Not sure if this helps but my take is: Your body is a vehicle. Like a car. It's not a status symbol (though some people have amazing statuesque physiques). Not everyone gets to drive their dream car, and many of us have to make due with whatever car we have. At least we have one.

Your body's purpose is to allow your mind (your "self") to interact with the world. You like watching sports: use your eyes to watch sports while you can still see. Like wood working? Listening to music? Baking? Dancing? Biking? Your body allow you to do these things.

Very few of us have the body of our dreams. I hope you are able to make the best of yours.

My advice to you is to not try to be anything other than you are.

Follow your interests and do the activities you want to do. Date the people you want to date (when it's time- not sure how old you are). Wear the clothes you want to wear. Style your hair however you like. Wear makeup if you want- but not because you feel obligated to.

For me, this has led to a very fulfilling life where I am very frequently seen as (and treated like) a man- even though I have female hormones pumping through my body.

In fact, I do Identify as "trans" but I recognize this as nothing more than a label I give myself to understand how I fit into society and their expectations of me.

I'm like you (It seems). I'm transgender. I don't need to medically transition to be something I already am.

I'm not taking hormones or having surgeries. That would make me transsexual. I might benefit from medical intervention, but the cost and risk seem quite high, so I'm abstaining.

Your social experience is very similar to my own. You are 100% correct that it's the world that has a problem, and not you.

Since I have never medically transitioned (or socially transitioned, for that matter) my thought has always been that gnc women get this "cultural experience" because they don't meet the very rigid standards of being a woman- not necessarily because they transitioned or detransitioned. A lot of people are confused by gnc women, and in my opinion, a lot of immature (i.e. young) women are intimidated by them.

GNC women are badasses. Though, it may take some time for your young peers to realize it.

I hope I see you on the street one day so I can think to myself, "Yessss! Another badass is here. Good for Her!" 😎

(Some of my experience for context: people ask if I have a different name- especially in corporate settings, ask my pronouns, some people are afraid of me on the street, I often get trouble in public restrooms, some women were a bit nasty- but they were just out of high school and didn't realize how the world really works).

Try not to see yourself as anything other than you.

When I was young, I always wanted short hair. Not because I "wanted to look like a boy" but because I wanted to look like me. Same with my clothes- I wanted to wear what I liked, which was apparently "for boys".

Did others see me as odd? Maybe. But, that is not always a bad thing- even if there is comfort in fitting in.

Like you, I have never medically transitioned. However, I do have an amazing and very successful, fulfilling life- that most people would consider "trans". I achieved this by being true to myself and my interests- not by picking an identity and trying to conform to it's stereotypes.

Focus on being true to yourself and don't worry about labels.

Asking questions to a specific community will always give answers biased towards that community. For example, why would I ask questions about leaving academia to a community academics (who have, necessarily, not left academia)?

This is a great example of flawed and biased research. Bad research should not reflect poorly on the community from which the research was sought.

Use the name you picked. Why not?

It's not a "man's name" or a "woman's name"- it's your name, if you choose to keep it. Or, go back to the original. Or, pick something else. Regardless of what you do, you'll still be the same person.

And, you're still the same person you always were. Congrats on the therapy; sounds like it's helping you sort through a lot.

Yes. I look masculine enough that I take a lot of heat in the women's restroom. I get gendered all ki ds of things. Most people read me as male or butch lesbian (I suppose). I don't force or prefer any pronouns because it's not worth the effort and they don't matter enough to me. At work, I label myself 2 of the 3 pronoun options because I know I confuse people with my appearance.

I try to draw as little attention to myself while still being authentic "me". In a lot of ways, the detrans community is better support than the trans communities (which seem overly focused on medical transition and "passing". )

Edit: op, message me for more info if you want. I explicitly joined reddit to build community and find others like myself.

I understand not wanting to transition but also not wanting the pressure and distractions that come with not transitioning.

I would recommend focusing on your goals and what you want out of your life.

Obviously, yes, I understand you want to be seen as a guy. But to phrase it differently, what does that guy want?

Does he want a dog? A career? To travel the world? To build his own furniture? To build his own house? To write computer programs? To not have to think twice about paying extra for guacamole?

I believe that if you fiercely pursue your interests and develop your skills, you can get more out of life than you ever imagined.

I think OP is eluding to tne fact that he'd like to just be gnc male, but its not safe, and it might be safer to medically transition because he'd pass more easily.

As a male-passing (for lack of a better word) gnc female, I am acutely aware that I'm able to defy societies gender expectations largely because being female gives me that "privilege".

It is far more dangerous for men to wear skirts than for women to wear pants. I have nothing but empathy for my gnc brothers 💙.