This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "sarabug13" appears to be authentic. The user provides highly detailed, personal, and consistent narratives about their 10-year medical transition, detransition process, and complex feelings about gender identity. The writing shows emotional depth, self-reflection, and a nuanced perspective that aligns with the passionate and often stigmatized experiences of real detransitioners. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic account.
About me
I started identifying as a man at 19 and was on testosterone for ten years. After a decade, my feelings shifted and I realized I wanted to live as a woman again. I stopped the hormones and my body changed back in some ways, but I'm left with permanent effects like facial hair that I'm trying to remove. I now see my initial transition was partly about escaping the pressures of being a woman, not fixing my self-esteem. Today, I feel like a woman who has a male past, and I’m learning to accept this more complex version of myself.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and complicated. I started identifying as a man back in 2007 when I was 19, and I began testosterone in 2009. I was on a low dose for ten years, never going up to a full dose, because I wanted the changes to be gradual. I passed as a man for most of that time and lived my life that way. It felt completely real and right for me then.
Around 2019, after a decade, my feelings started to shift. I realized I wanted to be a woman again. I stopped taking testosterone cold turkey without talking to a doctor first. I don't recommend that to others, but for me, it was okay. My period came back the next month, which was a sign my body was trying to reset. I’ve been off T for over three years now.
A lot of the physical changes from testosterone are permanent. My voice is still deeper, and I have some bottom growth, which I'm actually happy about. But I also have facial hair that I really dislike—it’s my biggest source of what I call reverse-dysphoria now. I'm saving up for electrolysis and trying an at-home laser machine to deal with it. My body shape changed back to a more feminine form about six months after stopping T, but I’ve always been underweight, so I didn't "fill out" in a curvy way. I have very small breasts and I'm hoping to get on progesterone to see if that helps, but I also think I might have low estrogen levels.
My transition wasn't just physical. I think a lot of my desire to become a man was tied to internalized issues. I didn't feel like I could be a "good" woman because I didn't meet society's expectations, like having a curvy body. I was rewarded socially for being a man. I now believe I was running from internalized misogyny, and that passing as a man didn't fix the self-loathing I felt underneath. I also have C-PTSD from unrelated trauma, and I think that played a big part in my initial decision to transition.
I don't regret transitioning. The ten years I lived as a man were authentic and a huge part of who I am. That experience is integrated into me now. I feel like a woman, but a different kind of woman—a gruff one with a male past. Some people might call me non-binary or genderqueer, and that feels partly true, but in my daily life, I use she/her pronouns and present as a woman. I don't like rigid labels.
Detransitioning has been its own difficult process. I've faced gatekeeping from doctors and judgment from some people in the trans community who see my existence as a threat. I still fully support trans and non-binary people; I just realized that path wasn't for me forever. My spirituality was important through this—I saw my journey as a way to understand different energies, not as something that made me superior.
I’m infertile from the long-term testosterone use, but I never wanted kids anyway. I also had health complications like vaginal atrophy and urinary issues, which I'm still dealing with. It’s a struggle to get the right healthcare now because some providers are hesitant to treat detransitioners.
Overall, my thoughts on gender are that it's not static. It can change over a lifetime, and that's okay. We should have the freedom to explore who we are without shame, whether that means transitioning, detransitioning, or anything in between. I wish society was less rigid so people wouldn't feel the need to medically transition to escape narrow boxes.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 19 | 2007 | Socially transitioned to male. |
| 21 | 2009 | Started a low dose of testosterone. |
| 31 | 2019 | Stopped testosterone after 10 years. |
| 32 | 2020 | Menstrual cycle returned. Began identifying as a woman again. |
| 35 | 2023 | Have been detransitioned for over 3 years, still navigating changes. |
Top Comments by /u/sarabug13:
Love how when they say if you aren't insanely invested in your birth sex you must be nonbinary. I hate when they both push folks out and claim people who didn't ask for it... And again, it's a minority of folks, but the rest of the community allows it/is complicit.
It's funny because the nonbinary people who are bugging me are trying to police how I get to play trans, even though according to them whatever you say/want goes. I hate that they rigidly define this for me when I was on HRT for 10 years, but if you question their self-obsession and gender policing, you're a bigot. They're basically huge hypocrites, but the mainstream trans community supports it because they as a majority despise detrans folk. They always act like something is "wrong" and all distressed when I bring up my detransition. Like they're afraid my presence will make them all look bad, but I thought each and every person's gender experience was unique to them (according to their rules), so they really gotta stop projecting.
