This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments demonstrate:
- A consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal narrative of being a desisted/detransitioned woman.
- Emotional depth, personal reflection, and lived-experience details (e.g., PTSD, specific feelings about their body, a personal encounter with another detransitioner).
- A consistent viewpoint that is critical of certain trans discourse while still acknowledging complexity, which aligns with the passionate and varied perspectives found in the detrans community.
The user's story and opinions are consistent and show the expected passion and personal investment of someone who has lived this experience.
About me
I was born female and started identifying as transmasculine in my late teens because I thought I needed to be a man to feel safe and valued. An abusive relationship with a male-to-female trans person caused me deep trauma and complicated my feelings about my own identity. I realized my gender dysphoria was tangled up with low self-esteem and a defense mechanism, not an innate identity. I never medically transitioned, and I found peace by reclaiming my identity as a woman who is masculine. I am now a detransitioned female, comfortable in my womanhood and critical of the pressure to see body discomfort as a sign of being trans.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s taken me a lot of time and healing to get to where I am now. I was born female, and for a long time, I identified as transmasculine. I wanted to look like a man and be read as one in public. I had a lot of discomfort with my body, especially my breasts, and I used tape to bind them sometimes. I thought that transitioning was the answer to my deep feelings of unease.
A big part of my story involves trauma. I was in an abusive relationship with a male-to-female transgender person. Working through that was incredibly difficult because it complicated my feelings about the entire community. I learned the hard way that being trans doesn’t make someone a good person; they can inflict pain just like anyone else. For a while, seeing people who looked like my abuser was very triggering for my PTSD, and I had to avoid certain spaces for my own safety. That fear was a real part of my life for years.
My feelings about my own body were also tangled up with a lot of other issues. I think I had a lot of internalized fear and a low self-esteem that made me think I needed to become a man to be safe or to be valued, especially around men. I felt I had to be a "stone top" as a form of protection. It was a defense mechanism. I also have come to realize that I love being a masculine woman. I actually enjoy when people mistake me for a man! I’ve reached a point where I feel that womanhood can absolutely coexist with gender dysphoria. I still have horrible feelings about my breasts sometimes, but I am happy and secure enough in my femaleness that if I got a mastectomy, it wouldn’t change how I identify. I’d still be a woman, just one who can’t fill out a dress.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. My transition was entirely social, and my detransition was about coming back to identifying as a woman. A huge help for me was finding older writings from cross-dressers from the 70s to the 90s. Their experiences resonated with me far more than modern online trans discourse. It made me feel legitimate in my desire to be an "undercover woman" who is mistaken for a guy.
I’m a heterosexual woman; I’m attracted to more feminine men, but definitely to men. I appreciate the look of testosterone on a man. I had to work through some religious ideas too. I was religious for years and I know it can be a powerful tool for peace, but I also know it can’t change who you’re attracted to.
I don’t regret exploring my gender because it led me to a place of deeper understanding about myself. But I am critical of the current climate around transition. I don’t know how you can see the rising trends in medical intervention, especially for non-binary people, without being critical of it. I believe we need more open dialogue.
I am now a detransitioned female. I’m comfortable in my womanhood, even with all its complexities. My main regret isn't that I explored my gender, but that I was ever made to feel that my discomfort meant I wasn't a woman. I’ve found a lot of peace by stepping away from online spaces and living my life in the real world.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Late Teens | Began socially identifying as transmasculine. Wanted to be seen as a man. |
| 20 | Was in an abusive relationship with a male-to-female trans person. This caused significant trauma and PTSD. |
| 21 | Started using tape to bind my breasts occasionally, but did not pursue hormones or surgery. |
| 23 | Began the process of detransitioning. Stopped identifying as transmasculine and started reclaiming my identity as a woman. |
| 24 | Found solace and understanding in literature about cross-dressing from the 1970s-1990s, which helped solidify my identity as a masculine woman. |
| Present (25) | Identify as a detransitioned, heterosexual woman. Comfortable with my female body and my masculine expression. |
Top Comments by /u/saintsleep:
My abuser is also trans(fem). Something I'm working through is that trans people can be just as bad as cis people because being trans has no moral value. They're just people. Being trans doesn't absolve anyone of the pain that they've inflicted.
