This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly consistent over a two-year period, detailing a specific personal journey of desisting from a potential transition through self-acceptance. The story includes nuanced, evolving personal reflections and offers advice that is supportive without being scripted, which is typical of a genuine individual sharing a lived experience. The passion and perspective align with what is expected from a real desister.
About me
I felt like a boy from a very young age and lived with intense dysphoria for nearly twenty years. I decided against medical transition because I realized it couldn't give me the fully male body I truly wanted. My religious beliefs about reincarnation helped me reframe my experience and choose radical acceptance of my female body. I found a way to be a woman that felt right for me, embracing a tomboy style and my own strengths. Now in my thirties, the dysphoria is completely gone and I am finally happy and comfortable in my own skin.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really young. From the time I was a toddler, I felt like a boy. I was certain I was in the wrong body. I dressed like a boy, I lived as a boy, and that feeling of being a boy stuck with me all through my childhood and into my teens. I had what I now know is called dysphoria, and it was really strong for a long time, nearly two decades.
As I got older, especially in my teens, I started to really think about what it would mean to fully transition. I looked into it a lot, and I realized that for me, the results of surgery wouldn't give me what I truly wanted, which was to be a biological male with a fully functioning male body. The idea of having a surgery that would create something that wasn't fully functional, and that would always be a reminder that it wasn't natural, really made me stop and think. I didn't want to just be an approximation of a man; I wanted to be one, and since that wasn't possible, I had to make a choice.
I decided to try a different path. I come from a religious background that believes in reincarnation, and that actually helped me a lot. It was explained to me that maybe I felt this way because I was a man in a past life, and that being a woman in this life was an important part of my soul's path, something I was meant to experience and learn from. Instead of seeing my body as a cruel mistake, I started to see it as a situation I needed to accept, like the saying goes, "accept the things you cannot change."
So, I made a conscious decision to stop fighting it. I took transitioning off the table completely and committed to radical acceptance. This wasn't about talk therapy for me; it was my own personal work. I focused on finding a version of being a woman that I could actually like and feel comfortable with. I've always hated pink and frilly things—they made me feel like a man in a dress, which made the dysphoria worse. So, I found my own style: I wear a lot of black, more form-fitting clothes, and I have a tomboyish, strong energy. I figured out that I like being dominant in relationships too, which helped.
I also made a big effort to focus on the positive parts of being a woman. I thought about the unique experiences and bonds I have with other women, and the things I'd miss out on if I were a man. I started to appreciate my body for what it is, even parts that felt neutral at first. I'd think, if I saw this body on someone else, I'd think it looked good, so why not try to see that for myself? Over time, and with a lot of mental effort, the dysphoria just faded away. It didn't happen overnight, but by my mid-twenties, it was pretty much gone. Now, in my thirties, I don't experience it at all. I even own a pink dress now and feel fine in it, which is something I never thought would happen.
I don't regret not transitioning. For me, choosing acceptance freed up so much mental space and allowed me to be happy. I think if I had grown up in a different time, where medical transition was more accessible and pushed, I might have gone down that path and probably would have regretted it. I'm glad I had the chance to figure things out on my own terms.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's not as rigid as people make it out to be. There's no one way to be a woman or a man. You can be a woman who likes "masculine" things, or a man who likes "feminine" things, and that doesn't have to mean you're trans. I think if society didn't have such strict gender roles, a lot fewer people would feel the need to transition. For me, I'm just me—a woman who likes what she likes and is finally comfortable in her own skin.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Toddler/Young Child | Felt like a boy, dressed and lived as a boy. |
| Teen Years | Strong dysphoria, lived as a boy on and off. Researched transition but decided against it due to surgical limitations. |
| Mid-Late Teens | Began actively working on self-acceptance and radical acceptance of my female body. |
| Mid-Twenties | Dysphoria had significantly faded. Found comfort in a tomboy/androgynous style. |
| Thirties | Dysphoria completely gone. Fully happy and comfortable living as a woman. |
Top Comments by /u/pufffffytheiri:
I can relate to that anger, but on a different topic. I definitely had woke friends create an environment of shaming and blaming so toxic that everyone walked on eggshells.
I’m sorry such a personal truth of yours was invalidated by them. Regardless of whether they agreed with you or not, they should have inquired how you felt, and listened non-judgementally. In any friend situation, it’s about supporting that person, even if their opinions differ from yours. I’m sorry you didn’t get that space to feel safe enough to explore your own feelings fully. I wish you luck going forward and hope you can get to a good place.
I think you might be trying too hard to “shoe horn yourself in” as you said, to one label. The truth is, most people don’t fit into one label cleanly and neatly.
This may not be what you want to hear, but it sounds to me like you have already figured yourself out: you have a male body, and like some “male things” (except what are those really?) and some “female things” (except again, there’s really no rule that tennis is a female thing). You like dresses and feel great as a man. You like visual design and are comfortable as a man.
It sounds like you know yourself really well, your likes and dislikes. I think you may just be focusing too much on trying to make it neatly “fit”.
You don’t have to be trans or gay to like the things you listed. You don’t even have to be metrosexual, or non-alpha; terms that people use about a more effeminate man. Men and women can enjoy whichever sport and hobbies they’re drawn to. They don’t have to like all one “type” or another.
So yeah, congrats on goi bf to therapy and gaining a lot of self-awareness. It’s great you found things you enjoy, and clothing styles you like. It’s great. Maybe focus on just being “you”, instead of labelling everything as male or female and being torn that you have to be all one or the other
I think their point is that there’s no need to segregate things into a specific binary. You can be a man who wears pink etc. Androgynous/non binary/gender fluid etc are all options as well.
