This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The narrative is highly detailed, emotionally consistent, and spans a long period with complex, evolving introspection. The user describes a messy, non-linear journey involving external factors (like losing insurance) and internal realizations, which is typical of a genuine human experience, especially for desisters. The passion and criticism of medical practices align with the expected perspective of someone who feels harmed by a quick transition process.
About me
I was a major tomboy growing up, and I started testosterone after just one conversation with a therapist about my gender-variant childhood. I liked the confidence I felt living as a man, but losing my job forced me to stop hormones and canceled my top surgery. Being forced to detransition made me realize my therapist had steered me toward a medical solution without exploring my trauma or internalized misogyny. I’ve made peace with my female body and now see myself as just a gender non-compliant person. I don't regret my time on T, but I've found a greater sense of freedom by living without medical intervention.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was just a kid. I was a major tomboy growing up in the 90s. I have a twin brother, and people always thought we were twin boys. From a very young age, I was aware that girls were treated differently, and I hated it. I have this really vivid memory of getting my hair cut when I was six. I burst into tears, screaming that I wanted it cut short like a boy's. That story followed me for years.
Puberty was absolutely torturous for my mental health. It was a really difficult time, and I struggled a lot, which eventually led to me drinking heavily for years as an adult. I went to treatment and lived in sober living houses to get help. When I was about three months sober, I finally told a therapist that I wanted to talk about my gender-variant childhood. Just a month later, I had a prescription for testosterone. It happened incredibly fast. I even went to the clinic to get the T, and they told me I didn't even need the letter from the therapist. I just signed some papers, gave a blood sample, and walked out with the script. It felt way too easy.
I was on testosterone for about two and a half years. In a lot of ways, I liked it. I liked experiencing how the other half lives. The world feels simpler as a man; I felt safer and more confident. My emotions were less extreme and easier to manage. I also have a history of an eating disorder, and interestingly, it went into complete remission while I was on T. I think it satisfied that deep desire I had for control over my own body, my "meat-suit."
I was even scheduled to get top surgery. But then, in early 2020, I lost my job and my health insurance with it. My surgery, which was just a month away, was suddenly off the table. I couldn't afford my testosterone prescriptions or the necessary bloodwork anymore. So, I was forced to detransition hormonally. It wasn't my choice at first; it was purely financial.
As my body started to change back to a more feminine form, it was a deeply uncomfortable experience. My hair grew out, and my shape changed. But once I slogged through that difficult period, I had a lot of time to think. I started to question the whole path I had been on. I realized my therapist had quickly steered me toward a trans identity after just one conversation about my childhood. There was no deep dive into my other issues, like my history of domestic violence or my low self-esteem. I began to see it as an external body-mod quest I was on, hoping it would bring me peace inside.
A big part of my discomfort with being female came from growing up in a misogynistic society and from the trauma I experienced as an adult. I also realized I had a lot of internalized misogyny. When I was perceived as male, I felt like I could float through life less visibly; the constant attention that comes with having a female body was something I’d always struggled with.
Losing access to hormones made me confront the reality of relying on the medical system to be my "authentic self." I live in Texas, and access to trans care is difficult and expensive. I became cynical, seeing transmedicalism as a big money-making industry. Not having to worry about doctors, prescriptions, and bloodwork anymore has been incredibly freeing.
I don't regret my time on testosterone. It was an interesting chapter, and I learned a lot about myself and the world. But I ultimately decided I would rather just be myself, as I am, without medical intervention. I accept that I may never feel completely comfortable or at peace in my own skin or with how society sees me, and that's okay. I've never really fit in anyway. Why play by their gender rules? It feels like a losing game.
Now, I just see myself as a gender non-compliant person. I identify as nonbinary but don't make a big deal about pronouns. I still wear a lot of my old men's clothes, but I've also surprised myself by trying out dresses occasionally. I never felt comfortable in them before—they felt too vulnerable—but now I'll wear one for a special event if I feel like it. I just make sure to wear shorts underneath so I feel more secure.
My journey was a real gender misadventure. I benefited from transitioning, but I also benefited from detransitioning. It brought me a peace I didn't know was possible.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | ~1990s | Demanded hair be cut short like a boy's; passed as a boy throughout childhood. |
| 13/14 | ~early 2000s | Puberty began; was a torturous time for mental health. |
| Adult | ~2017 | After years of heavy drinking, became sober. Began discussing gender with a therapist. |
| Adult | ~2017 | Was prescribed testosterone (T) within a month of first bringing up gender. |
| Adult | 2020 | Lost job and health insurance; lost access to T and scheduled top surgery. |
| Adult | 2020 | Forced to detransition hormonally due to financial constraints. |
| Adult | 2020-2021 | Went through process of body returning to a more feminine state; decided not to retransition. |
| Present | 2024 | Now identify as nonbinary and am at peace with my female body, living as my gender non-compliant self. |
Top Comments by /u/plaid_seahorse:
It's OK to be a masculine-presenting female. I passed as a boy til I was 14. Puberty was very hard on me. It is easy to fall for a simplistic gender binary that compels us to seek transition. In reality gender is a spectrum, & medical transition doesn't have to be part of that journey.
