This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's comments are highly personal, emotionally nuanced, and demonstrate a consistent, complex perspective built from lived experience. They express a range of genuine emotions—sadness, frustration, nostalgia, and compassion—that align with a real person who is a desister/detransitioner. The advice given is detailed, empathetic, and specific, which is not typical of bot behavior. The language is also varied and contains natural human idiosyncrasies (e.g., "LOL," personal jokes).
About me
I started questioning my gender at 19, deeply unhappy and influenced by online communities that promised transition was the answer. I took testosterone and had surgery, thinking it would fix me, but it didn't solve my underlying depression and self-esteem issues. Realizing this was a profound mistake that left me with permanent changes, like infertility, was devastatingly hard. Through therapy that addressed my real problems, I learned to see myself as a masculine woman who was led astray. I'm now reclaiming my life as a female, in a happy relationship, and I believe transition is offered far too quickly to people like me.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started from a place of deep unhappiness and confusion. I never felt like I fit in, especially as a young woman. Looking back, I think a lot of my desire to transition came from a place of low self-esteem and depression. I saw being a man as a way to escape my problems and become someone new and stronger. I also think the internet played a huge role, showing me a very specific narrative that all my discomfort could be solved by changing my gender. It seemed like the answer everyone was giving, and I took it.
I started taking testosterone and eventually got top surgery. At the time, it felt like I was finally fixing myself. But after a while, the initial high wore off, and I was left with the same old problems, just in a different package. I had to face the fact that changing my outside didn't fix what was broken on the inside. I began to realize that a lot of my discomfort with my body, like hating my breasts, was tangled up with other issues that I had never properly dealt with.
Coming to the decision to detransition was incredibly hard. It felt like admitting a huge, life-altering mistake, and I was terrified of the backlash, especially from the LGBT community that I had once considered a safe haven. I've been called horrible names by other LGBT people for detransitioning, which hurts more than anything from outsiders ever did. The community feels so different now; it's full of anger and division, and I miss the sense of togetherness we used to have.
I don't regret my journey because it led me to where I am now, but I deeply regret the permanent changes I made to my body. I am now infertile, and that is a profound loss to live with. I've benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy, which helped me work through the root causes of my distress instead of just affirming a false identity. Through that, I've come to see my past self as a wonderful, masculine woman—a tomboy—who was led astray. I feel sad that so many like me are being steered away from just being gender non-conforming.
Now, I'm reclaiming my life as a woman. I'm in a happy relationship, and while dating was a fear of mine, I found that many people are accepting. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a lot more complex than we're often told, and social and medical transition is presented as a solution far too quickly for people who are really struggling with other issues like trauma or self-hatred.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 19 | First started questioning my gender identity, heavily influenced by online communities. |
| 21 | Began taking testosterone. |
| 23 | Underwent top surgery. |
| 26 | Realized transition wasn't solving my underlying issues and began to detransition. |
| 27 | Started non-affirming therapy to address root causes of my distress. |
| 28 | Fully embraced my identity as a detransitioned female and began living as a woman again. |
Top Comments by /u/scholaroftheunknown:
My problem with this is how we are usually treated by trans people, I dont mind helping people, even people that dont like me or what I am I can help and believe in helping those in need reguardless of who it is! However if it is just a means to gain clout or upvotes or whatever these people think they need I do have an issue! I spend my time on this subreddit because I feel that I can help people who need it! I hate the thought of my time being spent on a post of someone disingenuous and miss one that really is in pain! That to me is the biggest issue, how many people are going to get ignored or simply missed because someone posts something designed to get attention!
I dont know I am just so tired of all of it, all the hate all the anger and the nastiness reguardless of where it is coming from! I miss the days where I could trust all LGBT people to a fairly deep extent, when I felt more or less comfortable in LGBT spaces and felt like everyone there was at least on the same page in some way! I dont even know if I understand what we are even trying to do anymore!
It was so easy we were fighting for marrige, and reproductive rights, and all the things that we did not have! It was fairly black and white, either you were for us being equal or you did not! Now things are so muddy, and mostly shades of grey! I get sad that the last person to call me F@G or a qu@@St@@n were both by LGBT people, that breaks my heart more than anything really! So many of the things that helped me get through a very difficult life are simply not there anymore, I honestly dont know if we really won anything,
It is in a lot of ways really scary! I dont know where this crazy world is going, but I dont think it is going to be anything good! I feel we are slowly eroding all of the things that held us together, we are dividing ourselves so much at this point there is hardly anything holding things together besides mutual hatred, and that is not going to end well!
Therapy! That is your best first course of action, preferable someone who is not affirmative care and will actually work out your issues with you. Its perfectly acceptable if you are trans but just because you have some feelings of being wonderful as a female does not make you trans, there are a lot of things that you can do to have those feelings and not need to transition. Working with a therapist long term to get at the root of these issues is ABSOLUTELY VITAL, or you will be here for the purpose of this subreddit! I applaud you for seeking answers and asking people that have detransed is a good step, but you are not going to find a whole lot of "good for you" a lot of pain is here, a lot of people who feel broken and feel they ruined there lives and possibly there bodies! Many of us felt the same way you are describing and were led to make decisions that were greatly regret! You need to do what will make you happy but it is so important that you ensure that it the correct path or it will only serve to make you feel worse! I hope you are able to find a solution! But please listen and get someone who can help your professionally and work thru all your issues it will really benifit what decisions you make!
Please dont let that keep you from making a choice! I know it can be a very difficult choice and especially if you feel that you wont be accepted by the people you prefer to date! I had many of the same issues and I was terrified about how I would be treated by the lesbian community I felt like I had destroyed any hope of ever finding someone who would see me the way I wanted, and would spend the rest of my life having to deal with a lot of misery, I will be honest and say that yes, there are some people that simply will not accept it, however there are so many that will! I am in a wonderful relationship and have had little change in how most of the lesbian world sees me, of course I have recently gotten with a FTM which is a very new experience for me in so many ways, I joke with him all the time that the lesbian mafia is going to come and get me for it, LOL. You just have to try and find your own way, and screw the people who dont like it, well actually screw the people that like you and tell the others to screw off! LOL! Seriously its not as bad as you imagine, and there are things that you can do! Estrogen does not have the dramatic effects of T but it is its own magickal thing! With a bit of time and some work I have no doubt that you can reclaim your femininity and find happiness if that is what you feel is best for you!
I agree the community is not what it was even 5 years ago, I dont feel the same love and togetherness that I used to feel and it seems like there are some with an agenda to use LGBT groups and language to harm others and that is so far from what it was designed for it is sickening!
I think it is for a lot of reasons, and perhaps part of it is sub conscious, it does seem odd that so many people have the exact same things to say! Almost verbatim, I think that the internet causes people to believe that some things that are not even really related to gender will be solved with changing there gender, and then they might have second thoughts of what that means but still want to make the best of things. It can be really really hard to admit you made a mistake, especially what some of the community treats people who detrans. I can certainly see how someone would want to find whatever positive things they could and hold them out as the reason they made the decisions to begin with, It makes me so sad, as I find tomboys and GNC women so wonderful and amazing and seeing them being relegated to almost non existence is very sad!
Its a really good idea, I highly recommend it, there are also some things like certain exercises and other things that can help get your body back its not a miracle but it does help! You can look them up online and find ones that you feel would be the best for you! There are so many things that you can do and each may only do a little bit but over all it can have a really dramatic effect! Dont give up or get discouraged! Just keep going and things will only improve!