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Reddit user /u/ourladyofakita's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 13 -> Detransitioned: 17
female
internalised homophobia
took hormones
regrets transitioning
serious health complications
now infertile
retransition
homosexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic persona.

The user's story is highly detailed, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent over several years. They describe specific, long-term physical and psychological effects of testosterone, complex personal realizations about sexuality and identity, and the evolving, non-linear nature of their detransition. The language is personal and reflective, not scripted. The passion and occasional anger align with the expected perspective of someone who has experienced harm.

About me

I started identifying as a trans man at 13 and was on testosterone for a year and a half before a deep feeling told me to stop, which left me completely lost. After years of switching identities, I realized I was just trying to find a feeling that doesn't exist and had to accept that I am, and always will be, female. A huge part of my healing was understanding that I am a lesbian, and it's okay to be attracted to my own sex. Testosterone caused me permanent health problems, from incontinence to the inability to orgasm, which are my biggest regrets. I now live as a butch woman, embracing my deeper voice and not shaving, even though people stare, because I won't change myself to fit a standard I don't believe in.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender has been long and complicated. I started identifying as a trans man when I was 13 years old. I was on testosterone for about a year and a half, from when I was 16 until I was 17. I stopped suddenly because I just had this deep feeling that I needed to. I had my hormone blocker implant taken out and quit T, but I was completely lost. I didn't know who I was anymore.

For about three years after that, I was stuck in what felt like identity limbo. I kept switching back and forth between different identities, trying to find one that fit. I'd ask my trans male friends what it felt like to be a man, and their answers never made sense to me. I slowly came to realize that nobody really knows what it "feels" like to be a man or a woman; you just are. I had to accept that I am, and always will be, female. No amount of surgery or hormones could ever change that basic fact about me.

A huge part of my struggle was coming to terms with my sexuality. Growing up in online trans spaces, I was never exposed to the idea that homosexuality was okay. I am almost solely attracted to trans men and very masculine women. In the spaces I was in, being attracted to a trans man meant you were straight, which meant I couldn't be a lesbian. It was incredibly freeing to finally understand that I am a lesbian, and it's okay to be attracted to my own sex. I am only attracted to females and always have been. Even though I know this, I still feel a deep sense of shame about my attraction to women and often try to pretend it's not a part of me.

I am a very butch woman. I don't wear dresses or makeup. After I detransitioned, I did go through a short phase where I felt excited to be "allowed" to do feminine things again, but that didn't last. I've settled into being gender non-conforming. I have a deeper voice from testosterone and I refuse to shave my facial hair. People stare at me in public because they don't know what box to put me in, and I'm often read as male. But I've learned to embrace my voice and my appearance. I'm not going to change myself to fit a standard of femininity I don't agree with.

My medical transition has left me with serious and permanent health complications. Testosterone wrecked my health. I have pelvic floor problems that cause me to leak urine when I cough or laugh. I have extreme heat intolerance; I overheat in normal room temperatures. My menstrual cycle became completely irregular, with periods that would last for weeks. The most devastating effect is that I can no longer orgasm. This started when I was 17, directly because of testosterone. It caused my clitoris to grow, but the nerves didn't develop properly, so there isn't enough feeling. I also had to completely relearn how to sing because my vocal cords were so strained.

I also changed my name. I originally went back to my birth name after detransitioning, but it never felt right. After a few years, I legally changed it to a new name that is similar to my birth name in sound and meaning.

I do have regrets about my transition, mainly because of the permanent health problems it caused me. I feel a lot of guilt, especially because so many of my friends in high school also transitioned. Four out of five of my friends were trans, and two have since had double mastectomies. I wonder if my own journey influenced them, even though I know it was ultimately their choice.

My thoughts on gender now are simple: I am a woman. I don't "feel" like a woman because it's not a feeling. It's just the reality of my body. I had to realize that returning to womanhood was possible, even for someone like me who passes as male. It's not an all-or-nothing thing. My advice to anyone questioning is to take it slow. You can stop testosterone without making a big announcement. You don't have to have everything figured out right away.

Age Year Event
13 ~2012 Started identifying as a trans man.
16 ~2015 Started testosterone.
17 ~2016 Stopped testosterone and had hormone blocker removed. Medically detransitioned.
17-20 2016-2019 Period of "identity limbo," switching between identities.
20 ~2019 Came to accept myself as a female and a lesbian.
20+ 2019+ Legally changed my name to one similar to my birth name.
Present 2025 Living as a gender non-conforming (butch) woman with permanent health issues from testosterone.

