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Reddit user /u/onebedilliondollars's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 21 -> Detransitioned: 28
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
body dysmorphia
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
only transitioned socially
bisexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's perspective is consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal. They identify as a "masculine female" and a "butch female" who has experienced dysphoria and alienation from the LGBT community. Their comments show a long-term, evolving engagement with the topic, emotional depth, and specific personal anecdotes that are difficult to fabricate convincingly. The language is natural, varied, and contains the kind of passion and frustration typical of someone with lived experience.

About me

I was born female and was always a masculine person, and my deep discomfort with my body and its development made me believe I was meant to be male. Influenced heavily by online communities, I socially transitioned for a time. I now see that my body hatred was tangled up with other issues like low self-esteem and a desire to escape. I've realized I can be a woman and be as masculine as I want without changing my body. I've finally found peace by accepting myself as a female and living my life authentically.

My detransition story

My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s taken me a lot of time to figure out where I truly stand. I was born female, and from a young age, I was always a very masculine person. I never felt a connection to the stereotypical ideas of what a girl should be. I hated my breasts when they developed during puberty; they felt foreign and wrong on my body, like they didn't belong to me. This discomfort was a huge part of my life for a long time.

For a while, I thought the answer was to transition. The idea was everywhere online and in the circles I was in. It seemed like the only way to fix the feeling of being trapped in the wrong body. I started to believe that I might be a man, or at least non-binary. I was deeply influenced by what I saw online and by the friends I had at the time. It felt like the only community that would accept a masculine person like me was the LGBT community, but even then, I started to feel like I didn't quite fit in there either. Their need for everyone to have a specific label felt just as restrictive as the stereotypes I was trying to escape.

I never took hormones or had any surgeries. I only transitioned socially for a period, and I'm incredibly grateful now that I didn't make any permanent changes. My body dysmorphia and the hatred I felt for my female characteristics were intense, but I see now that they were tangled up with other things. I struggled with low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. I think a lot of my discomfort was also a form of escapism—a way to try and run from myself and the parts of my life I was unhappy with.

My thoughts on gender have completely changed. I don't believe that my discomfort meant I was born in the wrong body. I think I was a masculine woman who was deeply uncomfortable with the body she had and the expectations placed on her. I’ve come to realize that I can be a woman and be as masculine as I want to be. I don't need to change my body to fit my personality. I am a female, and that is okay.

I do have some regrets about that period of my life. I regret the time I spent consumed by these thoughts, and I regret ever thinking that I had to change my body to be myself. It was a painful and confusing detour. But I also don't regret the journey entirely because it led me to where I am now: a place of much greater self-acceptance. I’ve benefited from stepping back from the entire debate and just living my life. I’ve found a lot of peace in simply being a masculine woman who exists as she is.

I’ve lost friends over my views, as I no longer subscribe to the popular narrative around gender. But the friends I have now are true friends who respect me for me. I’ve learned to have compassion for my body, even with the parts I used to hate. I occupy women's spaces and, while I'm often mistaken for a man in public, I've found a certain strength in politely correcting people or just not caring. I don't use pronouns as a political statement; I'm just a woman who looks this way.

I’m attracted to both men and women, though I lean more towards women. I joke that I'm a "mostly gay bisexual." My sexuality hasn't changed, but my understanding of myself within it has.

Ultimately, I’ve found freedom in accepting the ambiguity of life. We don't have to be one extreme or the other. I am a woman. I am masculine. Both are true. And that is enough.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:

Age Year Event
13 ~2007 Started puberty; began to intensely hate developing breasts and feel deep discomfort with my body.
20 ~2014 Began exploring gender identity online; heavily influenced by communities there; started identifying as non-binary/male.
21 ~2015 Socially transitioned (used a different name/pronouns).
26 ~2020 Began to seriously question my transition; started distancing myself from online LGBT communities.
28 ~2022 Stopped identifying as trans; began the process of social detransition, reverting to my birth name and she/her pronouns.
30 ~2024 Reached a place of acceptance as a masculine female; found peace with my body and my identity.

Top Comments by /u/onebedilliondollars:

20 comments • Posting since January 30, 2020
Reddit user onebedilliondollars (desisted) cheers a post about how being a GNC/masculine-appearing woman is normal, expressing joy at finding a fellow member of the "club" formerly known as butch.
41 pointsJan 26, 2025
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I don't even know how to express how much I love this post. I'd upvote it 1000x if I could. Also idk what the name of this club is (it used to be butch but that term seems passé now?) but it's so heartwarming to see a fellow member in this exact context. Cheers.🍻

Reddit user onebedilliondollars (desisted) explains the difficulty of finding genuine partners as a masculine woman and warns against sharing gender-critical views in LGBT spaces.
20 pointsJun 15, 2024
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I appreciate this comment! I'm a masculine female. I feel like it's difficult to find people who want a partner like me in a genuine sense and not just for some mentally unstable fantasy. I also learned the hard way not to disclose my thoughts on gender to the LGBT "community" because I'll probably get skewered.

Reddit user onebedilliondollars comments on a detransitioner's photo, advising them not to overthink their appearance due to a built-in worry bias and praising their amazing eyes.
20 pointsJan 30, 2020
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You look great! Your amazing eyes are what stands out to me! It’s hard to tell how we look in the mirror and we are often our own harshest critics and biggest worriers. Do not overthink your lovely face one bit... that is how you account for your own built-in worry bias. Cheers to your happiness and confidence, as you so deserve them!

