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Reddit user /u/pronounsagainstverbs's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 19 -> Detransitioned: 23
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
serious health complications
now infertile
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.

The user expresses complex, emotionally charged opinions that are internally consistent with a desister's perspective. The writing style is natural, with personal anecdotes, rhetorical questions, and minor human errors (e.g., "tryingh," "peple"). The passion and frustration displayed are congruent with the stated context of someone who has been harmed by their experience.

About me

I started because I felt lost and uncomfortable in my own skin as a female, thinking my depression and low self-esteem meant I wasn't really a woman. I got swept up in online trends and identified as non-binary, even taking hormones for a while. I realized I was just trying to escape my real problems by blaming my gender, and that there's no single way to be a woman. I stopped the hormones and started working on my self-worth, which helped me more than anything else. Now I'm living comfortably as a female again, though I have to live with the regret of becoming infertile from the medication.

My detransition story

My whole journey started because I felt really lost and uncomfortable in my own skin. I was born female, but I never felt like I fit the stereotype of what a girl was supposed to be. I hated my breasts and felt a deep sense of discomfort with my body, especially during puberty. I think a lot of this was tied to low self-esteem and depression. I didn't feel worthy or likeable, and I thought changing my gender was the answer to those feelings.

I started identifying as non-binary, using he/they pronouns. It felt like a way to say, "I'm different," without having to fully commit to being a man. But I started to question that, too. Why did I need a special label just because I didn't fit a stereotype? I saw all kinds of women in the world—masculine, girly, androgynous—and realized there is no one way to be a woman. Your experiences are your own, and they're valid regardless of how you look or act.

I was influenced a lot by what I saw online and by friends in the community. It felt like a trend, and it was easy to get swept up in it. The rules seemed to change constantly; it was all about emotions, and logic didn't seem to matter. I remember someone telling me that if they were born male, they'd still be trans, and that's when I really started to question everything. It began to feel less like a medical condition and more like a social club where anything could be true if you said it was.

I did take hormones for a while. I was on estrogen, which is a bit ironic. I actually felt better about being male when I lost weight and gained muscle, even while on estrogen. It made me question why we pay for "gender affirmation" but not for other things that make people feel better about their bodies, like weight loss or muscle gain.

I never got any surgeries. I consider that a blessing now. A doctor once told me that a lot of gender is in the eyes and brow ridge, and looking back at old pictures, I can see it. I could switch back easily because, underneath it all, my fundamental structure was still female.

I do have some regrets. I regret not addressing my underlying issues—my depression, my anxiety, my low self-esteem—instead of blaming everything on my gender. I started listening to positive thinking audiobooks and telling myself every day that I am worthy and my body is valid. That has helped me more than anything else did. I reframed my thinking. Instead of saying "I'm not a woman because I'm not like other women," I now think, "There is no one way to be a woman."

I don't think transition was the right path for me. I benefited from stepping away from affirming therapy and instead working on my core self-esteem issues. I'm now comfortable living as a female again. I'm infertile from the hormones, which is a serious health complication I have to live with, and that is a deep regret.

My thoughts on gender now are that it's become too confusing. It seems like it can mean anything, and that dilutes the meaning for people who might have truly needed help. For me, it was a form of escapism from dealing with my real problems. I don't think everyone who transitions feels this way, but this was my experience.

Age Date (if known) Event
13 - Started feeling intense puberty discomfort, hated my developing breasts.
19 - Began identifying as non-binary (he/they) due to not fitting female stereotypes.
20 - Started taking estrogen and testosterone blockers.
21 - Began to seriously question my transition and the logic of the trans community.
22 - Stopped taking hormones. Realized my underlying issues were depression and low self-esteem.
23 - Fully detransitioned and began living as a female again.

