This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's story is highly consistent over a year, detailing their experience as the stepmother of a gender-questioning teen. Their perspective is nuanced, expressing support for social transition and adult trans rights while opposing medicalization for minors. This aligns with a genuine, passionate desister/detrans-adjacent parent perspective. The writing style is personal, detailed, and lacks the repetitive, agenda-driven phrasing typical of inauthentic accounts.
About me
My stepson came out as a boy when he was 13, and we fully supported his social transition with a new name, clothes, and a binder. However, we drew a firm line at medical intervention, believing he needed to be responsible for such a permanent decision himself. Over the next few years, his strong male identity gradually softened, and by 17, he was presenting more androgynously and now identifies as non-binary. I believe our approach gave him the space to slow down and figure things out without medical pressure. Watching this unfold has convinced me that social transition is the safest path for young people, allowing for exploration without irreversible changes.
My detransition story
My experience isn't my own transition, but watching my stepchild go through theirs. He came out as FTM to us when he was 13 years old. We wanted to be supportive, so we immediately started using his chosen name and male pronouns. We let him change his clothing and get a short haircut, and we bought him a binder. We fully supported his social transition because we felt it was a way for him to explore and test the waters without making any permanent changes.
Our big rule from the very beginning, though, was that we would not pay for or facilitate any medical transition. This wasn't about being unsupportive; it was about the reality of what medical transition means. It’s a lifelong commitment to doctor's appointments, hormone prescriptions, and potential surgeries. We felt that if he was mature enough to make that choice, he was mature enough to be fully responsible for the logistics and the finances of it. He would have to learn to make his own appointments, pick up his own prescriptions, and pay for everything himself, because that's what he'd have to do as an adult anyway.
Over the last four years, it's been a real rollercoaster to watch. For the first couple of years, being trans was his entire personality. It was all he talked about. He dressed in very binary, masculine clothing and was very adamant about his identity. But around the age of 16 or 17, things started to shift. He stopped wearing his binder. His clothing became more androgynous, sometimes leaning feminine. He grew his hair out into a longer style. He doesn't really talk about being trans anymore, and his online profiles now say he's non-binary.
My husband and I have talked a lot about why this change might have happened. We think a lot of it might be social pressure. He has a strong desire to be part of the LGBTQ community, and we suspect he might be afraid to fully detransition because he's worried people will see him as a liar or as illegitimate. He says he doesn't care what people think, but his actions suggest otherwise.
Watching this happen has made me very concerned about how the medical community handles young people who want to transition. I know other families from our community who allowed their very young children to medically transition—one kid had top surgery at 14, another at 16. To me, that is far too young. There's not enough research on the long-term effects of cross-sex hormones on developing bodies. In our case, my husband has a strong family history of heart disease, and I would be terrified of the health complications testosterone could cause.
I believe the system is failing these kids by not digging deeper. There needs to be more gatekeeping, more therapy that isn't just about affirming the gender identity but also about exploring other underlying issues. We purposely put our son in regular therapy, not "gender therapy," because we felt it was important for him to have a space for critical thinking about all aspects of his life, not just his gender.
My thoughts on gender are that adults who transition deserve every right and respect. But for children, I think social transition is the safest and most appropriate path. It allows them to explore without making permanent, life-altering decisions they may not be mature enough to fully understand. I don't regret our approach at all. By putting the responsibility for medical transition on him, I think we gave him the space to slow down and really figure out what he wants, without our pressure or financial influence pushing him in one direction or another.
Here is a timeline of what happened:
| My Age | My Stepchild's Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|---|
| 41 | 13 | 2016 | Stepchild came out as FTM. We immediately affirmed social transition (name, pronouns, clothing, binder). |
| 41 | 13 | 2016 | We made our rule: we would support social transition, but he would be fully responsible for any future medical transition costs and logistics. |
| 42-44 | 14-16 | 2017-2019 | He was deeply engaged in a binary FTM identity. |
| 44 | 16 | 2019 | He stopped binding regularly. |
| 44 | 17 | 2019 | His style became more androgynous/fluid. He grew his hair out and no longer talked about being trans. His online profile changed to non-binary. |
| 44 | 17 | 2019 | He turned 18. He has made no moves toward any medical transition and remains socially fluid. |
Top Comments by /u/sammy_nobrains:
What I find interesting about this, is the seemingly sharp contrast between OP (an adult with a fully-formed brain), and his 14 year old trans family member. The child seems so sure of himself because he has no frame of reference for things being permanent, yet that permanence was what prompted OP to really consider the implications of transitioning. It's very telling of just how little a 14 year old understands about making such life-altering decisions. I hope OP can gently mentor this child (not try to change him, just be a guiding figure in his life).
I am Stepmom to a kiddo who came out as ftm at age 13. What we did was affirm his name and pronouns, allowed social transition in the way of clothing and hairstyle, but anything medical he would have to take full financial responsibility for. We made this decision based on the fact that medical transition is a lifelong commitment of T shots, surgeries, Endo visits, etc. All of which he will have to commit to and pay for himself as an adult anyway, so we instilled in him early in his transition that he would have to figure that part out on his own. Lo and behold he's 17 now (still going by male pronouns) and has made no mention of any medical transition, and has also stopped binding, started wearing more feminine-leaning androgynous clothing, and his Facebook profile now says NB. He is in therapy, but we purposely did not put him in gender therapy because we felt it lacked critical thinking. I believe if your kids come out as trans, it is important to allow social transition so they can test the waters, but make it very clear that anything beyond that they will have to be responsible for. I hope that made sense!
