This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's perspective is complex, nuanced, and deeply personal, which is difficult to fabricate consistently. Key indicators of authenticity include:
- Personal Narrative: They share specific, evolving details about their own life, including struggles with mental health, PMDD, a mother with dementia, and a history of gender dysphoria that lessened with age and antidepressants.
- Internal Consistency: The views are consistent over time, focusing on the idea that transition isn't the only solution for everyone, without denying it helps others.
- Appropriate Emotion: The tone matches the expected passion and frustration of someone who feels harmed by simplistic "transition-as-only-option" rhetoric, while still expressing empathy for others.
This reads as a genuine account of a desister.
About me
I was born female and my deep discomfort started with the physical pain of endometriosis and the depression that followed. I thought becoming a man would free me from this pain and the trauma I associated with being a woman. My dysphoria faded as my mental health improved with antidepressants and my perspective on womanhood changed while caring for my sick mother. I realized my feelings were more about my other struggles and not something that required medical transition. I’m now in my forties, focused on my health, and finally at peace with myself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s taken me a long time to understand my own feelings. I was born female, and for a large part of my life, I felt a deep discomfort with that. I hated my body, especially my breasts and the functions that came with being female, like having periods. I developed endometriosis and PMDD, which led to IBS and severe depression, and that depression then created a lot of anxiety. I felt like my body was a source of constant pain and betrayal.
I remember looking at my life and thinking that if I had just been born a man, so many of my problems wouldn't exist. I wouldn't have had to deal with the physical pain, and I also believed that I would have been more confident in the world. I felt that sex and dating as a woman was fraught with manipulation because of patriarchy and rape culture, and I carried a lot of trauma from those experiences. I thought being a man would have been an escape from all of that.
For a while, I really believed I might be trans. I had strong dysphoria and was very depressed. I started reading stories online from people who transitioned and seemed so happy, and I wondered if that was the answer for me too. I even asked my OB/GYN about getting a double mastectomy once, just saying I wanted one without mentioning gender. She told me no doctor with any integrity would perform that surgery without a necessary medical reason because of the risks involved. That made me pause.
I also struggled with my self-image and how society places so much value on appearances. I have always had low self-esteem, and I think I got my self-worth mixed up with how I thought I should look. I wondered if transitioning would fix that feeling of being wrong in my own skin.
But I also had a lot of other mental health issues—loneliness, sadness, depression—that I knew weren't related to gender. I had a feeling that transitioning wouldn't make those underlying feelings go away. It wouldn't be a magic fix. I started taking antidepressants, and my mental health improved, very slowly. It made me realize that a lot of my dysphoria was tangled up with my depression.
My perspective on womanhood also began to change as I got older. I’m nearly 40 now. I went through a period of caring for my mother who has dementia, and it showed me something incredible. The caregivers who came to help were all women, and they showed so much compassion. My dad and my brother weren't nearly as involved. An older female coworker once told me that when it really matters, like taking care of a sick loved one, men often leave it to the women, and she was right. It made me realize how amazing women are and the unique strength they have. I started to repair my relationship with my own mother, and that helped me feel more connected to being a woman.
I also realized that a lot of my feeling of being "different" from other girls probably had more to do with me being neurodivergent and bisexual than anything inherently wrong with me being female. I felt isolated and confused, and I think I latched onto the idea of being trans because it offered an explanation. The online rhetoric I saw was very persuasive—that if you think your life would be better as another gender, then you must be trans. But for me, that feeling eventually faded. I came to see that there are so many ways to be a woman, and I don't have to fit a specific feminine stereotype.
I never ended up taking hormones or having any surgery. I'm glad I didn't. For me, medicalizing those psychological feelings wouldn't have been the right path. My dysphoria wasn't something that needed to be treated with transition; it was something that improved with time, therapy, antidepressants, and self-acceptance. I don’t believe in masculinity or femininity as real things that exist in nature anymore; they’re just concepts we made up. Now, I’m more concerned with my health and survival than with any label.
I don’t regret not transitioning. I feel like I dodged a bullet. I know transitioning helps a lot of people, and I would never tell someone else what to do with their body. But the common idea that dysphoria can only be treated by transitioning is just not true in every case. For me, it wasn't.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Teen Years | Experienced severe puberty discomfort, hated developing breasts and getting periods. |
| 20s | Developed endometriosis, PMDD, IBS, depression, and anxiety. Felt life would be better if born male. |
| Late 30s | Seriously questioned my gender, researched transition, and spoke to a doctor about top surgery. |
| 38 | Began taking antidepressants; mental health and dysphoria slowly improved. |
| 39 | Cared for my mother with dementia; gained a new perspective on womanhood and strength. |
| 39-40 | Repaired relationship with my mother; accepted myself as a woman and abandoned the idea of transition. |
| 40 (Now) | Focused on health and acceptance; no longer believe transition was the right path for me. |
Top Comments by /u/pandaappleblossom:
I asked my ob/gyn if she could sign me up somehow for a double masectomy and she said no doctor with any integrity would do that because its risk that isn't necessary. I didn't mention gender, I just said I wanted one, and she told me i could die on the operating table, there are just all these risks and no doctor with integrity would just do that willy nilly.
