This story is from the comments by /u/somenuanceplease that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this user account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, detailed narratives of transition, detransition, and therapy (e.g., IFS therapy, specific surgeries, timelines, personal regrets).
- Consistent, nuanced viewpoints over a multi-year period, focusing on the lack of evidence for transition, the role of trauma, and the social dynamics involved.
- Emotional depth and vulnerability when discussing personal harm, regret, and the complex process of re-identifying with their birth sex.
- Engagement as a moderator of the community, enforcing rules and engaging in meta-discussions about the subreddit itself.
The account's passion and criticism align with the expected perspective of a genuine detransitioner who feels they were harmed by their transition.
About me
I was born female and began identifying as transgender at 21. My medical transition, including testosterone and surgeries, was a way to cope with autism, trauma, and low self-esteem that made me feel different from other women. My hysterectomy is my biggest regret, as it left me infertile and with health concerns. Through therapy, I finally understood my transition was a protective mechanism and I have since re-identified as female. I am now a lesbian and am learning to accept my permanently altered body.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated, and it took me a decade to finally understand myself. I was born female, and I started identifying as transgender when I was 21. Before that, I identified as non-binary for a short time. I think a lot of my feelings stemmed from deep-seated issues I hadn't dealt with.
I was diagnosed as autistic and with ADHD a few years ago, which helped explain why I always felt different from other girls. I also had low self-esteem and put other women on a pedestal, thinking they were amazing, but I couldn't see myself that way. I even found an old note where I called myself "weak" and "flawed." I was bullied by other girls as a child, and even though I made friends with girls in high school, I think that early damage was done and made it hard for me to feel like I belonged.
I started testosterone in October 2010, less than a year after I began identifying as a man. I had a double mastectomy in January 2012. In May 2018, I had a partial hysterectomy where I kept my ovaries. This is my biggest regret. No one told me how important the uterus is for holding other organs in place, and I've learned there's a risk of pelvic prolapse and early-onset dementia without it. I'm now infertile, and it's devastating because I want to have children, and surrogacy is not a simple or ethical solution.
I stopped taking testosterone in 2016, but I continued to identify as non-binary. It wasn't until 2020, after I started a type of therapy called Internal Family Systems (IFS), that I truly began to detransition. This therapy helped me understand that a part of me with a more masculine energy had taken on a protective role. As I worked through my trauma, that part stepped back, and I had what felt like a personality shift. I suddenly felt like my old self again, like the person I was in high school. I realized I was denying all the things I had in common with other women and deeply wanted that sense of solidarity and safety back.
I don't believe in the concept of a "gender identity" that is separate from your biological sex. I think it's an ideological belief, not something grounded in material reality. The definitions of dysphoria and being trans are so vague that they can apply to almost anyone. I was never forced to transition, but I was offered treatments with a very low evidence base, and I wish the medical professionals had done more to explore other options with me instead of just affirming me.
My thoughts on my sexuality also changed. I knew I liked women as a teenager, but I had trouble understanding attraction and identified as asexual. I even dated men during my transition. It's only in the last couple of years, now that I'm 35, that I've become more comfortable and accepted that I am a lesbian.
I have serious regrets about my medical transition, especially the hysterectomy. My body is permanently altered. I can't get my uterus back, and breast reconstruction wouldn't give me my natural chest back. I lost the ability to be physically affectionate the way I used to be because when people saw me as male, the expectations changed; handshakes replaced hugs, and I felt like my touch might be seen as predatory. Testosterone made me unable to cry, and though some of that ability returned after I stopped, it didn't fully come back until I also stopped taking antidepressants.
I benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy. IFS helped me tackle my trauma and break down the barriers I had put up. It allowed me to finally see my transition for what it was: a way to cope with deeper psychological issues, including my autism, trauma, and low self-esteem.
Here is a timeline of my transition and detransition events:
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 21 | 2009 | Began identifying as non-binary |
| 22 | 2010 | Began identifying as a trans man; started testosterone (October) |
| 23 | 2012 | Had double mastectomy (January) |
| 31 | 2018 | Had partial hysterectomy, kept ovaries (May) |
| 32 | 2019 | Stopped testosterone (had stopped in 2016 but ID'd as non-binary) |
| 33 | 2020 | Began IFS therapy; officially detransitioned and re-identified as female |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/somenuanceplease:
If they're identifying as trans and have every intention of moving forward, they aren't supposed to be posting here. They aren't "questioning," they're looking for a debate, and you're right to judge that as inappropriate for this forum. If they want to hear from detransitioned people, they can read the other posts to see what we have to say. They don't need to announce themselves and invite people to try to convince them otherwise. It wouldn't help them anyway. They would need to be open to the idea of not medicalization for anything we say to be helpful. Otherwise, it's just asking for a debate. This is a support space, not a debate space.
