This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or not a real person.
The comments show a highly specific, nuanced, and emotionally complex personal narrative spanning years. The user details a long history (18+ years on testosterone), specific health complications from a hysterectomy, evolving self-perception, and consistent, deeply personal regrets and reflections. The language is natural, with self-contradictions and evolving thoughts that are typical of a genuine person processing a difficult experience. The passion and criticism towards certain medical and therapeutic practices align with the expected viewpoint of a long-term detransitioner.
About me
I started testosterone at 23 and felt great for a few years, but a hysterectomy I had at 32 triggered serious, lifelong health problems. I’ve realized my issues were more about body dysmorphia and internalized misogyny than being male, and I never truly identified as a man. As I’ve aged, the thought of growing old as a man causes me more dysphoria. I’m now planning to stop testosterone and start estrogen to try and feel more like myself again. My biggest regret is my hysterectomy, and if I could go back, I’d tell my younger self to slow down and explore other options.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition has been long and complicated. I started my medical transition when I was 23 years old. I'm 43 now, so that means I've been on testosterone for nearly 20 years. For a long time, about 3 to 6 years, I felt really good about my decision. That was my honeymoon period. But things changed for me, especially after a major surgery.
My biggest regret, by far, is getting a total hysterectomy. I had it in March 2010 when I was 32. I thought it was the right choice at the time because my aunt had ovarian cancer. I later found out her cancer was likely caused by daily talcum powder use, not genetics. I didn't understand the real risks, and no one in the medical community properly warned me. That surgery triggered a lot of health problems for me. It caused my thyroid to stop working properly, giving me hypothyroidism, and it also triggered a mild case of ME/CFS, a chronic fatigue illness. I was in the best shape of my life right before that surgery, and then everything went sideways. I am now dependent on synthetic hormones for the rest of my life, and that is a heavy burden to carry.
I don't regret my top surgery as much. I had my chest surgery in August 2002 when I was 22, just a few months after starting T. But looking back, I wish I had just gotten a breast reduction to a small A or B cup instead of a full removal. I’ve realized that a lot of my issues were more about body dysmorphia—disliking my large, thick body—and not truly about gender dysphoria. I think there was also some internalized misogyny mixed in there. I never really identified as a man; I always saw myself as queer, trans, gay, masculine of center, but never "male." As I've gotten older, I identify much more with non-binary people.
Losing my hair has been another source of grief. I came from a family of redheads, and I had a ton of beautiful, thick auburn hair. It was something I really loved about myself. Watching it thin out on testosterone caused me dysphoria, even back then. I wish I had seen that as a sign to stop and reconsider my path.
Something shifted for me in the last couple of years. As I've aged, I've started having more dysphoria about being seen as an older man. When that FaceApp trend was going around, I had a picture of myself as an older "daddy" type, and it really freaked me out. I looked handsome, but I didn't connect with that image at all. It made me realize I don't want to grow old as a man. I’ve spent almost half my life being read by the world as a somewhat effeminate, queer man, but that's not who I am at my core.
I'm now considering detransitioning. I'm thinking about ramping down my testosterone and getting on some estrogen and progesterone to help balance my body out. My biggest worry is my hair, which is a vanity thing, but it's a real concern for me. I'm trying to focus on my health and comfort above all else. I have an amazing therapist who is part of the LGBT community and identifies as non-binary. They are completely supportive and have been a huge help in navigating all these hard feelings that are coming up.
Hindsight is everything. If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would tell her to slow down. To get a breast reduction, not full surgery. To never, ever get a hysterectomy. To surround herself with amazing butch women and non-binary folks and to really explore the roots of her discomfort before making any permanent medical changes. I feel a lot of grief and regret, but I'm trying to be compassionate with myself and focus on healing and moving forward. I'm choosing persistence, gratitude, and hope.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 22 | Aug 2002 | Had top surgery (chest surgery) |
| 23 | 2002 | Started testosterone (T) |
| 32 | Mar 2010 | Had total hysterectomy (regret deeply) |
| 41 | ~2021 | Began seriously considering detransition |
| 43 | Present | Currently planning to ramp down T and start estrogen/progesterone |
Top Comments by /u/questioningcub:
Definitely! The medical community will realize in a decade or so just how fricking wrong they are.
My aunt had ovarian cancer so I just stupidly said “take it all out” at the time and didn’t have any medical providers talking to me about the REAL, TRUE risks of such a procedure… I later came to find out my aunt likely developed cancer from using talcum powder daily (know to cause reproductive cancers) … I’m honestly devastated by it all and the fact that I now have to rely on supplemental hormones indefinitely… … BUT I’m trying to just focus on healing, moving forward and being grateful for the positivities in my life - bc the alternative is to be paralyzed with grief, regret, fear, & pain… which is just too much to bear.
I’m choosing persistence, gratitude, curiosity, strength & hope.
