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Reddit user /u/sadhombres's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 24
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
got top surgery
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.

There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The user expresses complex, nuanced, and emotionally charged opinions that are consistent with a genuine detransitioner/desister perspective, including personal experiences with transition, detransition, and the associated social stigma. The writing style is consistent, personal, and reflective of a real person grappling with these issues.

About me

I started transitioning as a teenager because I was deeply uncomfortable with being female and hated the expectations placed on me. I took testosterone and had top surgery, thinking becoming a man was the solution, but I eventually realized I was just trading one set of rigid norms for another. Through non-affirming therapy, I discovered my real issues were with low self-esteem and the social gender hierarchy itself. I’ve since detransitioned and found a place of self-acceptance, though it cost me some friends. My identity is now rooted in my art and writing, not in any gender.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was never comfortable with the expectations placed on me as a female. I hated my breasts and felt a deep discomfort with my body during puberty, which I now see was tied to a general low self-esteem and not fitting in. I think a lot of this was also influenced by spending a lot of time online in communities where transitioning was presented as the solution to these feelings.

I socially transitioned and then medically transitioned by taking testosterone. I got top surgery. For a while, living as a man felt like an escape from the person I was. It felt like I was solving the problem of my body and my place in the world. But eventually, I realized I was just trading one set of problems for another. I was submitting to a different, but just as rigid, set of gender norms. I came to see that my real issue wasn't with being female, but with the social gender hierarchy itself. I felt oppressed by the entire system of gender, and transitioning was my way of trying to rebel, but it was a rebellion that ultimately cost me a lot.

I decided to detransition. I don't regret transitioning because it was a necessary part of my journey to get to where I am now, which is a place of much more self-acceptance. But I do have serious criticisms of the medical industry and how it preys on people who are vulnerable, like I was. I benefited greatly from therapy that was not affirming of my trans identity; it helped me work through my underlying issues with depression, anxiety, and self-worth instead of just affirming my desire to change my body.

My thoughts on gender now are that it's a social hierarchy that everyone is uncomfortable with in some way. Nobody is completely comfortable in their own skin. The goal isn't to change your body to fit a stereotype, but to learn to live with and love yourself as you are. I'd rather be an ugly, dorky, fat guy who rebels against gender norms than be a pretty trans woman who submits to them. My real identity is in my skills and my work—my art and my writing—things that are not socially ascribed and that no one can take away from me.

I lost some friends when I detransitioned and became more open about my views. They were very invested in trans ideology and took my criticism of the gender system as a personal attack. It’s frustrating because they constantly talk about being trans, which makes it hard to have a normal conversation without butting heads over ideology.

I don't talk much about my sexual orientation, but the whole experience has made me think a lot about internalized homophobia and how the pressure to conform can make you try to escape from yourself.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
14 Started feeling intense discomfort with female puberty, hated developing breasts.
16 Spent increasing time online; influenced by trans communities. Began to socially identify as non-binary.
18 Started taking testosterone.
21 Underwent top surgery.
23 Began to question my transition and started non-affirming therapy.
24 Stopped taking testosterone and began living as a female again (detransitioned).

Top Comments by /u/sadhombres:

10 comments • Posting since July 14, 2022
Reddit user sadhombres (desisted male) explains how a mother's rejection of her gender non-conforming child was a manipulative tactic to turn the kids against her husband and his family.
60 pointsAug 10, 2022
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Read the original post... I think it's very manipulative behavior. I think she already had problems with her husband and his family and decided to make this the big issue so she could turn the kids against him and never let him or his family see the kids. As a GNC person with this kind of experience I think it's disgusting and upsetting.

Reddit user sadhombres (desisted male) explains how debating online trans activists and being blocked helps him cope with bitterness and rage as a detransitioner.
59 pointsNov 15, 2022
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When I feel this way and want to feel better, I just go to the internet and debate these ppl about their narratives and watch as they repeat slogan after slogan until they block me. It helps me to know that literally nothing they say about me as a detransitioner matters at all. It's not the best immediate solution but I definitely know your rage and it makes me feel better to know that those people are a lot angrier than I am.

Reddit user sadhombres (desisted male) comments on the difficulty of socializing with trans individuals who habitually center conversations around their identity and trans ideology.
28 pointsNov 23, 2022
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i have real difficulty relating because a lot of them just never stop talking about their experience as trans people. i never noticed this about myself or other trans people when i was trans, but i see it now. it's natural tho... usually when ur trans its the first thing people notice about you, and that is a tether for a lot of social interaction. it just makes it frustrating to be a person who wants to talk to them as individuals because they really dont like hearing the things i have to say about trans ideology, but theyre always bringing it up out of habit, and i certainly cant just be around a person who's constantly talking about trans ideology and shitting on terfs and cis people and not say anything for an entire friendship.

Reddit user sadhombres (desisted male) explains why he chose to accept being an "ugly, dorky, fat guy" who rebels against gender norms rather than become a trans woman who, in his view, submits to them.
27 pointsAug 10, 2022
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Nobody is comfortable in their own skin. Everybody has a problem with the way they are seen. You have to just get used to it. For me, I'd rather be an extremely ugly, dorky, fat guy who somewhat rebels against gender norms than be a very pretty, narcissistic trans woman who submits to them at her own expense, and at the expense of other gender nonconforming people.

