This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user shares detailed, emotionally charged personal experiences (e.g., vomiting after top surgery, losing friends after detransitioning) and engages in nuanced, empathetic conversations. The tone is passionate and sometimes angry, which is consistent with a genuine detransitioner or desister who has experienced harm. The advice is personalized and complex, not scripted or repetitive.
About me
I never fit in with other girls as a teenager, and my discomfort with female expectations led me to identify as a trans man. I started testosterone and had top surgery, but I immediately regretted the surgery and realized I had made a terrible mistake. When I decided to detransition, my friends completely abandoned me. I now understand my transition was a misguided attempt to escape my depression and discomfort with womanhood, not an actual need to be male. Getting proper treatment for my depression has been the most helpful thing, and I'm trying to find a new path forward despite my regrets.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I never really fit in with the other girls. I felt different in how I acted and looked, and I hated the stereotypes and expectations that came with being a woman. It was terrifying. I think this discomfort with puberty and the pressure to conform was a big part of it. I had really low self-esteem and was struggling with chronic depression.
I first identified as non-binary, but through therapy, I felt semi-pushed towards identifying as a trans guy. It felt like the next logical step to escape the feelings I had. I started taking testosterone and was on it for over a year. I think a lot of my decision was influenced by online spaces and the friends I had at the time. We were all part of this culture that, while it started with good intentions, spiraled into something where it felt like you had to keep going further.
My biggest regret is getting top surgery. I remember seeing those videos where people are thrilled with their results, but for me, it was the complete opposite. I literally vomited soon after. It was a horrible, shocking moment of realizing I had made a massive mistake. The physical reminder of that decision is something I have to live with every day.
When I finally told my friends I wanted to detransition, they completely cut me off. They went to all my other acquaintances and turned everyone against me. It was incredibly isolating, but it showed me that their support was conditional.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why I did this. For me, it wasn’t about being a man. It was an attempt to escape being a woman in a world that felt hostile towards women, especially those who don't conform. Getting treatment for my depression has been more helpful than any part of my transition ever was. I now see my transition as a misguided attempt to solve deeper issues of depression, anxiety, and discomfort with my body.
I don't believe gender is as simple as an inner identity for everyone. For some of us, it's tangled up with trauma, mental health, and a desperate need to belong. I have major regrets about the permanent changes I made to my body, especially the surgery. I try to focus on the fact that it's never too late to stop and try to find a new path. Reading Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning" really helped me; it gave me a sense that I could find meaning and a future even after making such big mistakes.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Teenager | Started experiencing significant discomfort with puberty and female social expectations. Identified as non-binary. |
| Around 19-20 | Felt pushed from non-binary to trans male identity through therapy. Started testosterone (T). |
| 21 | Underwent top surgery. Had an immediate negative reaction, including vomiting, and realized it was a mistake. |
| 22 | Stopped testosterone after being on it for over a year. Began to detransition. |
| 22 | Told friends about detransitioning; was subsequently ostracized and cut off from my social circle. |
Top Comments by /u/sapphicamelie:
You know those top surgery results videos? The ones where the trans guys get so excited by their results? Mine was the opposite. I literally vomited soon after. There’s more, but it’s exhausting to think about & word properly
I’m incredibly glad you’re reading some of our stories. Honestly, it should be the standard thing in the future as so many of us were completely misguided in our decisions. The most important thing is to be brutally — and I mean BRUTALLY — honest with yourself about your intentions. Please understand, though, that I truly don’t know your own experience of dysphoria & what the best treatment is. There’s such a grey area right now...
One possible option other than needing HRT is being socially influenced, for example. Obviously not saying you are, but it’s a possibility in general. It may be painful or embarrassing to admit, but anything is better than dealing with the physical reminders of your mistakes. So PLEASE take care of your decision. & thanks for being respectful 💛
It’s never too late to stop, so don’t let that worry you. I was on T for over a year before stopping & know of both FTMs & MTFs who’ve stopped after literally years.
If you’re having doubts, I’d highly recommend to I stop. You can always go back on HRT later if you feel more resolute in your decision.
Doubts are a warning sign. Please don’t ignore them. Also know, though, I’m not saying these doubts mean you’re not trans. I’d just consider this decision more and possibly look into some depression treatments as well. I’m also chronically depressed & getting that treated helped me a lot
Edited for grammar because I’m a nerd lol
Thanks for your kind approach; we appreciate it 💙
SRS is very risky. Someone already mentioned this, but I think it's critical to understand: the science isn't advanced enough. SRS isn't like hormones. There's an extremely high complication rate that leads to severe consequences like a complete loss of feeling, incontinence, countless revision surgeries, & sometimes people end up needing, I’m sorry, adult diapers. It’s horrendous.
Even if you’re highly dysphoric & 100% sold on the surgeries, I’m sorry, but I think it’s better to wait until they are less experimental. From the stories I’ve heard from my friends, people on here, & on YouTube…no one deserves to suffer like that. Personally I see it as a major human rights violation. Some of these surgeons are taking advantage of trans people’s extreme dysphoria to experiment with these surgeries and make loads of money.
Absolutely.
