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Reddit user /u/shivuka's Detransition Story

female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
depression
got top surgery
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.

The user demonstrates:

  • A consistent, deeply personal, and philosophical worldview on gender dysphoria and transition.
  • Personal experience with medical transition (mentioning a specific medication, Nebido).
  • Empathy and engagement with others' struggles, which is common in the community.
  • A narrative of personal growth and regret that is complex and nuanced, not simplistic or copy-pasted.

The passion and strong opinions expressed are consistent with a genuine, disillusioned individual.

About me

I started transitioning because I felt like a failed woman and thought I was born in the wrong body. I took testosterone and wanted surgery, believing it was my only escape from that deep discomfort. I now see I was offered a false cure that turned my self-hatred into a permanent physical reality. My healing began when I stopped fighting my body and instead worked to understand and accept my natural femininity. While I live with regret, I’ve found a real peace by reconnecting with myself from the inside out.

My detransition story

My journey with transition and detransition is a story of being lost and then, slowly, finding my way back to myself. It started from a place of deep discomfort. I never felt like I fit in, especially with what I thought being a woman was supposed to be. I didn't feel "pretty" and I saw that as a failure on my part. I now see that was a very superficial idea of femininity, one I couldn't live up to, and it caused a lot of inner strife.

I came to believe that I was born in the wrong body and that medical transition was the only way to fix the feeling I knew as gender dysphoria. The desire to transition felt very real and powerful at the time. It felt like an irresistible way out of my problems. I took testosterone, specifically Nebido, and I pursued medical interventions. I hated my breasts and wanted them gone. I saw my natural body as the problem that needed to be fixed.

Looking back, I see I was in a very vulnerable state. I was offered a false cure, an experimental solution that was presented as the only answer. I fell for it because I was desperate for relief. It's like how people in the past voluntarily got lobotomies because they were told it was a great cure that would relieve their suffering. We were lied to by a medical industry that profits from this and by an ideology that tells you this is the only path.

It took time for me to realize that the real source of my problem was a deep disconnection from my body, a resistance towards it. Medical transition was just the physical manifestation of that resistance. It was me fighting my body, which only made the problem worse and turned that fight into a permanent lifestyle. I was running from the problem instead of healing it.

I started to heal when I stopped believing that gender dysphoria was some innate, incurable thing. I began to look inward. I realized that "gender dysphoria" is not a solid thing; it's like a cluster of thoughts, experiences, and unconscious reasons all tangled together. The only way to dissolve it is to make the subconscious conscious, to bring all those underlying reasons to the surface and unravel them.

For me, this meant finally connecting to my body and fully accepting and integrating the feminine aspects of it. That’s what truly made me connect to my femininity. I’ve come to realize that male and female are two sides of a whole, each with their own strengths. I am grateful, in a way, that I got to experience these two opposites in one life.

I absolutely have regrets. I am still coming to terms with the lifelong consequences of my transition. There is a lot of regret and grief, and that's a natural part of this process. It was easy to blame myself for falling for these delusions and for what I did to my body. But a big part of my healing was realizing the fault also lies in the system. In my vulnerable state, it was an irresistible trap. I try to be more kind to my past self who couldn't see clearly enough at the time.

My thoughts on gender now are that we are not our bodies. The idea that we are "born in the wrong body" is a warped concept that imprisons us even more in body identification and the illusion of separation between male and female. True peace comes from within, from understanding the unconscious reasons behind our struggles, not from destroying the natural body we have.

Age Event
- Felt deep discomfort with societal expectations of femininity, low self-esteem.
- Started believing I was born in the wrong body and pursued medical transition.
- Took testosterone (Nebido).
- Hated my breasts and pursued top surgery.
- Began to realize transition was a false cure, started looking inward for answers.
- Stopped testosterone and began the process of detransition.
- Worked on connecting with and accepting my body, dissolving gender dysphoria through internal understanding.
- Came to terms with the lifelong consequences and regrets, while finding peace with my feminine self.

Top Comments by /u/shivuka:

13 comments • Posting since January 11, 2025
Reddit user shivuka (detrans female) explains that gender dysphoria is curable through psychological understanding, comparing it to depression and arguing the belief it is innate is a lie from the medical industry.
36 pointsJan 13, 2025
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But thats the thing, "real trans people" are people who really have gender dysphoria. But gender dysphoria is cureable in the mind, by fully understanding the unconscious reasons for it and so dissolving it. Its like saying that people who are "real depressed people" have no way of dissolving and healing it within but that its some innate uncureable thing. We have just been lied to by the medical industry and everyone holding onto it because they dont know how to solve their own gender dysphoria because the belief system that its innate and incureable stands in the way. And dismissing things like this as transphobic is just your minds way of rejecting that which you are rejecting in yourself 

Reddit user shivuka (detrans female) explains what she wishes someone had told her about transitioning, urging young people to wait, mature, and resolve internal dysphoria instead of altering their natural body.
28 pointsJan 16, 2025
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"Stop for a moment, and really observe what you're doing. You know you're born in a society of deception and mass delusion, look how this is just another warped low fake version of the truth. Wait until you're 25, wise up and mature, then do it after that if you still want it. Really think about the consequences of how this will influence the rest of your life, health wise and socially. Look at what transition can't give, like actually becoming male. You can only be a dysfunctional half man. You CAN cure dysphoria within, dont let them convince you that you are powerless and cant resolve your problems within. Nobody is magically innately gender dysphoric, there are always inside reasons and motives behind it. Even if the source of it is from other lives. You can reach it, and that is the only way to happiness and peace from this. Not destroying this one natural body you have. Stop harming yourself"

