This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's comments are highly specific, emotionally consistent, and detail a personal, multi-year timeline of taking and then stopping testosterone. The language is nuanced, expressing complex feelings of regret, isolation, and the physical and social difficulties of detransitioning, which aligns with the expected passion and pain of the community. The advice given is practical and based on lived experience.
About me
I started transitioning to male because I was deeply uncomfortable with my female body and thought it would fix my depression. I was on testosterone for two years, but it made me feel emotionally numb instead of better. I stopped and have been off it for three years, but I'm left with a permanently deep voice and infertility. I regret trying to solve my deeper issues by changing my body. Now I'm just trying to accept being female and learn how to live comfortably in my own skin again.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was really young. I never felt comfortable with the changes that came with puberty. I hated developing breasts and just felt deeply uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn't have the words for it back then, but looking back, I think a lot of it was general puberty discomfort mixed with some serious depression and anxiety. I had very low self-esteem and was really shy.
I found a lot of my community and understanding online, and that's where I first learned about being transgender. It felt like an answer to all the discomfort I was feeling. I thought that if I could just become a boy, all those bad feelings would go away. I think a part of me was also trying to escape from myself and my problems. I started by socially transitioning, telling everyone to use a new name and male pronouns. It felt good at first, like I was finally taking control.
After a while, I decided to start taking testosterone. I was on T for about two years. While I was on it, some things felt affirming, but a big thing I noticed was that it completely muted my emotions. I just felt numb all the time, which I thought was better than feeling bad, but it wasn't really living. I didn't get any surgeries, but I was seriously considering top surgery because I hated my breasts so much. I'm so relieved now that I never went through with it.
After almost two years on T, I stopped. I didn't immediately detransition socially, though. I told myself I could just be non-binary and that gender didn't matter, but I think that was just a way for me to cope with the fact that I felt like I had ruined my body with testosterone. I was scared to admit I had made a mistake.
I’ve been off testosterone for almost three years now. My hormones are back to my natural female balance, and emotionally, I can feel things again. Even though a lot of what I feel is negative, like sadness or anxiety about my deep voice, it's better than feeling nothing at all. My body has changed back in some ways; the bottom growth from T has shrunk a lot and is way less sensitive now. But my voice is permanently deep. I pass as female 100% of the time until I talk, and that's been really hard to deal with. It's made me even more anti-social than I used to be; I hardly leave my house and I avoid talking whenever I can.
I haven't gotten any meaningful help from medical professionals for these physical changes. It seems like the medical system was very eager to help me transition, but there's no support for people like me who need to detransition. I’m infertile now because of the testosterone, which is something I have to live with.
I don't really know what I think about gender now. The whole concept feels confusing. I know I am female, but I'm still figuring out what that means for me and how to be comfortable with it. I definitely have regrets about transitioning. I regret taking testosterone because of the permanent changes, especially my voice and my fertility. I feel like I was influenced a lot by what I saw online and I was in such a vulnerable place that I wasn't thinking clearly. I was trying to solve deeper issues like depression and self-hatred by changing my body, and it didn't work.
I'm trying to remain hopeful because I see other detrans people living happy lives, and I know it could be worse since I never had surgery. But it's a daily struggle, and I'm just taking things one step at a time.
My Age | Event |
---|---|
14-15 | Started experiencing intense puberty discomfort and hated developing breasts. Felt depressed and anxious. |
17 | Found community online, learned about being trans, and began socially transitioning to male. |
19 | Started taking testosterone (T). |
21 | Stopped taking testosterone after nearly 2 years. Felt emotionally numb on T. |
21-23 | Identified as non-binary for almost 2 years as a way to cope with detransition feelings. |
23 | Began socially detransitioning back to female. |
24 (Now) | Have been off T for almost 3 years. Dealing with permanent voice changes and infertility. |
Top Comments by /u/saturnnancha:
Probably unpopular opinion in here but I honestly understand why someone in his position would choose to still “present female” or however you’d say it. Like I imagine after 20 years of being trans the thought having to go thru that process again would be too much for some people
I’ve had literally 0 help from anyone lol, I rarely hear of detrans people getting any meaningful help for physical issues from medical professionals besides getting hrt if they’ve had surgeries that permanently stopped their natural hormones unfortunately :/
I’d say take a couple years and see how you feel then, the first months of detransition are hard but things will improve. Everything I’ve heard about that surgery is awful :( I’ve been off T almost 3 years now and it’s shrunk a lot and is way less sensitive.
I dont really have any advice but im also going through the same, all the advice ive found online applies to mtf which doesnt really help. Are you doing any voice training? It didn’t work for me but I know a lot of people here have had success with that
I personally pass as female 100% of the time until I talk, my voice is sooo deep now and isn’t going to improve anymore seeing as I’m almost 3 years off T and surgery is too expensive for me. I’ve always been more shy and introverted but transitioning has made me so much more anti social. I try not to leave my house much and I don’t talk unless I’m forced to. I try to remain hopeful because I see loads of detrans people living happy and healthy lives plus I never got surgery or anything and I see poor women dealing with mastectomy/hysterectomy regret who have it way worse than me but in all honesty I don’t have a clue how to continue living like this and Im not sure if I can for much longer. I do appreciate that I at least feel something emotionally now even if it’s negative because when I was on T it completely muted my emotions lol
I did this a while ago, I stopped for almost 2 years before I started socially detransitioning. I kept telling myself at the time I could be non binary and gender didn’t matter but I think I was just trying to cope with the fact I felt like I’d ruined my body with testosterone… I do feel like it made my detransition a bit easier though because by the time I started to accept I was female my hormones were back to normal so I didn’t have to wait for estrogen to take effect again. I also had similar feelings about femininity that you did before detransitioning.
You don’t have to rush into social detransition if you aren’t ready it’s okay to take things one step at a time. I personally found the social part like coming out of detransitioning easier than I did when I started transitioning.
I’m not familiar with the Russian government but is there no way to explain to them that you are a biological female trying to go back to normal?
I’m also really sorry you are feeling so alone, I don’t know of any detrans people where I live either tbh I think unless ur from the USA you are only really going to find other detrans people online :(
This seems to vary so much, I took t for 2 years and have been off for almost 3 years now and it hasn’t lightened at all and I’ve met a few people who’s voices went permanently deep even after a short amount of time but i also know people who took t for like 10 years and sounded like women again within a couple months