This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The comments demonstrate:
- A consistent, nuanced, and evolving personal narrative about struggling with gender identity, internalized misogyny, and finding peace as a gender-nonconforming woman.
- Emotional depth and vulnerability, including sharing personal dreams and specific insecurities.
- Engagement with other users in a supportive, conversational manner, including asking a technical question about user flair.
- A logical and passionate critique of gender ideology that is consistent with many genuine desisters' perspectives.
The user identifies as a desister (questioned transition but did not medically transition) and their expressed views and experiences align with that identity.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort started from not fitting in with feminine expectations. I spent years wanting to be male to escape feeling weak and the pressures placed on women. I realized my desire to transition was fueled by internalized misogyny, not by a true need for a male body. I now understand I can be a woman without conforming to any stereotypes. I am finally learning to feel okay in my own skin, just as I am.
My detransition story
Of course. Here is a summary of my experience, based on my own comments.
My whole journey with gender started with a deep discomfort. I was born female, but I never felt like I fit in with the expectations for girls and women. For a long time, I wished I had been born a boy. All my role models were male, my favorite characters were male, and most of the music I loved was made by men. I felt more comfortable presenting in a masculine way, wearing men's clothes, and rejecting feminine stereotypes.
A huge part of my struggle was grappling with my sexuality. I am attracted to men, but I felt a lot of confusion because of the message I saw everywhere: that you can't be a masculine woman and also be attractive to men. I thought it was very unlikely a man would be interested in someone like me, which made me question everything about myself. This led to a lot of isolation and low self-esteem.
I also had a lot of anger and sadness about how women are treated. I hated the constant sexualization of women in media; it made me feel gross and inferior. I noticed how women are often seen as weak or unequal, and it bothered me deeply. I even had a recurring dream where I was punching a wall as hard as I could but it never broke, which left me feeling weak and hopeless. I think I started to believe that being female meant being weak, and I thought that if I were male, I wouldn't struggle with these feelings of inadequacy.
For about three years, I seriously considered transitioning. I thought about taking testosterone and identifying as a man or as nonbinary. Identifying as nonbinary felt like an "out"—a way to escape being perceived as female. It was a tempting idea because it felt like a label that would explain why I didn't fit in.
But over time, I started to dig deeper. I realized that my desire to transition wasn't really about having a male body. It was about my own internalized misogyny. I had held this subconscious belief that women are inferior, and I was trying to distance myself from that. I was trying to escape the negative stereotypes placed on women by trying to become something else. I came to understand that my problems were internal and couldn't be solved by an external change like transitioning. They required internal work on my self-esteem and my beliefs.
I also started to see how the concept of being nonbinary can actually enforce gender stereotypes. The idea that if you don't act like a "typical" woman, you must not be a woman, discourages people from just being gender nonconforming. I decided that I wanted to be part of making the world more diverse by being a woman who doesn't conform, rather than by adopting a new label. I realized I can just exist in my female body and act however I want, wear whatever I want. There is no one way to be a woman.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. My transition was entirely social and internal, and my detransition was about changing my mindset. I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to these important realizations about myself. I am now focused on healing and undoing the internalized misogyny that caused me so much pain. I'm learning that being female doesn't mean being weak, and that both sexes have their own strengths. I'm finally trying to feel okay in my own body, just as I am.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Teenage Years | Started feeling deep discomfort with female gender roles and stereotypes. Began wishing I was born male. |
| Around 20 years old | Started seriously questioning my gender identity. Explored identifying as a trans man or as nonbinary. This period lasted for about 3 years. |
| 23 years old | Began to realize my feelings were linked to internalized misogyny and a desire to escape sexism. Started to reject the idea that I needed to transition. |
| Present Day (24 years old) | Now identify as a gender nonconforming woman. Focused on internal work to build self-esteem and overcome the belief that female = weak. |
Top Comments by /u/pelican_dreams:
I feel like if we were truly progressing as a society, it wouldn't be seen as wrong for a man to just wear acrylics and still be considered a man. Not less of a man, or a trans woman, or an egg, but just a man who likes acrylics. And there's nothing wrong with being a man who likes acrylics or anything else that our society considers as for women only.
I agree 100%. For a while I considered identifying as nonbinary but kept questioning if that was really necessary, and came to the conclusion that I just liked the label because it was an 'out.' It was an out from people perceiving me as female, instead I could be "neither male or female." But this isn't even realistic, because I will always be female and no amount of surgeries or hormones or opposite sex clothes can change that....
Digging deeper I realized I didn't want to be perceived as female because I had trauma and internalized misogyny. At this point I'm still gender nonconforming but recognize I'm a woman and nothing can change that, and there's nothing wrong with not conforming to gender norms/stereotypes.