Lol that became a bit of a rant, good question. I used to consider myself free as i was living a hippy life in a cave, free from society while being completely imprisoned in my own mind. Pointing at how people could free themselves, without using those ideas to free myself from my own mind

Reddit user shivuka (detrans female) explains the desire to transition as a real feeling, but compares it to lobotomies as a false, experimental cure promoted by ideology that prevents true healing.
23 pointsJan 14, 2025
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Just like how there were people in the past who voluntary got lobotomies, right. It's not like they were given a false cure that was experimental and only wrecked them for life because they believed the lies that were spreaded by doctors and others that it was this great cure that would relieve them from their struggles. I get where you're coming from but its more complicated then that. The desire to transition was very real but because of the ideology we were offered a false cure that only got us further from healing 

Reddit user shivuka (detrans female) explains her journey from self-blame to recognizing systemic failure, describing transition as an "irresistible trap" and "false hope" offered during a vulnerable state.
10 pointsJan 14, 2025
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I want to add that for me, and some other detransitioners that i've seen too, it was easy to see my own part in this and blame myself for falling for these delusions and what i did to my body and throwing away all those years and energy. It was the next step in my healing to realize the fault in the system as well and that in my vulnerable state and the inner problem i had it was an irresistible trap that i fell for, a false hope and cure. And so be more kind to my past self who couldnt have seen clearly enough at the time to see through this false ideology. I guess for you it was the other way around, you first saw the fault in the ideology only and now realiziled your own choice in it also, but you also seemingly couldnt power trough that because you were offered a irresistible way out of your problems like the rest of us

Reddit user shivuka (detrans female) explains her opposition to medical transition, arguing it's based on the lie that it cures gender dysphoria, pushes medicalization on kids, and downplays dangers, comparing it to supplying anorexics with diet pills.
9 pointsJan 20, 2025
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I think it should be allowed as a body modification, because people can do what they want with their bodies. But i am against it as it is now, based on lies. Based on the lie that it is a cure for gender dysphoria, while gender dysphoria is curable within and transition is just running from the problem. We are not born in the wrong body and this is not a fix. And how they are pushing it on kids, making these poor kids believe they are not what they are and medicalizing them for life. And how its downplayed how dangerous it is for the body. Its just lunacy. It would be the same to promote healthcare where they would supply and promote diet pills for anorexic people. And why dont they just supply depressed people with alcohol and heroin? The whole thing is just a scam and thats why i am against transitioning. But if it was with truth, then i wouldn't try to stop people from getting body modifications when thats what they want. But if i could tell the person does these modifications for sad reasons i'd try to help

Reddit user shivuka (detrans female) explains that medical transition is a physical manifestation of resisting one's body, and that true healing comes from consciously learning to connect with it instead.
9 pointsJan 17, 2025
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Sounds like the source of your problem is not connecting to your body/ resistance towards it, so there is your answer. Consciously learn to connect with your body, and fighting it and being destructive to it with medical transition is the opposite of connecting with it. Medical transition is the physical manifestation of resisting the body which will make this resistance a life style, constantly going in the opposite direction of connection which would heal the problem 

Reddit user shivuka (detrans female) explains that connecting to femininity comes from accepting one's body, not conforming to superficial standards of being "pretty."
8 pointsJan 11, 2025
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It sounds like you still hold limiting belief systems regarding what being feminine is, that you dont hold up to. Causing inner strife. I have never felt "pretty" in my life and think thats a superficial idea of what a woman is. What made me connect to my femininity finally is connecting to my body and fully accepting and integrating in my mind the feminine aspects of my body. Old women are also never considered "pretty" yet it doesn't stop them from being and feeling like women.

Reddit user shivuka (detrans female) comments on MTF SRS regret, offering sympathy and advice on accepting lifelong consequences and healing from grief.
8 pointsJan 13, 2025
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You have my sympathies, i know its not easy. I am also still coming to terms with accepting the life long consequences of my transition. Regret and grief/ loss is a natural part of this process, take your time to heal mentally and physically. Its never too late to find peace, but you cant force it

Reddit user shivuka (detrans female) explains why leaving the transgender community feels like escaping a cult, where former members become the enemy for trying to warn those still inside.
6 pointsJan 16, 2025
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Yes, 100%. I think the most telling is that when you free yourself and leave this cult, you become the enemy to the people still in it. You want to tell them that they are trapped in something that harms them, but whatever you say gets deflected and rejected. It really feels like trying to help your brothers and sisters that are still trapped in the cult, while they ingnorantly defend the real enemy

Reddit user shivuka (detrans female) explains how she overcame gender dysphoria by making the subconscious conscious and unraveling its underlying causes.
5 pointsJan 18, 2025
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I think the best you can do is make the subconscious conscious, and bringing to the surface all the underlying reasons and little details of why you experience gender dysphoria. Its like a cluster of thoughts and experiences with many connections, that together we call gender dysphoria. Only by diving into it and unraveling it can it dissolve. I think it started for me when i stopped believing this was an incurable thing, thats when i started looking for the answer inwards.