I came out in 2007, started HRT in 2009, and stopped in 2019. I remember back when I came out there was emphasis on transitioning early and fast. Most people wanted to start at about 16. I specifically waited until I was 18 to start the process and they put me through 8 months if therapy before they would approve HRT. I hated it the entire time because I knew people who got T right away, but looking back I am glad they evaluated me and wanted me to be relatively mentally stable before beginning even though I insisted my instability was because I needed to transition.
That was true for me, at the time. I needed to do this and I don't regret it even though it's gonna cost $2500 to permanently remove my facial hair (I'm using an at-home light system for now to try to slow the growth). I don't regret being queer or who I am, and I don't think I was too young (I was 19 when I started HRT).
I do think it is being pushed even younger now and while I do think people can be trans from a really young age (I felt it at least since 1997), I think there's also a lot of other reasons someone might want to transition that should be addressed in therapy. They tried with me but I was stubborn and insisted any argument to try to make me consider not transitioning was transphobic (and a lot of them were). But at the end of my transition I recognize at least for myself personally my trauma made me want to be male. Otherwise I'd just be queer, which I still am.
I'm not against transition or anything so I don't think it's wrong for people to do it. I do think some genuinely trans folk may know from a young age. It should be handled with scrutiny and minors should be in therapy if they're considering transition. I think it may be okay to put them on blockers if that might mean they don't need a mastectomy or other procedures later (facial hair removal). Blockers can help trans femmes prevent their voice from dropping. So I do understand it.
But it needs to be handled with the utmost care.. Our medical system at least in the US is not known for this so it is dangerous for people transitioning, they could believe any crackpot thing because we don't have an established standard. People should have to undergo evaluations to transition, but everyone calls it gatekeeping. There are pro-trans doctors who are just making sure permanent transition is right for you and giving you all the other options before you commit to something life-altering. People need to be less triggered about safety and liability for the doctors.
Also the emphasis on fast transition. Feel like people take hormones too fast to try to get faster results and doctors OK this and that it isn't necessarily safe, you should introduce the changes at a gradual pace before a full dose but nobody says this and they go hard. Then they have other problems from health issues to psychological crises because it is hard on your body and mind to bombard it with new hormones at the full dose immediately hoping it'll change your body overnight. I feel like there should be a standard schedule that nobody exceeds, but you can go slower if you want. This also gives people time to change their mind before all the permanent changes have taken effect. Nonbinary people can stop "half way" and be happy with their androgyny. This is basically what I did. I was on T for 10 years but never at the highest dose.
You're gonna have to save up like a lot of FtMs do when their insurance won't cover it. I like to think of detransitioning as "retransitioning." It's just as hard both ways. Maybe even harder because when I told my clinic I was detrans the coordinator got offended and refused me treatment. I'm not even anti-trans or anything but she acted like I was an abomination (she's a trans woman). When I tried to get local organizations to help me with discrimination, they wouldn't because everyone relies on her. Irony is gatekeeping people detransitioning... Like we're in a cult. I'm still trans (genderqueer woman), why tf do they get to "other" me out of treatment. Transition isn't always a "straight line." If you can't leave the trans label without being excluded, then we are dealing with a cult mentality.
I hope maybe you can find a doctor who would work with you and say you're basically nonbinary (even if you're not) so they will help you "finish" your transition. I mean once you get the surgery you can just say "I'm actually not nonbinary but my tits are gone HA!" Idk it's a bunch of bullshit that you get punished if you want to reverse some (or all) of it.
I'm not fearful, although a lot of detrans people go full transphobe after they stop (that actually made me scared to post in here because I still support trans people and nonbinary identities), and conservatives also weaponize us against against trans people to cause further discord, which I think only increases the tension. I am still an ally to, and loosely a part of, the trans community, in the sense that "I been there," but don't identify as trans now.
My concern is having doctors either deny me estrogen because, "Well if we gave every girl that wants boobs estrogen we'd have a problem" or some other nonsense like trying to get me to have a therapist OK it or something. I'm scared of detrans gatekeeping essentially.
HOWEVER! So far every doctor has been very supportive and sees it as "transition doesn't go just one way, keep going whatever way until you're happy even if it's back." I've felt very supported, but I still have this lingering fear because of the general stigma against detransition.