That experience is not uncommon. They're trying to silence you because the existence of detransitioners and desisters challenges their belief that every person who identifies as trans goes on to live a happy life. I've been told I'm a fake person with a fake story. It's cognitive dissonance.
I can't substantiate this, but I heard a rumour that TransBucket (a photo sharing site where trans people upload surgery photos) also removed negative results.
I wrote a blog post on this general topic once. The community doesn't just silence detransitioners, they silence every single negative transition outcome. The only negative experience of being trans that is "allowed" is discrimination from others. Otherwise there's a challenge to the narrative that everything would be perfect if society just left trans people alone.
About a year before I started hormones, I posted this: "Sometimes I wonder if I'm totally making all of this up in my head, because it seems so random to only notice it NOW."
I ignored it (at my peril).
It's sad how many people get convinced that their voice of reason is "internalized transphobia."
There is a stark difference between straight people claiming that being gay is a choice and detransitioned people saying that they feel they were pressured into transitioning. One difference is that people are speaking from personal experience. Another difference is material reality. Gender is a social construct. Attraction is not. You can measure someone's sexual attraction by how their body reacts. You can't measure their gender; it's an entirely subjective experience with an incredibly vague definition that even the trans community doesn't agree on.
I think boiling transition down to a fad (as some here do) is very simplistic and ignores the psychology of how people are led to make the decision to transition. I don't think there are many (if any) people who simply see a trans person and immediately decide, "I'm going to try that on for size." It's a lot more nuanced. You learn what trans means, you do some exploring, you read what trans people have to say, you hear things like "if you think you might be trans, you are," etc., and after a period of time, you feel like you fit the definition of "trans" and move forward from there.
The problem is that because the descriptions of dysphoria, gender, transgender, etc., are so vague and subjective, they could potentially apply to ... just about anybody. It's not the same thing as sexual attraction, and pointing it out doesn't mean anyone who says it necessarily hates trans people.
Ky may have been one of the early public detransitioners, but the way she operated has nothing to do with the way public detransitioners operate now. We all have different philosophies and backgrounds. Ky was a radical feminist, and that was her wheelhouse. What she did has nothing to do with Keira Bell, nothing to do with Ritchie Herron, nothing to do with Chloe Cole, nothing to do with me. There is no "detransition" "movement." She's full of herself.
My opinion is the same for anyone questioning whether they should transition or not, which is 'don't.' One of your options is irreversible, and the other is difficult, but something that can be managed.
Going into teaching, you're going to get a lot less attention/flak if you continue on as male-presenting instead of trying to pass as female. You think you'd be more comfortable teaching children as a woman, but do you think children and your co-workers would be more comfortable with being taught by a trans woman? I know transitioning is not about what everyone else thinks, but societal reaction needs to be considered. In that sense, transitioning could disrupt your mental health when it sounds like you're on the way to getting it pretty stable.
There's nothing wrong with being a feminine male.
I'm hoping some of our detrans males can chime in here.
Regarding the downvotes, don't stress about it. Not everyone in this subreddit has the best interests of each member at heart. (I got downvoted for asking for a referral to a lawyer. I suspect it was lurkers.)
As someone who got a hysterectomy because periods are inconvenient (along with a couple other factors, but similarly unrelated to my long-term health), I strongly advise against having one.
Your uterus isn't only responsible for periods and carrying children. It has a structural purpose as well; it keeps the other organs around it in place and supports the the top of the vagina. Without it, you risk prolapse (i.e., the top of the vagina collapses into the vaginal canal and may even bulge outside of the vaginal opening). This happens in up to 40% of women who have had hysterectomies.
Hysterectomies also increase your risk of early-onset dementia. It's higher if you have your ovaries removed as well.
As for your actual question, "trans" is nothing more than identity. If you don't identify as trans, you would just be a woman having surgeries. I wouldn't consider you "detransitioned" if you were continuing to pursue transition-related surgeries, though.
I think it's a few things.
- The social contagion aspect of gender dysphoria affectly teenage girls extremely strongly from the get-go, but teenage boys are now catching up in numbers. (But the girls were first, so they're also detransitioning first.)
- Detransitioned women had a built in community ready to receive them when they detransitioned (gender criticals/radfems). Not to say anything about whether that community was necessarily the best landing place for us, but it can be extremely toxic towards males. So I can imagine more hesitancy.
- A couple of studies have estimated males spend about 2-3 years longer (than females) identifying as trans before detransitioning (females = 4/5 years, males 7/8).
- Just anecdotally, the number of detransitioned men coming out of the woodwork has increased a lot in the last year.
My (former) roommate detransitioned six months before I did. During that time, I had conversations with him that gave me the space to eventually be able to question whether my own transition was right for me. Maybe you did the same thing for your partner. It's not necessarily a bad thing.