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Reddit user /u/rayvery's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 19
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
depression
puberty discomfort
anxiety
only transitioned socially
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.

There are no red flags suggesting it's a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally complex internal struggle with gender identity, dysphoria, and social expectations. The user's introspection, questioning, and personal narrative are highly indicative of a genuine person grappling with these issues.

About me

My whole journey started with a deep discomfort with being seen as a girl and the strict social rules that came with it. I spent a long time thinking I might be a man because being male felt like an escape from those pressures. I realized my feelings were more about rejecting sexist expectations than a problem with my female body itself. I decided against medical transition because I was never confident it was the right path for my health and identity. Now, I see myself as a gender non-conforming woman and understand my discomfort was a reaction to society's boxes, not a sign that my body was wrong.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender has been confusing, and looking back, I think a lot of it was about struggling with what it meant to be a woman, rather than actually being a man.

I've always had a hard time even calling myself female. It only feels okay if I say it in a technical, biological way, like I need to put distance between me and the word. Words like "woman" and "female" come with so many social rules and expectations that I've never felt comfortable with. I get really uncomfortable when people talk about what's "normal for a girl." It feels like they're assuming they know me, and it also highlights that I have no idea what "normal for a girl" is supposed to be. I never have.

I spent a lot of time questioning if I was transgender. The feeling of dysphoria was very real; there was a strong, almost subconscious urge to look like and be seen as a man because it just "felt better." Being a woman always felt like I got the short end of the stick. I have so much appreciation for the women in my life, but I could never appreciate womanhood when it was applied to me.

A big part of my confusion was untangling my dislike of sexist expectations from my feelings about my own body. Of course, no woman likes the unfair expectations that come with being female. But for me, it got so tangled up. I wondered if I was seeking maleness as an escape from my femaleness. I also thought a lot about the idea that medical transition could be a kind of conversion therapy for people who don't fit gender norms—like if you're a masculine woman or a feminine man, you can try to become "normal" by transitioning. That idea really stuck with me.

My relationship with my body and how I present myself to the world was complicated. I found that passing as a boy sometimes helped me just "blend in" instead of "standing out" as a woman, which was a relief. But I also had mixed feelings about attention. Sometimes I wanted attention from men, but I found that most men avoid masculine women. Whenever I tried to perform femininity to please others, especially men, it felt exhausting and completely wrong. Most of the time, I felt like I was just floating in the middle, not really fitting anywhere.

I was always very cautious about medically transitioning. I never felt I understood my own identity well enough to feel confident taking that step. The side effects of testosterone worried me, especially when my main goal was to keep my body as healthy as possible. I made a conscious decision not to rush into anything and to try to live my life without letting those urges control me.

I never experienced any abuse that I can remember, so I knew my feelings weren't coming from that kind of trauma. But it made me wonder what the "right" reasons to transition even are. Hearing other people's stories made me question everything. I wish there was more open talk about the difficult details of dysphoria, not just the positive outcomes, because it would have helped me understand my own feelings better.

In the end, I realized that for me, a lot of it was about the "grass is always greener" phenomenon. I just wish gender expectations weren't so strict. It's frustrating that even in supposedly progressive times, people who don't conform to gender roles aren't treated very well. I don't regret exploring my gender identity, but I am glad I didn't medically transition. I've come to see my discomfort as a reaction to society's narrow boxes, rather than a sign that my body itself was wrong.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on my thoughts:

My Age Event
Teenage Years Started feeling intense discomfort with being seen as a girl and the social expectations placed on women. Felt a strong urge to be seen as a male.
Around 19-20 years old Actively questioned my gender identity online, exploring if I was transgender (FTM). Considered but ultimately decided against taking testosterone due to health concerns and uncertainty.
Early 20s Realized my discomfort was more related to social expectations and internalized issues than a need to medically transition. Began identifying as a gender non-conforming woman.

