This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The narrative is highly personal, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent over the 15-month span. The user describes a complex, non-linear relationship with their transition and detransition, including specific physical changes, emotional struggles, and practical hurdles (e.g., insurance, pharmacy fatigue). This level of granular, idiosyncratic detail is not typical of a fabricated account. The passion and frustration expressed align with the expected sentiment of someone grappling with these deeply personal issues.
About me
I started questioning my gender as a kid, crying at the idea of becoming a woman and feeling jealous of boys. I later realized my dysphoria was deeply connected to being autistic and having PTSD, and that becoming a man felt like a safe solution to my anxiety. After nine months on testosterone, I didn't like the physical changes and a powerful experience with psychedelics made me reconnect with my female body and lineage. I've stopped testosterone and let go of labels, feeling exhausted by the medical process and no longer wanting to fight for an identity. Now, I'm focused on making my body feel like a home without major regrets, seeing my journey as necessary to understand myself.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been complicated, and I’m still figuring it out. It started when I was a kid. I remember crying because I didn’t want to grow up to be a woman. I was jealous of the boys in my class, their activities and their interests. Everything I felt matched what people call gender dysphoria. I felt like a gold star example of a trans man.
I think a lot of my feelings were tied up in other things, though. I’m autistic and I have complex PTSD. I’ve come to realize that my brain might have been latching onto the idea of being a man as something solid to hold onto, a way to mask and feel safe when the world felt overwhelming. It was like I was hoarding these internal feelings and ideas about what I should be like, instead of just figuring out who I actually am.
I started taking testosterone about two years ago. I was on it for roughly nine months. The changes happened really fast for me. I was already a pretty hairy person before T, but on it, the hair growth was insane. I ended up with a full, dark, and prickly beard and a happy trail from my chin to my ass. I really don’t like the sensory feeling of it; it’s coarse and curly on my cheeks and it makes shaving a nightmare for my sensitive skin. I miss my soft peach fuzz.
Something big that changed my perspective was using psychedelic mushrooms. A few months after starting T, I had my second real trip. I took about half of an eighth, and it made me start thinking deeply about my body, my mother, my grandmother, and what it means to be female. I thought about giving birth and my connection to that line of women. It was like a door opened in my mind. People often say realizing they're trans is like leaving the Matrix, but for me, starting to question my transition and explore detransition was my Matrix moment. It started me on a path of rethinking everything.
My feelings about my gender identity have really shifted. I’ve realized that the kind of testosterone-dominated masculinity I was experiencing is not what I want for my body. I don't want to be a man if that's what it feels like. Trying to fit into that box made me exist in a constant puddle of anxiety. Letting go of that has been about dismantling all these rigid ideas I was holding onto.
I’m tired of the medical struggle too. I’m exhausted by the fight with insurance and pharmacies to get my prescription. I’m a few days late for my shot right now and I just don’t care. If it’s this hard to simply maintain, why bother? I’m happy with the changes I have, and I feel comfortable weening off.
I’m not officially detransitioning in a black-and-white way. I’m just stopping testosterone and letting go of labels. I tell people close to me that I'm going off T and that I'm fine with any pronouns. If people end up seeing me as a gender-conforming woman and using she/her, that's okay. I don't care anymore. I have more to live for in life than stressing over an identity. I’m claiming my experience as trans more than detrans, but I’m taking the steps I need to feel at peace. My goal now is to make my body feel like my home.
I don’t have major regrets. This was a path I needed to walk to get to where I am now. It helped me understand myself better, even the difficult parts. I’m just focusing on what I need to do to live comfortably.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 23 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 24 (9 months later) | Stopped testosterone. Began identifying as detransitioning in a literal sense but still relating to a trans experience. |
Top Comments by /u/sleepytime_rilakkuma:
I've realized testosterone dominated masculinity is not what I want from my body, I do not want to be a man if THATS how it's going to be. I don't feel like I can properly be myself without existing in a puddle of anxiety. letting go of a lot of what's been holding me back has been requiring me to dismantle what I held on to for gender, which was feeling a lot more like hoarding internal feelings and preferences of what I should be like.
my assumption is that my autistic/c-ptsd brain wanted something to hold onto for masking when things didn't feel safe for me. but I'm also the gold star example of what a trans man is. I cried as a child because I had to grow up to be a woman and I was jealous of the boys in class based off activities and interests and everything else described as gender dysphoria. etc.
so, I still claim trans more than detrans. but while I am detransitioning in the literal sense, I'm also still taking transition steps. it's not black and white for me, I'm just going through the steps I feel I require to continue to live in peace with myself and my body in my life. aka- making my body my home.
what's getting me to actually stop testosterone is insurance and medical/pharmacy fatigue. I'm tired of worrying about my prescription. I'm tired of fighting for it. if it's so difficult for me to switch pharmacies because I have insurance now, why should I fucking bother. I'm happy in where I've gotten and I feel comfortable with weening off.
right now I'm dealing with the same thing, so I'm just telling people super close to me I'll be going off T soon and I'm fine with using any pronouns, I'm not "officially" detransitioning fully but I'm looking into an alternative to my dysphoria and dysmorphia while no longer putting any importance on labels. if I turn out looking like a gender conforming cis woman then people are going to refer to me as she/her and I'll be allowing it. idc anymore. I have more to live in life than putting weight on an identity that's causing me unnecessary stress.
I've only recently seriously started using shrooms every couple months, my second trip on about half of an eighth made me start thinking about my body, my mother, my grandmother, being female, giving birth, etc. it's been 2 months and since then I've progressively been thinking more and more about detransition. I'm currently at the point I'm like 3 days late to my T shot and I can't care less. I'm still going to pick up my prescription tomorrow just in case I'm having some kind of manic episode but shrooms have really opened up my eyes to this. I know a lot of people compare being trans to the matrix but I feel like exploring detransitioning has been mine.
would it be alright if I asked you how much you took for your trip? considering tripping again next month and I'd like to have the chance to explore this a bit more.
yeah that's the general consensus of what I've gathered, but I'm just hoping some of my facial hair will thin. I used minoxidil for 2 months around the 4-6 month mark of my transition, so I have a lot more facial hair growth then I kind of want tbh. especially since the consistency of everything is so wildly different. the hair on my cheeks grows thick, coarse, and curly, while the hair on my neck and chin grows the same consistency as my arm hair, a lot lighter but still dark. same with my mustache.
unfortunately I've become bigfoots cousin here. I was hairy pre-t, like the whole "ass hair is insane on T" joke didn't mean anything to me. I already had a soft mustache. etc. but now I'm just not a fan of how my face feels when I shave. it's all dark and prickly, sensory wise its just not good and I miss when I had peach fuzz.
how I pass gender wise doesn't mean a whole lot to me since I relate to the sentiment "nonbinary" means, and idm the androgyny here, so I'll probably figure out how to work with my facial hair for a while while it thins, or probably try waxing. not sure yet.
I wasn't expecting how much IPL handsets where, didn't even know there was a name for them 😥😭 I've always had such bad sensitive skin to shaving and right now my neck looks horrendous. I use a Norelco one blade razor which like, it WORKS but I'm still really stubbly. a little tempted to use nair eventually but I've also had burns due to it so 🥴
I'm a hairy mother fucker!! I also have a happy trail from my ass to my chin it's absolutely insane only 9 months of t got me this far 😭
thank you for your reply though! I may try the IPL handset one day, still looking at my options. I'm still dysmorphic enough I'm not going out without covering up literally everything. thank god it's winter finally lol