I also used to be in a similar place; being gender critical but paradoxically wanting to indulge in my delusions and pursue a transition because it felt so painful to not be the sex I wish I was. I was hecking depressed. I was at such a horribly low point.

And suddenly -- it may sound stupid -- but specifically this short film helped me "Girls and Boys", by Ninja Thyberg. basically it's the most perfect "sexist roles flip" i've ever seen (you'll see what i mean, you can check out its trailer i hyperlinked)

Yeah it may sound stupid but as I watched the film, I thought "damn. well if I lived in this parallel world, I'd be ok with my sex". I dunno, it kinda was a revelation for me. The fact that I COULD be okay my sex, it WAS possible. but i can't go to this world, so the next best thing is to help today's world so that there will be so much equality that literally no one would care about whether someone is a man or woman, and anyways it will be hard to differentiate them in the street because if there is full equality, the same amount of women AND men would be wearing skirts, having long hair, etc. And so I have a goal, I want to help the world to become like that :D So, I though, well, I'm gonna stay the way I am and, ( I being a female), force myself to be ok with being called a woman. After all, (because i actually look like a man due to my style), it's activisim for me to be called a woman because it says f-you to society and to sexist roles and to gender ideollogy. And maybe, this might help so that there may be in the future the fact that men and women will be viewed the EXACT same way. It wouldn't make any difference to be one or the other because all will have the styles they want, and act how they want, regardless of their sex. And in that future world, hopefully, because it would make literally no difference to be a man or woman because viewed exactly the same, NO ONE would ever feel the way I feel ; there'd be no one hating their sex so badly. Because it wouldn't be something people would think about. It is only in this day and age where people CARE about the sex of others that it would occur to some people to hate it!

Oh and another interesting thing; when I learnt of several cases of identical twins, and only one "identifying" as "transgender". hecking IDENTICAL twins. so, both literally a clone of each other. but one decided to fall into this trans-ideology hole and not come back out, while the other half was out there enjoying life and being fine with their body. So, this proves that it's SUPER MEGA POSSIBLE to be ok with the way we are. (But of course, it's not in the interest of capitalism for people to accept themselves simply as they are, so capitalism encourages self loathing, but we gotta ignore it.)

.

So yea, after years of struggle, im finally starting to be ok with my body and accept myself. Ive never had so little dysphoria in my life!! And i think i might be starting to be a bit happy :-)

​

Anyways, some overal tips I have:

- i used to hate my body SO BADLY, but, slowly i figured well f-ck it, it doesn't matter if i hate the way it looks! my body is simply here to eat, shit and sleep, and it does that job well so who care what it looks like! so yeah, slowly I came to think yeah never mind. i just have a body and it looks this way, whatever! and yeah now i'm pretty much ok with how it looks (it took me several years to get to that point but yeah, worth it!)

- if you have social media: best case scenario: delete it. stop going on it. only use youtube to watch detransitionner videos. DAY BY DAY there are more and more of us that are starting to come out and speak out about our experiences, i'm sure you'll end up finding someone similar to you! do you know these for example?

general stuff against depression:

- realize that we're all gonna be dead for literally ETERNITY. so we gotta force ourselves to live as long as possible, even if it can really suck. but never mind, you never know what'll happen!

- start doing an activity to wiggle that body! i mean, a sport! for example like dancing (i personnally like hip hop!), horse riding (horses are awesome, and they couldn't care less about your "identity" or "appearance" or whatever).... Honestly, this stuff works like MAGIC against depression. ok not magic but trust me, you'll start feeling its effects.

- eat super healthily, sleep 7-9 hours, and have a bed ritual ex read a book before sleeping

- do volunteer work. forces you to do some experiences, go outside, meet ppl... it may sound like a hassle but honestly I'M SO GLAD I started doing some.

​

So yeah :-) i'm not a professional haha, just drawing from personal experience but i hope this helps :-) I wish you all the best <3

I also get read as male the large majority of the time, and I also used to be scared of being judged for being a woman who dresses boyishly.