I feel odd saying this but I kind of watched this current discourse develop and it started from good intentions. It truly did. But for whatever reasons (too many to state here), everything spiralled out of control. People got creative with ideas they didn’t fully understand and combined it with hellish cancel culture
You’re not alone in it. Idk I’ll always have a special place in my heart for certain aspects of it even though it mostly hurt me. & it’s hard seeing something we were a part of go so crazy
I’m too tired to explain more rn at least. Is that sort of what you meant?
Oh 1000% When I told my friend group that I wanted to detransition, they did the exact same thing to me & we’d been close for a while. All I said was that I wanted to detransition for myself & I still wanted to be friends. But they cut me off & went to all my acquaintances & told them about it so no one would talk to me at all. It’s a long story…
But trust me when I say you’re not alone
Gender-related distress will alleviate for around 80% of pre-teen children once they become teenagers.
Evidence from 10 available prospective follow-up studies [1] from childhood to adolescence indicates that childhood gender dysphoria will recede with puberty in ~80% of cases. A Dutch paper [2] notes that follow-up studies show the persistence rate of gender identity disorder to be about 15.8%, or 39 out of the 246 children who were reported on in the literature.
1] Kaltiala-Heino, R., Bergman, H., Työläjärvi, M., & Frisén, L. (2018). Gender dysphoria in adolescence: current perspectives. Adolescent health, medicine and therapeutics 9, 31–41. [Link]
[2] Steensma, T.D. & Cohen-Kettenis, P.T. (2011). Gender Transitioning before Puberty? Archives of Sexual Behavior 40 (4): 649-50. [Link]
TW for concentration camp book mention I’m kind of all over the place rn w/ emotions around this, but it led me to this book that I’d highly recommend to anyone going through something. It’s called A Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. He’s a former Nazi concentration camp inmate that talks about the ways they endured the torture there and how he personally found meaning through it. He also talks about other prisoners in the camp and how all the ones who pushed on through the pain did so because they found a reason to keep on moving forward. Don’t want to go into negativity here much but I recently couldn’t see a future for myself. But reading that book and hearing about how those prisoners found the strength & meaning to keep on living? It’s really helped me feel like…all hope isn’t lost…? Even after everything, I may still have a future. And that…god I can’t even begin to describe how much that helped me.
So TLDR: IF AND BIG IF you can handle a book about Nazi concentration camp sufferers that found purpose in their lives there, I’d highly recommend it
Damn, but honestly I'm not surprised.Like you said it's probably a liability thing. I’d be surprised if they did put something like that on paper :/ I was semi-pushed from NB to trans guy as well through my therapist. If I could I’d go after them for it but I’m fairly certain they didn’t write it down…😔 god this is all so f-ed up
Ofc! These topics get contentious so quickly so I feel empathy is the best approach.
I’m really glad you’re aware of the complications & whatnot. I never know if I’m talking to someone who’s aware of them or someone who’s heading into the decision blind. That info is critical to making the decision for surgery.
So…in the end the decision is yours. If you’re 100% going to do this, I can’t stop you. But I may make some recommendations if you do proceed. You don’t have to do any of them, but just know this comes from genuine concern and belief in trans people’s right to live a healthy life.
Like you mentioned before, do as much research as humanly possible. Since, as you know, there’s such a high complication & revision rate, it’s absolutely critical to find the best surgeon possible. Look up every single surgeon. Listen to every review, the good and the bad.
Honestly, I’d highly recommend looking up the top surgeons in the world. I know it’d be extremely pricy and hard but this surgery’s extreme complications literally ruin lives and make some, I’m sorry, s*icidal. Even if the surgeons in your country aren’t doing it for money, that doesn’t change the surgery’s experimental nature. Giving yourself the highest chance at success when potential negative consequences are so grim is priceless. Paying extra to go to the best surgeon possible who has the highest chance at success will be worth it.
I’m not trying to scare you out of it, I promise. I’m just trying to be realistic and it’s critical to take preventative measures BEFORE you do anything permanent. Again, please know I’m saying this because I really truly care and don’t want you or anyone else to go through brutal complications. It seems like your very committed to doing this, so I’m just trying to present things you can do to achieve the best possible outcome. I never had bottom surgery but dear god do I know the pain of regret. Obviously detrans is different but dear god regretting irreversible changes to you body is unbearable. I’m just trying to protect you from that
Gender-related distress will alleviate for around 80% of pre-teen children once they become teenagers.
Evidence from 10 available prospective follow-up studies [1] from childhood to adolescence indicates that childhood gender dysphoria will recede with puberty in ~80% of cases. A Dutch paper [2] notes that follow-up studies show the persistence rate of gender identity disorder to be about 15.8%, or 39 out of the 246 children who were reported on in the literature.
1] Kaltiala-Heino, R., Bergman, H., Työläjärvi, M., & Frisén, L. (2018). Gender dysphoria in adolescence: current perspectives. Adolescent health, medicine and therapeutics 9, 31–41. [Link]
[2] Steensma, T.D. & Cohen-Kettenis, P.T. (2011). Gender Transitioning before Puberty? Archives of Sexual Behavior 40 (4): 649-50. [Link]