genderaffirming.ai 

Reddit user /u/pirategospel's Detransition Story

female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
homosexual
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
only transitioned socially
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user demonstrates:

  • Consistent, nuanced, and personal viewpoints aligned with a specific critical perspective on gender identity theory.
  • Lived experience by identifying as a "female desister" and discussing a personal history with trans identification and a lesbian relationship.
  • Emotional depth and passion, including anger and criticism, which is common and expected from individuals who feel harmed by their experiences with transition ideology.

The account exhibits the hallmarks of a genuine, passionate user from the /r/detrans community.

About me

I felt so uncomfortable as a girl that I thought becoming a man was the only way to escape my body and society's expectations. For a few years, I lived socially as male, and it felt like a huge relief at first. I eventually realized I was trying to fix my depression and low self-esteem by changing my body, not addressing the real issues. Now, I've detransitioned and found peace in accepting myself as a masculine woman. I learned that the problem was never my female body, but the pressure to conform to a feminine stereotype.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was very young, feeling deeply uncomfortable with the expectations placed on me as a female. I never fit into the stereotypical feminine mold and I hated my developing body during puberty, especially my breasts. I saw being a woman as a curse and I wanted to escape it. This led me online, where I found communities that offered what seemed like a solution: I could just be a man instead. It felt like an answer to all my problems.

I socially transitioned in my late teens, asking everyone to use a new name and male pronouns. I cut my hair short and bound my chest. For a while, it felt like a huge relief. I felt like I was finally being seen for who I really was, or at least, who I thought I was. I was deep in the ideology, believing that gender identity was a real, internal thing that could override biological sex.

Looking back, I now see my transition was a form of escapism. I was running from the difficulties of being a woman in a misogynistic world. I had low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression, and I thought becoming a man would fix all of that. I was also influenced heavily by my online friends and the content I consumed; it felt like everyone was trans or non-binary, and it seemed like the obvious path for someone like me who was gender non-conforming.

I considered taking testosterone and even getting top surgery. I spent a lot of time researching it and talking to others about it. I was a lesbian, and I think part of my motivation was also internalized homophobia—the idea that being a masculine woman in a relationship with another woman was somehow less valid than being a straight man.

But over time, the cracks started to show. I began to see the contradictions in transgender ideology. I realized that no matter what I did, I could not change my sex. My cells would always be female. I saw how the movement often reinforced the very gender stereotypes I had hated, and how it encouraged people to medically alter healthy bodies. I saw friends rush into hormones and surgeries without being asked the hard questions about lifelong consequences, like infertility or serious health complications.

I started to gently question things, both in myself and in my friends who were transitioning. I’d ask things like, "What are you hoping T will do?" or "Aren't you worried about what your grandparents might think?" or "How do you feel about the side effects being so permanent?" These weren't questions anyone in the gender-affirming community was asking; they were just encouraging everyone to transition.

I began to detransition in my early twenties. I stopped asking people to use male pronouns and my chosen name. I accepted that I am a female person, a woman, who is just very gender non-conforming. It was a difficult process. I felt like I had been living in a delusion for years and I had to mourn the person I thought I was. I had a lot of fear and shame, worried that people would see my views as hateful.

But ultimately, I found so much more peace. I learned that I don't have to change my body to be happy. I can accept my female body and still present in a masculine way. I’m in a loving lesbian relationship, and we live a very ordinary life. I don’t regret exploring my gender because it led me to where I am now, but I deeply regret ever believing that I could or needed to change my sex. I think the ideology is harmful, especially to young, gender-nonconforming girls like I was. It tells them the problem is their body, not society's expectations. It offers a medical solution to a social problem.

My thoughts on gender now are that it’s a social construct, a set of stereotypes and roles, not an internal identity. Sex is real, immutable, and biological. I benefited enormously from stepping away from affirming therapy and instead learning to critically examine these ideas. I’m now able to live comfortably as a masculine woman, and that is enough.

