This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The user's perspective is highly consistent with a desister's lived experience, drawing a direct and passionate parallel to their personal history with an eating disorder. The language is personal, emotionally varied (from anger to compassion), and offers specific, nuanced advice over a five-month period. The account expresses a common and deeply held viewpoint within the detrans community regarding social contagion, medical ethics, and the need for alternative psychological care.
About me
I was a deeply insecure teenager who found an identity in an online anorexia community, and I see the same pattern happening now with young people in trans spaces. I believe my dysphoria was a form of body dysmorphia, and I'm concerned that instead of therapy, people are being affirmed in their distress. I want young women to know there is nothing wrong with being a masculine woman and that you don't need to change your body to be valid. I found healing through proper mental health treatment and a supportive community of women who understood my struggles. Now, I use my voice to offer compassion and warn others to carefully explore their trauma before considering permanent changes.
My detransition story
Looking back on my whole journey, I think my experience with an eating disorder was the biggest clue to understanding my transition. When I was a teenager, I was incredibly insecure, depressed, and full of self-loathing. Back then, the ideal body type was to be skin and bones, and I found this huge community for eating disorders on MySpace. I latched onto it completely; anorexia became my entire identity and I was very sick for over a decade. We all egged each other on and influenced each other.
I see being transgender in exactly the same way. I think dysphoria is really the same as body dysmorphia. Now, teenagers who are feeling that same kind of deep insecurity and self-hatred go online and find trans communities. They latch onto it the same way I did with the eating disorder community. The scary difference is that with an eating disorder, you're hospitalized, medicated, and given therapy to help you see reality. With dysphoria, that doesn't happen. It’s like if a doctor told someone with body dysmorphia, "Yes, you're right, you are extremely fat, let me help you starve and mutilate your body." It would be unthinkable, but that’s what happens with gender transition.
I never personally experienced gender dysphoria, but I know from my own struggle that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for mental illness. There are treatments. I’ve seen it firsthand with two lesbians I know. They felt that same pull to transition, but they changed their minds once they were able to heal from their past traumas and finally accept themselves. That’s why I always tell people who are having doubts to please, please not go through with medical steps. You can't completely undo even just the long-term effects from binding, let alone hormones or surgery.
If you’re feeling this way, it’s so important to talk to a therapist—and not a gender-affirming one. You need someone who will help you look at the whole picture. A lot of the time, these feelings are tied to other things. Maybe you have a personality disorder, like borderline, which seems common among women who want to be men. You likely have a lot of unresolved trauma, too. Therapy and the right psychiatric medication can make a world of difference.
I want to say this clearly to any young woman reading this: there is nothing wrong with being a woman who doesn't conform to femininity. You don't have to cut your hair or change your body to be valid. You can be a feminine man if you're male, or a masculine woman if you're female. Having long hair doesn't make you less of a man if you're a man; plenty of super masculine men have long hair. It's not an all-or-nothing thing.
It breaks my heart to see so many young girls going down this path, trying to escape something. I want you to know that whatever you were trying to escape by transitioning, there are strong communities of older women who have been through it, came out on top, and are willing to help you get through it too. Radical feminism is about liberating all women, even the women we don't like, even the women who are working against us. We support detrans women as women. We supported them as women even when they were actively trying to be men. And if you're a lesbian, know that there is plenty of love for masculine women in our community.
For those of you who have been through this, I am so sorry. It’s not fair. But your voice is powerful now. You have the power to prevent other girls from going down the same path. You have the ability to be that reassurance, love, and compassion for them.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| - | 2019 | I began sharing my perspective online, comparing my history with an eating disorder to the experiences of those considering transition. |
| - | 2019 | I advised people to seek non-affirming therapy to explore underlying trauma and other mental health conditions. |
| - | 2020 | I expressed support for detransitioned women and masculine lesbians, emphasizing they are loved and welcomed. |
Top Comments by /u/sayqueen:
You are so young :( As a mother, it breaks my heart. You are truly beautiful though and absolutely glowing in the 2nd picture.
Whatever you were trying to escape by transitioning, know that there are strong communities of older women who have been through it, came out on top, and are willing to help you get through it too ♡
You don't have to cut your hair. It's not an all or nothing thing, that's the point. Can you be a woman? No. Can you be a feminine man? Absofuckinglutely. If having long hair makes you happy, keep it. There's plenty of even super masculine men with long hair.
You're gonna be okay!! Are you seeing a therapist at all? The right one could really help you come out of this happier.
I am so sorry that your parents allowed this to happen to you instead of helping you. It is not fair. All I can say is that you have the ability to speak out and prevent it from happening to other girls, especially considering how well you verbalized your feelings/experience for being 16. Also, if you're a lesbian, there is plenty of love for masculine women in our community ♡
You put that very well. I am so fucking sorry you had to go through that but just think of how powerful your voice is now--YOU have the power to prevent other girls going down the same path, you have the ability to be that reassurance, love, and compassion for them.
That's entirely untrue--radical feminism is about liberating all women, even the women you do not like, even the women working against us. We support detrans women as women. Just like we supported them as women even when they were actively trying to be men and pushing misogynistic, homophobic rhetoric. We can support them as women without supporting their harmful opinions and actions.
Honestly I see transgenderism the same way that I see eating disorders, dysphoria is really the same as body dysmorphia. When I was an insecure, depressed, self loathing teenager and being skin & bones was the ideal body type, I discovered the huge eating disorder community on MySpace and quickly became a part of it. Anorexia became my entire identity and I was very sick for over a decade. Google "pro ana/mia", we all egged eachother on and influenced eachother. Now teenagers feeling that way go online and find trans communities and latch onto it the same way I did with the ED community.
The difference is that with body dysmorphia/eating disorders, you're hospitalized, medicated, given therapy, etc. It should be the same thing for dysphoria. Imagine if someone with body dysmorphia was told "yes, you're right, you're extremely fat, let me help you starve and mutilate your body so that you feel better in your skin"? Imagine if doctors prescribed weight loss pills and liposuction for anorexics?
It sounds like maybe you have a personality disorder, maybe borderline? Not a bad thing. From what I have observed, it seems like having BPD is common amoung women who want to be men. You likely have a lot of unresolved trauma too. Have you considered seeking professional help? Therapy and psych meds could make a world of difference for you. Please, please look into it! I am even willing to help find resources for you, just PM me if you need the help.
They say that the first step to getting better is admitting your issue and recognizing the truth of it. I've never experienced gender dysphoria but I have experienced body dysmorphia and anorexia, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, there are treatments for your mental illness.
You're very smart to be looking at the whole picture and considering the experiences of people who have detransitioned. I personally know 2 lesbians who felt like you did, started transitioning, and changed their minds once they were able to heal from past traumas and accept themselves. If you're having doubts, don't do it, because you can't completely undo even just the long term effects from binding, let alone hormones or surgery. Talk to a therapist, and not a gender affirming one. There is NOTHING wrong with being a woman who doesn't conform to femininity.