This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on these comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The user's posts show:
- Internal Conflict: They express complex, nuanced, and ongoing personal struggles with identity, social perception, and relationships. This is difficult to fake convincingly.
- Personal Narrative: The comments reference a specific, consistent backstory (e.g., having had FFS, being in a relationship, concerns about work and family).
- Emotional Authenticity: The feelings of embarrassment, fear, and inauthenticity align with the known experiences of detransitioners/desisters, including the "passionate and pissed off" nature mentioned in your prompt.
The account seems to be a genuine person grappling with detransition.
About me
I'm a male who transitioned to female because I never fit the narrow expectations for a man and I saw it as a way to escape my anxiety and depression. Now, I'm stuck going back and forth for over a year, torn between the enjoyment I got from some parts of being a woman and the exhausting feeling of performing an inauthentic identity. I'm terrified to detransition because of the embarrassment at work and the fear that my girlfriend, who is attracted to women, will no longer want me. My experiences have made me lose sympathy for the trans community, and I now wonder if I could have just learned to be a different kind of man instead. I'm stuck in the middle, regretting the complications but unsure if I regret the journey itself since it led me to finally ask these hard questions.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition started because I felt like I could never fit into the narrow box of what a man was supposed to be. I was born male, but I never felt right in that role. I think a lot of my initial feelings were wrapped up in low self-esteem and a deep discomfort with myself. I also struggled with anxiety and depression, and I think I saw transition as a form of escapism—a way to become a completely different person and leave my old problems behind.
I was sure pretty quickly that I wanted to transition and I got my diagnosis to be safe, but looking back, I moved fast. For more than a year now, I’ve been going back and forth on whether I want to detransition. I always circle back to the same arguments in my head and can’t find a solid answer. It’s like trying to compare apples to oranges; how do you weigh the enjoyment I got from some effects of transition against the potential of living a more authentic and less self-aware life?
A huge part of my doubt now is this feeling of inauthenticity. It’s exhausting to constantly perform and defend your gender. The idea of just being, without having to prove anything with my presentation or behaviors, is really tempting. It feels like it would be a relief.
There are also very practical fears holding me back from detransitioning. The embarrassment feels too high to handle, especially at work. It feels easier to just quit my job and find another one. I’m also terrified that my girlfriend will lose her attraction to me. She’s with me as a woman, and she’s attracted to the female version of me. If I detransitioned, I’d be a short, skinny guy, and it makes total sense that the physical change would affect her attraction, even if I’m the same person inside. She doesn’t care if I’m trans or cis, but she’s in a relationship with a woman.
My experiences have also really changed how I view the trans community. I used to try to fight negative feelings, but after interacting with many trans people in person and seeing the things they post online, the hills they choose to die on, and after being sexually assaulted by one of them, I don’t hold much sympathy for most of them anymore. I know there are good trans people, but they seem to be a minority and usually don’t make it a big part of their identity. It sucks because it would be nice to have a community, but I connect more with LGB people instead.
I think a lot of my struggle was about trying to fit into a very narrow definition of a woman, just like I never fit the definition of a man. I wonder sometimes if it would have been possible for me to just expand my own definition of man to fit me, rather than changing my body. But that felt impossible at the time.
As for regrets, I’m not sure. I’m stuck in the in-between. I regret the social complications and the fear I now live with. I regret the distance it’s created between me and a more simple life. But I don't know if I regret the transition itself yet, because it got me to where I am now, which is finally asking these hard questions. The monetary cost and long-term health implications of being on hormones are definitely a factor in my doubts now.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| (Age not specified) | Began socially transitioning to female. |
| (Age not specified) | Started hormone replacement therapy (HRT). |
| (Age not specified) | Began having serious doubts and going back and forth about detransitioning for over a year. |
Top Comments by /u/questionny:
i try to fight that feeling
I used to too, but >!after interacting with multiple of them in person, seeing the stuff they post online, the hills they choose to die on and being sexually assaulted by one of them i don’t hold any sympathy to most of them anymore. there are good trans people but they’re a minority and usually don’t make it a big part of their identity!<. Which honestly sucks bc it would be nice to have a community, but I just connect with LGB people instead.
it is relaxing to know that at the end of the day I am and I need no longer defend my gender with any behaviors or presentation, because I simply am
Yes, this is what tempts me too.
so you likely wouldn’t be able to pass as female long term if you stopped HRT
Oh that’s definitely true, but weaning off HRT will take months.
And if your gf will only date you if you’re a trans woman… maybe you’d be better off
That’s not it. She’s attracted to the female version of me, and while I’d stay the same person if I were to detransition I still would change a lot physically, and considering I’d look like a short skinny guy afterwards it would make total sense for her to lose her attraction to me. She doesn’t care if I’m trans or cis, but she’s in a relationship with a woman.
A couple people professed to me it just seems like giving up a mental illness even though they were polite about my transition
That makes me want to cut off everyone even more
How can I present as a man without cutting off my hair? Even with some serious styling effort the best I can do is an androgynous teenage boy unless I glue on a beard
The embarrassment of detransition is too high and I can’t handle that at work, it’s legit easier just to quit and find another job, thanks to FFS I have several months worth of savings. And I’m almost 100% sure my girlfriend will not be attracted to me anymore, the same way as in most cases partners of people who start transitioning at some point lose attraction to them
Most female transitioners cut off their hair and still look like androgynous teenage boys pre-T and most men with long hair haven’t been on estrogen for several years. I get gendered female when I go outside with shitty hair and baggy clothes. To be fair I do “present male” when I call my parents because I’m not out of them and it doesn’t make me feel too awful
Yes bc the negatives of things going wrong outweigh the positives of things going right, especially considering the negatives aren’t imminent and just show themselves in a form of a honorable badge “thought that he’s a woman for several years” in the minds of my acquaintances
You have to weigh up the pros and cons of staying as you are or changing something
I tried to, but the resulting points are hard to compare. Like how do I measure the weight of me enjoying the effects of transition versus the potential of living a more authentic and less self-aware life? It feels like comparing apples to oranges
Of course detransitioning is cheaper and less medically invasive long term and has lower risks than transitioning, but that’s all. The psychological stuff of ingroups and outgroups and dealing with society’s rigid stereotypes is the bigger hurdle.
Huh, I mean the monetary cost and health implications of transition are definitely a factor in my doubts, but the feeling of inauthenticity is probably a way bigger part of the whole thing
In my situation it made more sense to expand the definition of woman to fit me, rather than either try to fit the current stereotypes
I wonder if it’s possible for me to do the same or not really since I was born male. Sometimes it feels like part of my struggle is trying to fit into some narrow definition of a woman.
Thank you for your thoughts!
That does make sense! Now that I think of it I got sure that I want to transition pretty quick (still got my diagnosis to be safe), but I’ve been going on and off on whether I want to detransition for more than a year now, and I always circle back to the same arguments. No idea what that means tbh