This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
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Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal narrative. Their perspective evolves over time, showing self-reflection and internal conflict. The writing style is complex, emotional, and highly specific, with self-deprecating humor and cultural references that are difficult to automate. The account expresses a critical but empathetic viewpoint that aligns with the passionate and often stigmatized experiences of genuine desisters and detransitioners.
About me
I started transitioning in my late teens because I hated my female body and desperately wanted to be male, thinking it was the only way I could ever like myself. I took testosterone and lived as a man for years, driven by a deep physical dysphoria. I realized I had to detransition when I understood that I couldn't actually change my sex and that my true desire was to have been born male, which is impossible. Now, I'm learning to accept my female body and manage my dysphoria through self-discipline instead of trying to change what can't be changed. I'm finally focusing on building my self-esteem and figuring out who I really am without any labels.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started from a place of really hating myself. I’ve never felt like a whole person, and I’ve never had any confidence or assuredness about who I am. Looking back, a huge part of my desire to transition was a desire to escape myself. I thought that if I could fundamentally change into someone else—a man—then maybe I could finally like myself.
I had severe physical dysphoria, especially about my breasts. I hated them. It wasn't just a dislike; it felt deeply wrong. But I was also pretty indifferent to the social side of things. I didn't care much about pronouns or names; I just desperately wanted a male body. I remember thinking I would have given my liver for one. At the same time, I enjoyed all kinds of clothing, both masculine and feminine, which confused me back then.
My understanding of my own attractions was always a mess, tangled up with my low self-esteem. I used to think I was a bisexual woman with a very low libido. For a long time, I felt my attraction to women was stronger, maybe even my only real attraction. But as I’ve gotten older, that’s completely flipped. Now, I feel a much stronger preference for men, to the point where a relationship with a woman seems unlikely. It’s funny how that can change.
I finally realized that detransition was right for me not because I stopped feeling dysphoric, but because I realized that ‘trans’ isn’t a real thing in the way I thought it was. You can’t change your sex. Taking hormones and having surgery doesn’t make you male or female. I had to face the fact that my deepest desire wasn't just to look male, but to have been born male, which is an impossible thing to achieve. No medical procedure can give you that.
I manage my dysphoria now by practicing a kind of self-discipline. It’s about separating the desire from the reality. I accept that I wish I had been born male, but I also accept that I wasn’t. My female body isn’t bad; it’s just my body. Choosing to be content with it is like choosing to float down a river instead of exhausting myself trying to swim upstream against an impossible current.
I definitely have regrets about transitioning. I regret the time I wasted, the mental energy I poured into an impossible goal, and the way I used it as an excuse to avoid growing up and taking responsibility for my life. I told myself I couldn’t be happy or successful until I was further along in my transition, which was a miserable way to live. I also regret letting a publication list me as male, thinking it was "self-acceptance" at the time. Now, I see it as just another facepalm moment.
I don’t think transition is always wrong for everyone. I believe there are probably a very small number of people who are genuinely helped by it. But for me, and I think for the vast majority of people who consider it, it’s not the right path. It was a way to avoid dealing with my real problems: my self-hatred, my lack of identity, and my need to just learn how to be me.
Now, I’m trying to figure out who I actually am, without any labels. I’m working on my self-esteem and trying to be more open and honest with people. The secrecy and shame that came with my trans identity have given way to a need for real connection. I’m focusing on living my life excellently, as myself.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Late Teens | Started identifying as a trans male. This was driven by severe physical dysphoria (especially hating my breasts) and a deep desire to have a male body. |
| Early 20s | Socially transitioned (used a different name, aimed to pass as male). Took testosterone. |
| 22 | Realized I was going to detransition. I felt a paralyzing fear about the future of my transition and started to interrogate my identity and the concept of being trans itself. |
| 22 | Stopped testosterone. Began the process of socially detransitioning, reverting to my birth name and female pronouns. |
| 23 | Had a publication go out listing me as male, which I now regret, seeing it as a misguided attempt at self-acceptance. |
| Present (23) | Actively working on self-acceptance and managing dysphoria through mindfulness and self-discipline. My attraction has shifted more strongly towards men. |
Top Comments by /u/returemenet:
for me, there's a space between 'transphobia' and 'pretend[ing] to be happy...'
mentally well people don't get into this. happy people don't get into this. i have never seen someone i considered content and a good decisionmaker self identify as trans. they are hurting. they are expressing it in a very questionable way, but they aren't happy and they aren't well, and scorn will never get anyone anywhere.
i approach trans identified people the same way i approach smokers. is it horrible for you? yes. should anyone do it? no. is it worth being unkind or hateful? absolutely not. love people. question their choices. that's part of what love is, anyway, the willingness to question whether someone is right and still respect their right to think what they think.
strangers transitioning doesn't bother me. i think it's a bad choice, but i don't lose sleep worrying about global cigarette sales, so why would i hold any strong feelings towards transitioners?
now, obviously, i agree that people who insist on being included in womens' spaces and allowing children to transition are incorrect and unethical. but my contempt for their ideology (as with all of transness) has nothing to do with my feelings about them as people. stupid, bad ideologies show up all the time, and the people championing these things and leading impressionable people are real bad guys, not any given person who believes--foolishly, but with no ill intent--in the ideology that's been pushed on them.