The nonbinary identity enforces gender stereotypes and norms because if you deviate from the norms of your birth gender you are told "ohhh you must ACTUALLY BE (insert opposite gender) or nonbinary." And that basically alienates you more because you are told you must be the opposite gender or neither gender instead of just being taught to accept yourself the way you are. The nonbinary identity discourages people from being gender nonconforming and identifying with their birth sex. I think if all people who are gender nonconforming identify with their birth sex instead of as nonbinary, this world would be a lot more diverse. Conformity leads to a homogenous society, and nonconformity leads to a diverse society, and i think everyone would benefit from a diverse society, with diverse thought and diverse perspectives. I hope this all makes sense it's kind of a brain dump.
Men are not inherently oppressive, it's only socialization that pushes boys into this role who later become oppressive men. You can still be a man and not be oppressive. Having a male body does not inherently make you oppressive. I think it's important to have males in society who recognize that some men are sometimes awful, and can be a man who is not awful.
I think sometimes wanting to be the opposite gender is a way of trying to distance yourself from the negative stereotypes placed on your birth sex. But if you remove these stereotypes and conduct yourself in a way that you really want to be, regardless of whether or not it fits into your birth sex's stereotype, you may be a little bit more at ease.
I am starting to think I am just a gender nonconforming woman. I am undoing my internalized misogyny but I still feel most comfortable in men's clothes, even though I feel weird and like everyone is judging me when i walk into the men's section, I have to do what makes me happy.
If you live as a feminine man you will not be a "freak." Yes, some people will think it's weird, but if they don't want to even get to know you solely on the basis that you're a feminine man, then you would have dodged a bullet because clearly that person doesn't try to see your true character. Men exhibiting any form of femininity is not "freakish," it is just a different way to be a man. There is no one way to be a man. You can just exist in a male body and act however you want or wear whatever you want.
Whatever you decide, i wish you the best 💜
Yes, 1000x yes. I'm afab but have always felt more comfortable presenting masc, and as OP said, all my role models are male and so are my favorite characters, most of the music i like is made by men, etc. But i am also attracted to men (I've questioned my sexuality for a long time but i am attracted to men in some capacity) and because of this message that you can't be masculine and a woman, i question myself sooo much.
And with so many ftms and women who identify as nonbinary, with that becoming more normal than just being a masculine woman, future generations will also receive this message that you can't be masculine and a woman, and face the same problems and this becomes like a cycle....
It makes me sad too, its taken me a while to realize there's no one way to be a woman. It is also kind of isolating because as you have said it's hard to find other women who are more masculine and are attracted to men. This is partly why i question my sexuality so much...because it's very unlikely that a man who is attracted to women would be interested in a masculine woman.
Also i didn't know there were straight women that do that. That's very disappointing :(
And oh my gosh I'm thrilled you mentioned Amber Liu! I love her!! Not gonna lie i don't really keep up with her anymore mainly because i used to see her posts on Instagram but i deleted Instagram so yeah. But i found her a few years ago and i remember being so happy that i found a masculine female koop artist lol.
Are you me? I have had a similar upbringing. I never started hrt but i spent so much time just wishing i had been born a boy. I've recently realized my own internalized misogyny. I basically held this belief that women are inferior and weak so I'm in the process of trying to shatter this belief and prove it wrong. I wish you the best of luck in your healing journey, you deserve nothing but peace 💜
Thank you for your detailed response. I relate a lot. I don't think i will transition but i have constantly questioned my gender for a long time now and just want to feel okay in my body at this point. I find myself also feeling weak and inadequate a lot...i even have this repetitive dream that I'm punching a wall as hard as i can but it never breaks and it makes me feel weak and hopeless. I also can't help but notice the constant sexualization of women in media and it makes me feel so bad and gross. I feel like women are constantly being looked at in sexual ways or looked at as inferior and unequal and it just bothers me so much. Again, thanks for your reply. I like what you said, I will have to keep reminding myself that I'm not inferior to the males around me and that both sexes have advantages and disadvantages.
Sorry if this is a dumb question but how did you get your flair? I feel like that flair would be more accurate to describe my situation but i don't see it when i go to the flair menu thing, I'm also on mobile so maybe that has something to do with it???
Feel free to dm me! I never started T but wrestled with the desire to transition for 3 years before finally coming to the conclusion that transitioning wouldn't help me with my mental health. My problems could only be solved from internal work, not something external. I remember when I was going through the thick of it I wished I'd had some social support too, it can be very difficult to go through it all alone. My best wishes to you.
I relate to this a lot. I never transitioned but to this day i still struggle with the thoughts that i can't be strong or powerful or assertive or confident as a female. And to this day i dislike my squishy non muscular body. I think it has a lot to do with my already existing insecurities and anxieties. And in my mind if I was male i wouldn't struggle with feeling weak or very insecure. How do you get past the feelings of being female = being weak?