Top Comments by /u/ourladyofakita:

11 comments • Posting since November 9, 2021
Reddit user ourladyofakita (detrans female) explains that womanhood isn't a feeling but a reality, and advises prioritizing self-loyalty over community expectations.
53 pointsAug 9, 2023
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you dont need to know everything now. no one feels like a girl/woman because its not a feeling. its just the reality for half of all humans. if people say you turned your back on the community, thats their thing to deal with and isnt your problem. you owe no one loyalty besides yourself.

Reddit user ourladyofakita (detrans female) explains the severe and lasting health consequences she experienced from testosterone, including incontinence, heat intolerance, prolonged bleeding, permanent clitoral numbness preventing orgasm, social challenges from androgyny, and vocal cord damage.
32 pointsFeb 1, 2025
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I am a detrans woman, I was on T for about 2 years collectively in 2016-2018 and also several months in 2020. It has absolutely wrecked my health and daily functioning. I have a lot of pelvic floor problems, pretty much every time I cough or laugh some urine escapes. Testosterone caused me to have extreme heat intolerance that I still struggle with today (It was 40F/4C outside the other day and I was overheating at work because the inside was heated to a normal temperature for most people on that kind of day. I felt like I was going to pass out). When I went off testosterone I had “periods” that were 3-9 weeks straight of bleeding vaginally every 2-6 months.

I also cannot orgasm. I haven’t been able to orgasm since I was 17. Directly because of testosterone. It caused my clitoris to grow but the nerves did not. It does not have enough feeling to achieve orgasm any longer.

Also… being androgynous isn’t all it’s cracked out to be. People stare at me, and are confused and uncomfortable around me because they don’t know what box to put me in. Much of this is most likely because I refuse to shave my facial hair, and permanent hair removal is expensive and painful and no joke.

Also on the voice front, I had to entirely relearn how to sing after I stopped T. My vocal cords were so strained I would vomit while practicing singing.

Reddit user ourladyofakita (detrans female) explains why many female detransitioners initially embrace femininity after transition, then often return to being gender non-conforming.
28 pointsMay 25, 2025
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I think a lot of (female) detransitioners go through a period of being really excited to feel “allowed” (a self imposed restriction) to do gender conforming things again after avoiding them for so long cause of the desire to pass. That certainly happened to me and I observed it in other detransitioners I know. I detransitioned 7 years ago, and at this point Ive become much more GNC again. I agree with you though that it sometimes feels a bit alarming to see. I also think for whatever reason a lot of us GNC/masc female detransitioners are much more reluctant to post pictures on this subreddit. In person Ive met many more GNC detrans women, like I’m the most feminine of us. Though also every detrans woman Ive met irl is also a lesbian cause I met them through lesbian groups.

Reddit user ourladyofakita (detrans female) explains her journey from identifying as a trans man at 13 to detransitioning, her struggle with identity, and her realization that she is a homosexual butch lesbian attracted to females, including trans men.
15 pointsNov 9, 2021
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A lot of this I could have written myself. I feel very similarly to you in so many ways. I had identified as a trans man since I was 13, I first medically detransitioned when I was 17 after being on T for about a year and a half. It’s really difficult for me to explain why I felt I needed to then, it was at the time too. I just all of a sudden realized I needed to stop. So I stopped taking testosterone and had my hormone blocker implant removed, but I didn’t have any idea who I was. I went through long periods of rapidly switching back and forth between identities. I would ask my trans men friends what it felt like for them to be a man, and none of them ever had good answers. Or at least answers that I understood and helped me figure out who I was. It’s really an undefinable thing, what it feels like to be a man or a woman. And I think thats because no knows what it feels like to be a man or a woman, you just are. I was lost in identity limbo for 3 years, before I started to really figure things out. I had to realize that nothing could make me not female. Nothing I could do could change that basic truth. Even if I had gotten a full mastectomy instead of just a breast reduction, if I had phalloplasty, ab implants, facial masculinization surgery, and staying on T for the rest of my life, none of that would change that I am female.