So, I had a similar thought process when actively IDing as a trans male. For me, it came from a combination of severe physical dysphoria and indifference to the social aspect—essentially, I would have given my liver for a male body, but also enjoyed the visual aesthetics of all kinds of clothing. Now that I’ve realized I never can have a male body, I continue to enjoy the aesthetics of all kinds of clothing without the nagging need to recategorize myself to feel okay about it.
I’d encourage him to take a close look at the resulting quality of life reduction following many vaginoplasties, as well as the rate of complications and unfavorable outcomes. Also… maybe this is just me, but I cannot possibly imagine he’ll be pleased with his decision at 40/50/60/70. Also also: what does he stand to gain from having a vagina as a man? An outlet for self-attraction? Access to prettier underwear? He stands to lose much more than he stands to gain.
It's generally established that making permanent, life-altering physical changes to oneself to satisfy a sexual desire is... bad? Not from a moral standpoint, per se (autogynephiles get your fill), but from the standpoint that sex and day-to-day living are not one in the same, and structuring one's entire life around sexual gratification is deeply psychologically damaging, as well as potentially violating for the people around someone doing so. He needs to see that his sexual inclinations are not something to let rule his life, and learn to cope and enjoy himself with less invasive methods, like tucking and roleplay.
i also don't think alcoholism is a healthy choice, but i'm not for banning alcohol. just because i disagree with something doesn't mean that i want to do any of the things you're equating with my viewpoint.
i am for bodily autonomy. if someone would like to take medical, legal, or social transition steps, that's their right. however, i don't believe that makes them a protected class. i don't agree with the way that the current american administration is handling gender politics--setting steadfast rules about something arbitrary and intangible never gets anyone very far.
i respect a trans person's right to transition just as much as i respect anyone else's right to do anything else that i personally disagree with. smoke? hate it. don't think it should be illegal... just don't let kids do it (:
I'm not against transition for other people under certain circumstances. There are some very binary, very transsexual individuals that transition "well" and are obviously benefitted by it. Most people who would transition, though are not part of that group. 90% of people with GD aren't. So, I'm not against transition, but it was wrong for me, and statistically will be wrong for most that consider it.
I realized that detransition was right for me not because I realized I wasn't 'trans,' but because I realized that 'trans' isn't a thing. Taking hormones and undergoing surgery does not change one's sex. Adopting a different name, presentation and set of pronouns does not make one socially compatible with members of the opposite sex. Dysphoria is not an acute, unique feeling, but a discomfort that can be assuaged through other means--for me, largely mindfulness and self discipline.
your size is easy to figure out with a measuring tape.
measure your underbust (rib area above navel and below breasts)
that number (ex. 30) corresponds to your band size
measure your bust (wrap tape measure around the largest/most protruding part of breasts)
take that number (ex. 34)
subtract your underbust from your bust (ex. 4)
each inch of the remainder corresponds to your cup size. every inch of difference between bust and underbust equals 1 cup size (a, b, c, d...)
so, the example measurements would give you the size 30D.
to not do math: https://www.calculator.net/bra-size-calculator.html
signs i was going to detransition:
paralyzing fear of the future. for a long time, transition was The Thing I Was Going To Do. as that got closer and closer, and I had to reckon with actually going through the necessary steps, I realized how far I felt from 'myself,' which encouraged me to interrogate my own trans identity, and then trans identity as a concept.
romantic/sexual experimentation. [my] trans identity had a certain rigidness to it. 'i WAS this. i was GOING to do this. i LIKE this. i DON'T like this.' romantic and sexual curiosity outside of the scope my gender dysphoria deemed 'acceptable' was a major indication that my identity was not as steadfast as i was led to believe.
other sudden life changes. within my detransition period, i became very sad, but very productive. i was aware of the time i wasted, so i felt the need to push myself to be more social, be more successful in school and more proactive in makin moneeeyyyyyy.
new openness. when i started detransitioning, i felt the need to tell people things. not even things related to my detransition, just... things about myself that i had felt too afraid of vulnerability to share. i came out as bisexual to my mom with waaaay too much information, because the secrecy and shame that drives trans identity gave way to an overwhelming craving for connection, understanding and honesty.
whimsy.
Yes, yes, to everything! It's an excellent way to escape personal responsibility. "I can't do XYZ important adult thing because I'm not far enough along in my transition yet to be allowed to be happy. Therefore, I never have to grow up." Blaahhggghhhhhh how miserable and dumb and yet entirely sensical is that?