I’m not right wing. I’m just someone who thought they were trans masc and then was like fuck it, I don’t want to medicalize this psychological feeling and the feeling eventually became like whatevs. For me there is no politics at all. I don’t care what other people do. I just know that I am at least one case where either my dysphoria wasn’t bad enough or whatever, but where dysphoria didn’t need to be treated with transition for me as the only resort, so I guess I feel the rhetoric that it can ‘only’ be treated by transitioning to be untrue at least in some cases.
Yes! It’s very common! Not all gay men who feel that way end up transitioning but plenty of them feel that way. I have several gay male friends who wish they could have joined Girl Scouts instead of Boy Scouts for example, or who dressed in ‘drag’ as little kids, emulating Mary Poppins or something, and for parties or celebrations will wear make up.
Curious what you mean by this, sexuality can be proven because you literally get turned on by whatever your sexuality is and they can prove it with brain scans and sweat testing and heart rate and genital arousal and stuff when exposed to certain imagery. Currently there is no such proof when it comes to being trans, other than people saying they are happier after transitioning and depressed before transitioning/what is called dysphoria or euphoria… is that what you are referring to? Or am I misunderstanding completely
I don’t even believe in masculinity or femininity at this point other than something a person may personally choose to attribute to themselves as an adjective to describe themselves or something… I don’t think these concepts even exist in nature really other than the male of a species may dance around or something to impress a mate, but that kind of thing is actually an action, a behavior and not a quality anyway
‘Look how everyone treats her!’ Real life women don’t get treated so well very very very often. I feel like this misconception about being treated a certain ‘womanly’ way might be worth looking into further, including that you are judging how women and men exist in real life based on video games, (even if just a little) and thinking about living your life based on the characters (video games and characters that are usually designed by teams of mostly men btw, often lots of stereotypes and male gaze and unreasonably perfect/quirky female characters). I don’t have good advice though, other than this. Maybe think about how often you have thoughts like this (that women have it better based on how they are treated. That is a common men’s rights activist take). Also if there are certain things you like to do or what, how you like to behave or who you like to date, you can do them. I’m just trying to say you don’t have to fulfill traditional male gender roles. You literally don’t. I just want you to remember that. Society loves boxes and loves to make us feel like we need to live a certain way. Even if you want a partner to do something traditionally for a woman like buy you flowers, that kind of dynamic, it’s all still available to you. But I’m sorry you are frustrated. Also, loads of people transition later than you in life, even late in life. It doesn’t have to be permanent if you again change your mind one day. But Being unsure is valid and your feelings should be addressed. My advice isn’t very good though and I’m sorry for that. Good luck to you! I will say that for me, those triggers you speak of where you think ‘what if’, went away as more time passed and I accepted it. Not everyone’s experience is the same obviously but that’s just how it was for me.
I have realized the older I get just how amazing women are. It took a while. My mom has dementia and I’ve realized how childish my dad is, and also how amazing the caregivers are who come by to help us, and they are all women. My brother has also been all but completely useless. When I was working my older female coworker told me that I was going to feel like I’m on my own because men are terrible, and she really meant it. I know people may view that as misandrist but what she meant was when it comes to times that are important, like taking care of a loved one who has dementia or is sick, men are more likely to leave everything up to female family members or to just dip out completely. So statistically, women have more compassion, which is a hugely incredible, absolutely incredible thing.
Omg the amount of times I’ve vented about hating being born a woman or girl and then being told it’s because I’m actually trans and need to transition. Not everyone does it but a lot. Like even on Reddit on the suicide watch for example there are girls and women posting a lot saying being born female ruined their life and is disgusting (periods, everything, pregnancy, etc), and then there are so many comments saying they could be trans and they should explore these feelings
for me it took some time. I used to not be able to imagine myself growing old as a woman, I would picture myself as an old man. However as I have gotten older I am less concerned with what I picture, and am living more in the moment. I have also somewhat repaired the relationship I had with my mother and this also helped because before I felt like I didn't relate to the most important woman in my life, my mom. I also felt like I didn't relate to the sexual orientation of most women (which is straight) and that played into it. I also felt like I couldn't 'keep up' with what women seemed to be doing, which is just stereotypes and gender expression really. Now I'm less comfortable with the term 'cis' than 'woman' because I feel like cis is a term that was thrusted upon me and doesn't really capture how I feel. So then I started saying 'non binary woman' but that feels weird too. So honestly I'm just more concerned with my health and survival than whatever words people say I should attach myself to.
I’ve never understood this logic. A chromosomal or intersex condition is an abnormality. Some humans have extra toes too, or anything really. It just seems so obviously bad faith. So does the argument about brains or bio women having hysterectomies still being women. The genuine argument I’ve seen is that people who are happier transitioning are happier transitioning. That is something that can’t be disproven, you literally can’t tell someone they are not happy doing something when they say they are, it’s a personal experience. I don’t understand why people don’t just stick to that argument.