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Reddit user /u/retransing's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 13 -> Detransitioned: 20
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
trauma
depression
got top surgery
body dysmorphia
retransition
anxiety
autistic
eating disorder
took puberty blockers
This story is from the comments by /u/retransing that are listed below, summarised with AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or not a real person.

The user provides a highly detailed, nuanced, and internally consistent personal narrative spanning years of transition, detransition, and deep self-reflection. The writing is emotionally complex, contains specific medical and personal details (e.g., specific surgeries, hormone timelines, personal motivations), and engages in supportive, empathetic dialogue with others. This depth and consistency are extremely difficult to fake and are hallmarks of a genuine individual sharing their lived experience. The user's passion and critical stance align with the expected perspective of someone who has experienced harm and stigma.

About me

I started transitioning from female to male when I was 13, taking hormones and having top surgery as a teenager because I was sure it was the right path. I now realize my decision was driven by mental health struggles, autism, and a deep discomfort with the idea of being a lesbian. When my life improved, I felt a lonely disconnect from other women and realized I missed being a woman myself. I stopped testosterone and understand now that my dysphoria was a symptom of other issues, not an identity. I am now a butch lesbian, learning to love myself as a woman and looking forward to my future.

My detransition story

My journey with gender has been long and complicated. I was born female and socially transitioned to male when I was 13. I started puberty blockers at 14 and testosterone at 15. I was on and off T for about five years, finally stopping for good when I was 20. I also had top surgery when I was 17.

For a long time, I was absolutely sure I was a trans man. I lived as a guy for seven years and was stealth, meaning most people in my life had no idea I was trans. But underneath that certainty, there was always a feeling that something wasn't quite right. I now see my transition was driven by a lot of things that weren't really about gender.

I had a lot of mental health struggles growing up, including depression, anxiety, and a severe eating disorder. I now realize I also dissociate a lot, which made it hard to feel connected to my body or my past. I'm autistic, and I think that made social rules and expectations around gender feel confusing and overwhelming. I also had some trauma in my past, and I believe transitioning was a form of escapism for me; it felt like a way to become a completely new person and leave my old, painful life behind.

A huge part of it was also internalized homophobia and discomfort with being a lesbian. I was a tomboy from a young age, and I felt pressure from my family and society. Unconsciously, I think I believed my family would prefer a straight son to a gay daughter. Transitioning felt like the path of least resistance.

I never really hated my body. I had a lot of discomfort, but it was more about feeling ugly and mannish, not necessarily male. I had a lot of body dysmorphia and low self-esteem. I was obsessed with the idea that I was unattractive as a woman, but I was super attracted to androgynous women. I was applying a harsh logic to myself that I would never apply to others.

The turning point for me was when my life started to get better. I went to college, got away from a bad home situation, and started to succeed in my career. As my other mental health issues improved, I realized that being seen as a man was actually making me lonely and keeping me disconnected from people, especially from other women. Even though almost all my friends were women, I felt a wall between us. I craved that connection and realized I missed womanhood.

I had a moment where I realized that in a perfect world, I would be a pretty woman. And I am! I finally understood that a lot of my drive to transition was because I didn't think I could be an attractive woman, which is dysmorphia, not necessarily dysphoria. A big moment was using a Snapchat filter that made me look like a woman and seeing that I could be pretty. People even told me I would make a beautiful woman, and that made me sad that I felt I "couldn't" be one.

I also scheduled and then canceled a hysterectomy twice and was even scheduled for stage 1 phalloplasty before I realized I didn't want it. When I examined my feelings, I saw that a big motivator was a desire to be closer to women romantically, but being a man had the opposite effect. It closed me off.

I don't regret my transition entirely. It gave me time to examine myself while disconnected from womanhood, and it ultimately helped me realize how much I missed it and who I really am. It proved to me and my family how strong I am. But I do have regrets. I regret getting top surgery. I got it so I could stop binding and have a less complicated life in college, but I think I would have been okay with my breasts. The surgery now makes it harder for me to feel connected to other women and myself. I also grieve the loss of a girlhood; I jumped from a preteen who didn't think about gender to a trans guy, so I missed out on a lot of experiences.

