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Reddit user /u/ritsutenshi's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 17 -> Detransitioned: 19
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
trauma
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
serious health complications
body dysmorphia
retransition
puberty discomfort
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
eating disorder
bisexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.

The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally raw personal narrative. The user shares specific, complex experiences with body image, trauma, medical fear, and the social dynamics of pronouns that reflect a genuine lived experience. The emotional tone—anger, sadness, fear, sarcasm—is highly specific and appropriate for a desister who feels harmed and stigmatized. The arguments are not simplistic talking points but are grounded in personal perspective and contradiction, which is indicative of a real person.

About me

I'm a woman who started identifying as a trans man because I was deeply uncomfortable with my body and felt I didn't fit in as a feminine woman. My journey was really about trauma, an eating disorder, and internalized homophobia, not a true gender identity. I took testosterone for a while, but it was a form of escapism from my real problems. I've since stopped and am detransitioning after getting therapy for my underlying issues. I'm now learning to accept myself as a masculine woman and am in a much healthier place.

My detransition story

My journey started with a deep discomfort during puberty. I hated the changes happening to my body, especially the development of my breasts. I felt like they didn't belong on me and I desperately wanted to look more androgynous. This discomfort was mixed up with a lot of other things: depression, anxiety, and very low self-esteem. I developed an eating disorder, starving myself to try and achieve a more boyish figure and to cope with my feelings. That had serious health consequences that I still deal with today.

I came to believe that I was non-binary and then later, that I was a trans man. A big part of this was that I didn't fit the norm of a feminine woman and I felt a lot of shame about that. I thought transitioning was the only way to fix the deep unhappiness I felt. I saw people online who seemed so happy after they transitioned, and my own friends were exploring their gender identities too. I think I was influenced by all of that.

I took testosterone for a while. I was so sure it was the right path for me, but looking back, I was using it as a form of escapism. I thought becoming someone else would solve all my problems. I also struggled a lot with internalized homophobia; the idea of being a lesbian was terrifying to me back then, and identifying as a man felt like a safer way to be attracted to women.

A major part of my experience was trauma. I am scared of men because of past abuse. This fear played a huge role in my thinking. Even though I identified as a man, I was terrified of other men. It created a confusing conflict inside me. I felt like I had to hide this fear because having it meant I was "transphobic" in the eyes of some people. But my fear was real; it wasn't about someone's identity, it was about my own safety and trauma history. Being called a bigot for being scared after what I'd been through felt incredibly unfair.

I eventually realized that my issues weren't really about gender. My problems were rooted in trauma, body dysmorphia, and my eating disorder. I stopped taking hormones and began to detransition. Letting go of the transition identity was hard, but it was the right decision for me. I benefited greatly from therapy that wasn't just about affirming a trans identity, but that helped me work through my underlying trauma and self-image issues.

I don't regret my transition in a way, because it was a path I had to walk to finally understand myself. It led me to where I am now. But I do regret the permanent health issues from the eating disorder and the time I lost being someone I wasn't. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a very personal thing, but we should be careful. Transition can help some people, but for others, like me, it can be a way to run from deeper problems. There's nothing wrong with being a masculine woman or a feminine man. We need to make more space for people to just be themselves without feeling like they have to change their bodies to fit in.

I don't believe I was ever truly trans. I think I was a traumatized, confused young woman who found what looked like a solution online. I'm now comfortable identifying as a woman and as bisexual. I'm still with my boyfriend, who has been incredibly supportive through all of this.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
13-16 Experienced intense discomfort with female puberty, hated breast development. Developed depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder.
17 Began identifying as non-binary, influenced by online communities and friends.
18 Started identifying as a trans man. Began taking testosterone.
19 Stopped testosterone. Realized my issues were related to trauma and body dysmorphia, not gender identity. Began the process of detransitioning.
20 Underwent non-affirming therapy focused on trauma and eating disorder recovery. Came to accept myself as a female and embrace my natural masculinity.

Top Comments by /u/ritsutenshi:

5 comments • Posting since June 28, 2019
Reddit user ritsutenshi comments on a detransition post, wishing they could hug and reassure feminine men, masculine women, and androgynous people that there's nothing wrong with not fitting the norm.
8 pointsJun 28, 2019
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That's how I felt too. Transition can help people, but it makes me so sad to think that some of them want to do it because they don't fit the norm and are ashamed of this. Wish I could hug them all and tell that there's nothing wrong with it. Feminine men, masculine women, androgynous people, you all rock.

Reddit user ritsutenshi encourages a user afraid of doctors to seek medical help for their health.
6 pointsJun 28, 2019
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I understand that you're scared of doctors. I've met doctors that made me afraid of seeking help as well, but please try to overcome this fear. I hope you will meet a doctor that you deserve, a one that will help you. It's tough, but it's about your health, both mental and physical.

Reddit user ritsutenshi discusses the social impact of gendered pronouns and the human tendency to make assumptions based on them, noting that while reductive, it's a natural way to navigate the world when you don't know someone.
4 pointsJun 28, 2019
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In my language there's no option for pronouns that have no gender. What would you do?

I know where are you coming from, though. I use both female and male pronouns on the Internet and it's visible to me how people tend to behave different towards you, depending on what you choose. The thing is, that's how humans work, and you won't avoid getting labelled. It's easier to go by a statistic like this: 'he's a man, men tend to do this, I can expect this behaviour from him' and vice versa. There are a lot of people that understand we are more complex than a basic concept like this, but most of them won't know you this deep to get that you aren't what they've assumed you are. You assume someone's behaviour based on something when you don't know someone at all, because it's a natural thing to do. There's more to a person than meets the eye and knowing this should be common sense.

Reddit user ritsutenshi comments on the health consequences of starving for androgyny and depression, advising against self-harm and praising a clear mind for self-discovery.
4 pointsJun 28, 2019
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I experienced same thing, but I was starving myself to look more androgynous and because of depression. Now it has health consequences... I'm so glad you're not harming yourself this way. You'll find your mind at ease, and your thoughts clear. It helped me so much in understanding who I am, who I want to be and in making decisions I don't regret.

Reddit user ritsutenshi explains their fear of men and trans women due to past trauma, and discusses being called transphobic for needing to know a partner's birth sex.
4 pointsJun 29, 2019
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You don't have a right to have an opinion. I'm scared of men. Don't know if it's bad enough to be classified as an actual phobia, but it's closer to truth than I - someone who experienced and still experiences high dysphoria regarding my body (and I believe for the similar reason as you) - am transphobic, yet that's what I'd be called if I stated that I want to know the birth sex of a person that is interacting with me in order to have sex with me. I know not all men are like the ones that abused me and I'm even in a relationship with one, but the feeling of being uncomfortable around men is something I have to fight with, and being dishonest won't help. They believe they don't even have to tell you about it. And for me, it doesn't matter that someone identifies as a woman. I'll call them as 'her', but it won't make me any less scared. They'll tell you that I'm still transphobic, because in this case I treat trans women the same way as men since I'm scared of both of them. I'm still bisexual, but I bet that if I was a lesbian and turned someone down because they were born a man, I'd also be 'not a lesbian'. This is always a win-lose situation. You always lose, because you oppress poor people that won't let you have any safe space that you fought for left. They don't care about perspective of someone else, there's only their and them being oppressed. If I even start any discussion, I have to hear about trans women being killed for being trans. Do they care if I say that women are being killed for being women as well? No. They have the right to be scared, but you? No, you don't, you're privileged, who would want to hurt you, this is not important, WE are important. I felt so damn privileged being beaten and raped.