This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user demonstrates:
- A consistent, detailed, and emotionally complex personal narrative of desisting.
- A clear evolution of thought over a significant timeframe (2 years of comments).
- A nuanced understanding of the community's arguments, including self-reflection on how their own views have changed.
The passion and strong opinions expressed are consistent with a genuine detransitioner/desister who feels they were harmed.
About me
I started identifying as non-binary as a young teen after being bullied and finding community online, where I learned that not being a girly girl might mean I wasn't a girl at all. This new identity actually created my dysphoria, making me hate my female body and desperately want medical intervention for years. During quarantine, I saw a detransitioned woman's story and it was like a light switched on, making me realize my identity was a coping mechanism for trauma. I had to consciously retrain my brain to accept my body and my birth name again, which took months of hard work. Now I'm a masculine woman who is finally comfortable in my own skin, understanding that I can be any kind of woman I want to be.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was around 12 or 13. I was a kid who was really struggling. I’d moved across the country and was badly bullied, which left me with no friends and a lot of emotional turmoil. I started overeating to cope, which made me feel chubby and hate my body even more. I was also blooming into a young lesbian who was very gender non-conforming. I didn’t want to look or act like the "girly girls" I saw on TV; I used to have a real "not like other girls" attitude.
I found a lot of my community online, specifically in LGBT spaces on social media. All the gay content was mixed in with trans content, and it felt like there was no separation. I was exposed to the idea that if you’re a masculine girl, you might not be a girl at all. I started to believe that because I wasn't a girly girl, I had to be non-binary. It felt like I didn't stand a chance in that environment; it was like a line of dominoes falling, and I was just another one. I felt like I had to hate myself because that’s what everyone else was doing.
Identifying as non-binary is what actually created my dysphoria. At the very beginning, being called "she" or "her" was just annoying at best. But over time, I trained my brain to see those pronouns as something incorrect, or even as an intentional insult. My reaction to hearing them got worse and worse. The exact same thing happened with my body. I started to hate my breasts and my hips intensely. I developed breast dysphoria, voice dysphoria, and hip dysphoria out of thin air because I had started identifying as non-binary. I wanted testosterone and top surgery so badly, thinking it would "fix" me, when the problem had been manufactured in my own mind. I wanted those things for four years straight, with increasing urgency.
I never went on hormones or had any surgeries. I’m so grateful now that I wasn’t allowed to because I was too young. My wake-up call came during quarantine. My dysphoria had actually started lessening without me even noticing. Then, around November 2020, I watched a YouTube video by a detransitioned lesbian who had been through hormones and surgeries. I identified with her story so strongly—the history of mental illness, self-harm, eating disorders, and using transition to cope with trauma. It was like a light switched on. I essentially decided to detransition while watching that video. I had never heard the detrans narrative before; it was always silenced or called evil. Finally hearing it saved me.
The hardest part after that was retraining my brain. I had to consciously work on my deeply entrenched thought patterns. For my body, I had to go from "I hate my breasts" to a neutral place: "This is my body, and it has breasts on it. They are just there." I had to stay in that neutral phase for a good while before I could even start to like them again. I did the same with my birth name, having strangers and then friends call me by it to get used to it again. It took months, but it was worth it.
My views on gender have completely changed. I don't think gender is real in the way it's talked about now. I think it’s primarily defined by social interactions. For me, identifying as non-binary was harmful because it reinforced the idea that if you’re not a girly girl, you’re not a girl. But you can be as masculine as you want and still be a woman. My presentation hasn’t really changed since detransitioning. I still have short hair and wear alternative, punk-style clothes that I like. I just stopped wearing binders and started loving myself. I don’t feel the need to wear makeup or dresses.
I do have regrets about transitioning socially. It was a coping mechanism for depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and an eating disorder. It was a way to escape hating my body and the trauma of bullying. I see now that it was a form of self-harm. I feel like I was groomed by the online community and influenced by friends who were all going through the same thing. I lost years to it.
