This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates nuanced, personal, and emotionally resonant experiences specific to detransitioning. The comments show internal consistency in their narrative (e.g., being over a year off testosterone but not socially re-identifying) and a clear, passionate voice that aligns with the stated community's perspective. The language is natural, complex, and reflects the expected frustration and pain of the experience.
About me
I started identifying as non-binary at 17 to escape the deep discomfort I felt with my female body during puberty. I began testosterone at 18 and had top surgery, believing it was the solution to my depression and low self-esteem. After six and a half years, I stopped at 24 when I realized my transition was a form of escapism from my underlying issues. I now privately accept that I am female, but I live socially as male because the idea of explaining everything again is too exhausting. I'm in a lonely place, having medically detransitioned but feeling stuck between identities while I work on healing.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was a teenager. I think I was around 17 when I first started identifying as non-binary. It felt like the right way to explain the deep discomfort I felt with my body, especially during puberty. I hated developing breasts and just felt completely out of place. Looking back, I see now that a lot of this was mixed up with other issues I was dealing with, like depression, anxiety, and really low self-esteem. I didn't have a good understanding of myself, and I think I was heavily influenced by what I saw online and by the friends I had at the time. It felt like an escape from just being me.
That led me to start taking testosterone when I was 18. I was on T for six and a half years. During that time, I lived completely as a man. I got top surgery, which I thought would finally fix the body hatred I felt. For a while, it did feel like a solution. But the underlying problems never really went away. The depression and anxiety were still there, just covered up by the focus on transition.
About a year and a half ago, when I was 24, I stopped taking testosterone. I had started to realize that my feelings about gender were more complicated than I’d thought. A big part of my transition, I now understand, was a form of escapism. I was trying to run away from being a female person because I had so much internalized discomfort and unhappiness. I’ve come to privately know and accept that I am female, but it’s a hard thing to face after so many years living differently.
I don’t regret my transition in the sense that I needed to go through it to get to where I am now, but I do have a lot of sadness and shame about it. I often ruminate on it, thinking about how I’ve missed out on a normal experience of my twenties and worrying that my body is now ruined or unlovable. I know I need to retrain my brain to stop these thoughts, but it’s a daily struggle.
Socially, it’s exhausting. I’m not trying to “re-transition” or tell people to see me as a woman now. I don’t pass as female, and the idea of going through the whole process of explaining a new identity to everyone feels like it would cause more damage. So, for now, I just live as I am. I’ve medically and ideologically removed myself from the trans identity, but I’m not taking steps to present as female again. It’s a lonely place to be because a lot of support spaces, even detrans ones, don’t seem to have a category for someone like me who has stopped medical transition but isn’t socially detransitioning.
My thoughts on gender now are that it became a trap for me. I got so caught up in labels and identities that I lost sight of just being a person. I wish there had been more space for me to work through my trauma and self-esteem issues without immediately jumping to medical transition as the answer.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 17 | First started identifying as non-binary, influenced by online spaces and friends. |
| 18 | Started taking testosterone (T). |
| Around 19 | Had top surgery. |
| 24 | Stopped testosterone after 6.5 years. |
| 25 (now) | Have been off T for 1.5 years. Living socially as male, but privately accept I am female. |
Top Comments by /u/redinary:
This is exactly it. In my experience, this is what makes being detrans (or any identity that isn’t 100% happy with transition) so fucking exhausting. You will have people stare right through you and do everything they can to avoid acknowledging your experience, all while they remain white knuckled clutching onto values of “inclusivity,” “diversity,” “amplify marginalized voices” etc. The truth is, we do not qualify on the list of recognized identities that people are expected to care about right now, and voicing empathy for us comes at a significant cost, or at least a risk, in most progressive spaces.
Deep down, I can’t even blame most people for being afraid to acknowledge the topic. I feel bad for them, just like I feel bad for the past version of myself who knew I needed to keep my own mouth shut to get by in a lot of trans spaces when I was questioning things. The political atmosphere is so polarized right now that most people’s priority is just to get through their daily interactions without making anybody mad. And acknowledging the existence of detrans people, let alone showing empathy for our actual struggles, is pretty much a surefire way to spark a huge and uncomfortable political debate that most people want to stay as far away from as possible.
I really believe that there are more people empathizing with us than we realize, they’re just afraid to do so in public. So many people freeze up and don’t know what they’re allowed to say or what will get them called out or accused of bigotry. I myself don’t even know, which is why I don’t talk openly about detransition except for with close friends. But OP, none of that changes the fact that it’s exhausting to be overlooked in this way on a daily basis, and I’m sorry. I at least respect you for trying to talk openly about it. I would say if you’re brave enough, keep being open about it, keep letting people not know how to respond — that’s on them, not you. Eventually people will wake up and realize we’re no less human than all the other identities they’ve been proudly striving to protect. It will just necessitate a lot of these exhausting awkward moments before we get there.
If the survey is recreated/tweaked, can an option be added to identify yourself as medically detransitioning but not necessarily socially? I would be happy to take the survey but when I went to take it last time I didn’t see myself reflected in any of the options so I just gave up.
You are welcome to message me if you like :-) I’m in a very similar position to you, I’m 24 & was on T for 6.5 years before I stopped (about 1.5 years off now) but I’m still living socially as male & not sure where to go from here. I also think I transitioned for very similar reasons to you & I really relate to that feeling of missing out on a normal experience of your 20s. Would be happy to DM if you need someone to talk to about it!
I’m over a year off T & privately know & accept that I’m female but could not be less interested in running around all over again telling people what I “identify” as, since that’s the mindset that caused me so much damage in the first place. I don’t pass as female and I don’t want to argue with people about it so I leave it. Personally I think that there should at least be an option on the survey for those who have medically and ideologically removed themselves from trans identity but aren’t taking steps to “pass” in a new way all over again or no longer want to worry about how they’re perceived.
Hey, sending love, I am in the exact same situation as you, suffering pretty bad from the sadness/shame & ruminating about it 24/7. I am trying to face the fact that in addition to stuff like stopping T I need to work extra hard to retrain my brain not to ruminate & tell myself I’m ugly or ruined or unlovable because of transitioning. I haven’t learned how yet but I’m working on it. If you ever need someone to vent to, please feel free to PM me