Reddit user sadhombres (desisted male) explains that learning to live as a woman again requires the same mindset used in transition: accepting your body and self without trying to run from being a detransitioner.
14 pointsDec 13, 2022
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the same way you tried to run away from being a woman and how you hated your body and stuff, you have to look at it the same way. dont try to run away from being a detransitioner, being yourself, living in and loving your body the way it is. you have another shot at loving a version of your body/self that you and/or society feel is wrong or incomplete. nothing you can do about who you are and your past.

Reddit user sadhombres (desisted male) explains the importance of vocalizing sexual boundaries, arguing that not every selfish act is assault and that self-advocacy is a personal responsibility.
13 pointsNov 20, 2022
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Say that then... please please please if you dont speak up for yourself you are hurting yourself. Sex does not need to be like this... draw your boundaries and stick to them; that's your responsibility. If he really hurt you, you need to stay away. It doesn't sound like that, tho, it sounds like you just need to speak up for yourself. I dont like to insist either; sometimes you need to insist! And if you dont want to have to insist, leave him alone. but don't let it get to the point where youre sitting here stuck on a feeling when what you can easily have what you want if you just stand up for yourself.

edit; continued; and im the type to not want to insist and i avoid people because i dont want to insist, but the times that i am most healthy are when i get comfortable insisting; nobody is a mind reader, and if you dont outright refuse then it's on you, not on him.

edit again: and dont let these people try to victimize you, you are not three. nobody on fucking reddit has the right to project so hard and tell you "you were sexually assaulted so youd better panic and run" noooo..... not every sexual misunderstanding/selfishness is a rape. camille paglia talks about this; the sexual revolution has already been won but everyone is so scared because so few people are willing to use their voice to tell men what they want. you are taking on the responsibility to protect your body and spirit when you give it up sexually to somebody else. if you did what you could and he took it from you, that's rape. if youre kinda like "i wont refuse but i dont like that, do what you will with that info", you cannottt canottt cannottttt let these people convince you that you were harmed. That's not what rape is

Reddit user sadhombres (desisted male) explains why his criticism of the medical and beauty industries isn't an attack on his trans friends, and how their jokes about his detransition didn't threaten his self-worth.
8 pointsJul 14, 2022
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I never said anything about trans people or criticized trans people. I criticized the medical industry and the sex/beauty industry for preying on them, anyway. And these kids certainly didn't pull their punches when it came to detransitioners, either. They constantly shat on me for detransitioning, either jokingly or in earnest, and I never felt that my identity was threatened or invalidated... the parts of my identity that I need to be affirmed (my skill in art, my skill in work, my writing) are not socially ascribed, and so nobody has the power to take them away from me. Only I can affirm them. If they have problems with detransitioners, which they do, it's none of my business because I can't do anything about that and I also recognize that whether they see detransitioners as an annoying political entity, they obviously like me and spend time with me even though I've detransitioned.

In any case, not one of them has ever detransitioned. I, on the other hand, have transitioned; their criticisms of my way come from preconceptions, whereas all I do is criticize my old way... It is up to them to take it on as a shot at them. If they positively self-identify within the bounds of a social gender hierarchy that I experience to be oppressive, then obviously they'll interpret my problems with a social gender hierarchy as problems with them. I guess when I started to be more open about my views, I hoped that the friendship would encourage them to think critically about my opinions, not necessarily to internalize them.

Reddit user sadhombres (desisted male) disputes the idea that arguing with those in power using detached metrics is unrealistic, citing their own experience of being thrown out of their Catholic home for gender nonconformity.
4 pointsMar 19, 2023
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I was raised catholic and was thrown out of my house for being gender nonconforming. Also wtf does

>you never had to argue with someone using completely detached from reality metrics AND who had been granted actual power from their society to punish people based upon those metrics

This sentence is detached from reality

Reddit user sadhombres (desisted male) explains why they feel their social media posts criticizing trans ideology are not oppressive, but a valid part of political discourse.
4 pointsJul 14, 2022
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I think youre trying rly hard to misunderstand me and u have a right to do that. If a trans ideologue decides to use words like "uterus owners" to delineate biological sex then I can comment under that. If radical feminists do a lecture series on how Western gender theorists appropriate and misrepresent indigenous third-gender cosmology, then I can share that, since I have friends who would be interested in that. If a trans ideologue posts that abortion is NOT a gendered issue, then I can comment on that too. none of that is oppressive. If youre gonna be starting political discussions on instagram u have to be prepared for disagreement.

And i think it's obvious that when I said "they like me and spend time with me" I meant to say that I didnt choose to focus on their issues with people who share my socially ascribed identities because they really didnt have a problem with me individually. they now do... i guess i used the wrong tense. i think you knew what i meant tho.

Reddit user sadhombres (desisted male) comments on why the Bible should be taught in schools as a foundational text of Western culture, arguing its teachings can be studied without requiring belief.
3 pointsMar 17, 2023
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Well the difference between the Bible and the other religious texts is that the Bible is super foundational for Western/American culture. It makes sense that we would be educated in the Bible before the other ones. Being educated on it doesn't mean that the kids have to believe its messages. The Bible's teachings aren't even that bad.