Tell people, tell your story. This person is horrible regardless of their gender identity. You're allowed to see your pain as something inflicted by a man because that's how you experienced it. They aren't running from anything as long as we keep these kind of people accountable. Sending you so much love ❤️
I live in Nebraska part time. I met a detrans woman working at Sephora last summer and it was amazing and very cool for us. Talked for like 20 minutes about it and then bonded over makeup. Op is purposely being obtuse to push their bs agenda… AGH wow I didn’t think bringing in Nebraska would make me this angry but it god damn does. Keep my state out of your mouth! You don’t even go here!
While my PTSD was only semi-related to trans stuff, I also had a lot of trauma around people like that! Very difficult to see a person like that in real life and then look over in a mirror and see the same damn thing, lol. I don't know how old you are but it gets easier as you get older. Fewer people look and act like this as we get older and (maybe I'm just telling myself this) but people get wiser and more nuanced about this stuff. But then again, I've learned to pretty much leave these kinds of people asap when possible...
I posted about it earlier but I didn't mind the article. I liked that it brought together a lot of the studies we shared here in the past year. That said, it's a sad state of affairs that the authors have to reiterate their transness/insistence on medical intervention to be taken seriously by the people against us, but it makes sense in the climate. Hopefully, in the future, we can not only be taken seriously but have our less-than-digestible opinions on this stuff too. I personally don't know how you can see these studies and trends in nb/rise in medical intervention without being critical of it, but I have no doubt these authors already felt like they were sticking their necks out. I'll take the crumbs.
I might be in the minority for this but I think womanhood can coexist with gender dysphoria and that whatever makes you feel better in the long run is worth it. I still have horrible feelings about my breasts sometimes but I’m happy and secure enough in my femaleness/womanhood that if I got a mastectomy it wouldn’t change how I identify. I love being a masculine woman, and I love people mistaking me for a man! Titless I’d still be a woman, just one that couldn’t fill out a dress well ☺️
I agree—I honestly think you two should separate. The best thing you can do for them is to leave and care for yourself because it’s their life to potential screw up, not yours. Say your peace and remind them you’re open to talk about it if they detransition.
I’ve only been able skim this bc I’m at work but I really like it so far. It looks like pretty fair reporting and I’m glad they’re talking not only about the ethical issues happening rn but to detrans people themselves about it 👍 We need dialogue like this!
I don’t want to be that person, but no one can make you straight, and looking for that is only going to make you more confused and depressed in the long run. Part of finding a non-biased therapist means one who is religiously ambivalent, not one that will push a God cure-all. Religion is an incredibly powerful tool for finding peace (trust me, I was religious for years), but thinking it can change your sexuality is misguided.
I think it exists in some ways but under different language. You see “third genders” cropping up in different cultures and in history (usually through natural gender nonconformity by gay men/lesbians) but the difference from the discourse of today is that they still see biological sex as an aspect of that experience. I think innate gender nonconformity exists and it’s up to the person/society to interpret it as they will.
Are you me?? Well minus transitioning as kid, but I think we’d agree on a lot :’) Anyways, don’t beat yourself up. You’re in a time of healing, and your brain is giving you the signals to protect itself. While my own PTSD wasn’t entirely related to trans things, it manifested in a deep fear of visible trans people and its spaces. In the beginning years of my healing I found a lot safety with and in cisgender only spaces, and doing exactly what another poster said, staying offline! The best thing about this trans stuff is that it’s mostly online, and that the real world just isn’t made for the worst of their bs. I’m personally just riding this war out, but until then, take care of yourself ❤️🩹 Even though it’s been three years since everything with me happened, some stuff came up just this week and I was a sobbing mess. It takes time but you can do it!! And you’re not crazy or even transphobic, just surviving and living a life with an informed opinion.