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Reddit user /u/pepperoniPeople33's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 23
female
low self-esteem
took hormones
regrets transitioning
trauma
depression
puberty discomfort
benefited from psychedelic drugs
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account "pepperoniPeople33" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.

The comments display a consistent, deeply personal narrative of detransitioning, including specific emotional struggles, physical changes, and social experiences. The user shares unique personal history, offers nuanced advice, and engages in complex discussions that reflect a real, lived experience. The passion and anger present are consistent with the stated harm and stigma faced by detransitioners.

About me

I was born female and was fine with it until puberty, when I developed a deep discomfort with my body and dangerously low self-esteem. I transitioned to male at 16, believing it was the answer, but I never truly fit in and always felt like an outsider among men. After a psychedelic experience and confronting past sexual abuse, I realized I had misinterpreted my trauma and PTSD as a need to transition. I stopped testosterone years before I found the courage to slowly present as a woman again, which was a terrifying but necessary process. Now, I am detransitioning, finding peace in accepting myself as a woman and focusing on healing my real issues.

My detransition story

My whole journey with transition and detransition was messy and complicated, and it came from a place of deep unhappiness and not understanding myself. I was born female, and for most of my childhood, I was fine with that. I was a bit of a tomboy but still feminine in my own way. Everything changed when I hit puberty. I became deeply uncomfortable with my body, especially developing breasts. I felt ugly and fat and not graceful like other girls. I had dangerously low self-esteem and I think a lot of that was tied to how I saw myself as a woman. I felt inferior.

I started identifying as a trans guy around age 16. At the time, I truly believed that all my discomfort came from being in the wrong body. I thought I would finally feel comfortable and at peace if I was seen as a man. I took testosterone for several years. I lived as a man from about 16 to 23.

But even when I passed visually, I never really fit in. I was always the "gay best friend" with women, and when I tried to socialize with men, it was glaringly obvious I wasn't one of them. I’d tell myself it was because I was gay, but really, I was just a woman. Being in a room of men, even if I passed, felt like I was on the outside looking in. The way they talked, especially about women, made me deeply uncomfortable and I could never truly join in. I always stood out.

A big sign I ignored was during sex or when I fantasized about it; I always imagined myself as a woman, not as a man. That’s when my subconscious feelings were the most obvious, but I ignored it as best I could.

I had a couple of major "oh shit" moments that made me realize I had made a mistake. One was an experience with taking psychedelic drugs, mushrooms, that really opened my eyes to the truth of my situation. The other was when I finally came forward about past sexual abuse I had experienced and had a total breakdown. I realized how much I had messed up my life by transitioning. I saw that a lot of my distress was misinterpreted. I had PTSD and depression, and I thought transitioning was the answer, but it wasn't. It was like I was wallowing in my suffering during that time.

I realized I needed to detransition about four years ago, but I was too scared to present as female again for a long time. I was terrified and felt devastated. I finally stopped taking testosterone years before I felt comfortable slowly presenting as female again. I had to be extremely gentle with myself. My face gradually re-feminized over a long time until one day I looked in the mirror and saw a woman looking back. It was a shock.

Finding this support community helped me get over that fear and feel confident again. Now I'm in the process of changing my name legally back to my birth name and looking into laser hair removal for the facial hair I got from testosterone. Going back to my birth name was a huge thing for me. I’d tried to avoid it before, changing my name socially a lot, which probably made me seem unstable. But my birth name is like an old, worn hoodie that feels authentically mine. I respond to it naturally, and my family found it easy to call me that again. It gave me a sense of peace.

I don’t regret detransitioning. I'm much happier now than I was when I was living as a man. Am I overall a happy person? No, I have a tortured soul and I still struggle with PTSD and depression. But now I see them as physiological, chemical issues, not a flaw that makes me a bad person. I’m trying to find joy in life by focusing on my artwork, crafts, reading, and learning new things. I let the negative feelings sit quietly alongside me while I do things I enjoy.