Now, my life is much better. I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have. I’m working towards a future I actually want, maybe as an electrician, and I daydream about having a wife and kids someday. I’ve even gotten baby fever. Learning to love myself allowed me to reevaluate my entire worldview. I’ve become a more confident and, I think, a nicer person.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 9 | Moved across the country, experienced bullying and loneliness, began overeating. |
| 12-13 | Began identifying as non-binary, influenced by online LGBT communities and a desire to escape being a "girly girl". |
| 13-16 | Socially transitioned. Intensifying desire for testosterone and top surgery. Developed dysphoria about pronouns, breasts, and hips. |
| 16-17 | (During quarantine) Dysphoria began to lessen unconsciously. |
| 17 | Watched a detransitioner's video in November 2020. Recognized my own experiences and decided to detransition. Began the process of retraining my brain to accept female pronouns and my body. |
| 17-18 | Continued working on self-acceptance and body neutrality. Re-adopted my birth name and fully re-identified as a female. |
Top Comments by /u/pretty_cool_bananas:
I started watching detrans youtube videos to understand that perspective better and I really identified with a lot of the things that were being said. I noticed patterns in these people that I related to (only knew they were trans after the internet, mental illness, eating disorders etc.) and I knew that I was on the same road they had been on, but I was being afforded a place to get off earlier than them. Everything just fit so much better after I started filling in the detrans side of the narrative.
As for the sexual abuse, I have never experienced it, but I have heard from doctors and anecdotes alike that that’s a major factor in many false transitions. The idea is that you’re trying to get away from the thing you perceive as causing that event to happen to you, from what I’ve heard. I’m sure you know it’s not your fault, but I would just like to emphasize that this did not occur because of anything you did or said.
Even though people don’t like it don’t stop saying it!! There are people who silently agree, people who’s eyes are opened by your words. People speaking against the popular narrative saved me from my self destructive tendencies and I believe it’s my moral responsibility now to pay it forward. It’s your decision whether to speak up or not but i strongly encourage you and all the rest of us to do so. Also remember, many of the trans people shouting you down are very insecure in themselves and a portion of them will likely detransition in the next 10 years. We can’t afford to be silenced. There’s too much at stake.
I am of the opinion that a rigid gender binary encourages transition just to escape that binary.
If a guy doesn’t want to put a lot of effort into looking very masculine or having masculine interests, and he gets a lot of subliminal, as well as a few liminal, messages that it makes him less of a man, a beta male, a bitch etc. he may at some point come to the conclusion that if he isn’t enough of a man he must be a woman, or can be. Same for less feminine women. If a girl wants more masculine jobs or doesn’t meet any of the myriad rules for women, or especially faces sexual harassment or violence for being a woman and gets victim shamed as most do, being a man would seem like a much better option.
Almost 18k. Definitely not all detrans but still thousands of people who are on Reddit and have found this sub. There are more detrans people on Reddit who haven’t come here. More still that don’t use Reddit. More who don’t use social media very much at all.
I wouldn’t expect anything else. Trans activists suppress information about maladaptive transition and subsequent detransition to the point most people don’t hear about it for a very long time. At the same time they encourage everyone who questions even a little bit to be trans. I feel that most of them genuinely agree with the “down with the cis” rhetoric.
That’s exactly how I got here. My dysphoria started lessening in quarantine and I didn’t even notice. At some point I watched a YouTube video about a detransitioner’s story because I wanted to understand more about it and be open minded and essentially desisted while watching the video after being trans for 4 years. I related to her so heavily and was so scared by the negative experiences she had I knew I couldn’t keep it up. I got here around November of 2020.
I vindictively await the wave of detransitioners that’s coming in a few years. Big names in the community (like very possibly Elliot here) are gonna have to do it soon and I can’t wait until there’s too many of us to be ignored anymore so we can fix the fucking problems that got us here.
I can’t speak to anything else seeing as I was never allowed to start hrt (thank god), but I absolutely do not think you should retransition. The detrans wake up call is very red pill blue pill, if you catch my drift. After you’re disillusioned from it you can never see it the same way and it won’t bring you what little joy it did. It would be self harm at that point. You know more about yourself than anyone, but from here it sounds like you just need to hear it from another person and not just from your own thoughts.
It’s understandable and normal to be embarrassed, but medical professionals are just there to help. It’s their job not to place judgement on their patients. It would be best to talk to a doctor to see how you can get your body functioning the best it can.
If you have any sort of mental illness or personality disorder you need to get all your ducks straight in a row with mental health before you even start questioning your gender. Chances are you are chemically imbalanced, you have trauma that hasn’t been processed properly, or you just hate yourself and you don’t know what to do about it. Or you might be an auto-gyne/andro-philiac. Neuro-divergence too. Autistics are more vulnerable to incorrectly thinking they’re trans.
Based on your replies it sounds to me like you actually are trans as opposed to the vast majority of people who claim to be. You said that you stopped because god wouldn’t love you if you were trans. If you knew since you were 3, I think that god made you that way and would want you to be happy. Most of us didn’t have dysphoria as kids. Most of us are much happier after detransitioning and accepting ourselves as we are, and you seem miserable. I hope you can find a way to be happy with yourself, and if transition is the only way you can do that, I hope you pursue it.