You do not need to be okay with him watching other girls naked. I don't know why it's so normalized for men or anyone in a relationship to consume porn and most often than not the women are supposed to just accept it and are made to feel like they're too insecure and that they're the problem. Grinds my gears

Hey, I also underwent CSA and was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD on the other hand. I banked really hard on getting top surgery, thought it was gonna be THAT thing that made me feel better when I would’ve probably gained more from tackling the roots of all my problems first. It’s good that you’ve come to terms with these things and told them here, I was not at that point yet when I did end up going through top surgery. Started realizing all the shit you already realized way later, after surgery. Either way, most often than not the surgeon will be able to lay the surgery on ice for now, til you come to a conclusion. And if you need somebody to talk to, my dms are open as well. Good luck!

That sounds awful, I'm so sorry. Maybe it's a personal thing but if my partner ever said stuff like that to me (maybe you're not as sensitive as I am and asked them yourself) I would lose my mind too.

But I understand what you're saying - I personally romanticized gay relationships, being a man with a man myself. It's something I still struggled with well into my detransition and still catches up to me sometimes.

Of course those things would make you feel like shit. If my boyfriend only got off to porn that was of people the opposite of me I'd be crazy insecure.

You already said that you feel uncomfortable about HRT or surgeries. Don't forget that. Don't do anything just to "please" your partner. Instead you should really have a conversation to them about this. Tell them what makes you uncomfortable and why so - establish some boundaries. Obviously with the way the relationship is right now it makes you feel some sense of insecurity, understandably.

When it comes to being a man's girlfriend, I understand that as well. For me it sort of got easier and less of an issue when I started to dismantle my internalized misogyny. But that was the reason I personally felt that way, I don't know why you do. But a lot of people these days even in "straight" relationships will often refer to their partner as a partner rather than gf/bf. Maybe that could help?

Bottom of the line is I think you should just have that conversation with them I mentioned and do what will make you feel more comfortable and secure. I wish you the best ♡

I think what helps in cases like these, is asking them hard questions. They can be bold and your partner might be upset and angry at first that you dare question what they think is the right thing to do, but usually after just putting questions like that in the room, even if we don’t like it, lingers and you have to think about them one way or another.

Things like: Why do you want to do this? If the answer is: I think I am a man/ born in the wrong body/ I would just be happier as a guy and such often people are not really aware of why they want to do this. Ask, what do you think a man is? How, do you, as a female understand what being a man would be like? Or do you just want to be more gender non-conforming, cut your hair, dress differently? A lot of people jump the gun especially when they think about transitioning in adulthood and go straight to HRT and surgery when in reality when gender transitioning is done properly, one should live in the “role” of their desired gender for at least up to a year if not longer, while attending constant talk therapy. If it sticks, those permanent things can slowly be introduced. And even then, there’s plenty of people who still end up regretting it. Questions that are harder, that I’ve asked my own husband (ftm) are things like childhood experiences, the kind of relationship they had to their parents and such. Was their dad a misogynist, did their mom not include them and validate them in their identity, are they not supported in their environment where they feel like they can do just as much as a man can, even if not socially accepted? Do they have body dysmorphia, are they neurodivergent, have had trauma, internalized misogyny, do they think it would be more fun to be in a “gay” relationship? Theres so many more questions you could ask your partner, but these are some of the concrete ones I can think about right now before this post gets any longer..

Good luck!

I think you already answered your own question, it’s a kink, something to do with degradation. It’s not the same as getting misgendered in public by a stranger I assume, as their intent is not to degrade but just misgendered them due to assumption or based on appearance. I think it’s kinda weird too, but have you ever heard of raceplay? Yea..

While it sounds absolutely true for you, from what I've seen, other things are more common, which does not invalidate your reasoning at all. Things I mostly see: AGP/AAP, internalized misogyny and sometimes misandry, sexual trauma, neurodivergency (most often ASP & BPD). You could debate some of these things could have been prevented by better parenting, but at least that's my opinion.

It's because there are a lot of people, especially on here, that don't believe that being trans is innate. You can identify as trans but some people think that "being trans" is not really a thing. It's kind of a topic thats easily debateable (I'm not really looking for one, just trying to explain why the term is used commonly).

So if being trans is not innate, people tend to not use "trans people" and rather "trans identified". It kind of means the same thing, but at least thats what I think the difference is. On top of that theres plenty of people that don't transition medically. Those would be considered desisters rather than detransitioned, regardless both groups would be considered trans identified prior to the fact.

i haven’t seen any studies, but god strike me down if there isn’t a bold, red link between bpd and trans/detrans identities. possibly due to often than not childhood trauma as well that leads to body dysphoria/alienating feelings towards the body and not accepting it.

Thank you for sharing that, it's been a while since I've seen actual straight up numbers and sources.

Definitely believe it's more than 1% as well, but I think it's also worth considering that I've seen a good share of trans people simply being curious about us and lurking on here/posting sometimes. And recently more people making the choice to re-transition, which I think is interesting in itself. Single digit percentage doesn't sound like a lot of people, but it is when you think about how many trans people there are or were total.

yes. i think a lot of us are biased because it didn’t work for us and that’s kind of that. will we see a lot of detransitioners soon (we already are tbh)? yes. also at the end of the day it’s an identity.. don’t really see how that can either be real or not real. i assume you’re implying people with agp/aap and such.