I truly believe I should have never transitioned in the first place. I just misinterpreted a lot of my distress from puberty, trauma, and low self-esteem. I thought I was too masculine as a girl but too feminine as a guy. The difference now is that I accept my body. I'm a woman and I have a definite "female energy" that I can't hide from, even if I sometimes still feel inferior to other women. It doesn't mean I'm not one.

My thoughts on gender now are simple. A woman is just someone born in a female body who was socialized as female and has experienced the world as one. It doesn't mean you have to wear makeup or be graceful. You could look like a bridge troll; it doesn't matter. The only femininity you need is what makes you feel good. The goal should be building a healthy human being who can function in society, not rushing to change your body.

I benefited from finally dealing with my trauma in therapy, not from affirmative care that pushed me toward transition. I think it's really damaging to tell kids they need to rush their transition or they'll never pass. That's a huge red flag. Before all these medical interventions existed, gender non-conforming people still existed and found ways to live. We should respect our bodies as a part of nature, not something to be routinely altered.

Age Event
16 Started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone.
23 Stopped taking testosterone.
27 Realized I needed to detransition after a psychedelic experience and confronting past trauma.
31 Began socially presenting as female again and started the process of legally changing my name back.
31 Started looking into laser hair removal for facial hair.

Top Comments by /u/pepperoniPeople33:

35 comments • Posting since January 16, 2022
Reddit user pepperoniPeople33 (detrans female) explains the social alienation of being a trans man in a group of cis men, noting that different socialization creates a feeling of being an outsider and that pressure to join in vulgar conversations can be uncomfortable and make one stand out.
103 pointsApr 14, 2022
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Being a ftm in a room of men, even if you fully pass, it'll never be the same as truly being one of the guys. You were socialized differently and there will always be that part of you in the back of your mind, like you are on the outside looking in still, the types of conversations a group of men will have will often make you feel uncomfortable. You'll be expected to join in in their disgusting convos about women and balls and whatever else and if you skip a beat, they will pick up on that. Maybe they won't clock you for it but you will stand out as a weaker specimen. I know I don't speak for everyone but I have a very hard time believing that many FTM's truly pass in a social setting dropped in a room of rowdy men.

Reddit user pepperoniPeople33 (detrans female) comments on the historical lack of suicide among GNC people before medical transition, arguing that modern body alteration is a product of capitalist greed and societal unhappiness.
45 pointsFeb 5, 2022
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Agreed. Before any of these medical interventions existed, gender non conforming people still existed. How come we never hear about large amounts of suicide back then, when medical transition didn't exist? the entire outlook and goals were different. What being GNC has become is the result of our greedy, capitalist and largely very unhappy society. We have been taught to have these expectations, that changing our bodies in major ways are just routine procedures. No big deal. Instesd of respecting our bodies as a part of nature, an electrified meat suit that we really should be in awe of.

Reddit user pepperoniPeople33 (detrans female) comments on the hypocrisy of a transitioned person who claims to have no regrets but has a sexual fetish for being treated as their birth gender.
38 pointsFeb 21, 2022
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"I'm completely happy with my transition and have no regrets at all"

Also, "I have a sexual fetish that involves me being treated like my AGAB while I'm having sex. It's the hottest thing ever for me when I'm treated like my AGAB"

There's no way that that isn't a sign. A sign to dig way, way deeper and figure oneself out. Nobody is born with kinks. We develop them for reasons.

Reddit user pepperoniPeople33 (detrans female) explains the social isolation and pressure to conform with reckless, edgy male behavior she experienced while living as a trans man from ages 16-23.
30 pointsApr 14, 2022
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For sure, I know not all men are like that. I lived as a Trans guy from around age 16-23 and with that age group, and the social circles i found myself in, the males tended to be more reckless and edgy. But living as a man and trying to fit in, you will be in the presence of all kinds of men eventually. No matter what social group of men i found myself in always felt like I stood out still. No mater how well i passed visually

Reddit user pepperoniPeople33 (detrans female) explains the red flags and 'oh shit' moments that led her to detransition, citing social alienation from men, sexual fantasies as a woman, a psychedelic experience, and confronting past sexual abuse.
20 pointsFeb 4, 2022
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Early red flags:

1.. I was always the "gay best friend" with women throughout high school and adulthood and when I would try to socialize with men it was always glaringly obvious that I wasn't one of them. At the time I just wrote that off as being gay, and lots of gay guys have close friendships with women? Really, I was just a woman.

