This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user's writing is nuanced, emotionally complex, and deeply personal, detailing a specific journey of questioning, social transition, and desistance. The narrative is internally consistent and reflects the passionate, conflicted, and often angry perspective common in the detrans/desister community. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
About me
I started feeling uncomfortable with my female body at 13 because I was a tomboy who only fit in with my male friends. I identified as a trans man for years because it solved my social anxiety and made me feel like just one of the guys. After a lot of research, I realized medical transition wouldn't solve my deeper issues and I was scared of the permanent changes. I ultimately decided to stop identifying as a man and accept that I am a masculine woman. I'm glad I explored my identity socially but never took hormones, and I'm now learning to practice body neutrality.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started around puberty, when I was 13. I began to feel really uncomfortable with my developing female body. It felt alien and wrong. All my friends were guys; we were all nerds who liked gaming and toys, and I never fit in with the girls who were starting to get interested in fashion and boys. I felt like I was meant to be one of the guys, and my female body made that impossible. It created this barrier and made me worry my male friends would see me as a potential girlfriend instead of just a friend.
I first identified as non-binary at 13, and then as a trans man at 14. My parents were completely against it from the beginning and never used my chosen pronouns, though they did agree to use a unisex nickname for me. I desisted for the first time at 15, mostly because of the pressure from my parents and my environment. I tried to be a feminine girl, but it felt just as wrong as before. I was back to being miserable, so I retransitioned at 16.
For over a year, identifying as a guy felt comfortable. It solved my social problems. I finally felt like I was just one of the guys in my friend group and didn't have to worry about the weird dating dynamics anymore. I liked wearing masculine clothes and having short hair; it felt like me. I started thinking about taking testosterone, but I was always scared of the permanent changes. I was worried about losing my looks—I have clear skin and a slim, androgynous body type, and I was afraid T would cause weight gain, acne, and hair loss.
I spent a lot of time online, in communities like this one, reading about other people's experiences. I saw that a lot of people who took T still seemed sad and dysphoric afterward. It seemed like the goalposts just moved; after your voice drops, you’re dysphoric about your chest, then about bottom surgery, and it never really ends. I realized that even if I was "stealth," my dating life would be really hard. The idea of having to tell a potential partner I was trans before being intimate really worried me, and it felt like it would limit me to a very small pool of people.
I also realized a lot of my feelings were tied to not seeing myself represented anywhere. I’m a masculine woman, and we are basically invisible in media. Everything feminine is hyper-feminine. When I was younger, I had intense fixations on certain male anime characters—ones who were smaller, with softer, more androgynous features. I didn't have a crush on them; I wanted to be them. They were the closest thing I saw to how I felt and looked. Transitioning felt like a way to finally idolize them without conflict.
But I started to question if medical transition was the right answer for those feelings. I heard about something called exploratory therapy, which sounded like it could help me figure out the root of my discomfort without immediately jumping to hormones. I decided that all the social parts of my transition were reversible, so I could keep presenting the way I liked while I figured things out.
Just before I turned 18, I made the final decision to desist. I realized I couldn't change the fact that I was female. I decided that my discomfort was something I had to learn to live with, through a kind of "body neutrality"—accepting my body for what it is and what it allows me to do, rather than hating it for what it looks like. I didn't want to sign up for a lifetime of medical dependency, especially since getting even basic mental health support is already so difficult. I also didn't want to limit my future and my opportunities for dating and living a full life outside of a very specific, accepting bubble.
I don't regret socially transitioning. It helped me through a really tough time and allowed me to explore my identity. It made me popular and finally gave me a solid friend group. But I'm glad I never took testosterone. I think my journey was heavily influenced by not fitting in, internalized issues about being a woman who doesn't conform, and a lack of representation for masculine women. I'm still figuring out my sexuality; I think I might be a lesbian, but I've never been with anyone. For now, I'm just trying to accept myself as a woman who is masculine, and that's okay.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started puberty. Felt intense discomfort with my developing female body. Socially transitioned to non-binary. |
| 14 | Socially transitioned to a trans man. |
| 15 | First desistance due to parental and environmental pressure. Tried to present as a feminine girl. |
| 16 | Retransitioned to a trans man after a year of being miserable. |
| 17 | Researched testosterone heavily but decided against it due to fears of permanent side effects and health risks. Explored the concept of exploratory therapy. |
| 17 (late) | Made the final decision to desist. Stopped identifying as a man and accepted being a masculine woman. Kept my masculine presentation. |
Top Comments by /u/quandale_goofyahh:
holy shit you just told my life story. when i was in middle school, i had obsessions with male characters that i thought were crushes, but then i realized it was more than that. i wanted to be them. often they were the anime characters with a smaller, more soft appearance, often with blonde hair and blue eyes, often the shortest male character. but i never wanted to fuck them, probably not even a kiss, i just wanted to be them. i couldn’t relate to any femininity in the media, i related to male anime characters with bodies similar to mine but with a young, boyish look about them.
like you, i could never relate to the straight white girls. i couldn’t relate to any female characters in shows, games, but i could relate to the male characters. unfortunately, female masculinity is not represented enough in the media. nearly everything female in the media is hyper feminine, even animals in cartoons will have pretty eyelashes and curves. when i transitioned FtM, i no longer had to be “attracted” to them anymore, i could idolise them. i did have dysphoria too, but i think it mostly stemmed from the distress being female caused me when all my successful friendships were with gamer boys. i tried so hard to be feminine but it felt alien to me, when i identified as a boy i finally felt like i could be myself.
i imagine this is common for so many masculine women, as we don’t really get any representation in the media at all. small, feminine male characters are the closest to look like us. i believe this is one of the reasons we’re seeing so many girls transition, because i know even some straight girls don’t feel sexy enough for the feminine ideal so they feel better IDing as a gay trans boy. personally, idk what sexuality i am, i think i may be a lesbian but i’ve never tried anything with anyone
so like body neutrality, which is an alternative to body positivity i prefer because it’s just acknowledging what your body does for u. your body lets u live, breathe and move, why care what it looks like, sorta thing
and u right something this big IS something to question, doubt and take seriously. someone else in this thread suggested a thing called exploratory therapy i’ve decided i’m going to look into that. all the social transition things are reversible, so if it makes me go back i won’t regret these things especially since i like looking masc anyway
21 seems like a good idea, don’t worry i will not take T for at least a few years. i heard from someone else 25-30 is the age of finished brain development, a risk is a risk no matter how small.
