This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
Key indicators of authenticity:
- Personal Narrative: The user shares a detailed, consistent, and emotionally complex personal story of desisting after considering transition, including specific motivations (e.g., internalized homophobia) and a timeline.
- Internal Reflection: The comments show genuine introspection, uncertainty, and evolution in their thinking over time, which is atypical for scripted bot behavior.
- Engagement: They directly engage with others in the community, offering support and sharing their own experiences as a desister who is gender non-conforming.
- Language Use: The inclusion of a comment in fluent, natural French aligns with their stated background and adds a layer of authentic human detail.
About me
I'm a man who almost transitioned twice because I felt deep shame about being attracted to men. I thought becoming a woman was the only way I could be gay and feel normal, and I hated my male body. Through therapy, I realized my desire stemmed from internalized homophobia, not a true female identity. Once I accepted myself as a gay man, the need to transition completely disappeared. Now, I'm at peace as a feminine man and plan to express that side of myself without any medical procedures.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started because I couldn't accept a fundamental part of myself: I am a man who is attracted to other men. For a long time, I felt a deep sense of shame about this. I had internalised the idea that it wasn't okay for me, as a man, to be this way. I saw so many positive qualities in the women around me and had so many negative experiences with men that I began to associate masculinity with violence and selfishness. I wanted to distance myself from that entirely.
I thought the only way I could ever be at peace and be with a man in a way that felt "normal" was if I became a woman. That desire felt incredibly powerful and led me to the brink of transitioning twice, once when I was 35 and again at 37. I made appointments and spent countless sleepless nights obsessing over it. I hated my male body and my voice; I felt completely disconnected from it. I loved the idea of working on a female voice and using female language forms. I was active in online communities like r/egg_irl, which I now see fed me a lot of ideas without encouraging me to question my underlying motives.
But I started to ask myself the hard questions. I went to see a psychologist regularly, and that non-affirming therapy was crucial for me. It helped me dig deep and realise that my desire to transition was rooted in internalised homophobia and a rejection of my own sexuality, not in a true female identity. I was using the idea of transition as a form of escapism from my own self-hatred.
A huge turning point for me was when I finally began to accept and embrace my attraction to men as a man. Once I gave myself permission to do that, the overwhelming need to transition just… vanished. It was like a weight lifted. I realised I didn't need to change my body to be a good person or to live by the values I cherish, like kindness and empathy. Those aren't tied to being female; anyone can have them. I found a male role model in Marcus Aurelius, which helped me see that masculinity could be positive.
I also realised that a lot of my feelings were about gender expression, not gender identity. I enjoy feminine things—clothes, makeup, being around women. But I came to understand that I shouldn't need a medical pass or hormones to be allowed to express that side of myself. Society should be okay with men being feminine, just like it became okay for women to wear trousers. I don't need to be a woman to wear a dress. Now, I'm comfortable identifying as a gender non-conforming man. I plan to feminise my style because I enjoy it, but I will do it without hormones or surgery.
Looking back, I know I would have deeply regretted medically transitioning. I'm in my late 30s, and I know I would never have been able to pass as a cis woman. The outcome would have been an "in-between" state that would have made me more obsessed with my appearance, not less. I'm so relieved I avoided that. I'm now much more at peace with my body and my male voice. My only regret is all the time I spent in such deep pain and confusion, but I'm grateful I found my way out before making permanent changes.
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 35 | First seriously considered transition and made medical appointments. |
| 37 | Again seriously considered transition for a second time. |
| 37 | Began to deeply question my motives through therapy and self-reflection. |
| 37 | Accepted my attraction to men as a man; my desire to transition vanished. |
| 37 | Realised I am a gender non-conforming man and decided to express femininity without medical intervention. |
Top Comments by /u/persistant-mood:
Hello! I also thought I was transgender.almost transition twice at 35 and recently at 37.
Turns out I think ( I'm very cautious about terms and my desires now) I am gender non conforming I do like female clothings, love being around girls. I think one of my main issues was that I refused my liking of men.
Since I've (mostly) accepted my attraction for men as a man , I feel was more relaxed, the need to transition dropped dramatically.
So I'll probably feminise my style and figure without taking hormones, I think society should allow men to express themselves to be more feminine if they wants to, like society accepted women to wear trousers in the 1900's and be more masculine generally if it is their desire.
There are a lot of stigma around femininity that need to be changed both for women and men's sake.
Goo luck to you, I think seeing a psychiatrist is a good opportunity to self reflection on what you really want, don't rush thinks, it took me a long time to process...
Coucou,
je me permet de t'envoyer un message dans notre langue ce sera plus simple.
J'ai failli faire une transition il y a deux ans, je ne supportais plus mon corps, ma voix, un peu tout en réalité.
Me voilà deux ans plus tard, j'accepte bcp mieux mon corps, ma voix et je me remet à apprécier mon genre masculin petit à petit... même si pour ça je n'ai pas dormi des nuits entières de questionnement puis des séances de psychologues régulières.