  1. When I would have or fantasize about sex was the biggest sign because I imagined myself/experienced myself as a woman, not as a man. Not just because of PIV but like, that's when my subconscious feelings were the most obvious to myself. But I ignored it as best as I could.

My oh shit moment (s):

  1. I had an experience with taking mushrooms that opened my eyes to this.

  2. When I came forward about my sexual abuse and had a total effing breakdown and realized how much I had fucked up my life my transitioning.

Reddit user pepperoniPeople33 (detrans female) explains how this sub helped her overcome devastation and regain confidence after detransitioning, leading her to pursue a legal name change and laser hair removal.
17 pointsFeb 4, 2022
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I realized I needed to detransition 4 years ago, but didn't find any support back then. I was too scared to present as female again for a long time but this group helped me get over the devastation I felt and feel confident again. Now I'm in the process of my legal name change and laser hair removal. Thank you all.

Reddit user pepperoniPeople33 (detrans female) explains her gradual detransition, advising to be gentle with oneself as facial feminization can take years to become noticeable.
16 pointsApr 14, 2022
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I stopped taking T for many years before I ever felt comfortable slowly presenting as female again. I had to be extremely gentle with myself. Detransitioning is a jarring experience and it shakes up our whole world. Take your time, move slowly. My face gradually re-feminized for years until one day I looked in the mirror and was like...holy fuck, I look like a woman, when did that happen? So yeah, let it occur naturally over time and people will pick up on it, things will adjust

Reddit user pepperoniPeople33 (detrans female) discusses being invalidated as a cis woman by a trans acquaintance who insisted she was non-binary due to her gender non-conformity, and by former friends who continued to treat her as a trans woman after she detransitioned.
16 pointsJan 18, 2022
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I so relate... I knew a Trans woman that refused to call me she/her, only they/them and said it's because I'm obviously non binary, not a woman, because here she is doing her makeup and obsessing over uwu clothes and obviously is more of a woman than I am. That there's no way I am cis because I'm somewhat gender non conforming. Basically was using me as someone to step on to raise herself up, to compare her stereotypical feminine behavior to mine and be able to say I'm less than her.

I also had straight cis friends that met me as a Trans guy, they knew I was a Trans guy but when I came out as detrans they said they couldn't ever see me as a woman, and treated me like a Trans woman (with lack of support) And of course the people who say "cis people don't question their gender, or just make this kind of mistake, so you can't be cis, you have to be SOME kind of gender variant) like...no? I'm just a woman who make a MISTAKE. And I'm allowed to call it a mistake.

Reddit user pepperoniPeople33 (detrans female) explains how to find peace and self-acceptance by focusing on personal growth, self-love, and becoming comfortable being alone.
16 pointsJan 20, 2022
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Its important to learn how to find peace with just your own presence. Work on you, accepting, loving, respecting yourself, try some new hobbies, get comfortable being alone, it's a sign of a healthy person. In time you will meet new people and make new friendships, where they just know you as the you you are now.

Reddit user pepperoniPeople33 (detrans female) explains how sex-specific medical conditions and symptoms, like heart attacks and optic neuritis, can be misdiagnosed if a doctor perceives a patient's sex incorrectly.
15 pointsJan 17, 2022
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This . There are very specific medical conditions that are more common (and therefore screened for, suspected) in either men or women. even your risk of random shit like optic neuritis is higher as a female and could be misdiagnosed and looked over because your doctor thinks you are a male. Heart attack symptoms are often different for females. Etc.