Reckoning with my own internalized misogyny made me realize why transitioning FTM seemed a good idea (at the time). I have had some difficulty adjusting to the attention that comes from having a female body. When I was FTM I felt like I could float through life in a less visible manner. I have grown to appreciate my body, too, just not the attention that accompanies it.
I lost my health coverage when I lost my job in 2020, couldn't afford my prescriptions & the needed bloodwork. Once my body had returned to its original form, I didn't want to go through that puberty yet again.
I wondered too the logistics of relying on the healthcare system to "be myself". It was hard to get T sometimes (Texas) & I began to think it was all a huge con on the part of medical professionals -- transmedicalism is big $. So I guess my cynical nature talked me out of being trans
It's possible to be trans & reject the idea that surgical intervention is necessary. I was scheduled for top surgery, lost my health insurance, then thought about the reality of having surgery. It's a long healing process & honestly I didn't want to risk bad results, or regret.
If you are feeling comfortable in this moment, it's ok to push back your date for surgery, or even cancel it. You should never feel pressured by anyone to modify your body -- It's absolutely your decision.
Yea, she stressed in our conversation she felt disrespected by some of her friends not using "he/him"... I see what you mean about confirming delusion. I experienced that myself from the radical positivity around my own trans "coming out". I didn't question taking T at all as it was pushed as the logical next step. When I detransitioned I didn't get the same good vibes... friends disappeared.
Anyway I appreciate your frank response, thank you. Can't express how freaked out I've felt since this disclosure. I just don't want her to make the same mistake I did with hormones.
"gender is made through experience" is my own. I cut my hair short at 6 & passed as a boy until I was 13/14. Back then I was a tomboy. It was the 90's. I also have a twin brother & people always thought we were twin boys.
I was acutely aware that women/girls are treated differently at a young age. Getting my haircut was a brutal process -- I had 2 whole haircuts - trim, then a bob, before bursting into tears screaming: "I want my hair cut short like a boy!!" Hysterical, face red. It was a story I heard at the salon for years later, & is still one of my most vivid memories.
Adolescence was torturous for my mental health & descended into chronic adult drunkenness. I went to a string of treatment & sober livings for years. At 3 months sober, I admitted to a therapist I wanted to talk about gender variance in my childhood. I had a script for T a month later.
That 2 1/2 years was interesting. I liked experiencing how the other half lives again. It is different to witness manhood as an adult. That being said, I lost my insurance when I lost my job in 2020 & couldn't afford T anymore. So I detransitioned hormonally & eventually abandoned the whole endeavor.
Would I prefer to experience the world as a man? Absolutely. I felt safer in the world, more confident in myself. But I'd rather be myself & not have to rely on the medical establishment to be the other version of myself. Existence as a woman is just very different. I feel everything acutely, which I believe is biological & strongly tied to my cycle. The world on T is a simpler space & my emotions were less extreme. (Pls excuse this length -- your post really resonated)
I just find it super interesting in general the correlations between disordered eating & folks who choose to transition. Of course "not all folks" but there seems to be a higher incidence of history of ED's within this population. So prior physical dissatisfaction is a pipeline to medicalized transition, which is so convenient for the medical industrial complex $$.
I didn't want to rely on the medical establishment to be my "authentic self" -- since I live in Texas, I find that to be a prescient choice now. Accepting my meat-suit as it is in female form, regardless of my discomfort over female perception has been a long process.
I'd say half my dysphoria comes from growing up in a misogynistic, macho society. Realizing very young that I wasn't straight added to my desire to be perceived as male, the other part was going through domestic violence as an adult. It was a decade long & I lost myself for awhile. Just had no identity whatsoever.
I exist as myself today -- identify as nonbinary but don't make a big deal out of pronouns. It's been a gender (mis-)adventure for sure.
I admitted to my therapist I wanted to talk about gender variance in children. Then I described my own childhood as a decade of trying to pass as a boy. I had a letter for hormones within a week.
At my appt for T -- at the only clinic in the area that prescribed at the time -- I was told I didn't need the letter. I just sat through a long interview, signed some paperwork, had a blood sample taken & left with a script. It was entirely too easy.
I don't think it is a coincidence that my ED was in remission when I was actively transitioning with T. It satisfied my desire for control over my own meat-suit, absolutely.
Having history of ED is also a reason why my therapist (years ago) steered me to a trans identity. I went in one day wanting to talk about my gender expression when I was a kid, walked out of session 2 weeks later with a letter for hormones. So wild... glad I grew out of that eventually