I made peace with being a more masculine girl (tomboy type) because I didn’t want to fully transition and definitely wasn’t stereotypical feminine.
But those things are stereotypical. Just because of some studies on wildlife, it doesn’t mean there aren’t girls who like rough n tumble play, or who don’t do stereotypically “masculine” things. Play contact sports and fight and never wear dresses and etc etc.
Wanting to present as another gender is a separate issue I think. Separate to stereotypical gendered things like above.
The thing that helped me accept my female body/self was figuring out that I could like what I like. I’m more of a tomboy type, and wear a lot of black. I hate pink, and frilly things, so I stay away from them.
Finding a version of yourself that you like and accept is key. Don’t worry about external things like what other women are into/wearing, but look at what you’re interested in and might want to wear.
This is good advice, and building on this, OP have you considered therapy? It might be helpful to have someone objective to talk all this out with over more time. Have a professional who may be able to point out the conditioning and help you overcome it to figure out what you truly want.
That being said, I also think there are some cases where someone can like different things from each gender, and not have one fit them perfectly. That might be your situation as well. There’s definitely good (and bad) to both.
I think for many people there were warning signs, but for others there are/were none.
Because a lot of people suffer from dysphoria, feel they were born in the wrong body, want to be the other gender, all that… but then stop for practical reasons. Like not wanting to go through surgery. Or not seeing the results as “good enough” (ie. I wanted to be a cis man, with a fully functional cis body and genitalia. All the medical transitioning in the world wouldn’t achieve that.) Some transition and don’t pass enough to want to live that way for the rest of their lives. Etc.
So there are lots of people that start transitioning and then stop and detransition and find other ways to deal with dysphoria. It doesn’t mean they aren’t or weren’t trans. There aren’t always red flags.
First, thank you for doing this research.
Second, woah, only 24% of participants informed their medical practitioners that they detransitioned? No wonder people think it’s such a rare phenomenon of just a few confused people.
We have to let the medical field know we exist to be counted!
I don’t know if any research about this, but there is some done that showed women were attracted to different male features when at different times in their natural hormonal cycle. So that also extended to birth control pills (hormones) and you’ll have to look it up, because I can’t rn, but women have talked about losing attraction to their partner after coming off bc, or being attracted to someone different for years.
It’s interesting stuff, so yes I think it def can affect your attraction/love feelings.
Honestly, for me it was mainly time. You’re still young, and for me around that age I still had it sometimes. By the time I was in my mid twenties it was gone for me.
Also, focusing on parts of your current gender experience you do like. For example. I hated frilly, girly things. They always made me feel like a man in a dress and made me feel more dysphoric. When I started dressing in all black, more form fitting things, I felt more comfortable. So finding a style and energy that I did like was important. My energy is more strong tomboy than girly and submissive. Also figuring out I liked to be dominant in sexual relationships helped. I focus on being an active feminist and appreciating my female friendships and special bonds we have, etc. Basically I’m focusing on the things that I couldn’t have if I was a man and am choosing to be like “hey look at all these cool things I DO experience as this gender.”
I also spent a lot of time working on acceptance. I’d still love to have been born a man with working male genitalia, but since ftm surgery is no where near that, I decided to focus on accepting what I do have. Just like the greater “accept the things you can not change” mantra. I think there are many valuable things to be learned from accepting something that isn’t ideal and isn’t the way you’d like it to be, but exists, like your skin colour or disabilities or other things that we have no control over. Instead of fighting and hating it about ourselves, being like “hey, this is the situation. Now onto other things in my life I can control. What do I want to do with my time/life/existence?”
I don’t get dysphoria at all anymore, except maybe if I was to try on a pink frilly dress for some reason. And cuz I’m an adult and it’s my choice, that never happens. So I’m 100% fine with my gender and body now. It can and does happen. Good luck
I’m going to copy and paste a comment I made in another thread so please ignore the parts that don’t fit your question, but tldr; yes it can fully go away. It did for me.
Honestly, for me it was mainly time. You’re still young, and for me around that age I still had it sometimes.
Also, focusing on parts of your current gender experience you do like. For example. I hated frilly, girly things. They always made me feel like a man in a dress and made me feel more dysphoric. When I started dressing in all black, more form fitting things, I felt more comfortable. So finding a style and energy that I did like was important. My energy is more strong tomboy than girly and submissive. Also figuring out I liked to be dominant in sexual relationships helped. I focus on being an active feminist and appreciating my female friendships and special bonds we have, etc. Basically I’m focusing on the things that I couldn’t have if I was a man and am choosing to be like “hey look at all these cool things I DO experience as this gender.”
I also spent a lot of time working on acceptance. I’d still love to have been born a man with working male genitalia, but since ftm surgery is no where near that, I decided to focus on accepting what I do have. Just like the greater “accept the things you can not change” mantra. I think there are many valuable things to be learned from accepting something that isn’t ideal and isn’t the way you’d like it to be, but exists, like your skin colour or disabilities or other things that we have no control over. Instead of fighting and hating it about ourselves, being like “hey, this is the situation. Now onto other things in my life I can control. What do I want to do with my time/life/existence?”
I don’t get dysphoria at all anymore, except maybe if I was to try on a pink frilly dress for some reason. And cuz I’m an adult and it’s my choice, that never happens. So I’m 100% fine with my gender and body now. It can and does happen. Good luck