However, funnily enough, after several years, I realised that I wasn't judged as much as I thought I was, and realised that a surprising of people actually admired me for it?! For example, I've met several women who said that they wished they had the courage to look the way I do, and that I really inspired them to be themselves, and look more masculine (one of them now even looks more masc than me! She's so much happier now ; she felt really oppressed by feeling forced to be so "feminine" her whole life.) Also men too said they were really happy to see a woman that defies what society expects women to look like,and one of them is currently one of my closest friends.

Anyways, all this time, I was really faking the confidence because I actually felt self-conscious, but now, I'm much more confident, and much happier too :-)

Something else that really helped me was from discovering more and more women that looked this way and I was wondering how did I never hear from them before??!! (Probably because society is sexist...) So seeing people like me was really reassuring and cool to see! For example, here is a BADASS playlist of super masc women in bands!!! I'd say quite a few look even more masculine than us, and they're totally rocking it :D

All the best <3

PS: I recently bought a very badass and masculine-looking Wonder Woman hoodie and realized that no matter how masculine I look, the word "woman" on the hoodie makes slightly more people sub-consciously realize that I'm female ahahah, it is not something I thought of when I bought the hoodie but yeah, that would be a tip I have to be "read as female" a little bit more frequently (obviously doesn't always work though XD)

PPS: I also think you may enjoy checking this out, you'll see what I mean :-))))

Don't worry about it!!! One of my (butch) lesbian friends was in exactly the same situation as you when she detransitioned and she was also worried due to a ton of body hair and other problems. But a few months later, when she was still super hairy, she met another lesbian and these two started dating literally a week later! These women have now in a relationship for about 3 years and have just started to discuss lesbian marriage :-) (btw, her extra hormone-related hair fell out after a year and a half!) Anyways, the facial hair gives an extra-butch feeling. Another lesbian I know who has a medical disorder that causes her to grow facial hair (she actually keeps it as a short beard!) and she is also in a lesbian relationship.

Anyways, I think I speak for all of us female detransitioners who took T, when I say that we all had the EXACT same problem with extra hair and it sucks... But really, don't worry about it, this extra hair will totally fall out! It's only temporary, and it's due to artificial hormones so it's not at all permanent. For some of us we've had to wait more than a year for it to fall out entirely happen which sucks... BUT it can also be much much faster. It's not a problem that there's still some after 4 months, it's hasn't been long.

If you're still worried, maybe you can try Waxing it, it might help it to fall in a faster manner because it will help "traumatise" the hair and it should help getting rid of it permanently!

Also, you've been on T for 2 years which is honestly not that long, so you really shouldn't worry. If worst comes to worst and the extra hair somehow doesn't fall out after more than a year (which I SERIOUSLY doubt), you can even get it laser-removed if you really want to, or just keep on waxing it (but feel free to keep it if you'd like! some females naturally have a lot of facial hair; look at the wiki page "bearded lady"). But really don't worry it's literally only been 4 months :-) I'm sure it'll fall out soon!

I wish you all the best <3

When I read this text, it made me think of myself several years ago! I was also around the same age as you.

What I realized since then is that the concept of "identity" is ultimately meaningless, especially nowadays. To me, it seems like it has lost all its meaning. The "gender ideology" fad is especially at fault. It has no basis in actual reality; it was only born from sexist stereotyping.

Honestly, "being a woman" is a meaningless expression. There is a biological sex, and the rest is only sexist stereotypes. You can look like, dress, and enjoy whatever makes you happy.

For all of history, honestly no one would go and question their "gender identity"; they just went with whatever genitalia they had. This is the same thing nowadays in countries that have *actual*, genuine problems such as genocides and wars, and women being murdered because they wanted to drive a car, or simply because they wanted to wear trousers.

Women have always been simply defined as the female sex, and have always been oppressed on the basis of their sex, nothing else.