May I ask a question? I have a ftm (socially trans, not medical) step child who came out 4 years ago at 13 (now 17). For the first few years he was all about everything trans, like it was all he would talk about. He started wearing very binary masculine clothing, got a short haircut, wore a binder, etc. Now 4 years later, my husband and I are seeing signs that he may want to detransition. He now fluxes between binary female/ male clothing, has a longer hairstyle (like a short bob), stopped wearing the binder last year, and no longer talks about trans stuff. We kind of think he's afraid to detrans because people will call him a liar, think he's fake, and he will no longer be considered LGBTQ. My question to you is: how was your detransition received by your friends, especially at school? My kid claims to not care what people think, but his actions say otherwise and I know he would feel deeply hurt to be seen as illegitimate.
But many people, in general, demand special treatment over others. I don't think we should accept bad behavior as the standard for ANY people. I think the disclaimer is basically saying "As long as it doesn't effect me, I'm fine with treating them with repect", as you would anyone else.
I also have a trans identifying step kid. He (FTM) came out to us at 13 and it has been a rollercoaster of him being hardcore trans, to non-binary, to backing off altogether, and now back to hardcore trans. We have agreed, as a family, to be supportive but not to his detriment. He goes to (non LGBTQ) therapy, we respect his pronouns and clothing choices, but we have been staunch on not funding medical transition. Many may see this as "Gatekeeping" but our stance is that at (18 in March) , it is imperative that he learn to be an adult in all aspects, and that includes making his own Doctor appointments and actually going, picking up and paying for his own meds, scheduling any surgeries and preparing for the aftermath, etc. These are things he will need to do throughout his life as a trans man, and we feel that that responsibility begins at the choice for medical transition. We will 100% facilitate social transition and make him feel comfortable, accepted and loved, but we will not be funding medical choices. Perhaps that is a conversation you can have with your kiddo. Medical transition requires a team of Doctors, including regular Endocrinologist visits, therapy, and GYNECOLOGISTS! That is a fact for the rest of his life. Unless he is prepared to tackle the costs of his treatment, he is not prepared to transition.
Very well said, and I'm glad you chose to post here. These discussions about young people undergoing medical transition always bring me back to a family I know who I once respected but now think they're completely misguided. Their child (born male) exhibited many of the characteristics that OP describes, only swap the genders in this case. Kiddo was 3 when she started wanting to play with "girl" toys and wear "girl" clothes. Sanctimommy swooped in and the child was full-on socially transitioned by the age of 5, and blockers started around age 9 or 10. Child is now going on 14 and has never had a single chance in this world to explore her birth gender. Santimommy has her speaking at trans youth events, marching in parades, and generally has formulated her entire personality around being a "Mama Bear" to a transgender child. It's so sad and makes me really angry for that child. I am not against transition at all, and support the rights of trans adults to be treated like the tax paying citizens they are, but to transition a child at 5 years old and give them not even a little bit of a chance at self reflection is just so shitty and unfair to them.
I feel ya there! I'm a 44 year old cis woman and I stopped shaving 3 years ago. Literally fuck that shit! I'm also a professional makeup artist who rarely wears makeup, I've never had my nails done in my life and prefer to keep them short and unpainted, and I generally don't give a shit about most conventional beauty standards. Beauty comes in all forms, and I love that you're finding your own!
For those coming out as teenagers: remember once you are an adult, you are 100% responsible for financing your transition. This includes all surgeries, therapy, visits to the Endocrinologist every 6 months, and any and all maintenance required to transition. I have seen way too many teens whose parents have set them up for failure by financing their initial transition. They want it? They need to figure out how to pay for it, as they will need to do so the remainder of their lives.
You cut off contact because you couldn't handle the transition? I know it's hard to watch someone you love struggle, but it sounds like your sibling doesn't have the greatest support system without you. I would encourage you and your Dad to reach out and reestablish a relationship. It could be the tipping point for your sibling.
I am the (step) Mother of a trans-identifying teen, and a staunch supporter of trans rights. I also believe that children should not only not be allowed cross-sex hormones, they should be barred from surgeries as well. I personally know 2 families that allowed social transition from age 5, and blockers at 10, who fully intend to allow surgery and hormones before 18. I also know 2 other families that allowed double mastectomy at ages 14 and 16, respectively. This is CRAZY to me. First of all, there simply hasn't been enough medical research in using cross-sex hormones in children. In our case in particular, my husband has a STRONG family history of heart disease, and I would worry about my son being on Testosterone for that reason alone, not to mention that he's just not mature enough to handle his own medical care, even at 17 (he is, in his own words, "super lazy"). I think social transition is fine for kids who are questioning, but leave it at that until they are mature enough to handle their own medical expenses, make regular appointments, etc. That being said, I feel that adults who transition and live as regular working, tax-paying adults, 100% deserve the same rights and respect as anyone else.