My thoughts on gender now are that dysphoria is a symptom, not a diagnosis in itself. It can come from many places: trauma, autism, body dysmorphia, internalized homophobia, or a desire to escape. There's no clear line between "real" trans people and cis people with gendered distress; it's about what works best for the individual to live a happy and authentic life. For me, that meant stopping transition.

I've been off testosterone for several months now, and my body is changing back. My hormones and period returned surprisingly quickly. My voice is deeper, but I'm working with voice training. I'm not publicly out as detransitioning yet to everyone—only my family and close friends know—because I need to sort out my housing and work situations first. I plan to make it more public soon.

I now identify as a butch lesbian. It feels right. I'm finally learning to love myself and my features. I'm excited for my future as a woman in my twenties.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
13 Socially transitioned from female to male.
14 Started puberty blockers.
15 Started testosterone (T). Began on-and-off pattern.
17 Had top surgery (double mastectomy).
19 Canceled a scheduled hysterectomy for the first time.
19 Canceled a second scheduled hysterectomy. Realized I needed to stop transitioning.
20 Stopped testosterone for the final time (after ~5 total years on T).
20 Began living as a woman again (detransitioning).

Top Reddit Comments by /u/retransing:

67 comments • Posting since August 30, 2019
Reddit user retransing explains their 15-month detransition, crediting weight loss, skincare, hydration, and normalized hormone levels for their appearance without laser hair removal or estrogen.
57 pointsSep 23, 2019
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I’m about to turn 20 and was on T for the better part of five years. I went off T at the beginning of August. This Summer I lost a lot of weight (healthily!) doing intermittent fasting, casual calorie counting and a little bit of exercise. I also started taking care of my skin and drinking a lot more water. I just wanted to show this for anyone feeling like total shit because they look like pic one and don’t want to. This is without any laser hair removal or estrogen supplementation (though my levels have returned to normal by now).

Reddit user retransing comments on a detransitioner's post, sharing their similar experience of starting testosterone at 15, canceling a hysterectomy, and the cycle of hyper-masculinity and near-detransition before realizing they were "done."
40 pointsSep 1, 2019
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Hey Laurel, I just read your story and am wowed by the similarities. I am also 19, started T at 15 and had quite a cycle of on-and-off, feminine “drag” and the likes. I canceled a hysto a year ago and was about to do it a second time when I realized what was up. It was like a lightbulb went up of, “Hey, I’m done!” I’ve had several periods of hyper-masculinity and then near-detransition throughout the years before getting to this point.

I’ve been on T now for roughly 5 years and lived male for seven. I had my last on-time shot three months ago (I’ve had like two very late, small shots since) and my last shot a month ago. I’m super glad that you don’t feel like you’ve “gone too far” or whatnot- a lot of the reason I never went through with detransitioning in the past was because I felt like I was in too deep. I eventually realized I was applying logic to myself that I’ve only ever seen in transfeminine “eggs” who eventually go on to transition.

I definitely have some feelings of loss of a girlhood, but I am so excited for my twenties. Right now I am mainly dealing with my lack of breasts (I had t-anchor two years ago) and voice, but I am largely at peace with things. I wish you nothing but the best as you move forward.

Reddit user retransing (FtMtF, 5 years on T, 4 months off, post-top surgery) explains the surreal feeling of finding an old photo of her mom, wishing she could look like her, and then trying on the same dress.
28 pointsNov 25, 2019
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Context: I am FtMtF, on T for 5 years and off for 4 months. Also I’ve obviously had top surgery. I found this picture of my mom a while ago and was like “Man, I wish I could look like that!” and then we got a little silly last night and found the actual dress. Crazy feeling.

