This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user, "piedeloup," demonstrates a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal narrative about their experience as a desister (a butch lesbian who identified as trans but did not medically transition). The comments reflect introspection, emotional complexity (embarrassment, relief), and specific cultural observations that are characteristic of a genuine human experience, not a bot or troll script. There are no serious red flags suggesting inauthenticity.
About me
I thought I was a trans man for a few years and my incredibly supportive family even helped me change my name. I started to question it when male terms never felt right and my attraction to women always felt deeply lesbian, not straight. I had a lightbulb moment realizing I’m just a very masculine woman, and that I didn't know that was an option. I felt guilty telling everyone I was wrong, but it was a huge relief and they were still supportive. Now I’m completely comfortable as a lesbian, I’m indifferent to pronouns, and I’m just glad I figured it out before any medical changes.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender was confusing, but it makes sense to me now looking back. I identified as a trans man for about two or three years. I came out to my family and they were completely accepting. My mom even paid for me to legally change my name. I saw my doctor and was put on a waiting list to go to a gender clinic; if the list hadn't been so long, I absolutely would have started testosterone and gotten top surgery. I was that sure of myself at the time.
The reason I started to question it all was that I began to feel more and more uncomfortable. I realised I was resonating way more with stories from butch lesbians than I did with trans men. Male terms like “brother” and “son” never felt right to me, and that feeling just got stronger, not weaker. The biggest thing was my attraction to women; it never felt straight. I couldn't picture myself in a relationship with a woman as a man. I felt like I was losing my lesbian identity, and that really upset me.
I had a lightbulb moment where I finally understood that I was just a lesbian. A big part of my problem was that I didn't know you could be that masculine and still be a woman. I didn't "feel like a woman," but I've learned that's a really common experience for a lot of lesbians, and it can come with a kind of dysphoria too. I also spent a lot of time on Tumblr, where it felt like everyone was trans, and that definitely influenced me to think I must be trans too.
I also had a lot of internalised homophobia to work through. The word "lesbian" has such negative connotations; people say it with disgust, or it gets overly sexualised. There's a push to use words like "queer" or "gay" instead because they feel more inclusive, and it made it easier to avoid embracing my identity as a lesbian. I think a lot of gay people have some level of internalised homophobia, no matter how accepting their family is, because society just isn't there yet.
Telling my family and friends that I was wrong was embarrassing and I felt guilty, especially after my mom had put in so much effort and money. But it was also a huge relief. Everything immediately felt right. They were still supportive, which I'm grateful for. My detransition was only social, so I didn't have to deal with any physical changes or health complications. I'm now completely comfortable as a masculine woman and a lesbian. I'm pronoun indifferent; some old online friends still call me "he" and it doesn't bother me. Being misgendered doesn't upset me. I don't have any regrets about exploring my identity, but I am glad I figured it out before I medically transitioned.
| Age | Date (approx.) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 19 | Early 2017 | Started identifying as FTM/non-binary. Came out to my very accepting family. |
| 19 | Mid 2017 | Saw a doctor and was put on a waiting list for a gender clinic. Legally changed my name. |
| 21 | Late 2019 | Began to feel uncomfortable with male identity and terms. Realised my attraction to women felt lesbian, not straight. |
| 21 | Late 2019 | Had a "lightbulb moment" and understood I was a butch lesbian. Detransitioned socially. |
| 21 | Late 2019 | Told my family and friends. Felt embarrassed but relieved. |
Top Comments by /u/piedeloup:
I’m a butch lesbian and my masculinity, internalised lesbophobia and body dysmorphia made me 1000% sure I was a trans man for about 2 or 3 years. I never started any physical transition though (simply because the waiting list at the GIC was so long, otherwise I would’ve).
So my detransition was only social but it was still not fun. Having to tell my family and friends I was wrong about something like that was a bit humiliating. Basically I decided to because I realised I related more and more to lesbians than to trans guys, I was literally getting upset about being a man and felt I’d lost that lesbian identity. Male terms like son/brother got more and more uncomfortable until there was kind of a lightbulb moment of “oh, I’m just a lesbian.”
My main issue really was that I didn’t fully understand that you can be very gender nonconforming and still be cis. I realised that not “feeling like a woman” is a common experience for lesbians, as well as dysphoria. I spent a lot of time on tumblr where virtually everyone is trans and that definitely influenced me to think I was too.
So yeah, I detransitioned because I made a mistake. I had other issues going on which I wrongly identified as gender dysphoria. Unfortunately I think this is fairly common among lesbians, which is why a lot of detrans people were ftm :/
The word lesbian has negative connotations in society I guess, it’s a word that many women have heard people say with a tone of disgust...gay is just more of an umbrella term and doesn’t specifically mean woman who is only into women, so I think it’s easier to identify with that word instead, especially with how sexualised lesbians are by straight men.
Plus now there is this push from both the lgbt community and also the media for women to identify as gay or queer as it’s more “inclusive”. the amount of times I’ve seen lesbians referred to as “queer women” is astounding. Everyone tiptoes around the word lesbian as if it’s dirty. it all comes down to homophobia really, so yeah I think there’s just an element of shame which makes women dislike the word, whether they realise it or not
Are you me lol? I had exactly the same experience. Identified as ftm/nb for about 2 or 3 years, came out to family and was accepted 100%, saw my doctor and was on a waiting list to go to a gender clinic and physically transition. Then I started to feel more and more uncomfortable with my identity, did a lot of thinking about why that was, and realised I was just a butch lesbian.
Un-coming out was definitely very embarrassing. I felt guilty since my family, especially my mother, had made such an effort with my new name and pronouns (including paying for me to legally change it) and just with supporting my transition in general. But it was also a huge relief and everything immediately felt right, and my family/friends were still very supportive. I do also have some online friends that call me he/him lol, because that’s just what they’d always called me and I honestly don’t mind. Still pretty pronoun indifferent but definitely a lesbian. I think if your friends truly are your friends they will understand completely, you should absolutely tell them if it’s bothering you.
Honestly I think every gay/bi person has at least some level of homophobia they’ve internalised no matter what their upbringing is. My family is also very liberal and have never had any issues whatsoever with my sexuality but society as a whole just isn’t there yet, you still grow up hearing jokes from kids about gay people, you watch movies and all the romances are straight, you subconsciously internalise all that stuff from basically the day you come into the world so it doesn’t surprise me that people can struggle with accepting the fact that they might be different. So yes for the most part that’s how it was for me.
Being misgendered (though I don’t think it happens often) doesn’t bother me in the slightest. And I’ve never got any shit for being the way I am. Being a typical feminine woman wouldn’t be easier either because I’d feel extremely uncomfortable and it wouldn’t be me at all. Over the past year or so since realising I wasn’t trans I’ve got more and more comfortable with visibly being a lesbian anyway so I’ve no reason to try to hide it
I realised that I started resonating more with butch women than I did with men. Male terms like “brother” and “son” did not feel right for me. I intially ignored this and put it down to not being used to them yet but it reached a point where I had to reconsider everything.
Also, I don’t really know how this works, but I just really felt like a lesbian. As in, my attraction to women did not feel straight, and I couldn’t picture myself in a relationship with a woman as a man. That was really what made me realise I wasn’t a man more than anything else. And then I started to learn to accept that women can be masculine and still be women (I’m still working on this).