I was trans. I genuinely identified as a man for 10 years. I was not confused or deluded. I went through that process. All my situation shows is that gender is NOT static or unchanging, necessarily. This upsets some trans folk because they think it gives validity to conversation therapy. IT DOES NOT. You cannot "force" someone to change it. Just as no one could stop me from being a trans man, no one could force me to go back. The process took years and is so multi-faceted I do not have a clear "explanation" as to why. All I know is, I was a man, and then I wasn't. You could say I'm somewhat "nonbinary" now but I don't like to identify as transgender in the transitioned sense (even social transition). I did not "lose" all my male ego, it just took a step back and integrated itself into my womanhood. I'm a gruff woman at times, I have a man's mind in many respects because I was male from approx. 2009-2019.
Some would say, "You're still trans then! Genderfluidity is trans!" I'm just not entirely sure I agree with the trans-cis dichotomy. Perhaps gender variance is more common and normal than we give it credit for. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about it, I suppose.
A few points in my own experience are: 1) Bottom growth stayed, I personally rather like it—AND, I did sleep with a cis woman who was large like me once. We don't hear about it much but cis women can have a big clitoris without any "androgen disorder" (let me know if that is a poor term to use), 2) I've had vaginal atrophy as a result of long-term (10 years) testosterone use. There are creams your doctor can prescribe that help (I believe they're estrogen and/or progesterone creams), and for me it does help with the pain and sensitivity. I never had an issue getting off to vaginal sex, but there is some increased sensitivity from "dryness" (I produce a lot of moisture so I think it's more an overall estrogen deficiency). I'm trying to get an endo, but the trans coordinator said I'm "detrans" and she gatekept me hard!! I'm surprised but also not. I'm getting advocates from the LGBT center to help me get an endo. 3) Taking T affected my urinary system in some way, this is something I need to see a urologist for. I believe it may have narrowed my urethra—I get pain without infection.
Hope some of this info is useful to you.
The thing trans people get most wrong is that you can nip and tuck your body to BE someone else. At most—you might be able to pass, which I did for at least 8 years. Passing or being accepted as a man wasn't my issue, even though I'm 5'3". I hardly had any problems. I passed. I already was too skinny to look like a girl, lol. Passing 10000% was not enough to address my internalized mis9gyny. I was just running away from it by be-ing a man.
Even passing and full acceptance and a thousand queers supporting you and cis woman dating you or w/e... will not fill the self-loathing. I don't think being trans is Haring our gender role or how people treat women. Those are t3enders. I so think real trans people exist and are much more rare than the majority of most nonbinary women/trans men. Most of us are running from internalized misogyny and I know that's true because when you bring this issue up when trans men ask if it's "too cis to drive a truck/wear a dress" and you tell them any gender can do anything they ATTAAAAACK you lol like there is hardly any coping happening in the echochambers of judgment lol
Don't transition just because you want sexual relations. Transition is about your relationship with your own body.
As for liking "straight men," what is the reason for this? A lot of gay men like "straight-acting gays," gay men who in most respects are masculine and pass as straight in social situations.
Have you considered bisexual men? I find they often have the qualities of both straight and gay men a lot of the time.
And finally, a lot of straight men are not comfortable having sex with trans women, especially pre-op. I don't like to jump straight to the conclusion that people are transphobic if they are not comfortable with a penis, or want a partner with a vagina. A lot of people have penis trauma and it's valid to have a genuine trigger and not want to engage with that sexual anatomy, or are simply not into it. And yes, their reasons may be transphobic too. The meaning of this difficult point is, transitioning still limits your access to straight men. Even straight men who are comfortable with it have to face the onslaught of homophobia and transphobia they will recieve from peers, and let's be real... A lot of people cannot handle it.
It is for these reasons that I would caution against transitioning for this reason alone or as a primary motivator. Dating as trans has a lot of complications and it does not give us the same access as cis folk to the heterosexual dating pool.
I apologize if this has triggered anyone but in transition we have to deal with the hard facts when making these decisions.
I explain it to them as the pure truth. I said my journey as a man for 10 years was authentic but about half way through I wanted to stop. I stuck to it out of fear and stubbornness, but made the final decision simply because I wanted to be a woman again. I say this on my lazy third day without shaving. It's a process, I'm accepting that process as it goes. I stopped a year ago and some people still don't know or at least haven't had that conversation with me. 😅 People are generally very receptive, although I also know some judge me quite harshly. It's fine because I understand it and embrace it for the complex situation that it is.