Donc effectivement je pense que j'aurai regretté d'avoir fait une transition, d'être dans un étrange entre-deux, parce qu'à mon âge cela se serait vu que je n'étais pas née femme.
Est ce que tu sais ce qui te dégoute au niveau de la poitrine en particulier? J'ai déjà vu bcp de femmes plutôt masculines assumer également leur féminité (voir leur lesbianité) cela est plutôt bien toléré en France je trouve après tout dépend les quartiers!
Es tu attirée par les femmes? Pour ma part je pense que mon désir de vouloir transitionner était un refoulement et une honte de mon attirance pour les hommes sur le plan sexuel, même si j'aime aussi les femmes. Je pense que j'aurai préféré faire une transition pour pouvoir accepter d'être en couple avec un homme.
Je ne suis pas sur que ça va t'aider mais si jamais tu as besoin, n'hésites pas à m'envoyer un petit message en privé!
Bon courage a toi quelque soit ta décision!
EXACTLY! I think I wanna dress as a woman or with some women attires but I don't want to take drugs to be able to do it! It's like a medical pass to do it, like medical marijuana authorisation!
No, it should be completely ok to wear female clothes or make up for a man and the reverse for a woman in a modern society, we shouldn't have to try to enter into the binary mold that existed for millennium!
Hello, I felt the same way after desisting 2 years ago until... literally last week !
There is no magic trick to suddenly "not feel trans"
As for me I enjoyed working on my female voice , loved to use female uses in my native language.
This is a long process to digests that we wanted to transform our body to obtain something we thought was our end goal.
As for me I know I'll never be a cis woman, the thing I wanted. I have only one body and it is one of a man, and I don't want to take hormones all my life to try to pass , be obsessed with this.
As for myself I like men, something deeply rooted in me as being " bad" even if I was ok for others, it was the rules I had for myself that made me want to be a woman so I could be with a man and for it to be "normal and ok"
As for the femininity I enjoyed I may express it , but do not really feel the need now that I know it's about being ok with whom I was attracted to ( I'm also into women though).
First of all be kind to yourself, detrans and Trans are sometimes incredibly harsh on themselves about their appearance, opposite desires... I often didn't sleep thinking about transition!
To be honest I'm still in recovery process but I think I'm really in the good direction, maybe asking profoundly what was the reason you truly wanted to transition would be useful!
I wish you the best!
Interesting, could I ask you where you live? Also I'm glad to see people in detrans sub being ok and not rejecting people that still want to look like the other gender without taking hormones! People here are quite tolerant contrary to what some trans fanatics say of us!
I feel you are right about my perception of men not being allowed to wear female stuff in my mind, I need to give up this idea, so I can express myself in a feminine manner if I want to but also in a masculine manner at others times. Thanks it could help!
If you are not sure, the first thing is to take your time!!! No rush into hormones!
Ask you a lot of questions, about you , your sexuality, your wish for masculinity.
In my country, France, it's socially quite ok to be a tomboy, even butch femme ( less to be a feminine man though) I hope it's ok in yours too, you can play with Boy/girl dress and appearance code.
I'm so glad you found this subreddit and asking yourself questions before it's too late people your age can be very impulsive and not think about the future and consequences so much.
Don't forget mastectomy leaves scars and sex change for transmen can be quite... Depressing to say the least.
If you need/desire to play the active role in your sex life it's ok there are strap-on dildos you can use. Sorry I enter into details but your bodily health depends on your future actions so crude as it it, let's dive in.
To conclude, two years ago I was sure to transition, took appointments and all. In fact I was in big big rejection of my liking of men as a man and would have done anything to reject this part of me, like a transition for example, cause you know I would have been a woman, it would then be normal as a woman to be attracted to men 🙄😮💨 and I was 35!
I hope the best for you, no matter your decision, I just hope you dive very deep into your thoughts before doing anything you can change back!
I stopped completely having disphoria by embracing my male self, I know I will never be a female and I know my body isn't made for this now. I'm so relieved not to have to try by any means possible to look feminine.
I tried to be feminine , even trans because I did not accept my attraction towards men, now that I accept and embrace my desire for men, I stopped being ashamed to like them as a guy, and my desire to transition vanished.
I don't know if this will help but I wish you the best and hope you'll find peace of mind ( and body!)
That could be a solution! I wonder if I've got to feminized my look or try to forget all to look masculine. I fear going feminine could trigger again and again this transition desire if you know what I mean, but at the same time I would feel better 😖
I get what feeling you have, I'm so much more in sink with femininity, I don't recognise myself in what masculinity refers to and associate it with violence and selfishness in a weird way.
I know this isn't the case but I had so many positive influences from women and so many negative from men I think I just want(ed) to look female to be at peace with the values I cherish.
I think I have to disassociate the qualities I enjoy and see often in women from the apparence, everyone can be a good person no matter the gender ( for example, I found a nice role model as Marcus Aurelius 😅).