This story is from the comments by /u/proof_of_ghosts that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "proof_of_ghosts" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The comments display a highly specific, nuanced, and emotionally resonant personal narrative. The user describes a long-term, complex history of medical transition (starting at 15, SRS at 18, living as a woman for years) and a subsequent "soft detransition" involving a shift in identity without fully reversing medical or legal changes. The writing is consistent, self-critical, and reflects the deep, passionate, and often painful introspection characteristic of someone processing a traumatic life experience. The user engages critically with both transgender and gender-critical ideologies from a deeply personal perspective, which aligns with the genuine conflict many in the detrans community experience.
About me
I was a feminine boy who started medical transition at 15 to escape the distress of male puberty. I felt pressured to adopt a female identity to get the medical care I wanted, which was really just to stop my body from becoming masculine. I deeply regret the genital surgery I had at 18, as it caused me lasting physical and emotional pain. Now, at 32, I live as a male again but continue taking estrogen because I prefer its effects, leaving me in an in-between state. My journey has taught me that I needed the freedom to be a feminine male, not the obligation to become a woman.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition started when I was very young. I was a feminine boy who felt deeply uncomfortable with the changes that male puberty was bringing. I hated the idea of becoming a masculine man—the increase in sex drive, the way my body was shaping itself, it all felt wrong and invasive. I didn’t want to be a woman, exactly; what I really wanted was to preserve the androgynous, youthful appearance I had before puberty. But back then, the only socially acceptable way to access medical intervention—like hormones or surgery—was to claim a female identity and pursue transition.
I began medically transitioning at age 15. My mother was heavily involved, encouraging me to wear women’s clothing, seek out therapists who supported transition, and even helping me arrange surgery. I felt pushed into adopting a female social role—things like dressing femininely or changing my voice—which never felt right. I didn’t care about "being a woman" socially; I just wanted to halt the masculinization of my body. But to get access to estrogen and, eventually, surgery, I felt I had to pretend I believed I was a girl.
At 18, I had genital surgery—penile inversion vaginoplasty. I deeply regret it. I thought it was the final step to becoming "an acceptable woman," but it wasn’t what I wanted. The results are not realistic, and it’s caused me lasting physical and emotional pain. Keeping clean is distressing, and I can’t imagine anyone finding it attractive. I wish I had only had an orchiectomy to stop testosterone, without the additional surgery. If eunuchism had been an accepted option, I would have chosen that—being a feminized male without changing my identity.
I took estrogen from a young age, which kept me looking youthful, and now I’m often perceived as either a woman or a teenage boy. But I don’t see myself as a woman, and I don’t see myself as a man either. I’m stuck in between. I’ve soft-detransitioned in the sense that I now dress in men’s clothes and identify as male, but most people avoid gendering me or guess randomly. I continue to take estrogen because I prefer how it makes me feel—testosterone’s effects on my mind and body were always distressing to me.
Looking back, I think a lot of my desire to transition was driven by a need to escape the social difficulties faced by feminine boys. Men can be dangerous toward feminine males, and passing as a woman felt safer. It wasn’t about wanting to be a woman; it was about avoiding the hatred and confusion that feminine boys provoke in others. I also struggled with internal feelings of envy and resentment toward women during puberty, which I now recognize as misogynistic—I felt that they had something I wanted but couldn’t have, and that fueled my urgency to transition.
I don’t regret all aspects of my transition. I’m glad I avoided further masculinization, and I like the youthful appearance estrogen has given me. But I deeply regret the surgery and the years I spent living under a female identity. It alienated me from myself and trapped me in an ideology that didn’t fit who I am. If I could have simply been a feminized male without all the transgender narrative, I would have been much happier.
Now, I see gender as a biological reality—I am male, and that can’t be changed—but the social ideas attached to gender are flexible. People should be free to mix masculinity and femininity without having to adopt a new identity or label. Transition didn’t make me a woman; it just made me a modified male. I hope that in the future, more people can access the bodily changes they want without having to buy into unrealistic ideologies.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 15 | Began medical transition (started estrogen) |
| 18 | Had penile inversion vaginoplasty (genital surgery) |
| 32 | Soft-detransitioned (started dressing in men’s clothes, reidentified as male) |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/proof_of_ghosts:
Your decisions are yours and we aren't a monolith... But I think few people here will ever see you as "a real man," and as long as your desire to transition is fueled by that belief, that you are or can become a man, really and truly, you are in for a lot of heartbreak and disappointment. The question to ask is not whether we will ever see you as a man, but whether you will ever really see yourself as a man. You may have moments in which you do, but the target is just an image in your mind, and you will find it constantly shifting.
I'm so sorry for what you've lost, and for your loneliness...
On a brighter note, I saw myself -- like my real, true, before self -- in the mirror for real the other day and I was so delighted.
I'm really glad you were able to feel this. Please hang on to this.
One of the reasons I'm transioning is because of how I want to perceive myself.
Believe me, I understand. That's why I'm telling you what I believe. It isn't as simple as an opinion. I'm not just going to laugh and call you female over and over.
