This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts are consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal. They identify as a desister (a cis woman who considered but did not medically transition) and express a coherent, passionate perspective rooted in their own experiences with dysphoria, internalized misogyny, and gender non-conformity. The arguments are complex and show a clear, evolving personal history, which is not typical of scripted bot behavior. The account's authenticity is further supported by its consistent focus on the harm of gender stereotypes and the validity of diverse paths for dealing with dysphoria.
About me
I started questioning my gender as a teenager because I felt my female body was broken and I couldn't relate to feminine stereotypes. My frustration came from internalized misogyny and a lack of positive female role models in the media I consumed. I realized my problem wasn't with being female, but with society's narrow expectations for women. I desisted without medical intervention and now embrace being a gender-nonconforming woman. I'm glad I found my answer by challenging those stereotypes instead of changing my body.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender was confusing for a long time, but I figured things out without medically transitioning. Looking back, I can see how a lot of my feelings were tied up with internalized misogyny, frustration with my body during puberty, and the kinds of media I was consuming.
When I hit puberty, I had a really high sex drive and got into porn, erotica, and fan fiction. But my own body was a source of frustration. I was aroused by women, but I couldn't orgasm and didn't enjoy penetration. It felt like girls in porn were faking it, especially with anal sex. I couldn't even figure out how to pleasure myself with a vibrator. I basically felt like my own body was broken. This led me to get into yaoi and mlm (men-loving-men) porn and stories. I think I had a kind of penis envy, but more than that, the relationships in those stories felt heartwarming and equal, without the gender imbalance I saw in a lot of heterosexual media. I thought the problem was that I was supposed to be a boy, because being a girl felt so uncomfortable and frustrating.
I also never fit the stereotype of a "girl." I don't own a single dress, and when I was younger, my mom would yell at me for using a wallet instead of a purse. It took me until I was 26 to feel comfortable wearing a skirt now and then. I love math—I took calculus in high school and went up to Calc 4 in college for my engineering degree. I’ve been a gamer since the NES era and built my own VR-ready gaming computer. I listen to heavy metal. None of these things made me less of a woman, but at the time, it felt like they did because I didn't see women like me represented anywhere. In the media I consumed, female characters were often just sidekicks or love interests for men. It's no wonder I didn't relate to "womanhood."
For a while in my teens, I seriously wondered if I was a trans man. The idea of pushing a button and changing my sex was appealing. But I eventually realized that my problem wasn't with being female; it was with the rigid stereotypes society attached to being female. I didn't need to change my body; I needed to change my perspective and stop caring what society thought. I desisted from identifying as trans—meaning I stopped before I ever took hormones or had surgery. I'm just a woman.
I don't regret exploring my gender, but I'm very glad I didn't medically transition. My dysphoria wasn't a sign that I was born in the wrong body; it was a symptom of other issues: frustration with sexual function, internalized misogyny, and a lack of positive examples of women who were like me. Now, I'm a bisexual woman who has had relationships with men and women and understands that female pleasure is very real and amazing. My feelings about gender were complicated, but they weren't solved by transitioning.
I think it's dangerous when online communities push the idea that the only way to deal with gender dysphoria is to immediately affirm it. They act like if you ever detransition, you were "never really trans" to begin with, which dismisses the very real pain and confusion people like me went through. Dysphoria is a complicated symptom, and there can be many different ways to address it. For me, the answer was to embrace being a gender-nonconforming woman.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Around 12-13 (Puberty) | Started feeling intense frustration with my body and sexuality. Got into porn and felt like my female body was "broken." |
| Teenage Years (approx. 14-17) | Began consuming yaoi/mlm media. Seriously questioned if I was a trans man due to discomfort with female stereotypes and body frustration. |
| Late Teens/Early 20s | Gradually desisted. Realized my discomfort was with sexist stereotypes, not my sex. Stopped identifying as trans. |
| 26 | Felt comfortable wearing skirts for the first time, realizing it was just clothing and didn't define my womanhood. |
| Present Day | I am a cisgender, bisexual, gender-nonconforming woman. I have no regrets about not transitioning medically. |
Top Comments by /u/otsanafae:
If you go to a subreddit like that and say "YOU'LL DEFINITELY REGRET IT! It's not real!" I could see why they'd get mad but I don't get why telling your story as a cautionary tale makes them so mad. And how they act like you were "never trans."
When I ask people why they're trans it's always just a "feeling" they say you follow. A voice in your head, a sense of being. They say stuff like, "Well if you could push a button and change your sex, would you hesitate?" That's the kind of advice they tell everyone there.
But they rule out the possibility that this feeling might change.
It doesn't matter if you followed that feeling, went through all the same dysphoria, felt suicidal while dysphoric, or if you spent 3, 7, or 10 years transitioned or identifying as trans.
Once you detransition you were never trans, and your advice doesn't matter. Your dysphoria was just not valid, and your ways of combating it aren't valid. They only believe in validating everyone's dysphoria or lack of in that sub, because they're so afraid of gatekeeping and anything else is transphobia. I get that pure gatekeeping is bad, but isn't pure affirmation just as bad?
How does that make sense?
Anyway if it gives you pain to explain your story and they don't respect it, you're right to distance yourself from subs like that. Hopefully the individuals struggling with their identity will realize as you said the multiple sides of the coin -- that dysphoria is a complicated symptom of many different possible sources and there are different ways to treat it that aren't the same for everyone.
I never detransitioned, I desisted(?) I think is the term...(~10yrs ago) Oh, I'm a woman.