Reddit user onebedilliondollars (desisted) explains why they dislike being asked their pronouns as a butch woman, noting it feels like being singled out when the same question isn't asked of more feminine women.
18 pointsJul 15, 2024
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Ouch. I feel your pain. Especially if you're not wanting to cross any "gender boundaries". I'm super butch so I am consistently called "sir" in public, which I don't mind. I expect it and I am happy to occupy that space. Often enough people quickly correct themselves to "ma'am" or "miss" but what I really dislike is being singled out. "What are your pronouns?" Comes from a lot of well meaning people. But you're damn right that they're not asking the chicks with long hair.

Reddit user onebedilliondollars (desisted) advises a detransitioning female to ignore external pressure, prioritize safety, and accept that it's okay to exist as she is now.
15 pointsFeb 25, 2025
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That last paragraph sounds like a really great decision for you. I know it's shitty, but the rest of what you describe is basically just nonstop pressure. Take the pressure off yourself. And if you feel pressure from here or anywhere else, take it with a grain of salt or better yet, ignore it the best you can. You don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to do, and you don't HAVE to meet certain external metrics. You know that you are female, and you also acknowledge that you will not be perceived that way publicly, and therefore it's enough to walk the lines necessary to maintain your safety.

Over time things may change. But that time is not now, and that is okay. It is okay for you to exist exactly as you are right now. Yes it's complex... and that is its own set of emotional challenges... but don't add to it by pressuring yourself with things like putting on makeup you hate.

I hope you're finding the support you need with mental health and everything. Best of luck to you.

Reddit user onebedilliondollars (desisted) explains how she finds freedom in being a masculine-presenting woman, stating she doesn't care about pronouns and uses she/her to break stereotypes and spark enriching conversations.
13 pointsJan 25, 2025
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First of all, I want to say that I feel you and this post is very relatable. It frustrating as all fuck. But I will say there is hope.

I have found immense freedom in my masculine presenting female-ness. Yes it sucks to get weird looks when we present the way we do but still have a right to access female spaces. HOWEVER. I have found some comfort in being able to demonstrate to people that yes, I have a masculine appearance, but NO I do not think of myself as not a woman or not female. I've had people (well meaning people) ask me my pronouns because my looks, they assume I am something other than she/her. But the realization and the breaking of stereotypes that occurs when I tell them that 1) I don't care about pronouns and therefore 2) Continue calling me she/her because that's what I am, has actually led to some really enriching conversation.

It would be great to just fucking exist. But if by just being me I'm creating my own gravity then so be it.

Also one last note, I have definitely lost more friends than I have gained in the last several years but the people I do have around me are actually respectful.

Reddit user onebedilliondollars (desisted) discusses their frustration with modern lesbian spaces, seeking connection with people who have interests beyond identity labels and pride flags.
13 pointsJun 18, 2024
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I wish I knew because I would love to connect with similar people. People who can have a conversation that isn't just "my entire personality is which newly invented pride flags represent me and ooh what are yours?" I stay away from the "community" in my town because I can't seem to find anyone who is interested in critical thinking and non-sexuality related personality traits. They look at me (a very, very, very masculine female) and assume I probably have all the same "correct" opinions that they do and I also despise being asked my pronouns. So I find other shit to do or just work.

Reddit user onebedilliondollars offers support to a detransitioner, criticizing community gatekeepers and looking ahead to a healthier future.
9 pointsJun 26, 2020
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Hey man I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. You are super not alone. It’s criminal that the gatekeepers of this “community” have pressured scientists and medical professionals so hard into surrendering their brain cells. Just remember that this time is the hardest right now; it will be a story you tell someday of something that happened to you. And you will tell that story from a much healthier present day and it will be a story that is in past tense because it will be over. If you can get your mind to look forward to that day it may help some of the god awful pain of this current time. I’m sorry again that all the “grownups” let you down. It feels like absolute garbage now but time can only move forward. Best of luck and I’ll be thinking of you.

Reddit user onebedilliondollars (desisted) explains why they believe older trans people seem more grounded, contrasting them with younger generations facing social pressure.
9 pointsJun 17, 2024
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I think it has happened. Meaning... past tense happened. It is older folks who transitioned before it was trendy and had no social encouragement to do so. I personally know a trans woman who was my (then) male teacher who came out in her late 50s almost 20 years ago. A truly kind and grounded soul. I really feel for this crop of young Zellenials that are so ambushed with social pressure in their youth.

Reddit user onebedilliondollars comments on the hypocrisy of some LGBT advocates who preach "no right way to be a man or woman" yet insist on labeling non-stereotypical straight people, and recommends authors like Rob Bell for a personal spiritual journey.
8 pointsFeb 12, 2020
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Cool man. Good for you. What’s hilarious to me is that all these hyper-LGBT social justice obsessed types will constantly harp, “There’s no right way to be a man or a woman!” Or “Gender is a spectrum and you should just be who you are!” Yet, in my experience they are THE MOST likely to INSIST on some kind of label for everyone around them. Especially if a straight person doesn’t present themselves in a “typical” or “straight” vibe. Let me guess, they think you’re some pan-romantic Demi-transgendered rainbow unicorn, right?

Fuck all these people who have their heads up their own idealogical asses. Be with people who love and appreciate you for you and don’t constantly try to preach you into a corner.

As far as the religious stuff, I commend you for undertaking such a personal journey. If you’re wanting to understand more about spiritual matters in the context of the church, I highly recommend brushing up on your historical theologians. There’s a few modern authors that help bridge the gap between science and the Christian tradition as well like Rob Bell (Jesus Wants to Save Christians, etc). But you may find interest in folks like Deitrich Bonhoeffer and NT Wright. Ultimately you have to take what ideas seem sound to you and ditch the ones that don’t, and it’s a very personal but admirable process.

Good luck man, there are always chill people out there even if they’re tough to find.