Age Event
Late Teens Socially transitioned (new name, male pronouns). Felt it was an escape from the discomfort of female puberty and social expectations.
Early 20s Began to critically question transgender ideology. Started detransitioning, stopping the use of male pronouns and my chosen name.
Early 20s Accepted myself as a gender non-conforming female and found peace in living as a masculine woman.

Top Comments by /u/pirategospel:

33 comments • Posting since December 26, 2023
Reddit user pirategospel (desisted female) explains that the rationale of "just get implants" stems from a misogynistic view of the female body as an object, conflating real breast tissue with plastic.
71 pointsJul 10, 2025
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The whole movement is driven by a misogynistic understanding of the body that nothing is sacred, flesh can be replaced with plastic and the female body is little more than an object. 

The rationale of ‘‘just get implants’’ sounds like it could be out of the mouth of any autogynophile who genuinely doesn’t know the difference between human breast tissue including its mammary function, ability to experience arousal etc, and some lumps of plastic.

Reddit user pirategospel (desisted female) discusses the lack of evidence that transition reduces teen suicide rates, calling the "daughter vs dead son" concept a disproven myth.
67 pointsJan 5, 2024
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Suicide rate stays approximately the same before and after treatment. This has been proven (albeit in the adult population alone).

There’s been no evidence that teen suicide rates specifically have changed due to gender.

It also occurs to me that suicides remain in the sex-based proportions regardless of gender identity (more males, fewer females). This is from my observation alone - it would be interesting to hear

The ‘daughter v dead son’ myth has been disproven by the few studies out there, and condemned by medical professionals as management of a socially vulnerable group. It is absolute madness to tell children they are at risk for suicide. It IS deemed a social contagion and therefore has to be spoken about carefully but trans activists are absolutely obsessed with telling parents and kids it’s likely.

Reddit user pirategospel (desisted female) comments on ROGD as a social contagion, explaining it's highest in teenage girls who are "fleeing womanhood like a house on fire" due to societal pressures.
59 pointsJan 19, 2024
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ROGD is highest in teenage girls unfortunately, although growing in males.

Many other social contagions have been in the past - eating disorders, cutting, that whole tiktok Tourette’s thing.

There’s a quote and I’ve forgotten who it’s by but it’s essentially about ROGD girls ‘’fleeing womanhood like a house on fire’’. Society has always made womanhood into a curse. Who wouldn’t flee when given the option.

Reddit user pirategospel (desisted female) explains how the label of 'transphobia' is used to silence detransitioners' legitimate concerns about medical transition and biological reality.
53 pointsJan 17, 2024
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The issue is that what’s deemed ‘transphobic’ is often just disagreement with transgender ideology.

Trans activists will interpret the statements ’’a person cannot change sex’’ or ‘’trans men are female’’ or ‘’children shouldn’t be chemically castrated’’ as transphobia. But detrans and desisted people hold those completely legitimate opinions based on extensive, often very painful, lived experience.

I don’t think many people think detransition is a reason to be hateful, threatening or aggressive to trans people. But can you see how framing completely valid opinions as transphobic is a dishonest tactic to shut down opposing voices and legitimate concern?

Reddit user pirategospel (desisted female) explains that more women detransition because they are more aware of the harm of transition ideology on female bodies, leading to resentment from increased medicalization.
46 pointsJan 28, 2024
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I think it’s the same reason most gender critical people are women. We are wide awake how harmful this ideology is to female bodies.

Female bodies always suffer most and this is no exception.