Top Comments by /u/rayvery:

6 comments • Posting since June 22, 2019
Reddit user rayvery explains their struggle with identifying as female, citing discomfort with social connotations and a feeling of repulsion unless using the term in a strictly biological or technical sense.
7 pointsJun 22, 2019
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i guess one thing i majorly struggle with is even calling myself female/relating to myself as female. i can only do so if it’s “biologically” or “technically”, like i need to distance myself from it, because otherwise it feels wrong and almost repulsive. i think woman and female have too many specific social connotations that i’m not comfortable with. i feel uncomfortable at the mention of what’s “normal for a girl”, partially because it feels like someone else is acting like they know me better than i know myself (which they might), and partially because it feels like i have never known and never will know what’s normal for a girl.

Reddit user rayvery comments on gender transition as a potential form of conversion therapy for gender nonconforming individuals, citing societal pressure and strict gender expectations.
6 pointsJun 22, 2019
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so it’s more of a “grass is always greener on the other side” type situation? i wish gender expectations weren’t so strict.. considering how progressive some people today consider themselves to be, gender nonconforming people aren’t treated very well. one thing i’ve heard now and again is that medical transition can be likened to a sort of conversion therapy. if you’re a gay, masculine woman, you can attempt to become “normal” through transition. same for feminine men. i thought that was an interesting theory.

Reddit user rayvery discusses the stigmatization of dysphoria discussions and questions how to determine 'right' reasons for transitioning.
5 pointsJun 22, 2019
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thank you. sometimes i get overwhelmed and have trouble seeing the big picture, although i try. i feel like a lot of the positivity surrounding trans people is highlighted, while talking about dysphoria is more stigmatized (despite it being a major trans issue). if more people talked about the details maybe it would be easier to truly delve into it like how you’re suggesting. i’ve never experienced any kind of abuse that i can remember, but i don’t know if that quite rules out transitioning for the wrong reasons. some stories out there make me wonder how someone transitions for the right reasons, and what that means.

Reddit user rayvery explains the tangled nature of gender dysphoria, questioning if a desire to escape societal expectations of womanhood drives FtM transitions, and wonders what the reverse motivation would be for trans women.
4 pointsJun 22, 2019
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at this point, i feel like it’s both, but it can get so tangled so quickly. of course no woman likes the expectations that come with her gender. that’s part of what leads me to question my own identity so heavily. still, if that’s the reason for ftm dysphoria, i have to wonder about the vice versa? if i’m seeking maleness to escape my femaleness, why would a man do the opposite, as it is with trans women?

Reddit user rayvery explains their hesitation to transition, citing a need to better understand their identity, while describing dysphoria as a subconscious urge to be seen as a man because womanhood has always felt like "the short end of the stick."
4 pointsJun 23, 2019
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i definitely don’t want to rush into transition yet because i don’t feel like i understand my own identity thoroughly enough to feel confident in that decision. sometimes the dysphoria gets bad though, and it’s more of a subconscious urge to look like and be seen as a man, because it just “feels better”. being a woman has always felt like getting the short end of the stick, and while i appreciate the hell out of the women in my life, i’ve never appreciated womanhood on me. in the meantime i try and avoid letting those urges control me and just live my life

Reddit user rayvery discusses the complexities of gender presentation, the exhaustion of performing femininity, and health concerns about testosterone.
4 pointsJun 22, 2019
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thank you for sharing your story. there have definitely been times that passing as a boy has helped me “blend in” rather than “standing out” as a woman. still, i have a complicated relationship with my body/presentation and attention i get for it... often times i would like attention from men as i am, but most men avoid more masculine women, like you said. times i’ve tried to be more feminine to please others (namely men) have been unpleasant for me. femininity feels like an exhausting performance and masculinity becomes complicated in certain situations. often times i feel i’m just floating in the middle. as for my body’s health, in a best case scenario i’d like to keep it as healthy as possible, and some of the side effects of T worry me in that regard