If you want to transition specifically for some concrete changes that are realistic and will satisfy you, that's one thing. A lot of users here are still against it, but I'm ambivalent, though I encourage extra caution for female users of testosterone, because it acts so fast and can add up to serious health problems.
But if you need to sum up those changes into the belief, "I'm a real man now, no longer female, no longer a woman," then my opinion is that you are hurting yourself. Not being a man, "man" is only an image conceived by your mind, perceiving men. No amount of resemblance will change that reality. You can't become an image.
Yes.
I could have just taken hormones and had orchi and been a pretty, very feminine boy, and kept my penis intact. The partners I had in my life would still have been attracted to me... Probably more so. And many other people as well.
In the past I found partners anyway, but I don't like to think about it very much. I feel too horrified by what has happened to me to let myself be touched again. I find the idea of someone being attracted to me like this extremely off-putting.
Estrogen from an early age has kept me very youthful. I can pass for a woman or a teenage boy. But it feels like such a waste. I like how my body looks, superficially, but I'm not able to feel comfortable in my skin.
My life was already bound to be a mess in a lot of ways, maybe, but "SRS" really destroyed my chances of ever feeling natural, whole, or lovable.
I'm sorry you're in this situation too.
Sure, there will be a point where I know I'm a man and no longer a woman, but
This is a support forum and no a place for debate between trans and anti-trans activists. We aren't anti-trans or GC (some users are, but please don't treat this as a place to start arguments with internet parents and feminists). We are, mostly, people who have gone through transition. I'm not here to argue with you. I think you can never "know" you're a man. I'm not telling you not to take HRT or anything. I'm saying accept some inherent uncertainty and question your motivations.
What do you hope to get out of this discussion?
Dressing in guys clothes, and being mistaken for a guy felt like heaven to me
You can dress in men's clothing and enjoy being taken for male as often as you want. You don't have to correct anyone, or feel embarrassed. You can even think of yourself as being a lot like a man.
There's an old novel by Joanna Russ that you might like, if you're into that kind of thing... It's called The Female Man.
Being a man or woman is a biological reality, but the ideas we associate with being a man or a woman are much bigger. Without changing your identity, still you can see how your idea of yourself as a woman can overstep the biological reality and limit your self-expression in unjustifiable ways.
The female man does not transition, or stop being a woman in any biological sense. She does not change her legal identity or pronouns. She simply frees herself to be who she is, while claiming whatever she needs from the idea, "man."
I don't know if that helps, but I hope it can a little. Good luck.
How can I bring her to reason that having both sets of genitalia is not normal?
I don't know if you can convince your friend of anything, but the issue with your approach is that "normal" doesn't matter to a lot of us, and the way you're expressing yourself makes you vulnerable to charges of bigotry. In theory there should be nothing wrong with having ambiguous genitalia, or a combination of both types of genitalia. If a healthy, whole person like that could form naturally, that would be fine, in my opinion. You might find yourself in a sexual niche, but that's OK.
The problem is just that surgery will make a mess. It won't look good or natural. It won't feel good for your friend or your friend's potential partners. It won't live up to the fantasy your friend has.
Your friend should just remain whole, or get an orchiectomy (if comfortable with some loss of sexual function) and accept that the body isn't infinitely malleable, and surgery has limitations.
Well, I understand that, but... You asked. I'm not just some stranger, but a specific kind of stranger with some insight into the state of mind you're describing. I've spent a lot of years thinking about these things and trying to put them together in a consistent way. That's all I have to offer. Good luck.
No, it isn't confusing to me. I'm familiar with what you're describing...
I began transition very early. When I look in the mirror I see a boyish woman. Certainly nothing like an adult man. But I know I'm not a woman. I regret some things about my transition, but not others. The things I regret most were driven by the need to believe myself to be a woman, rather than a boy who had altered his body. I also "knew" I was a girl when I was young, and people around me reinforced this belief. This way of thinking about myself drove me into a lot of negative thought patterns over the years.
I guess all these words are different when you're young. As an adult I can't see myself as a man, since I didn't fully mature as one, nor as a woman, since I'm not one, nor as a boy, since I'm not a child.
It's complicated overall. I will never see you as a man any more than I will ever see myself as a woman. But that's OK. If it's not OK with you, take some time to think about why not. That's the important thing, I think.
The reality is bad enough without exaggeration like saying it is an open wound. Awful as our mutilation is, it at least heals. It is a healed wound, and an artificial body cavity, not an open wound. That doesn't make it any less a mistake but this is the last thing I need to deal with...
Edit: Please have a little thought and compassion before downvoting. I have dedicated a lot of time and emotional energy to telling the truth about SRS and dissuading people from getting it.
I don't know if people are being disingenuous or if they genuinely don't know what an open wound is. I'm not dripping blood, and this artificial cavity in my body, disgusting as I may find it, is at least not a raw, open, bloody wound, open to infection. The inside of the artificial cavity is lined with penile flesh. The flesh healed many years ago, and though I wish the cavity would close up, as you would expect of an open wound, it doesn't.
So the implication that it is an open wound is hurtful on two counts, both since it's even more disgusting than the reality that is already painful for me, and since it implies I could simply let it close up, when that isn't actually an option.