I've realized I think it's actually kinda cool to be in the same class as the people who have been oppressed for all of history, and who have fought so hard so that they could acquire basic human rights.

Also, I've realized that due to how masculine I look and the clothes I wear, if I were to transition to a "man", I honestly wouldn't be defying any stereotypes which would be kind of sad haha. So me being ok with the word woman is also a form of activism xD And honestly, before I developed the mental illness of dysphoria, my child self was always very adamant about saying that girls and boys can like whatever! there is no difference between girls and boys! So yeah, it sucks that dysphoria messes with your senses so much that we develop some kind of "core sexism", dunno how to call it. Anyways, my child self would be heckin disappointed and would think I'm kind of sexist and dumb if I would have persisted in transitioning xD

So yeah, all of this made me slowly snap out of it. I still feel some dysphoria from time to time, which is normal because dysphoria can be a damn tough nut, but I'm now happier than I've ever been, now that I'm free from "gender ideology" and can just hang out and be myself. I think one of the nicest gains I have is that I can confidently say "nah I'm a woman lol" when people think I'm a man; hopefully, thanks to me, they'll be less quick to stereotype on appearances :)

PS: to make me more comfortable with myself, I made this playlist, I think you might enjoy it too :D It's my personal deintoxication cure haha (I'm quite proud of it, it took me literally months to find all these ahhh xD) https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbg9VLCO3I4jaN0sFXAvMO9G5q-uDkR8f

I wish you all the best <3 We all have your back!

Exactly. This ideology/religion is inherently sexist and backwards. I hate that people keep on asking if i'm "trans" simply because I'm masc. Seems they cannot believe that a woman can defy sexist stereotypes, because to them, one not being "feminine" means being "trans". People acting that way towards me is one of the reasons I started going down the "trans path" and hating my body, which is insane.

I wish people had more exposure to sexism non-conforming people; so many less people would "question their gender" and blindly promote transgender ideology/religion. At least, I found this great playlist of masc women singers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gmWMBAYcgY&list=PLbg9VLCO3I4jTSfZn4pd2rlzAsM0ZWKil&index=1

Yeah it's really annoying when people do that, happens all the time !! Goddamnit why can't I just look masc in peace, welp

This playlist is thus my new religion, especially Elastica, gawd SO COOL (I know the majority on the playlist are 100% straight, but maybe some aren't, I dunno. Well even if a few are maybe not straight, still cool to see all the rest, so manyy masc women yay!! :-))

Yes, gender dysphoria is a mental illness, just like anorexia, depression, etc; although hard, it's all things that can be fought against, and get better.

For literally NO OTHER mental illness there are people saying stuff like "Woah you are anorexic and see yourself as fat although you aren't? You are SO valid! From now on I'll refer to you as being fat! And here are some clothes that will hide your body shape, instead of encouraging you to accept your body as it is! I'll also validate your delusion that you are fat, and I'll help you eat less! I am SO nice, and inclusive!"

Genuinely, the fact that someone ends up choosing to transition is purely nurture, not nature, as we can see with identical twins, who are literally scientific clones of each other; it's as if it's the same person in a parallel universe. The fact that there are cases of a transitioning one but not the other shows that it's possible to be the exact same person, same DNA etc and to NOT transition. So, transition is never "needed"; we only need therapy to help us accept ourselves as we are, not having our self-loathing and delusions "validated" and mutilate our bodies!! The latter is of course encouraged by big pharma lobbying, because people being happy just as they are, is bad for capitalism...

And remember, "man" and "woman" aren't "identites that you can identify with". It's a simple biological terminology refering to the species(human),age(adult), and sex.

I don't "identify" as a woman; i simply AM one, whether I want it or not. "Identifying" or "not identifying" as stuff is something that was invented by gender ideology, so f-ck it. Woman is not a label, and neither is man. These words are on the same level as calling "someone who is able to read", to be "Litterate". It's just a diminutive to refer to the individual. Not an identity.