Top Comments by /u/pronounsagainstverbs:

7 comments • Posting since April 4, 2024
Reddit user pronounsagainstverbs (detrans male) comments on the inconsistency of trans rules, arguing that logic is often replaced by emotion and that the only consistent rule is that "whatever trans people say is valid."
21 pointsApr 5, 2024
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yes thats true. Like one said i was always male so.I said then you arent strans? And there is always some argument they can bed to make fit themselves. You cant win when the only rule is whatever trans say is valid. It seems like they want to push stereotypes if it proves they are the gender they say but in other sitautions not push it. Like man isnt an apeparance yet im stealth. How can you be stealth.

Sometimes feels like all that seems to amtter is emotions not logic.

Reddit user pronounsagainstverbs (detrans male) questions the definition of being trans, arguing that if it's not a condition tied to birth sex, it becomes a vague community where "everyone is trans."
20 pointsApr 5, 2024
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well how many peple today are? Someone born female said if I was born male I would still be trans. So what now its just a community and not a condition? Homosexuality is a lot more clear, you are born male and like others born male, or born female and like people born female. But with this logic trans can mean anythin,. Maybe everyone is trans now, who knows.

Reddit user pronounsagainstverbs (detrans male) comments that the meaning of "trans" has shifted from a deep struggle with gender to a potential trend for attention, and expresses concern that it now conflates being gender nonconforming with the medical condition of gender dysphoria.
18 pointsApr 6, 2024
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I dunno. I think there was a time trans meant someone who dearly struggled and had to be the opposite gender etc. Sometimes I wonder if now its just a trend and a way to get attention for some. Now that its become so talked about and people are using trans to mean gender nonconforming etc or being uncomfortable etc. EVERYONE is uncomfortable with parts of their gender.

Reddit user pronounsagainstverbs (detrans male) comments on reclaiming womanhood, explaining that there is no single way to be a girl and that life milestones will be reached regardless of one's unique experiences.
13 pointsApr 6, 2024
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Maybe reframe it as we all have different experiences? I guarantee no two women have the exact same experience in life. If I go outside Ill see masculine women, girly women, androynous women, short women, tall women, etc. I dont think there is any one way to be a girl or have girl experiences. Besides I think you'll reach those milestones regardless.

Reddit user pronounsagainstverbs (detrans male) comments on body image and self-worth, offering support and suggesting breast augmentation for a detransitioned woman.
11 pointsApr 7, 2024
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Ive started tryingh to listen to blinkist and the positive thinking books and I do think the words we tell ourselves can reinforce themselves. Ive been triyng to tell myself everyday Im worthy, I am likeable and my body is valid.

Im sure you cant get back certain things but if its something you want Im sure you know breast augementation has come a long way.

I wouldnt take you as looking less than a typical woman and besides whats a woman besides someone female. Always open for DMs for anyone who wants to vent. You got this!

Reddit user pronounsagainstverbs (detrans male) comments on nonbinary identity, questioning if it's just gender nonconformity, the pressure to adopt labels, and why society funds gender affirmation over other forms of self-improvement like fitness.
5 pointsApr 4, 2024
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I worry NB is just saying im different than stereotypes of my gender. LIke he/they, she/they, is that like im a woman but im gender fluid! Why do we need a distinct label for everything?

At the same time, why do people have to know you're nonconforming etc? Does this put aded pressure to identify as nonconforming or even as the opposite sex?

I felt better about being male as I lost 50 lbs, gained a lot o fmuscle on estrogen. Why do we pay for "gender affirmation" but not weight affirmation, etc?

Reddit user pronounsagainstverbs (detrans male) comments on an FtMtF detransitioner's photos, explaining how facial features like the eyes and brow ridge can signal gender.
3 pointsApr 4, 2024
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Yeah you look lost and sad in pic 1, and like a friendly person id get to know in photo 2. In pic 2 I wouldt never know you were on it. Pic 1 if I removed the facial hair / put my hand over your mouth area i see a female. I guess tahts why you could swithc back so easy, as my doctor said gender is often in the eyes / brow ridge.