This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The user provides highly specific, consistent, and personal medical and psychological details about a decade-long transition and subsequent detransition. The emotional tone—ranging from hope and support to frustration and regret—is nuanced and aligns with the stated experiences of a desister/detransitioner. The narrative is coherent over a four-year period.
About me
I lived as a man for eleven years, taking testosterone and eventually having top surgery. After about five years, my intense dysphoria faded, and I realized I needed to stop and detransition. I have serious health issues from the hormones and deeply regret my surgery, which is permanent. Coming back to living as a woman felt like resuming the life I had put on pause. I now see my feelings were more about the pressures of being female than a fixed identity.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated. I lived as a transgender man, FTM, for eleven years. For ten of those years, I was on testosterone, using patches. My hormone levels were always kept on the low side of the male range because I was fine with that. About six years into living as a man, I got top surgery. My main reason for the surgery was that I hated having breasts. I was very top-heavy and binding was uncomfortable and unhealthy, so I thought a flat chest was the right solution. I preferred how I looked and felt in public with a flat chest.
After about five or six years on testosterone, I started to notice a big change. The intense gender dysphoria that I had felt at the beginning just wasn't there anymore. It faded away gradually, and over time, it made less and less sense for me to keep living as a man when I didn't really feel like one inside. By the time I had been on T for a decade, I knew I needed to stop. I decided to detransition.
Quitting testosterone was tough. I stopped cold turkey. For the first month, I had really bad mood swings and emotional dysregulation. I cried at everything, even sad commercials. I’m also bipolar, so I think I was more sensitive to those hormonal shifts. My energy levels and mood started to even out after that first month. Physically, it took about three months for the fat in my face and body to redistribute enough that other people started to see me as more feminine. The body hair was a different story. I have hairy European genes, and even years after stopping T, my facial hair growth hasn't changed. My body hair has lightened and thinned out a little, but I still struggle with feeling like a "baboon in women's clothes" sometimes. It took patience and learning to accept myself to get through that in-between phase.
I also experienced some serious health complications from being on testosterone. I developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol to the point where my doctors were considering putting me on medication for it. I gained a lot of weight. Even now, years after stopping, my periods are still irregular and I get random aches and pains around my ovaries that I never had before HRT. It’s definitely not a completely safe process.
My biggest regret is my top surgery. It only took a couple of years after the operation for me to regret it deeply. I lost almost all sensation in my chest, including 100% loss of feeling in my nipples. I also had partial necrosis in one of my areolas, which left a visible scar. Surgery is a permanent solution to what can be a temporary problem. I learned the hard way that there is no undo button. I worry that if I ever wanted reconstructive surgery, it would be hard to find a surgeon willing to work with someone who regrets a prior surgery, and it comes with even more risks. I also have recurring dreams where I get pregnant and have a baby, and I'm left holding it, wondering what to do. I never had a strong desire for kids, and I probably can't safely have one now anyway, which is a difficult reality to sit with.
Coming out at work as detransitioning was nerve-wracking. I was "stealth" as a trans man before I told my boss. I waited until I had been off T long enough for physical changes to be noticeable, and then I wrote a letter to my boss explaining that I had been FTM but was detransitioning. It was an icebreaker because I'm bad at those conversations in person. Luckily, my workplace is very queer-friendly and my coworkers were incredibly supportive.
Switching back to my birth name and female pronouns was strange at first. I felt a twinge, like I was being deadnamed, when people started using my old name again. But after a while, it started to feel completely natural. It felt like I had hit the pause button on my life when I transitioned, and now I was finally hitting play again. It was like resuming the old life I had put on hold.
Looking back, I think my feelings about gender were more complicated than just dysphoria. Reading other women's stories about dealing with misogyny helped me understand that some of my desire to not be a woman was tied to the problems and pressures that come with being female. Recognizing that helped me process my own experience. I don't really think about gender the same way anymore. For me, it turned out not to be a fixed identity but something that changed as I grew and understood myself better. I don't regret the entire journey because it led me to where I am now, but I deeply regret the permanent changes, especially the surgery. I wish I had understood that my feelings could change over time.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Exact age not specified, but approximately in my late teens/early 20s | Started identifying as FTM and began taking testosterone patches. |
| After 5-6 years on T (mid-late 20s) | Noticed my original gender dysphoria had faded away. |
| 6 years into transition (mid-late 20s) | Underwent top surgery. |
| 10 years on T (late 20s/early 30s) | Stopped testosterone cold turkey. |
| 3 months after stopping T | Physical changes (fat redistribution) became noticeable to others. |
| 11 years after starting transition (early 30s) | Officially detransitioned, socially and legally. |
| About 2 years after detransitioning (early-mid 30s) | Wrote these comments, reflecting on the experience. |
Top Comments by /u/snu-snu-tyme:
Seeing what some of the main lgbt+ subs are saying about the episode has been super disheartening for me. I can't even bring myself to comment and try to educate people when it is clear that there is no desire to learn about anything that isn't in their bubble.
I think it is beyond hypocritical that so many of them are upset about the media giving a voice to detrans people because we're such a "tiny minority" when people have and continue to say the same about giving media coverage for trans and LGBT folks in general. Or if they do talk about us then they have to placate the trans community and talk about how awesome they are and how rare and insignificant we are. Why can't we just be allowed to exist for once??
I developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol while on T to the point where they were considering putting me on medication for it. Gained a ton of weight too. Even years after stopping T my periods are irregular and I often have random aches and pains around my ovaries that I didn't use to before HRT. So no, it is not 100% safe.
