) found that physiological arousal measurements did not support the positive reports of those who had participated in sexual-reorientation therapy.
Among modern self described "ex gays" they usually admit they are attracted to men still but just don't act on it or identify with a 'gay label'. They are almost always religious men who marry heterosexually (or not at all) and just don't act on their homosexual attraction. There are cases of once self identified lesbian women who do end up with men, because many women experience fluid attractions that fluctuate, also noted by Bailey et al. (Or such women always were bisexual).
Bailey et al. also review all the evidence in the causes of sexual orientation. In men, the components appear to be biological, involving non-social environment prenatally such as prenatal hormones and maternal immune responses. In women, things are less well understood..
J. Michael Bailey also has an open offer at Northwestern University for "former homosexuals" to come and prove they are aroused to women now and not men using penile plethysmograph or brain scans. Literally no one has ever offered to come and prove it.
In contrast, detransitioners are simply stating an easily verifiable fact that they have detransitioned and no longer identify as trans.
Males with autogynephilic attraction are known to purge it all and then sometimes return to transitioning. However, most AGP's simply live normal heterosexual lives and engage in fetishistic cross dressing in private, or with their girlfriends who don't mind it. I recommend this book about it – the second half focuses on MTF. It is a hard thing to battle, however some awareness of other AGP experiences will help. It would be good if more trans women were open about it being a sexual thing for them though.
You probably want something in between. On one hand you have super affirmative therapists, then you have people who are harshly anti-transition like the older psychiatrists at Johns Hopkins Hospital. But those guys are just really old and I don't think they're understanding either because they see it all as a delusion.
YouTube videos could help. There are tutorials around for makeup etc. As for ‘not knowing’, that really is no issue — only do what you actually want to. Idk if you’re lesbian/bi or not, but there are masculine lesbian women (usually older) who seem to have a lot of good advice and knowledge, although I have zero idea where you’d find them! Maybe on the internet. :)))
Hello, seeking some clarification here. You write "My discomfort with my body is immense but I'm possibly intersex or stunted from my mutilation so that's understandable".
Are you intersex, or are you speculating? Intersex people are known to have more distress around gender identity because typically it involves atypical exposure or receptivity to prenatal hormones on the brain in the later stages of fetal development. So if you are intersex, then you already have an answer. There are many ways in which intersex people handle their condition.
Your desire to remove testicles at a young age is interesting, and it is unlike AGP which typically involves a sexual component first emerging at puberty, which drives the dysphoria.
You also write:
I'm definitely not trans because I like women as well as men plus I have a male sex drive with women
There are transwomen who like men, women or both. Based on your intermediate childhood behavior and your bisexuality, it sounds like modest childhood gender nonconformity. The desire to remove testicles is interesting.
It is not impossible that there are other rare kind/s of gender dysphoria which are distinct from AGP and HSTS. For example, 1 in 20,000 people are born with dwarfism. 1 in 1600 people are genetically deaf. Perhaps there are mutations out that produce some tiny sex-reversed brain structure resulting in gender dysphoria or distress.
Some people have also reported there may be a type of "Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria" in natal males. However, you seem very self aware which is quite unlike the kind of 'delusions' and self deception that ROGD people tend to live with. What do you think?
How can you know a sexual assault “made you trans”? I’m trying to be polite here. But you probably shouldn’t go through life with such certainty. The evidence blaming traits on childhood experiences is weak, because of twin and adoption studies we know that social events tend to have limited effect (especially at ages where we do not understand what is happening)
This is actually a phenomena that is seen across a lot of what psychiatrists used to call ‘hysterias’. I don’t mean hysteria as in ‘overly emotional’. I mean hysteria as in the self deception that one has a condition. Every day self-deception are things like “oh I forgot to call you back” (you didn’t) or “I meant to do that”, but when taken to their extreme they can involve the discovery of ‘symptoms’ of a condition and one thinks this applies to them and begins to exhibit all the symptoms too.