My journey with gender was never straightforward, and looking back, I see it was a path of searching for an answer to problems that had different roots. I was born female, but I never felt a strong connection to being a "woman" or a "man." For me, and I think for a lot of people, my gender identity just wasn't a strong feeling I had. Most days, I don't even feel my age; being an adult is just a fact, not a deep internal identity I have to embrace.

My discomfort started around puberty. I hated the changes my body was going through, especially developing breasts. It felt like my body was betraying me, becoming something foreign and uncomfortable. This was mixed up with a lot of other issues I was dealing with, including depression, anxiety, and very low self-esteem. I now see that a lot of my feelings about my body were closer to body dysmorphia than true gender dysphoria. I didn't hate being female; I hated the specific female body I was in and the attention it brought.

I spent a lot of time online during this period, and I was heavily influenced by what I read. I found communities where these feelings were immediately labeled as being transgender. It seemed like the obvious answer, a way to escape the discomfort and the person I was. I started identifying as non-binary first, and then later as a trans man. It felt like a solution, a strategy to feel better. But a piece of advice I later found, and now often share, really hits home: "Most strategies don’t work forever." This one didn't either.

I did transition socially for a while, using a new name and pronouns. I thought about medical transition constantly. I desperately wanted top surgery to remove my breasts, which I saw as the source of my physical discomfort. I considered taking testosterone. I am so grateful now that I never took those steps. I was encouraged to just "be myself" and "follow my truth," but no one encouraged me to really sit with my feelings, to question where they were coming from, or to consider that my problems might be about something else entirely.

What helped me in the end was time and a shift in perspective. I started to understand that my issues were tied to trauma, poor self-image, and a general discomfort with growing up and the changes that come with it. I benefited from stepping back from the idea of having any gender identity at all. I tried just identifying as human for a while, and it was a relief. It allowed me the flexibility to just be me, without having to fit into a box or commit to a label that might not fit me in a few years.

I do have regrets about my transition, but they are regrets about the path I almost took. I regret that I was so quick to accept a medical solution for what was largely a psychological and social problem. I regret that I was influenced so heavily by online spaces without getting balanced, non-affirming therapy that would have challenged me to dig deeper. I am now infertile due to a separate health condition, and it has made me acutely aware of how permanent and life-altering medical interventions are. I am so relieved I did not add surgical scars or the effects of cross-sex hormones to that.

Today, I am comfortable living as a woman, but it’s not a core part of who I am. It’s simply the sex I was born. My focus now is on my mental health and building a life I don't feel the need to escape from. I don't believe I was ever truly transgender. I was a confused young person who found a community that offered a clear, if drastic, answer.

Here is a timeline of my journey: