This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The comments display:
- A consistent, nuanced, and emotionally complex personal narrative.
- Specific, believable medical and psychological details (e.g., specific drug side effects, mental health comorbidities, dosage methods).
- Internal conflict and evolving feelings that are messy and human, not programmed.
- A tone of anger and disillusionment that is common and expected among detransitioners.
About me
I was born male but never fit in with what people expected from a boy, which made me feel isolated. I now see my desire to transition was an escape from trauma and internalized hatred, not a true female identity. I was on hormones for a year and a half, and while I liked some of the physical changes at first, they now cause me dysphoria. Stopping treatment has been physically rough, and I'm struggling to reconnect with being male. I'm trying to learn to love my body without medication and figure out who I really am underneath all the pain.
My detransition story
My journey into transition and then detransition was complicated and rooted in a lot of pain. I was born male, but I never felt like I fit in with what people expected from a boy. I was always gender non-conforming and liked feminine things, which made me feel different and isolated.
When I hit puberty, I remember really wanting to be a girl. Looking back, I don't think it was a true sense of being female. I think it was a combination of things. I had a lot of internalized misandry—I kept hearing that "all men are shit and are abusive and aggressive." My father was a poor male role model; he had wartime PTSD and was abusive and neglectful. Seeing that behavior in him and then hearing those negative messages about men made me want to distance myself from masculinity entirely. I felt like I couldn't just be a gentle, feminine boy; I felt I had to escape being male altogether.
I also have a lot of mental health struggles, including depression, anxiety, dissociative disorders, and what might be psychotic episodes. I think I used transition as a form of escapism from all of this. I started HRT when I was 18 and was on it for about a year and a half. I stopped just a week ago, and I'm 20 now.
While I was on estrogen, some things felt good. I developed C-cup breasts and I enjoyed the curves it gave my body. Orgasms felt different, in a way I liked at the time. But it also caused problems. My sex drive, which was never very high to begin with, became almost non-existent. I thought I might be asexual, but now I believe it was just genital dysphoria that was being worsened by the hormones. It became impossible for me to get or maintain an erection, which made me feel really bad about myself, and even Viagra didn't help.
Now that I've stopped HRT, my feelings are changing. The things that made me feel good are now making me feel dysphoric. I look at my chest and don't like it. I have a lot of dysmorphia about my male body and genital dysphoria. Honestly, my ideal would be to have been born female or to be neither gender, but that's not my reality. I'm trying to reconnect with being male, but it's hard. I'm okay with being called a "boy" because I still don't feel fully welcome in or connected to adult masculinity.
Stopping the hormones has been physically rough. I stopped cold turkey without tapering off, and I've been extremely lethargic. I slept for 15 hours straight recently. Part of that is from stopping HRT, but I also ran out of my other medications for my mental disorders, so everything feels messed up.
I also have some suspicions that I might be intersex. My body has always been a bit different; for example, my prostate has never been very active. I also have weird monthly physical cycles with intestinal spasms and IBS, which started around the same time as my hormone treatment.
My main regret is that I didn't understand my own motivations sooner. I transitioned to escape trauma, internalized hatred, and mental illness, not from a place of true gender identity. I benefited from stopping and am trying to learn to love my body without being dependent on medications. It’s a difficult process of unpacking generational abuse and neglect and trying to figure out who I really am underneath all that pain.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 18 | Started Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). |
| 20 | Stopped HRT after 1.5 years. Began the process of detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/schizobitzo:
- I remember really wanting to be a girl at the beginning of puberty, but I think it was just internalized misandry and feeling like I can't be GNC and a boy.
- I'd look that up, you should be able to find it. But boobs are pretty permanent but can atrophy. I've heard of people also looking young for awhile even after stopping.
- It was very muted. Like I thought I was asexual even as I was never super interested in sex to begin with, but I think it was just genital dysphoria.
- Yes to both but it's very clear. I also may be intersex, one of the things is my prostate has never been super active.
- Oh yeah. I switched to shots to stop having to take pills all the time and I wanted to stop shots too because it hurts.
- C cups
- Yes it was def true, although my body and mental health is wacky and I've had monthly shit for awhile like my intestine spasms and IBS.
- Yeah definitely. I've always been GNC and into feminine things.
- I have a post on this on my account if you want.
Personally it was hearing a lot of misandristict stuff, having a poor male role model (my father), being GNC, and being abused and neglected. In addition it's given me a lot more issues than transitioning to escape masculinity and the stigma of being male (the main thing I would hear is "all men are shit and are abusive and aggressive") which I did see in my dad but it made me feel less male because I didn't fit in this stereotype, which is both good and obvious as it's just a stereotype.
But anyways, I def relate.
I think it is something to worry about. I think the previous generations had masculinity all wrong or at least it's become corrupted throughout the years. I also feel like generational abuse and neglect also plays into it. They can really fuck up your sense of self. Like I feel like there are so many examples of it.
I think my mother's childhood abuse and my father's wartime PTSD in addition to the way I was raised led to this for me. There's so much to unpack, it honestly makes me not want to have kids because I'm afraid I'll pass down genetic issues and/or not raise them and become just like my father.
I'm about the same in my situation. I'm 20 and just got off a week ago of 1.5 years of HRT. I have a post further explaining it, but essentially I've realized I transitioned to escape internalized misandry. Now I'm starting to feel dysphoric about the stuff that made me feel good. I've got dysmorphia about being AMAB and genital dysphoria. Tbh I want to be AFAB or neither nor, but I'm trying to reconnect to being male and being a man which I'm still not ready to be called. I feel more okay being a boy as I still don't feel fully welcome in masculinity.
Oops that explains stuff. I stopped without tapering off and I've been more lethargic than normal (depression, mood disorders, disassociative and psychotic disorders). Like today I slept from like 2am to 5pm. Although I will also say I've ran out of my other medications for my mental disorders too.
I'll say I did enjoy my curves, my boobs, and the new way orgasms feel but now I don't like my chest and being unable to stay hard during sex makes me feel really bad and my Viagra doesn't work. I think if you're going to detransition you should know that it's more about becoming less dependent on meds and learning to love your body.