Reddit user retransing (FtMtF detransitioner) explains her approach to detransitioning, discussing the challenges of college housing/jobs, laser hair removal, and reframing the process not as going back but moving forward.
25 pointsOct 26, 2019
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Hey. FtMtF on T 5 years (15-20) and off now for like three months. I’ve read some of your other posts on here and the similarities are pretty striking. My unhelpful response is if you find out, let me know lol.

...here’s my real response. For myself at least, I am trying to take things slowly and very gradually tell people what I am doing. I have a goal date on making my detransition fully public, but I need time to sort some things out first; I am in the middle of college and naturally in male housing, working multiple jobs where I am the “only guy,” so it’s going to take a minute to fix that. I’m also starting a bit of laser hair removal soon. Something unfortunate in this case but true is that once people have a preconceived notion of your gender, they’re probably not going to question it again even if you’re looking or acting in ways that would clearly read “girl” to strangers. One thing working in your favor is that if/when you come back out to people, the majority of the population is probably going to have an easier time understanding the situation than understanding trans stuff. I am choosing to take this time as an opportunity to really let my body do its thing so I can have a nice and effective girl-takes-off-glasses-and-lets-down-hair moment later.

Food for thought: it might be helpful for you at least internally to not frame this time in your life as “detransition.” Both of us were young enough at the start of transition where we have no idea what our adult selves would look like without testosterone therapy, which is kind of a shitty thought, but it also means that there’s not a whole lot of “de” about it. I will never look and sound the way I started and I wouldn’t anyway because the last time I was not on T or blockers was when I was 13. I’m trying not to put the same kinds of imaginary goalposts on this time in my life that I did during my transition. I am trying not to see my body as the enemy or break it up into little parts that need fixing, as tempting as that is. Also this sounds like BS but it’s honestly real; if you aren’t already doing these things now, stuff like eating healthy, drinking water, moisturizing, etc can seriously help with self image and all that. A big catalyst for me finally going “Hey, I think I’m actually worth something and shouldn’t stay transitioned just because people find me hot and it’s easier in a superficial way” was taking some control over my health and eating strategically for my PCOS. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

As far as voice training specifically, I will say that a lot of trans guys have a voice that could go either way at times and there’s a chance that could be you even is you pass male all the time. Even if it’s not, I’ve found that doing even a little bit of at-home voice training has gotten me a lot more comfortable with the way I sound. I also really believe my voice has gotten a little bit lighter on its own without T but there’s people who would argue that’s not possible. Regardless, I’m trying not to be embarrassed by my voice but it’s really just one of those things. If you want like some help videos on this I can send them later.

This is all over the place because I just woke up but TLDR: Solidarity 🦎, try not to get discouraged at this point because other people aren’t seeing what you are seeing. People don’t notice other people- use this to your advantage if you need to take some time off hormones before coming back out.

Reddit user retransing, a detransitioning FtMtF individual, explains why they advise young people questioning their gender to treat HRT as a last resort and prioritize addressing unrelated mental health issues first.
22 pointsSep 28, 2019
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Hello! First off I gotta say that I am a trans friendly one and someone who is detransitioning FtMtF (just got a birthday email from my top surgeon while writing this, LOL). I socially transitioned at 13, blockers at 14 and T at 15. Top surgery at 17. All around a very visibly successful transition that seemed to save me from a lot of distress. Now I am 20 and I am still detransing with outside pressure from absolutely no one. This is why: there was no way for me to know as a teen how I was going to feel when I was successful in my career and had friends and had dealt with my other mental health issues. What sticks out to me about your post is that it sounds like you are dealing with some unrelated mental health issues that are hard to disentangle from gender identity. If you aren’t already in some kind of psychiatry or counseling that is wholly unrelated to your gender identity, I would seriously recommend this. I never went to counseling because I was afraid they wouldn’t prescribe me T if they knew I had mental health problems that could cloud my judgement, LOL.