And jeez 15? that seems wayyy to young, it’s sad doctors keep okaying this and hopefully it changes with more stories like yours coming out
u still experience dysphoria after T? damn, that sounds tough. i feel like after the voice, it’d be the boobs, and then the vagina, and god knows something else might come up to be dysphoric about. i am with u that most of my dysphoria is related physical characteristics rather than social perception.
i feel like even if i were to be stealth, there would still be backlash from society when it comes to intimacy, i often think about how telling someone you’re trans before sex might put them off and someone else in the thread said it limits sexual partners to only a small group of people who would find me attractive
the weight gain, hair loss and acne are what i’d be most scared of i got clear beautiful skin and a slim body type, i’m glad to know it’s not wrong to fear being less attractive, especially since i consider myself attractive in an androgynous way right now, i really don’t want to lose my looks.
when you say gamble with your health, what do u mean? are there nasty affects to your health?
the social media facade seems real, from what other ppl have said it seems like there’s an ugly side to the lifestyle once u transition too, especially romantically
my parents were against my transition from day one, never once called me by my preferred pronouns at the time, however they did agree to call me by a unisex name. i socially transitioned to non binary at 13 and trans at 14, then desisted at 15. i think the first time i desisted was because of my environment, i desisted into a very feminine girl and then retransitioned a year later at 16 after finding i was back where i started in terms of not being comfortable with myself. i would constantly wish to retransition until eventually it got the best of me to retransition. i felt comfortable identifying as a boy for over a year, and this time i desisted i did it because i’m nearly 18 and i decided i didn’t wanna sign up to the medical experiments, and that it’s not worth it. i’ve been telling myself i’m a girl and i can’t change that, but i’ve been so comfortable with how i presented as a trans guy that i’ve just kept how i present the same, i just stopped identifying as the other gender and accepted that me not conforming to gender roles does not make me a man and that i can never really be a man, but i can only imitate the secondary sex characteristics of a man. by doing so, i risk making my life a lot harder with a permanent reliance on the medical system, which i already have a hard enough time getting mental health support as it is it would be hell to rely on them forever. and because i don’t want my dating opportunities to be reduced and have to only live in a bubble of acceptance and never move out into the real world. tough decision, but i think desisting is right for me in the long run. this time i’ve done it because i’ve found the time to emotionally mature myself, instead of because of my parents. you have to wait and keep exploring, it is possible that your parents transphobia is weighing on you but it’s also possible that desisting will be better for you in the long run, only you can decide what path you take
tbh i feel bad for u. i don’t have to deal with any effects of my social transition, because i was always uncool. in fact i’m staying socially transitioned until i leave this town because i don’t want the trans kids to hate me too.
as a little girl i was a nerd, only cared about playing with toys (boys and girls toys, didn’t care if it was cars or dolls or thomas the tank engine) which turned into gaming once i discovered it. i tried but did not care about fashion. i had long hair and wore dresses but i did not care at all what i looked like, my hair would become a birds nest from not brushing, and most of my clothes i didn’t even pick out myself.
as a result, i ended up gravitating towards nerdy guy friends. none of the girls liked me. when i hit puberty, it was harder to stay with the guys. i thought i was just meant to be a guy bc like, i liked what they liked, none of the girls were my friends. the few female friends i had start going off and getting boyfriends while i couldn’t imagine dating my male friends. i became disgusted at my female body from like 13 when it became obvious. puberty i started worrying about male friends liking me in that way. every time i hung out with girls it would fail.
so transitioning actually made me more popular. well, because i stopped having to worry about being seen as dating my male friends. i genuinely felt like one of my friend group. one of the guys.
never wore baggy clothes bc i’ve always had an androgynous body type, but masc clothes and short hair are still my thing. i never felt comfortable girly but when i socially transitioned and tried masc clothes i liked how i presented to the world.
i’m glad i never went on T and i’m never going to bc i feel like it would just make it impossible to date anyone and i want to date someone soon
about the female power one, a bit strange u talk about that i do not identify as a man bc the world makes “women seem like a bad thing”, ive had GD since puberty. i feel like if i were to desist living comfortably as a woman, it’d be like body neutrality but for gender, acceptance that this is something i can’t change. while i do wish i could be a man, i don’t think i’d really be a man, as others have said it’s living life as a “trans man” and i’m even starting to doubt after seeing friends do HRT and still seem sad and miserable whether it would actually stop my feelings of dysphoria
exploratory therapy? how would i go about seeking that? bc that sounds like it might just fix this shit without having to make the sacrifices people are talking about. sounds like it will be hard to find though, with the affirmative approach being so common…
i really do believe that there are more options to alleviating dysphoria that aren’t common knowledge right now. anyway i’ve got to try the reversible approaches before the permanent ones, exploratory therapy sounds like it’s worth a shot
good for u, i just said these are things to consider and keep in mind, if it is still worth it after considering all the possibilities i don’t see an issue. i just made this post so anyone considering transition can properly ask themselves, “will this be worth it” and decide from there