This story is from the comments by /u/recursive-regret that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments, this account appears authentic. The user demonstrates a consistent, deeply personal, and nuanced narrative of a male detransitioner who transitioned due to intense body dysmorphia and a hatred of masculinization, but detransitioned because they could not pass as a woman and felt their presence caused distress to others.
Key indicators of authenticity:
- Highly Specific Personal Detail: The user provides intricate, consistent details about their medical journey (HRT effects, specific medications like dutasteride, blood tests), their physical changes, and the social repercussions of their transition and detransition.
- Internal Consistency: The core motivations (hatred of male secondary sex characteristics) and the reason for detransitioning (inability to pass, social friction) are logically consistent and reiterated across many comments over a long period.
- Complex Emotional Nuance: The user expresses deep, ongoing conflict and pain, not a simplified or politicized narrative. They state they still hate their male body post-detransition and are profoundly depressed, which aligns with the known struggles of some detransitioners.
- Engagement with Niche Concepts: They knowledgeably discuss niche community terms (AGP, manmoding, transmed), endocrine science, and detransition statistics, demonstrating long-term immersion in these topics.
No serious red flags for inauthenticity were found. The account does not exhibit patterns typical of bots or trolls, such as repetitive simplistic messaging, scripted rhetoric, or a focus on external political debates over personal experience. The narrative is complex, emotionally charged, and internally logical for a genuine, highly analytical individual who is deeply unhappy with their outcome.
About me
I started hating my male body when puberty began, especially the body hair and balding. I took estrogen for four years hoping to fix it, but I never looked like a woman and the public hostility was unbearable. I detransitioned because my presence was causing my loved ones distress and I couldn't achieve the physical change I needed. Now I'm back to living as a man, but I'm isolated and my hatred for my body is worse than ever. I believe transition only works if you can fully pass; otherwise, it causes more pain for everyone.
My detransition story
My journey started when I hit puberty. I was born male, and as my body began to change, I started to hate it intensely. The body hair, the beard growth, the deepening voice, and especially the male pattern baldness that started in my teens—it all felt wrong and disgusting to me. I felt like testosterone was slowly poisoning my body, turning me into something ugly and repulsive. I was happy as a boy before puberty, but after it started, I became fixated on these physical changes for hours every day. It wasn't about social roles or stereotypes; I had no issue with masculine interests or expectations. It was purely about my deep hatred for the male body I was developing.
I first learned that hormone therapy could change these traits when I was in my mid-20s. I became obsessed with reading about endocrinology and the effects of estrogen. I spent two years researching everything I could before I started. I didn't need any ideology or social pressure to want this; just knowing hormones existed was enough. I started DIY estrogen at 28, hoping to reverse the masculinization I hated. For a while, it felt hopeful. Estrogen stopped my body hair growth, cleared my skin, regrew some of my hairline, and eliminated random erections and male body odor. For the first time, I felt a bit of hope when I looked in the mirror.
But I never passed as a woman. I was too tall, my shoulders were too broad, my skull shape was too masculine. I tried for four years, but I always looked like a feminized man, not a woman. People treated me awkwardly, and some were openly hostile. I was drawing negative attention everywhere I went. The breaking point was when my best friend had a panic attack just from walking in public with me because of the stares and slurs people were directing at me. I realized that my presence was causing genuine distress to people around me. I didn't want to be a burden or make anyone uncomfortable, so I decided to detransition.
Stopping hormones was easy physically. My body re-masculinized quickly—body hair came back, male odor returned, my hairline receded again. But mentally, it was devastating. I was back to hating my reflection, maybe even more than before. I isolated myself, quit my job, and now rarely leave my room. I don't want anyone to see me. My overall depression didn't change; it just shifted from hating that I couldn't pass to hating my male body again.
I don't regret transitioning because I got to try the only thing that could have possibly helped my body hatred. But I also don't see it as a journey with lessons. The urge to transition is still there because I still despise my male body. I just accept that it's too late for me, and the results wouldn't be worth it. I believe transition should only be an option for those who can pass completely. If you can't, you end up in an uncanny valley that hurts both yourself and the people around you.
I didn't transition because of internalized homophobia, trauma, or social influence. It was a direct reaction to the physical changes of male puberty. I'm not religious, and my views on politics haven't changed. I see gender as simply the sex people perceive you as. If you look male, you're treated as a man; if you look female, you're treated as a woman. There's no deep identity beyond that. Transitioning is about changing your body so people perceive you differently. If that doesn't happen, it's failed.