And this will sound kind of unbelievable, but because of how I had grown up in online trans spaces, I didn’t know that homosexuality was a real thing, or at least that it had a name and that it was okay for me to be one. I am almost solely attracted to trans men and very masculine women. But in the trans spaces I had been in, attraction to trans men meant attraction to men, which meant you couldn’t be a lesbian. Which really makes no sense. It was so freeing for me to learn that I can be a lesbian while dating trans men, because that’s what I am. I am only attracted to females, and always have been just attracted to my own sex. I definitely understand how it can seem like many detrans women go the other direction really strongly and start wearing dresses and makeup, but that doesn’t mean you have to. I definitely don’t, I’m very very butch.

It’s still really difficult for me sometimes, but I am a woman, and I always have been and I always will be. Though often times in my head or talking with friends who know I am detrans I’ll still call myself a man or guy or whatever. I really understand what you mean though about not feeling like you’re a trans man or ftm. Like I’m just me. I can’t tell you who you are, but I completely understand and empathize with so much you described. Even still I feel deeply ashamed of my attraction to women, I don’t like to talk about it, and I pretend it’s not a part of who I am. But I know it’s a biological fact that I was born a homosexual even if I’d prefer to just avoid it. Anyway I hope at least some of this is helpful to you, and feel free to message me or reply back with any questions or comments you have. I know it can feel really really isolating to have these kinds of experiences, but lots of other people experience similar things and understand you even if they’re not located near you.

Reddit user ourladyofakita (detrans female) comments on the social influence of transitioning, explaining her guilt after four of her five high school friends also identified as trans, with two undergoing elective double mastectomies.
14 pointsJan 22, 2025
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i know exactly how you feel, i started high school trans and had detransitioned by the end of it but by hs graduation 4/5 of my friends were trans. two have had elective double mastectomies by now. i feel so much guilt over it, but as other commenters have said- it’s very likely they would have made that choice anyway, sadly,

Reddit user ourladyofakita (detrans female) advises a gradual approach to detransitioning, suggesting framing it as a personal gender journey rather than a public announcement.
9 pointsAug 9, 2023
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you can take it as slow as you want. it doesnt have to be a big announcement to everyone “btw i changed my mind and i am a girl, please call me (name and pronouns) instead”.

but with your friends what if you said you just learned more about yourself and it’s just part of your gender journey? like, if you used similar language about it as people talk about transitioning it might go over better than being really open about detransitioning. best of luck to you though ik its really difficult

Reddit user ourladyofakita (detrans female) explains why she has embraced her naturally deep voice and refuses to change it to meet societal standards of femininity.
5 pointsAug 7, 2024
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society doesnt have room for women with deeper voices now… but we can make that room! ive embraced my voice. sure maybe i could change it through training but why? to fulfill a standard of femininity that i dont agree with and never have? yeah i get treated differently and read as a male sometimes but i just woman up and carry on

Reddit user ourladyofakita (detrans female) explains why she chose a new name after detransition that was similar in sound, spelling, and meaning to her original birth name.
4 pointsFeb 3, 2022
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I originally went back to my birth name after detransitioning, but it still made me uncomfortable. I put up with it for a few years knowing I would eventually change it and when I did the new name I decided on is a name similar to my birth name in the way it sounds and is spelled and has a similar meaning to the reasons why my parents named me what they did.

Reddit user ourladyofakita (detrans female) explains that body hair growth from testosterone is likely permanent, sharing that hers did not thin or stop growing even 4 years after stopping a 2-year T regimen.
4 pointsJan 10, 2024
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I can’t promise or guarantee the extra hair will get less thick/return to what it was before. I don’t want to give you false hope, because it likely could not change. I was on T for nearly 2 years, and I last took some 4 years ago, and my hair never thinned/stopped growing in certain places. The only appearance change I can say is reversible is fat redistribution

Reddit user ourladyofakita (detrans female) advises a gradual approach to detransition, suggesting to first stop testosterone without immediately announcing a social detransition.
3 pointsApr 5, 2025
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I dont know if this would help/make a difference but you could try ceasing testosterone for a period of time but changing nothing else, stop that part but don’t immediately tell everyone you are detransitioning and now see yourself as a woman. You don’t have to know everything right away. I know how you feel though about feeling like “returning to womanhood” is an impossibility because of passing as male easily. I’m not going to tell you that it’s easy, I detransitioned more than 5 years ago and people often stare at me in public (more than they did when I was FTM but also now I don’t bind and have a noticeable chest and a beard and mostly wear clothing from the womens section) and there’s other struggles too. But it is possible. I didn’t believe anyone would see me as a woman again but even with my beard and height people do get it right sometimes.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.