So disclaimer: not pretending to be trans and invalidate any trans person reading. But I seriously considered I could be a transman at that point, so maybe this could help someone understand general dysphoria. This isn't everything related to the dysphoria I had but:
I had a really high sex drive... watched porn, read erotica, fan fiction, doujinshi, kinda everything non stop. When I hit puberty I was aroused by women way more easily but... (Hopefully nothing's too tmi here?) I couldn't orgasm... didn't enjoy penetration... felt like girls were faking it in porn. Especially anal. Couldn't figure my clit out.. even with the vibrator I got. Basically my own body was frustrating. Back then didn't understand the bliss of being eaten out. (The only way I can cum to this day)
There was something about straight relationships that was really off too me. I have a million theories at this point... Think it was a mixture of what media I was consuming (girls were always damsels in distress) The fact that a lot of the first porn I stumbled across was creepy af ( I started out with hentai in hopes that if my parents came by they'd think it was a cartoon) Lol I was dumb.
Since I thought girls were faking it...I got pretty into yaoi... became a fujoshi. Then mlm porn...mlm erotica.. Definitely had some penis envy plus just.. the stories felt heartwarming without the gender imbalance of straight relationships bs.
Now I'm a bisexual woman that has had a fair share of both sides and enjoys both and knows that female orgasms are real and way more amazing.
This is all super emarrassing but I keep seeing everyone talking about how MtF are all about fetishes and FtM are just switching because trauma and internal misogny, but even though a looooooot of it was internal misogny for me too, and being gnc, etc I think it's unfair to pretend there's not a bit of both on both sides.. that women can't fetishize too...
You don't relate to womanhood? Where? Which era? What women?
Do you hate make-up?
Men used make up in ancient Egypt to show status.
Because you like having a moustache?
Ainu woman would tattoo moustaches on themselves.
Because you don't care for Disney Princesses?
I have straight guy friends who have every Disney song memorized.
Because you're "mathy"?
I took calculus in high school and took up to calc 4 in college for my engineering degree without a problem. Loved math. The top student in my calc 4 class was a girl, I had a friend who took Calc 2 in high school who was a girl.
Because you're a gamer?
I've been playing every generation of games since the NES came out, despite having to beg my parents to buy me consoles they would buy my brothers instead. I built my own gaming computer that's VR compatible.
Because of the music you listen to?
I listen to more variants of metal than most people know exist.
Because you don't like girly clothes?
I don't use a purse, don't own a dress, and just wear what I want.
None of these things define womanhood. It's called "TERF-y" to "reduce woman to their genitals," but on the contrary. I'm saying there's a million ways to be a woman, and it's sexist to say you have to fit in whatever is the norm in 2019 where you are to qualify as a woman.
That there is my only problem with the whole thing. I'm all for being yourself, dressing however you want, adopting whatever stereotypes you feel comfortable with, hell, I'm all for everyone injecting hormones and going through all that cosmetic shit if that makes them happy, but don't define my womanhood for me.
It's annoying enough the way media completely underrepresents half the population to define womanhood. Ten out of 14 Pixar movies fail the simple test of, "A named female character talks to another named female character about something other than a man." I think Detective Pikachu passed that test only because at one point a reporter asked the female lead for a coffee... Of course I didn't relate to female characters in fantasy and sci-fi and shonen media I read growing up. They practically don't exist and are just there to support men. Halflings make a bigger difference to middle earth than a full sized female character of any type. See: https://annenberg.usc.edu/sites/default/files/Dr_Stacy_L_Smith-Inequality_in_900_Popular_Films.pdf
Now the left, which I've always sided with when it comes to social justice, is going back to regressive stereotyping too.
It's why I thought I was trans when I was a teenager but luckily desisted when I realized I honestly don't care what society thinks of me or whether I match my "gender," to their belief.
Tl;dr I don't care what trans people do, but yes, I treat all the gender stereotyping I hear all that time from the trans community as delusion, and their definition of womanhood.
You literally couldn't be a female surgeon back then. Does that help you understand?
Honestly teach yourself more about gender and you'll understand better
I'm a cis woman who grew up gender non conforming -- I don't own a single dress, my mom would yell at me when I was younger because I would use a wallet instead of purse, it took me 26 years to realize I was comfortable wearing skirts every now and then. Honestly met many men more in touch with their feminine side. Honestly just do you, stop caring about what society thinks about it or what it means to your "gender identity." I went to a large college where I met people of all backgrounds who had "different gender expressions," aka personalities. All these things like wearing feminine clothes are just dumb stereotypes. Do what makes you happy.
I think it is ironic though that a lot of transmen love yaoi and transwomen love CGDCT anime when yaoi is targeted towards women in Japan and a ton of CGDCT (cute girls doing cute things) is seinen (for men 20yrs+) but ends up being watched by girls here because well.. those shows are considered girly here. Kind of like how MLP in the US has a huge brony following. More reason not to care about stereotypes...
Some languages don't have gender distinction of pronouns... or barely use pronouns. But alas.. English sucks :/ And romance languages are worse lol.
I agree about that whole list tidbit though. It'd be nice if people cared less about gender and passing and instead gender expression was just whatever you want it to be. I'm in a liberal city and I do in fact see people who seem brave enough to just unapologetically be themselves. There's a flower shop here with a person who looks AMAB with a full beard and all that wears long dresses, a game shop here where I've seen another person who looks AMAB and doesn't try to raise their voice to sound feminine but wears make up and skirts with leggings underneath. It seems big cities in general are easier for individual expression because there's so many different types of people.
Anyway I wish you luck in being yourself in a judgemental world...
Sincerely,
- a cis person who hates gender too