Here’s a timeline of my transition and detransition:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12 | Puberty began, started hating body hair, voice changes, and other masculinization. |
| 16 | Male pattern baldness began, became a major obsession and source of distress. |
| 28 | Started DIY estrogen hormone therapy after years of research. |
| 28-32 | Was on estrogen; experienced some positive changes but never passed as a woman. |
| 32 | Detransitioned after realizing I was causing distress to others and would never pass. |
| 34 | Present day; living as a man again, but with ongoing body hatred and isolation. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/recursive-regret:
I am lucky to know I am probably not the type of person that has been blindly pushed into transition by media/social contagion as I was born in Hong Kong where the typical leftist LGBT identity was not really existent
Yes, but
I obviously found out about transgender people since 10/11 from all the available YouTube videos
You were part of that online lgbt culture anyway. Your story is identical to many Western trans people. The culture mostly exists online; it has nothing to do with actually living in the West. Someone can be born in the middle of a desert in Africa and still be part of the western lgbt culture as long as they have an internet connection
Looking at the methodology, that's not really what they found. They found that those who had surgery had double the rates of depression of those who didn't have it. But there is no data on them before surgery. They could have been more depressed from before surgery in the first place
The only way to study the impact of a specific intervention is to monitor people both before and after the intervention. Comparing different cohorts after the intervention had already happened isn't good enough. That's why they made no conclusions about the effect of surgery in their discussion
Maybe I should just stop everything? But I know all that dysphoria would come back with the libido
If it comes back with libido and can't exist without it, then it's not dysphoria. This is textbook transvestic fetishism, one of the differential diagnoses for dysphoria. It's not even agp, agp can persist without any libido at all
Because boymoding isn't really different from socially transitioning without passing. It occupies the same "uncanny valley" niche that traps fem gay men, gnc men, and trans women. People can tell something is up
It's definitely a much less painful option. But it freaks people out. They stare, they whisper, they get anxious, and some even get panic attacks. I didn't want to hurt myself by going off hrt, but hurting other people is worse
It doesn't really play out like that in practice. The majority of trans people never end up passing. So they end up looking like very gender non-conforming members of their birth sex. They may aspire to conform to the gender stereotypes of the opposite sex, but this is rarely attainable
That's why the most gnc people I've ever met were trans people who failed to pass
Three things in general:
Historically, the rate of mtf:ftm used to be 8:1. This ratio has changed to 1:1 recently (and even flipped to 1:1.1 mtf:ftm in teenagers). So it stands to reason that ftms are at a much higher risk of detransition
Males are visual creatures, and our transition can generally be described as a pursuit of beauty. Detransitioning wouldn't necessairly change this about us. And testosterone doesn't allow men to be beautiful. It makes us bald, hairy, oily, smelly, etc... Like even though I detransitioned willingly, I still hate everything about testosterone. This is the most common concern I see from mtfs considering detransition
Ftms have slightly different motivations to transition. The things they value about manhood are more social than visual. They want the strength, respect, and security that come with being a man. So they don't want the uglier side effects of testosterone either. That's why it's much more common for them to say "testosterone ruined my body"
At your age, you will definitely never pass, even if you get every surgery in the book
And because you won't pass, most people will feel uncomfortable around you, some will hear you, and all will slowly start to hate you
Many people will affirm your gender identity, but they will be lying. Even other trans people will say the nicest things to your face, but make fun of you behind their back. Because they too - just like everyone else - hate those who don't pass
Something like half of these trans women are definitely not transsexual. Ones like Natalie wynn, jessie gender, keffals, icky are very obviously agps who wouldn't survive old school gatekeeping requirements. They still don't detransition as much as ftms though
There is a similar thing going on with congenital adrenal hyperplasia. ~5% of those with CAH identify as trans (as opposed to 0.4% of the general population) and like 30% identify as bisexual. The more severe (aka more masculinizing) the CAH subtype is, the more these numbers go up
It's super interesting because you don't tend to find as strong of a correlation in feminizing disorders in males (5ar deficiency, kleinfilter's, PAIS, etc...). Only males with complete androgen insensitivity consistently identify as women and date men
it's been revealed that it's actually closer to 30%
It's that the study from the US military healthcare? I read it when it came out 3 years ago, it wasn't hidden or anything. The 30% is the percentage of people who stopped refilling their prescriptions from the military healthcare provider after 4 years. So they don't really know if they detransitioned or not, it's a very bad study design
R. Hall did a much better study on a more modern cohort, it's currently my go-to for detrans statistics