The line about realizing what you felt during your childhood was always dysphoria kind of strikes me (because, well, same)- are there specific instances of this that you are recalling that could potentially stem from mistreatment you received as someone viewed as female? Or more of an overall sense of dread about your appearance or the way you were seen? This sounds like BS adult talk but I mean it when I say that these are really common for both cis and trans people. Not being able to control how people view you and make judgements about you sucks and it sucks even worse as an adolescent.

The one thing I would advise you is to view T as more of a last resort and not get unfairly pushed by momentum. There is no way to say this that isn’t shitty but T isn’t a mood stabilizer or antidepressant. If you are suicidal it’s absolutely 100% worth it to investigate that outside of the context of transition. Along with that, believe me when I say you do not need to rush. There is not a magical window of time in which you can transition and go stealth but afterwards you will only ever look like a woman. This is a total blanket statement but people on T at any age usually don’t have a hard time ending up looking like a dude, it’s the reverse that will really take some time. I would encourage trying stuff like vocal training, posture training and maybe working out and see what that does for you. I feel like if I had made some more efforts doing stuff like that I wouldn’t have been A. so depressed and B. so gung-ho about getting the transition train on the tracks. Best of luck to you whatever you end up doing.

Edit: typo.

Reddit user retransing explains the 'weirdest, best thing' about detransitioning (FtMtF) after living as male for over half a decade: the feeling of normalcy when moving through the world as a woman.
22 pointsSep 15, 2019
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Thank you! I’ve lived male for so long (over half a decade) and one of the weirdest, best things is how normal I feel moving through the world as a woman. I don’t do it often currently because I need to get things sorted with my work and school before I drop the dude thing officially but it’s really nice.

Reddit user retransing explains how weight loss and cycling contributed to rapid body fat redistribution after 35 months off testosterone.
20 pointsNov 17, 2019
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Yeah, for unrelated reasons I lost about 35 lbs between pictures. I’ve heard that redistribution really only occurs if you’re cycling weight in some way and it’s happened to me fast. For reference, my chest-waist-hip ratio in pic 1 is something like 39.5-40-40.5 and in pic 2 it’s 36-29-35.5.

Reddit user retransing explains how compulsory heterosexuality led them to identify as a gay trans man, noting it's common for trans people to only attract other trans partners.
19 pointsOct 2, 2019
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Not OP but I used to ID as a predominantly gay FTM and now ID as a lesbian. I was suffering from what turned out to be hardcore compulsory heterosexuality and the only people who were into me were other FTMs. It’s not uncommon for trans people to have experiences like this, at least in my circles.

Reddit user retransing explains their experience after stopping testosterone, noting their hormones normalized within a month and period returned in two, and describes seeing their body with adult estrogen levels for the first time.
17 pointsNov 23, 2019
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Literally same—I’ve been off for almost 4 months and it’s absolutely crazy. My hormones went back to normal in like a month and I got my period back in like two. I don’t really have any like “goals” with the impacts of my hormone changes ‘cause that’s kind of a fucked up way to think about my body operating without any intervention, but it is pretty exciting to see. I also started blockers/T when I was a really young teen so for me it isn’t going “back” to anything, it’s seeing how my body looks with an adult level of estrogen for the first time ever. Even from a totally intellectual standpoint divorced from my feelings about the situation, it’s pretty cool.

Reddit user retransing advises a pre/non-transition lesbian to attend a lesbian event without worry, noting a rich history of butch presentation and offering subtle passing tips like a narrower stance or slim pants.
14 pointsOct 24, 2019
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This is unhelpful but from one lesbian to another I would honestly say just do it. You’ll be there with a friend, you’re pre/non everything and you’re a lesbian. There will probably be other lesbians there as well with a variety of haircuts. It’s not weird or wrong to get read as a dude and there’s a rich history of that with lesbianism alone. If you’re looking for “passing” tips, it can be little stuff like walking with your feet at a narrower stance than your shoulders or wearing slimmer pants. I really wouldn’t worry about it tbh. Have fun and try not to worry about it- I extremely doubt anyone is going to give you a hard time, considering the venue, and regardless you have a right to be there.