I have a feeling it’s mainly trans men / female people who are getting surgeries atm. More medicalisation = more resentment, more dissolution, more anger. I’d like to know some stats 🤔

Reddit user pirategospel (desisted female) discusses the difficulty of finding gender-critical lesbian partners and the UK lesbian community's support for mainstream trans activism.
35 pointsJan 2, 2024
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Totally relate - me and my partner both female desisters (although I am far more politically radical than she is which has caused some tension in the past). I also know other lesbians who really struggle to even find other gender critical women to date… I know there’s the stereotype of the lesbian terf but unfortunately a huge amount of the community buy into the ideology. In the U.K. lesbians are the most likely to support mainstream trans activism. It’s sad honestly. To me it just represents a complete abandonment of the women’s right movement and a refusal to recognise that bodies are at the heart of oppression. Hmmf anyway. Thanks for sharing - wish you and your girlfriend well 💙

Reddit user pirategospel (desisted female) explains why being critical of transgender ideology after detransitioning isn't hatred, using a comparison to her experience as an ex-vegan.
34 pointsJan 17, 2024
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Here’s a silly comparison to demonstrate what I mean OP:

I’m an ex-vegan. I was vegan for a long time because I thought it was the best, the healthiest and the most moral way to eat. I know the pro-vegan arguments inside out, and I know how vegans think because I was one. After almost 10 years vegan, I started to have doubts and questions. I was suffering some damage to my body and mind and realised I’d made a mistake with my reasoning. I started to eat meat again.

My experience has made me critical of veganism but that is not the same as hatred towards vegans. I see the flaws of the vegan beliefs because I personally believed them. This makes vegans mad because it threatens their argument, but it’s not veganphobic.

Can you see the parallel here?

Reddit user pirategospel (desisted female) explains how trans activists instill fear and shame in those questioning gender ideology, and recommends seeking community through radical feminist resources to find confidence and legitimacy.
32 pointsJan 22, 2024
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Trans activists will do all they can to convince you that your views are hateful and not politically legitimate. Thats where your fear is coming from, but it’s just not true. Lots of people feel scared and ashamed in the beginning.

I would recommend looking into other people who share your views, now and historically, through books, podcasts, blogs etc. Especially ones with some nuance and compassion for trans identification.

I felt so alone and scared when it first clicked for me. But finding radical feminist writing and newer books and podcasts from women who have the same framework of understanding as me really helped ground me and have confidence in my views as politically legitimate.

Reddit user pirategospel (desisted female) explains the link between trans identity and anime, citing high autism prevalence, exaggerated emotional cues, and themes of transformation and sexualization.
29 pointsMay 19, 2025
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I would suggest high autism prevalence is the major linking factor. There have been multiple academic articles written about autistic interest in anime (eg for its exaggerated emotional and social reactions) and a well established link between trans identity and ASD.

I think when people say ''nerdy'' they often just mean autistic - as opposed to actually nerdy hobbies like 18th century literature or botany or something.

But your point about transformation and sexualisation rings really true- particularly so when you think about the sexual transformations that happen in hentai etc.

Reddit user pirategospel (desisted female) explains the biological basis of sex, arguing that Lupron causes infertility, chromosomes are immutable, and that "AFAB" is a euphemism for female.
28 pointsJan 17, 2024
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Look I’m really sorry but you actually seem to know significantly less than I anticipated about gender critical arguments. I don’t want to get into an argument will I expand upon what I mean.

Yes, Lupron is the drug used to block puberty in trans identified children. It’s also a drug used to chemically castrate criminal adults. It uses the exact same mechanism and many children who took blockers grow up to be infertile - their sex gametes (eggs and sperm) are never developed. This is public knowledge even among trans activists.

You say sex can be changed via surgery. But every cell in your body is coded XX. Every cell in a male persons body is coded XY. Those will never change. Artificially constructed genitals do not = changed sex. Exogenous hormones do not = changed sex. Again, many trans people acknowledge this as basic science.

Finally, you say trans men are men assigned female at birth. Sure, that’s another way to say ‘trans men are female’. AFAB is a euphemism for female. Most trans men acknowledge they are biologically female, whether they say AFAB or female or something else. The main part of being trans is that you identity differently than your sex. Denying it is absurd.