This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user's narrative is highly personal, complex, and emotionally nuanced, spanning a range of common detransition themes like mental health comorbidity, body image issues, medical effects of hormones, and social pressures. The language is natural, with self-contradiction and evolving opinions that are consistent with a genuine person processing a difficult experience. The account's passion and critical stance align with the expected perspective of a harmed individual in this community.
About me
I'm a feminine man who transitioned because I felt different and depressed, and my therapist affirmed my mistaken belief that I had gender dysphoria. My real issues were body dysmorphia and bipolar disorder, and my motivation to become a woman was largely a sexual one. After a manic episode cleared, I realized I felt inauthentic living as a woman and I detransitioned. I'm now living as a man again, working on myself through therapy and exercise, though I regret the pain transitioning caused. I still struggle with not being able to openly express my feminine side.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was really complicated, and it took me a long time to understand my own reasons for doing any of it. I was always a feminine boy growing up and I felt like the odd one out, which was made worse by being "gifted." This feeling of being different eventually turned into depression and what I thought was gender dysphoria.
Looking back, I realize I never had real dysphoria. I had body dysmorphia and an eating disorder that I was dealing with before I even considered transitioning. My therapist at the time was completely affirming of me being trans, which I now see was a horrible approach. It wasn't understood properly then, and I hope in the future people realize how detrimental it can be to transition for the wrong reasons.
A big part of my motivation was autogynephilia (AGP). I was mostly jealous of the aesthetic of women. I felt feminine and wanted to wear girly clothes, and as a man, that didn't feel acceptable. When I transitioned and started living as a woman, I was happy because I could finally wear whatever I wanted. But underneath that, I now understand it was a sexual motivation tied to my bipolar disorder. I had super high dopamine levels from being bipolar, and going on estrogen was a relief because it lowers dopamine compared to testosterone. It also made my libido more manageable.
Being on estrogen did bring other issues, though. I felt low energy and weaker, and that didn't sit well with me in the long term. The biggest turning point was when I came out of a manic episode caused by my bipolar. It was like a fog lifted, and I realized I didn't have dysphoria, just body dysmorphia. I felt inauthentic living as a woman. It felt like I was putting on a mask, not taking one off.
I detransitioned about five months after that realization. I'm feeling pretty good about myself as a man now. I've been exercising, going to therapy, and trying to get my life back on track. I do have some regrets about transitioning. I think changing your biological hormones is ridiculous and doesn't cure anyone of anything; it only induces pain. I'm left having to live with a somewhat ruined life, but I'm trying to find peace.
I still struggle with expressing my feminine side. I'm jealous that women can express themselves femininely without being othered. I sometimes feel like there's a part of me I can't show to the world now that I'm living as a man again. I can somewhat pass as a woman without hormones if I wear the right clothes, but it's not the same. I guess I need to accept that I can't present that side of me publicly in the same way.
The only thing that really helped me see things clearly was time. I couldn't force myself to understand my motives; it happened gradually through introspection. I don't think my sexuality changed because of the hormones; maybe estrogen just revealed it rather than changed it. I'm still navigating what my sexuality is now.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Growing up | Felt like an odd one out, a feminine boy. Developed depression and body dysmorphia. |
| Early 20s (approx.) | Saw an affirming therapist. Believed I had gender dysphoria and started transitioning (socially and medically with estrogen). |
| Early 20s (on hormones) | Felt initial relief from high libido due to estrogen. Experienced low energy and weakness. |
| Early 20s | Came out of a bipolar manic episode. Realized I had body dysmorphia, not dysphoria, and felt inauthentic as a woman. |
| 5 months before May 2021 | Detransitioned. Stopped taking estrogen. |
| Present (late 2021) | Living as a man again. In therapy, exercising, and working on self-acceptance. |
Top Comments by /u/redanceslippers:
I know right?! It's something that's so celebrated transitioning like you're finally taking a mask off when in fact you are really putting a new one on. I think gender expression is important and I think something to certainly be played with, but changing biological hormones is ridiculous and doesn't cure anyone of anything, only induces pain at the end of the day. I'm sorry you had to go through that pain and I'm sorry that we both have to live with a ruined life. I hope you'll be able to find peace.
Don’t take T, it doesn’t allow your body to naturally produce testosterone again which is the goal. If you’ve been off for a month, you’re through the worst part. If you just continue not to take hormones there’s a high likeliness everything will come back.
I guess I can say something here. I ended up being autogynephilic and bipolar, not trans. I had super high dopamine levels caused by my bipolarness so going on estrogen was actually a relief (as estrogen induces lower dopamine levels than testosterone so I also didn't have as high a libido). It did, however, bring on other issues including just feeling low energy and being weaker that didn't sit very well with me in the long term. Also, once I came off the mania that was brought on by my bipolarness, I came to realize I didn't have dysphoria, just body dysmorphia.
Anyway, I detransitioned about 5 months ago and I'm feeling pretty good about myself as a man. I ended up feeling kinda inauthentic as a woman so I'm happy I don't feel that anymore. My libido was strong but has been kinda stunted by some other drugs I was taking so it's manageable right now.
What do you think won't be fun anymore as you age? Just you feel like you'll be less desirable? Do you think you'd be ok seeing your body revert back to how it used to be? Still on the fence about it myself honestly so I'm curious to hear your reasoning? Sounds like libido issues are a part of it from your other posts?
I appreciate this a lot, I know I've certainly got to stop comparing myself to others, not much good to be had from that regardless of how I feel about myself. Definitely have made some progress, just wish I didn't have to do it in the way I did. So it goes I guess.
Thank you, ya I suppose not, certainly feels like it sometimes tho. I've been trying to do those things -- been exercising and doing therapy, still working on getting a job tho. Ya, the rest of life is pretty cool, I've known that in the past but it's certainly harder to see now, but I will try. I like that quote, I definitely believe we are all doing the best we can do, which is certainly a different thing now than it was before.
I think this is super interesting. I was gifted growing up, definitely always felt like the odd one out. That combined with being feminine made me feel especially unique not always in a good way. Eventually that manifested into dysphoria then depression then gender dysphoria. Clearly I was not gifted enough to think my way out of the dysphoria, I guess it's easier said than done, especially in the heat of the moment.
Thank you for the extremely detailed response! I think that is definitely fair that not everyone's sexuality is mutable. I'm still very curious about the effect of estrogen on someone's sexuality. Maybe it more just reveals it rather than changes it? Ya I'm not saying attraction should be forced, I guess I've just been wondering about the degree of variability there as I'm navigating my own sexuality.
It definitely is hard to uncover one's true motives behind transitioning. To be honest, the only thing that has really helped me see things clearly is time. I think the more I really turn the idea around in my head when I'm feeling introspective, the more I've been eventually able to see my true motives behind my desires. I haven't really been able to forcibly work towards understanding, as much as I would have liked to.
I'm mostly just jealous of the aesthetic of women. I feel feminine myself and would prefer to wear girly clothes. It's just as a man, that's not acceptable obviously. When I transitioned I could wear whatever I pleased and that made me really happy. I guess I just feel like there's a part of me I can't express now as a cis male and I'm jealous that women can express themselves femininely. I guess I'm not really sure how to express my feminine side without being othered? I somewhat pass without hormones if I'm wearing just the right clothes, but obviously I would be passing significantly better on hormones :/. Maybe I just need to accept I can't present this feminine side of me to the world in public?