As a side note… it’s also SO painful to watch several people I know in community who are trans and therapists and are complete off the deep end, in my opinion, with their practices… EVERYTHING for them is about affirming care and getting letters for young kids. It’s fucking heartbreaking. These therapists are 10yrs younger than me and only transitioned ~5 yrs ago and in the process of getting bottom surgery… and… as a mildly jaded, old hag of a “trans” person (that label isn’t how I see myself anymore but most people see me as that) … I’m just left wringing my hands and seeing the writing on the wall…. 😕
That are so many folks who really need to be exploring far more in depth the roots of why one wants to go to these drastic medical lengths to alter one’s body… instead its just a few sessions, getting a note and being on your merry way. So sadly there already is and there’s going to continue to be a need for detrans folks to get the support we need.
Thanks It was the total hysto that triggered all my health problems. I was actually in the best shape of my life and felt amazing just before the surgery. Right afterward everything went sideways & the surgery triggered my mild ME/CFS. I’m still convinced and hopeful I can regain my health. Not giving up 💪🏽
I had chest surgery in August 2002 at 22yrs old (I’m 43 now). I had started T a few months prior. In March 2010 I had a hysterectomy which I regret deeply (probably the biggest regret of my life)…. Still living as male but never identified as male really… queer, trans, gay, masc of center, fruitcake, yes… but never “male”… As time (and I have progressed) I find myself identifying much more with my non-binary peers than my trans male peers. If I could go back in time and have a heart to heart with my younger self (& actually get thru to them which would’ve been challenging)… I’d advise little me to have a reduction to a A/B cup (I was C/D) and lift and slow my roll. Take your time… life is long… and complicated. Best of luck.
Get a breast reduction/lift. Start running. Your issues are more body dysmorphia, less gender dysmorphia. Never get a hysterectomy or oophorectomy (your aunt got cancer because of daily talcum powder - your genetics are fine). Avoid all the fall out & health complications that surgery would result in for you. Surround yourself with amazing butch women & nonbinary folks. Stay away from evil narcissists who will drain and damage you. Maybe dabble in low dose T if you must but again - don’t cut out your perfectly healthy hormonal organs. Be kind to yourself. You are worthy and wonderful just as you are.
My honeymoon period was 3-6 yrs (been on T for nearly 18 yrs). My hysto lead to health complications (triggered some hypothyroidism) that abruptly ended the honeymoon. A lot of what others describe above resonates for me. I’ve been on low dose since the hysto but thinking now about detransitioning (probably would have yrs ago had I been more aware of the possibility & if I hadn’t been so wrap up with other things — advanced degree, a toxic relationship, divorce, etc.) I 100% regret the hysto less so my chest surgery. I’ve walked around the world the past ~18 yrs being read as a queer, somewhat effeminate man. Something has shifted for me now. Considering ramping down the T & getting on some estrogen & progesterone (which I toyed with after the hysto in attempts to balance myself out tho I didn’t drop the T). Hindsight is everything. Trying to just take things slowly & be compassionate with myself. So grateful to have found this community.
You look great my friend. I’m a ftm-ish person considering detransitioning. Been on T 19 yrs (12 have been lower dose). Starting to realize a lot of my dysmorphia is large body not gender dysmorphia. When I think about what I’d like my body to look like post detrans it is like you (tho thicker bc I’ve always had extra meat on me). I too find high fat, meat, veg diets make me look & feel good. Congrats on feeling good in hour body & gender esp at such a young age!
I’m a trans “elder” I suppose. Medically transitioned at 23. Now I’m 42. My issue was less internalized homophobia but more thick body (less so gender) dysmorphia perhaps mixed with a touch of internalized misogyny. I recently joined an FTM online group for folks 40+ to research health stuff. Some are old timers but def lots of older folks just now transitioning. I think there’s probably a lot of internalized stuff going on (same no doubt with younger groups too) ... and nearly 20 yrs out I can see inklings/signs of it but when you’re in the thick of it and just excited about the new physical changes none of that other stuff is visible. Quite the juxtaposition - that group vs the detrans stuff I’ve been connecting with. Quite the trip. I don’t know at what point I will know detransitioning will be right for me. Talking to my endo in ten days. Health is my biggest priority. I had a hysto unfortunately so I’m dependent on synthetic hormones no matter what... the jury is just still out where I’ll land exactly. Guessing by the way you stated it that your chronic illness stuff is not at all related to your medical transition or did I get that wrong?
That makes sense too and I could understand the sentiment for sure. My therapist is actually non binary now (goes by whatever/all pronouns) — but when I met them (I think) they were more on the butch lesbian end of things. They know (& support) my feelings of regret re: my medical transition… and it’s interesting that they’re kind of going in one direction while I’m going in the other… but it’s all a non issue because they are such an AMAZING therapist that I feel so well supported.
I think at the end of the day everybody just wants to see someone that understands them, sees them, supports them, “gets them,” and… also asks the right questions from a place of empathy and coaxes out of us our own inherent wisdom. My therapist has an incredible gift. I can only imagine how wonderful (& challenging) it would be to be a guide like that in helping people grow into better, healthier versions of themselves. I kinda think I might be built for this too… tbd 😀
Feel free to msg me if you wanna geek out on this stuff. I’ve been doing different strategies to cope with chronic health stuff (I have ME/CFS that was triggered by my hysto)… and am finding some stuff useful that I think could benefit a lot of detrans folks (specifically EFT - emotional freedom technique or tapping and also brain retraining). .. basically they’re techniques to get your brain to create new pathways, new perspectives, reframing, etc. Also interested in breathwork and somatic strategies.