I disagree. This is a space for detransitioning/desisting people to vent and process this difficult situation that we have in common with each other. Sometimes those feelings are negative and full of pain, regret, suffering, and rage. A lot of women have it rough and experience shitty things due to misogyny; seeing stories and vent posts from others in the same boat as me, recognizing that those misogynistic experiences contributed towards my desire to not be a woman was a huge help for me to process my feelings and understand why I had felt the way i did. It also helped me feel less alone. The simple truth is that being born a woman results in problems that others don't have to face and deal with. I refuse to censor myself for the comfort of those who benefit from silence on those issues.
Surgery is a permanent solution to what may turn out to have been a temporary problem, as it was in my case. I lost almost all sensation (including 100% loss of nipple sensation) and had partial necrosis of one of my aureoles that is still visually apparent. Like you, I got the surgery because I preferred having a flat chest out in public as it made me feel more comfortable and I didn't want to continue binding due to the negative health effects (I was very top-heavy before that). It only took me a couple years after the surgery to regret it and wish I hadn't chosen to have a permanent surgical procedure performed.
Top surgery is not reversible. If you get it done and later regret it and wish to get reconstruction done to try to get close to what you used to look like, you may find that it is very difficult to find a surgeon willing to work with someone who has a history of having a cosmetic procedure performed and then regretting it. They may not wish to take on that liability. Performing surgery on a site that has had work done prior is also more difficult and can increase the risks of further scarring and complications. If you do opt for reconstruction and find a surgeon, implants are also not permanent and will require replacing every 5/10 years depending on which type you get. You also run the risk of losing further sensation (especially in your nipples which would likely have to be re-positioned yet again) and issues with the implants themselves. The mammary glands removed during top surgery will not grow back and so if you wished to breast feed in the future that will likely not be possible.
I'm telling you all of this and including these scary-sounding facts because I see a lot of similarities between me and you in what you are saying and I don't want you to have to feel the same pain and regret that I used to feel. I was FTM for 11 years, 10 of which were on T. I got top surgery 6 years ago. It's been about 2 years since I detransitioned now. People change, feelings of dysphoria sometimes fade or change over time, we grow to understand ourselves better as we age and sometimes start to understand that there were other reasons behind not being comfortable with our assigned label at birth beyond the mainstream gender dysphoria narrative.
I strongly urge you to at least delay this surgery until you have time to really think through this and are 100% sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that you truly understand how permanent this is, that there is no undo button, that it can and does go wrong sometimes. There is no shame in calling the doctor and cancelling the surgery. Even if there is a fee associated with cancellation I guarantee that it is worth your assurance and peace of mind.
Cancel fees will still be way cheaper than going through with the surgery, regretting it, and then trying to get another surgery in an attempt to undo things (if you're even able to find a surgeon willing to do a procedure on someone with history of regretting it) plus all the therapy bills from coping with the regret...
It means they have made multiple posts in an anti-feminist subreddit and based on the content of those posts consider themselves to be part of that community. Given the fact that this particular post is suggesting that women should censor themselves when speaking about misogyny, I felt it a relevant point to bring up because it is directly related to feminist issues.
If someone was active in trans spaces and stating that they are trans and identified themselves as part of the community and then made a post here that was skeptical of detransitioners/desisters, then yes, I would assume that person is trans.
I was "stealth" trans before I had the talk with my boss. Coming out to my work was the most nerve-wracking part of the process for me, but my coworkers ended up being the most supportive and understanding of the folks I know.
I waited until I had been off T for long enough that it was starting to have physical impacts on my appearance, and wrote/emailed a letter to my boss explaining that I had been FTM but was in the process of de-transitioning as a sort of icebreaker, because I'm terrible at starting those types of conversations in person without breaking down.
In my case we were pretty open about personal lives already so it wasn't too scary having the conversation. My workplace is very queer-friendly so that made things easier as well.
It took about three months off T before the fat in my face and body had shifted around enough to where other people were noticing and starting to read me as more feminine. Facial/body hair is just too variable for each person to really say for sure what will happen. I was on T for a decade and I have lots of hairy european genetics so even after several years off T my facial hair growth hasn't really changed, although my body hair has slightly lightened and thinned out. Patience and gentle acceptance helped me get through that tough in-between time where I felt like the world saw me as a genderless blob (and clothing choice/jewelry helped too).
edit: Oh and yes, the mood swings and mood changes in general were a real killer for me in the first month or so especially. I started crying at any emotion and any sad commercial. It too gradually leveled out, but if you notice it lasting for longer I would encourage you to get your hormone levels checked and maybe check in with a therapist or counselor if you have the financial means to do so.
Honestly changing names is such a headache (and expensive depending on where you live) that if you like your current name why not keep it? lol
Everything I have read and experienced after being on T for a decade and then stopping is that one you start to grow facial/body hair it will never stop coming back. Some people experience thinner or lighter colored hair if they are persistent in getting it waxed or whatever but its so different from person to person that I wouldn't count on it. There is always laser/electrolysis which are pricey but if your PCOS is causing growth that might not help much unless you are on spiro or something like that.
I changed back to my old name. It took me a while to adjust to being called it again (I had that Pavlovian, "I'm getting deadnamed" feeling that took a while to get over) but once I did it felt as if I was continuing on with the old life I had before transitioning. Like I had previously hit the pause button on my life and now could finally resume. Also practically speaking it made things slightly easier on me because I never bothered changing the name on some of my stuff so it was one less thing to worry about lol